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Offlineslowgsr
Stranger
Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 53
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused.
    #9214660 - 11/09/08 09:30 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

well about 3 weeks ago i noticed a sudden personality change in my girlfriend, around the same time she quit smoking. I figured the change was her smoking. So tonight i finally asked her whats wrong shes been different lately. She tells me she wants a brake and asks me what i think. I just ask why, she dosen't exactly know what it is but she says shes loosing the feeling and it feels more like a loving friendship and that she dosent miss me like she used to, she dosent look forward to hear from me like she used to etc. I understand and tell her i have noticed this. We have been dating 1.5yrs i am 21 she is 25. It has been a great relationship otherwise.
Now i understand that i am not in control and if she wants some space thats fine, she says she dosen't want to brake up with me because she dosent want to make a big mistake. She wants to see how life is without me for a week or so, and she if she misses me, how she feels etc. Thinking maybe if she goes without me she will relize you dont miss things until they are gone.
She also told me that she isnt going to look for someone else, and she isnt talking to anyone else, also that she dosent want me to change, just kinda that she thinks something is missing, but dosent know what.
So ive decided, that i still love her. When i left her house tonight, she says she wants to call me in a few days i tell her its fine, so im just going to wait it out, see what she has to say and than go from there.  But if i hear from her and she still dosent know, im not going to hold on forever because the longer i hold on, the worse its going to be when we dont get back together, but at the same time if i leave now i have no chance and i do love her still.
Do you think im making the right choice? We have no had sex after 1.5years and are both still virgins. I feel this is a problem with our relationship, there is no reason physicaly for us no to. Just both nervous. When i asked her why she didnt tell me she felt this way sooner, she said she didnt want to hurt me. The change was so drastic just like turning a switch off which is why i thought it might have been from her quitting smoking, that is the part i dont understand. You dont feel a very strong feeling for someone than all of a sudden it just goes away after 1.5years, unless you found someone you think at the time is better, or something else is going on. But i trust her when she says she isnt talking to anyone else.

Anyways, is there any hope for me? How long should i wait before i let go if she cant make up her mind. This gives me some good thinking time for me as well i believe since i have had doubts, just not as drastic as hers im guessing.

Thanks!

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InvisibleTalking Head
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Registered: 07/02/08
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Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9215169 - 11/09/08 10:47 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

that sucks.


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pt:    s  e  d  a  s  c  o  o  r  d  i  n  a  t  e  s
CT(a): LT KI KT AE LT KE AW AW LI KT BI BH AE LE KI LT
:docbrown:    :realawe:                :realpacman:

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OfflineManianFH
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Registered: 07/06/04
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Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9215344 - 11/09/08 11:15 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

nice contribution talking head :mad2:

new guy, the way youve handled it thus far is really telling of your level of maturity. It sounds like you care for her happiness and are willing to let her make her decisions without any manipulation of any kind from yourself.

Let her have time to herself, that might be the problem is that you two dont already get enough time apart from each other, especially when there is some stressful contributing factor in the relationship (like no sex). Is the only reason you two have not had sex because youre both nervous or is there some other reason, like religion?

If the nervousness is the only problem, then you two might want to consider exploring your sexuality together. It may be awkward the first time if youre both nervous and inexperienced, but dude, its gotta start somewhere. And you get over that nervous shit right quick.

Id say if you two do consider sex together, make sure youre protected somehow, and take it slow at first. Try sleeping naked together the first night, then moving farther the second, etc, etc, etc...

Its really cool that you are considering her feelings and happiness and respecting her decision. That gives me hope for your situation. Remember to use this mindset after you establish a sexual relationship with women, so long as they are not trampling over you emotionally. I dont think this is the situation with this girl, so good luck, wait it out, focus on yourself for a while :smile:


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

Edited by mickdawg666 (11/10/08 12:54 AM)

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InvisibleOgre812
Padawan Learner
Male


Registered: 05/25/08
Posts: 1,763
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: ManianFH]
    #9215359 - 11/09/08 11:18 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

She found another dick she wants up in her.  Tough brake.  You'll get over her.  Hopefully you will find a dope bitch that does whatever you want, and she will see you in a restaurant with her and be super jealous.


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Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither, and will lose both.      ~ Benjamin Franklin ~

"Let me tell you about a Porcupine's balls.  They're small, and they don't give a SHIT!"  ~Danny~

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Offlineslowgsr
Stranger
Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 53
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: Ogre812]
    #9216444 - 11/10/08 05:30 AM (15 years, 4 months ago)

Your right, she just might have, but i highly doubt it. There is no other reason for us not having sex, just hasn't happened. However, i will just wait it out for now and see what happens. It will all work out in the end, if i get back with her or if i find someone else, will be alright.

