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 PyroBurns
душа кофе
Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
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 Re: i was sexually abused as a child  [Re: calientepocket]
#9402871 - 12/09/08 09:38 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Maybe you should do it. I sometimes found success taking a big leap when I was stuck doing baby steps for whatever period of time.
If it's beneficial of course.
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Remember to cut your nails regularly.
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 jenns_hot
Hungry
 
Registered: 12/30/06
Posts: 3,459
Loc: East Coast 
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: calientepocket]
#9402974 - 12/09/08 09:54 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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i had a girlfriend once that had been abused by a relative when she was younger, and it helped her to talk to me (the first person she told), and eventually she gathered the nerve to see a counselor, and eventually her mother. she still sees a counselor when she needs someone to talk to, and is doing much better now.
I'm sorry to hear what happened, but it's not the end of the world - talk about whatever your problems are and life will become much easier. I know it's not going to be easy to talk about it, but I would encourage you to tell somebody close to you so you have some support, either before or after counseling.
We all love you here, and know it wasn't your fault.
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"Fear makes the wolf look bigger"
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calientepocket
I HAVE THE POWER!
Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 937
Loc: Here is Nowhere
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: jenns_hot]
#9402995 - 12/09/08 09:57 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
jenns_hot said:
We all love you here, and know it wasn't your fault.
thanks!
it's helping, talking about it here, having so many people reassure me and encourage me to talk about it. i'll have to make sure my boss includes mental health in my insurance package...
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Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
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koppie
astral projectile
Registered: 07/23/04
Posts: 2,653
Loc: cloud hidden
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: calientepocket]
#9406685 - 12/10/08 02:17 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Don't let thoughts about what is supposed to happen affect you too much. Psychological dogma can be as detrimental as anything else that happens to you. Some victims of false memory syndrome suffer as badly as those who really have been abused.
If it isn't affecting you now, just be glad. Don't bury your past, but don't go digging too fanatically in the muck either.
But if you want to talk about it, then you probably should, and you're welcome to do it here.
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calientepocket
I HAVE THE POWER!
Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 937
Loc: Here is Nowhere
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: koppie]
#9411635 - 12/11/08 09:24 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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now that i've brought it up i just keep thinking of so many things that have happened that confuse me. i remember things from even before the abuse by the friend's dad that are unsettling.
this friend, her & i went through all this together. we recently reconnected after about 4 years of not really talking. we are pretty good friends. i feel like maybe i should talk to her about it. it was her dad. i just don't know how she lived with him all those years. i don't get it.
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Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: calientepocket]
#9411654 - 12/11/08 09:30 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I was also sexually abused as a child. Im a guy, not that it makes it any harder or easier but alot weirder due to the fact that it was a male who did it. For the longest time I was a homophobe for this very reason. The guy was obviously in the closet and I hated all other gays because of this, but eventually I got over that. Ive told very few people, and I feel shame and guilt over it even though it wasnt my fault. I feel like Im flawed because a male family member took my virginity and that I can never be emotionally intimate with people. I feel like no woman could ever love me.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9411707 - 12/11/08 09:43 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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and that I can never be emotionally intimate with people. I feel like no woman could ever love me.
This isn't true however much it may feel this way. I'm living proof of it. But now it's up to you and it's a lot of hard work and no guarantee of success. Everyone has something to overcome and anyone can succeed.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Anonymous #1
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: Icelander]
#9411733 - 12/11/08 09:48 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Id really like to, I just dont even know where to start. Ive been "fakeing it" for years but deep down I dont feel emotional connections with people, I completely fear them. What sorta work goes into changing the way you react/interact?
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Adden
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: calientepocket]
#9411846 - 12/11/08 10:07 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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If there's a bright side to any of this; it's very rewarding and fulfilling to see the person die if it's a family member.  You feel great.
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calientepocket
I HAVE THE POWER!
Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 937
Loc: Here is Nowhere
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: Adden]
#9411977 - 12/11/08 10:39 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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i can't imagine if it had been a family member. but then again, this guy was like a father figure to me. his daughter & i were best friends, practically attached. my mom was a single mother and worked 2-3 jobs, so i spent A LOT of time at their house. and more often than not he would do something, from touching, to having us watch porn or just watching us bathe.
talking about it now, i can't believe i've kept it inside and tried to forget about it for such a a long time. and there have been times when i have completely forgot about it, not thought about it for days or weeks, but it's usually just kind of lingering in my mind, there for me to think about at least once a day...
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Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
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Adden
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc:
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: calientepocket]
#9412091 - 12/11/08 11:02 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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It's some fucked up shit, to say the least. I started remembering some things a few months ago and it really explained a lot. Therapy helped.
As long as I can remember I've been seeing counselors/therapists for one reason or another and could never figure out why. Kindergarten.. who needs to see a therapist in kindergarten?
It's a heavy cross to bear, that's for sure, but you're not the only one. It comes and it goes. I didn't mean to sound flip in my response but the death of a certain family member did finally give me some closure on the whole thing. Worst part is, there's another, and that person is going to be around for awhile longer 
Don't let pride get in the way of seeking help if you need it. Not really the time for that to get in the way.
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: calientepocket]
#9412093 - 12/11/08 11:02 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm really glad you're shining the light on it, and getting it out.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9413845 - 12/11/08 04:20 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Id really like to, I just dont even know where to start. Ive been "fakeing it" for years but deep down I dont feel emotional connections with people, I completely fear them. What sorta work goes into changing the way you react/interact?
Start to quit "faking it" just a little bit at a time. Over time it will add up. Start small and build momentum. Be very very patient. Work on accepting yourself exactly as you are with all your hangups and fears. If you don't like people right now that's fine. Be what you are as much as you can. Don't expect any thing close to perfection. Accept other people as you find them and realize they are hiding things also. Appreciate any small gain. This is the basics IMO.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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mushbaby
woodswalker
Registered: 09/30/06
Posts: 2,645
Loc: in my own lil world
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Re: i was sexually abused as a child [Re: Icelander]
#9435917 - 12/15/08 10:37 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Icelander I like what you had to say here.
I think that one of the most detrimental issues we have to deal with (at least for me)when this happens to us, besides the guilt, is while it's happening we start "faking it". Pretending things are okay when they're not. As we grow up we get so good at faking it we have trouble finding and accepting our real selves.
Of course on the positive side, I can keep a secret better than anyone I know.
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