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Anonymous #1

Conditional Parenting and it's effects
    #9408019 - 12/10/08 07:41 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I am not crying about this because I am 20 and my parents don't effect my personal life but they have treated me so conditionally my whole life it fucking pisses me off to an extent. My question is, How does having parents like these effect my psychology?

An example of my parents way of doing things when I was younger would be: let's say there is a trip to go snowboarding that some members of the family are going on, now what my parents would do is only allow me to go if I do certain things like for example: clean my room or do good in school, but if I don't meet their conditions then I don't get whatever the situation is.


I don't know how else to explain this but I want to hear some opinions on how this can negatively effect a person and how to overcome it.  Also has anyone else been raised with parents like these?

*IMO- a good parent should support their kid as much as they can without conditions and all that higher authority bullshit.
If I ever have kids in the future, I'm not gonna raise them this way.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408050 - 12/10/08 07:46 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I think parents don't realize that one day they will have to let their kids go...


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Anonymous #3

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408123 - 12/10/08 08:02 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Are you fucking retarded? Setting limits for your kids is called "parenting." Letting your kids do whatever they want turns them into snotty little shits who think the world revolves around them and will ultimately fail at life when they grow older and realize nobody gives a fuck about them.

Have fun with your little bundles of hell if you really think that's how you should raise your kids.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #9408219 - 12/10/08 08:17 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Of course there should be rules but I think there needs to be a good balance


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Anonymous #4

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #9408225 - 12/10/08 08:18 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah, I have to agree with number 3.  I don't think your parents making you do chores so you can go skiing is so terrible that it would fuck you up permanently.
Like 3 said, letting your kids do whatever they want and expecting nothing from them turns them into snotty little shits.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408237 - 12/10/08 08:20 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Of course there should be rules but I think there needs to be a good balance




Think about this. You just made a thread asking people to tell you you're psychologically damaged because your parents didn't let you go skiing when you got shit grades.

Sounds like they were way too nice to you.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408239 - 12/10/08 08:20 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

You think your parents making you try in school and clean your room in exchange for them paying for you to go on a snowboarding trip is an unfair balance?
If you failed all your classes and your parents let you go snowboarding anyway, that would just teach you that you get rewarded for failure.

Honestly, you sound brattish.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408271 - 12/10/08 08:25 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Apparently we have discovered a negative affect of "Conditional Parenting"... somehow it turns a small percentage of people into snotty brats who expect things to be handed to them.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9408306 - 12/10/08 08:32 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Living creatures are built on reward systems. Its a cause and effect method of learning. If you ring a bell to signal your dogs. then give them a treat, they will learn that treats will come when the bell has dinged. Even if you don't give them the treat, they will still think its coming. The brain will make them salivate regardless.

Humans are the same way. If you clean your room to go to a friends house, then eventually you will just clean your room, so that you can go to your friends house without being told to do so.

If your kid wont listen to you, you spank them. Every time they do the same thing, you spank them. Now they know they will get hit if they do it again.


There is also the flip side of the coin. If you always do something and expect something in return, there is a chance that sometimes nothing will come back your way. You can become upset or angry that someone isn't paying you back. This also can make people less generous.


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Anonymous #6

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9408318 - 12/10/08 08:33 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

lol, good one.

But, have you been to a your local university lately?  I think its more than a small percentage.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #9408330 - 12/10/08 08:34 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Also humans are really complex and have multiple reward systems going at the same time. They can interfear with one another and it is up to the person to prioritize them.


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Anonymous #7

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9408349 - 12/10/08 08:36 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

You're definetly a spoiled asshole. 

"If you don't clean your room, mom and dad won't load you into the SUV and pay hundreds of dollars in lift tickets, and snowboarding equipment so you can enjoy yourself"

and you're complaining.  As someone else said:  One negative effcet is you expect everything to be handed to you for no good reason.

