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Anonymous #1
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 Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs 
#9211322 - 11/09/08 11:42 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm not really, I'm just a social retard who doesn't know a thing about going out and having a good time. I'm feeling really self-conscious about it. Asking friends about it usually results in unhelpful answers. People simply don't understand that I don't get it.
If I could figure this shit out for myself, I would not have spent the past couple of decades sitting alone at home every night.
I'm going to die alone at this rate.
So I met this woman in evening classes, and I think she's interested in me. I'd like to spend time with her, get to know her, but I don't know how to go about it. I'm at the age where most people are married, and I feel like I'm fourteen years old, never had a date or a girlfriend. I'm pretty clever at other things, but socially I'm a moron.
So any suggestions on how to best approach the subject would be greatly appreciated.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9211372 - 11/09/08 11:53 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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if by "age where most people are married" you mean late twenties or older, I would suggest you seek therapy or something, because that really is abnormal. Other than that, try to stay relaxed, and focus your attention on her. Think of stuff to do with her and ask her out. But really, get help.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #2]
#9211417 - 11/09/08 12:01 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Relax guy, you just need a rest. Take her to the bar so that you can loosen yourself up, and her at the same time.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #2]
#9211462 - 11/09/08 12:08 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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This is a section from God's debris
Quote:
“Okay then. Can you give me some information that
would help my personal life?”
“Perhaps,” he said, clenching his red plaid blanket
tighter around his tiny body. “What topic interests you
more than any other?”
“Myself, I guess,” I confessed.
“Yes, that is the essence of being human. Any person
you meet at a party will be interested in his own life above
all other topics. Your awkward silences can be solved by ask-
ing simple questions about the person’s life.”
“That would be totally phony,” I said. “First of all, it
would be like interrogating him. Secondly, I couldn’t possibly
pretend to be interested in the answers. If he turns out to
be some shoe salesman living with his mother in Albany, my
eyes will glaze over.”
“It would seem phony to you while you asked the ques-
tions, but it would not seem that way to the stranger. To
him it is an unexpected gift, an opportunity to enjoy one of
life’s greatest pleasures: talking about oneself. He would
become more animated and he would instantly begin to like
you. You would seem to be a brilliant and talented conver-
sationalist, even if your only contribution was asking ques-
tions and listening. And you would have solved the
stranger’s fear of an awkward silence. For that he will be
grateful.”
“That solves the stranger’s problem, but I have to listen
to this guy drone on about himself. The cure is worse than
the disease.”
“Your questions to the stranger are only the starting
points. From there you can steer him toward the thing you
care about most—yourself.”
“Wouldn’t he want to talk about himself instead of me?”
“When you find out how others deal with their situa-
tions it is automatically relevant to you,” he said. “There
will always be parallels in your life. Find out what you and
he have in common, then ask how he likes it, how he deals with it."
http://nowscape.com/godsdebris.pdf
Go to page 105 and read the chapter on relationships
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #4]
#9211520 - 11/09/08 12:18 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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by the way,
social skills are not something you obtain right away, it takes practice. it is possible for you to do cognitive behavioral therapy in group sessions to practice your skills on other people who are like you. there is nothing wrong with seeking out external resources to help you in your life!
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Anonymous #5
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #4]
#9211570 - 11/09/08 12:28 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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I am from Soviet Russia. How do you get girlfriend?
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Anonymous #6
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9211688 - 11/09/08 12:48 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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lose it from your dad
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #5]
#9212344 - 11/09/08 03:03 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Anonymous #4: Thanks. That was an excellent read. The whole book.
Anonymous #6: Lose what now? If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then I'll have you know that those services have been taken care of by independent contractors of the highest discretion and professionalism.
However, I'm currently looking for a more permanent in-house solution.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9212707 - 11/09/08 04:14 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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if anyone says 'dry smash her shit box' im going to die
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Anonymous #8
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9213435 - 11/09/08 06:22 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Go with the flow. If there isn't one then make one. Be animate (funny, talkative, interesting). Don't judge yourself too much. Be who you are inside.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #7]
#9213496 - 11/09/08 06:32 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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dry smash her shit box
who needs conversation when you don't even have lube?
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Anonymous #10
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #9]
#9213641 - 11/09/08 06:53 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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It might be hard, but start some small talk with her. Be interested in what she has to say and listen. Don't let the conversation turn into akward silences just keep making noise and ask her if she wants to go to a bar or get some coffee. Asking her out may be difficult if you're afraid of failure, but do it anyway. And, if she does say no keep trying with other chicks. The more you talk to and ask out the better your odds and the better at communicating you will get. Sometimes it hard to just talk to random people, but find a subject you have in common, your class for example, and start with that.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #10]
#9215823 - 11/10/08 01:16 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Small talk is no problem, altough I do have difficulty asking personal questions. The thing is, I would love to ask her out, but I really don't know what people do when they go out, because I've never been out. Movie? zoo? Exposition of post-structualist art?
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Anonymous #10
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9215867 - 11/10/08 01:23 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Those are actually all creative and valid options. If you guys mutually dig each other and you hang out for a while, things should naturally progress in the correct direction. Alcohol can help things move a little faster and more "naturally", but its definitely not necessary and it could potentially be a better experience without it. Are you interested in post-structuralist art? Do you have a movie you want to see? Do you like animals? Take her somewhere that you'd like to go, but would like to go to with a companion. Afterward if you want to keep hanging out find something else to do.
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Anonymous #11
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9216036 - 11/10/08 02:00 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
However, I'm currently looking for a more permanent in-house solution.
Not a good way to think about it IME.
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Anonymous #12
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9216110 - 11/10/08 02:31 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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When you're talking to her, grab your crotch a lot and waggle your eyebrows suggestively. Women love that.
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Anonymous #5
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #12]
#9216245 - 11/10/08 03:36 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #12 said:
When you're talking to her, grab your crotch a lot and waggle your eyebrows suggestively. Women love that.
Hey! Thats how I met my wife!
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Hi, I just arrived here from Mars and I was wondering about your social customs [Re: Anonymous #11]
#9216274 - 11/10/08 03:47 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #11 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
However, I'm currently looking for a more permanent in-house solution.
Not a good way to think about it IME.
OK to clarify: That was a joke. If I didn't keep a sense of humor about it all I'd have offed myself years ago.
There is a core of truth in it though. For many men including me, the sex is the least important part of visiting prostitutes . Physical contact breaks down all kinds of social barriers. It makes it easy to have open honest conversations with strangers. Upon leaving it's never the sex you miss, it's the companionship. For half an hour or so the two of you pretend to be in a caring relationship like two kids playing house but with hot sex, and then it's gone, painfully reminding you of what is missing in your real life.
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