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InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
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Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,397
Loc: USA
dear red states
    #9178875 - 11/03/08 05:49 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

this is pretty great :smile: and i agree

Quote:

Dear Red States…

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.
We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their
children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our
resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States



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InvisibleAnnapurna1
liberal pussy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 05/21/02
Posts: 5,646
Loc: innsmouth..MA
Re: dear red states [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #9179447 - 11/03/08 07:45 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #9179470 - 11/03/08 07:50 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

>We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

Dollywood, infinitely more fun than that big green bitch


>Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
>Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You >get abunch of single moms.

which is better than getting shot for messing around with
married women... oh wait, you wont have guns because we get texas

now while we're at it, We get freedom, you get slavery to the
welfare system

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InvisibleantiPock
fighting entropy
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 2,509
Loc: Sol 3
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9179606 - 11/03/08 08:12 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Honestly, I was kind of hoping we could ease up on the red state blue state thingy for a while. What if the "Real America" was comprised of both? Dare to dream I guess . . .

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InvisibleDieCommie

Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 29,258
Re: dear red states [Re: antiPock]
    #9179644 - 11/03/08 08:19 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Hes a divider not a uniter.

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InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
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Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,397
Loc: USA
Re: dear red states [Re: DieCommie]
    #9179689 - 11/03/08 08:28 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #9179698 - 11/03/08 08:30 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

KoTT... that kinda frightened me a little


I need some acid and some 3D glasses before I look at it again

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OfflineTurning Left
Stranger

Registered: 06/07/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 14 years, 20 days
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9179800 - 11/03/08 08:46 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Well here in the Red States we're keeping NASCAR and bass fishing so we'll be just fine.

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InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
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Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,397
Loc: USA
Re: dear red states [Re: Turning Left]
    #9179815 - 11/03/08 08:48 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Turning Left said:
Well here in the Red States we're keeping NASCAR and bass fishing so we'll be just fine.




puuhhleeeeeeeeeeease take nascar

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InvisibleZiggen
Bludgeon Yer Eye
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 651
Loc: Parts Unknown
Re: dear red states [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #9181095 - 11/04/08 03:29 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.




Funny.  I always thought that Harvard and Yale were Ivy League.


--------------------
Rock over London, rock on Chicago
Kmart, it's the savings place

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: Ziggen]
    #9181102 - 11/04/08 03:37 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

you're thinking of the other harvard and yale, he's referring
to Yale School of Accounting and Harvard Hairdressers Academy

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Offlinezouden
Neuroscientist
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 7,091
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9181139 - 11/04/08 04:16 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

>Harvard Hairdressers Academy

Their most popular sport is curling :rimshot:


--------------------
I know... that just the smallest
                                                part of the world belongs to me
You know... I'm not a blind man
                                                    but truth is the hardest thing to see

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: zouden]
    #9181150 - 11/04/08 04:30 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

:ilold:

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InvisibleGreen_T
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Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 4,042
Loc: UK Flag
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9181382 - 11/04/08 07:46 AM (15 years, 6 months ago)

.

Edited by green_titan (04/02/09 12:15 AM)

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: Green_T]
    #9182931 - 11/04/08 02:15 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

wake the fuck up... do you live in a blue state or something,
there's places around here that wont let you buy alcohol

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OfflineLove Cap
Wanderer
Female


Registered: 09/16/07
Posts: 401
Loc: somewhere in the plains
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: dear red states [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #9182962 - 11/04/08 02:24 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

i appreciated that! haha, i'm unfortunately a lonely blue in a deep red state.

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Invisiblezorbman
blarrr
Male

Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 5,952
Re: dear red states [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #9182986 - 11/04/08 02:32 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

We get Elliot Spitzer.




Good luck with that.


--------------------
“The crisis takes a much longer time coming than you think, and then it happens much faster than you would have thought.”  -- Rudiger Dornbusch

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: Love Cap]
    #9183004 - 11/04/08 02:36 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Love Cap said:
i'm unfortunately a lonely blue in a deep red state.




you should be proud of the fact that you're surrounded y so
much greatness... it's unfortunate that you'll be a spinster :grin:

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Offlinetwighead
mͯó
I'm a teapot


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 30,491
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill Flag
Last seen: 8 days, 16 hours
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9183473 - 11/04/08 04:25 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

I live in Idaho,
It's sorta like the Holy See here, except ran by a morman/lutheran/catholic conglomerate.


--------------------
¿Check out some art m8?


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OfflineMadtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,289
Loc: The Ocean of Notions
Last seen: 9 days, 5 hours
Re: dear red states [Re: twighead]
    #9183495 - 11/04/08 04:29 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Eh, the Lutherans aren't too bad.


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #9183504 - 11/04/08 04:30 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Mennonites are better

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OfflineMadtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,289
Loc: The Ocean of Notions
Last seen: 9 days, 5 hours
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #9183519 - 11/04/08 04:34 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

Yes, there are many of them here in Wisconsin.

Very nice people in all of my dealings with them.

And they make a mean pie.


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #9185163 - 11/04/08 08:54 PM (15 years, 6 months ago)

we have many Mennonites here too, they build fine barns and good solid furniture

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OfflineLove Cap
Wanderer
Female


Registered: 09/16/07
Posts: 401
Loc: somewhere in the plains
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #14343511 - 04/24/11 01:29 PM (13 years, 28 days ago)

FUCK all of the religious freaks that try to put laws on us based on their own dogmas!
and yeah, hold on tight to your nascar.. I fucking hate being surrounded by rednecks that worship glenn beck and limbaugh.

Of course the country should be united.. but that's never going to happen. Some people strongly hold on to their dogmas, while others want to be free...

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: dear red states [Re: Love Cap]
    #14346423 - 04/24/11 10:56 PM (13 years, 27 days ago)

Quote:

Love Cap said:
FUCK all of the religious freaks that try to put laws on us based on their own dogmas!




like the socialist agenda of the obama administration with his
unconstitutional and unwanted by 80% of the people health insurance reform
bill that was passed regardless based on the marxist dogma of steal from
the rich and let the people believe they're getting something in return?


Quote:

I fucking hate being surrounded by rednecks that worship glenn beck and limbaugh.




what about the flip side of that coin with the keith olbersteins and
racheal madcows and the rabid Obamanites that try and choke their
beliefs down everyone's throats... are either a good option?

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