Thanks. Now that i know she doesen't care about me as much as i thought she did, it dosen't hurt so much because im not letting myself care about her as much for the time being. I almost feel like i should be more upset. I don't want to waste my time missing someone that dosen't miss me.

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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9216644 - 11/10/08 07:39 AM (15 years, 4 months ago)

Give her a week, see what happens

Don't worry too much


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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OfflineViciousend
Crazy ***hole
Male


Registered: 05/12/08
Posts: 109
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9217430 - 11/10/08 10:54 AM (15 years, 4 months ago)

Take the week or however much time apart you two need and then have sex, seriously, you two have been together for one and a half years and if you cant get over the nervousness of losing your virginity to each other then when will you ever be over it? Sex could very well be whats missing and it could change your whole relationship for the better and if you think about it, there's no better person then each other for you two to take that step. Good luck and let us know what happens.


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Is there an indelible line between sanity and insanity? Or do they change, from one into the other, without the slightest provocation? We'll find out that the world itself is insane.

I have no fear of death, it just means dreaming in silence, a dream that lasts for eternity.

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Offlineslowgsr
Stranger
Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 53
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9217492 - 11/10/08 11:06 AM (15 years, 4 months ago)

Well it didn't even take 12 hrs for her to relize she dosent want to be without me. She sent me a text saying she misses me so much and dosent want to be without me. Than she said she was sorry and asked if she could call me tonight. I'm sure she thought about how much she would miss me if I was gone. Anyways thanks I knew she was going to come around. See what she has to say tonight, she really is great

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OfflineGinseng1
Elegant Universe
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Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 3,310
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9217807 - 11/10/08 12:05 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

slowgsr said:
Well it didn't even take 12 hrs for her to relize she dosent want to be without me. She sent me a text saying she misses me so much and dosent want to be without me. Than she said she was sorry and asked if she could call me tonight. I'm sure she thought about how much she would miss me if I was gone. Anyways thanks I knew she was going to come around. See what she has to say tonight, she really is great




I think you should still wait out the week, even if she wants to end the break.

Tell her that you realize a break is essential and continue it.


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Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...

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InvisibleChronic7

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9217882 - 11/10/08 12:27 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

I dont think its weird to still be a virgin, i was a late bloomer myself but damn i think you guys need some physical things going on...maybe she needs you to woo her, & dont ask if she wants to be wooed, woo her :wink:

If anything enjoy your break


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Offlinekechlesurf
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Registered: 11/30/07
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Last seen: 2 months, 16 days
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9217913 - 11/10/08 12:37 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

your girl isnt going to look for someone else, cause she already found someone else, she just wants to hang out with him for a week or so to see if you are worth discarding for the new dick in her life.  Sorry for you man, but life sucks sometimes

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Offlineslowgsr
Stranger
Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 53
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: Chronic7]
    #9218608 - 11/10/08 03:11 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

kechlesurf, did you read the entire thread..? She hasn't found someone else, you don't understand the type of relationship she has, or the type of people we are.. However i didn't go into detail about that so i wouldn't expect you to know.

Anyways, i will see how things go when she calls me tonight, see what she has to say. Tell her i can't handle this and she needs to be sure about her decisions she makes from now on in.

She probably started to actually think about what it would be like without me around, and how much she dosen't want that.. Where before she was only thinking about things she wouldn't miss, which would far outweigh the things she would miss.

Its hard to apreshiate certain things in life until they are gone, and the grass isn't always greener on the other side.



Thanks.

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Offlineslowgsr
Stranger
Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 53
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9221153 - 11/10/08 10:04 PM (15 years, 4 months ago)

well went out with her tonight for a few hours.. took a drive because i picked up my winter car, she came.

Anyways, turns out she said she is not happy and she dosen't know why, she is going to visit the physciatrist (sp?) and see what is up, she might also be bipolar. She has had problems in the past with cancer, and other things, she believes shes just depressed. Since she says she knows she has great things in her life but nothing makes her happy and it all should so she will go see the doctor.

She said after i left when she said she wanted a brake, she knew right away that it wouldn't make her feel any better and that im not the problem. From what she explained she was more upset last night and today than i was, which is good. Since she has more reason to if she really does want me and knows she made a wrong decision.

Thanks all.

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OfflineGrok
Has Been a Bad Boy
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Registered: 12/03/03
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Re: girlfriend wants to take a brake.. Im confused. [Re: slowgsr]
    #9222058 - 11/11/08 12:45 AM (15 years, 4 months ago)

If this 'wanting a break' becomes any sort of habit of hers, I'd let her go man. We all have to explore our feelings sometimes, but if she ever keeps doing this to you, it's because she's fundamentally lukewarm about the relationship.


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Entropy is increasing.
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