Here's the take home message:  Do you know why you had a roof over your head, food on the table and the priviledge to go snowboarding? Because mom and dad worked.

It's called "Conditional-fucking-life"  If you don't do shit, you don't get shit.


Why don't you move out and try to make it on your own try "conditional life" out for a bit?


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Anonymous #4

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #9408445 - 12/10/08 08:49 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I really can't believe he's complaining about this... he thinks his parents screwed him up because they expected things from him?

You're lucky both your parents were around, and that they didn't beat you, and that they weren't drunks.

I grew up without my father dude, I have no pity for you because they made you clean your damn room so you could go snowboarding.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9408529 - 12/10/08 09:01 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

how exactly would you raise your kids, OP?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #9408569 - 12/10/08 09:07 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I gave a terrible example, but I was trying to say that as a child I think it is a good thing if your home is a comfortable place.

For example: On a regular basis I will see my mom complaining and screaming pointless shit and she'll kind of take it out on my younger brother (not violently), but it's not healthy for a child to live like that.

To be honest I don't know how I would raise my kids, which is why I am asking questions.

One thing I can say is that I would want my home to be a comfortable place and try to raise my kids to be independent adults. But I am not sure what the right middle ground for the reward system is and at what point to stop it.?  Anyone here a parent and have a system that works?


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Anonymous #2

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408675 - 12/10/08 09:21 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

.


Edited by green_titan (04/02/09 12:59 AM)


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Anonymous #5

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408718 - 12/10/08 09:28 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

"Roof over your head, food on your plate, and clothes on your back" is the biggest crock of shit excuse parents used today. If the parents want to have a kid, they have to expect the kid to defy them. They must also expect to take care of them through hell or high water. If they don't they get taken away. This is why we have CPS. Parents are expect to provide these things to kids, or give up their kids.

#1, If you want to make a point, make a realistic point. Your first and last post are two different topics. If your mom is screaming pointless shit, that is verbal abuse.

You cannot escape your parents teachings. If you have kids you will most likely treat them the same way. It is the way you were brought up.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9408720 - 12/10/08 09:28 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I gave a terrible example, but I was trying to say that as a child I think it is a good thing if your home is a comfortable place.

For example: On a regular basis I will see my mom complaining and screaming pointless shit and she'll kind of take it out on my younger brother (not violently), but it's not healthy for a child to live like that.

To be honest I don't know how I would raise my kids, which is why I am asking questions.

One thing I can say is that I would want my home to be a comfortable place and try to raise my kids to be independent adults. But I am not sure what the right middle ground for the reward system is and at what point to stop it.?  Anyone here a parent and have a system that works?




Life isn't perfect, parents are human beings too, with their own emotions, which they cannot control. If the worst your parents did to you was yell at you then you're fucking lucky.

Seriously, this is like the worst thread ever. You are :kingtard:


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Anonymous #8

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #9411260 - 12/11/08 08:53 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

eh...i think i see what you mean. my brother is a failure in school even though my sister and i were pretty much straight A students, and i think it's mostly the result of poor parenting. my parents went through a really bad divorce while he was in elementary school and he really didn't get the attention he deserved. he developed really bad work patterns and even though he;s in 8th grade right now his handwriting is so bad i can't even read it.

the habits you develop as a child are likely to stay with you for the majority of your life, so it is the duty of the parents to teach a child discipline and good character etc. even if they don't consciously acknowledge inapropriate behavior, such as the example of your mom yelling all the time, they can easily learn to reciprocate that behavior. like father, like son i guess.


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Anonymous #9

Re: Conditional Parenting and it's effects [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #9411295 - 12/11/08 09:09 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

My parents kinda fucked up on raising me and Im a fucked up person now because of it.
They learned from that though and raised my little brother better, he is a succesfull person in a good relationship and an A student in college.

Im a dropout with an alcohol problem who has sex with random women.

I wish I could deprogram myself from my parents bad parenting techniques. Is their a kinda hypnosis that can do this?


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