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KingOftheThing
the cool fool



Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,397
Loc: USA
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dear red states
#9178875 - 11/03/08 05:49 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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this is pretty great and i agree
Quote:
Dear Red States…
We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out, Blue States
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Annapurna1
liberal pussy


Registered: 05/21/02
Posts: 5,646
Loc: innsmouth..MA
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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>We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
Dollywood, infinitely more fun than that big green bitch
>Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the >Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You >get abunch of single moms.
which is better than getting shot for messing around with married women... oh wait, you wont have guns because we get texas
now while we're at it, We get freedom, you get slavery to the welfare system
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antiPock
fighting entropy



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 2,509
Loc: Sol 3
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Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
#9179606 - 11/03/08 08:12 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Honestly, I was kind of hoping we could ease up on the red state blue state thingy for a while. What if the "Real America" was comprised of both? Dare to dream I guess . . .
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DieCommie

Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 29,258
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Re: dear red states [Re: antiPock]
#9179644 - 11/03/08 08:19 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hes a divider not a uniter.
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KingOftheThing
the cool fool



Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,397
Loc: USA
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Re: dear red states [Re: DieCommie]
#9179689 - 11/03/08 08:28 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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KoTT... that kinda frightened me a little
I need some acid and some 3D glasses before I look at it again
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Turning Left
Stranger

Registered: 06/07/08
Posts: 51
Last seen: 14 years, 20 days
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Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
#9179800 - 11/03/08 08:46 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well here in the Red States we're keeping NASCAR and bass fishing so we'll be just fine.
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KingOftheThing
the cool fool



Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,397
Loc: USA
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Quote:
Turning Left said: Well here in the Red States we're keeping NASCAR and bass fishing so we'll be just fine.
puuhhleeeeeeeeeeease take nascar
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Ziggen
Bludgeon Yer Eye



Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 651
Loc: Parts Unknown
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Quote:
all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
Funny. I always thought that Harvard and Yale were Ivy League.
-------------------- Rock over London, rock on Chicago Kmart, it's the savings place
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: dear red states [Re: Ziggen]
#9181102 - 11/04/08 03:37 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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you're thinking of the other harvard and yale, he's referring to Yale School of Accounting and Harvard Hairdressers Academy
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zouden
Neuroscientist


Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 7,091
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
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Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
#9181139 - 11/04/08 04:16 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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>Harvard Hairdressers Academy
Their most popular sport is curling
-------------------- I know... that just the smallest part of the world belongs to me You know... I'm not a blind man but truth is the hardest thing to see
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: dear red states [Re: zouden]
#9181150 - 11/04/08 04:30 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Green_T



Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 4,042
Loc: UK
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Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
#9181382 - 11/04/08 07:46 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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.
Edited by green_titan (04/02/09 12:15 AM)
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: dear red states [Re: Green_T]
#9182931 - 11/04/08 02:15 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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wake the fuck up... do you live in a blue state or something, there's places around here that wont let you buy alcohol
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Love Cap
Wanderer



Registered: 09/16/07
Posts: 401
Loc: somewhere in the plains
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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i appreciated that! haha, i'm unfortunately a lonely blue in a deep red state.
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zorbman
blarrr


Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 5,952
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Quote:
We get Elliot Spitzer.
Good luck with that.
-------------------- “The crisis takes a much longer time coming than you think, and then it happens much faster than you would have thought.” -- Rudiger Dornbusch
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: dear red states [Re: Love Cap]
#9183004 - 11/04/08 02:36 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Love Cap said: i'm unfortunately a lonely blue in a deep red state.
you should be proud of the fact that you're surrounded y so much greatness... it's unfortunate that you'll be a spinster
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 30,491
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 8 days, 16 hours
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Re: dear red states [Re: Prisoner#1]
#9183473 - 11/04/08 04:25 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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I live in Idaho, It's sorta like the Holy See here, except ran by a morman/lutheran/catholic conglomerate.
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Madtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers



Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,289
Loc: The Ocean of Notions
Last seen: 9 days, 5 hours
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Re: dear red states [Re: twighead]
#9183495 - 11/04/08 04:29 PM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Eh, the Lutherans aren't too bad.
-------------------- After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action. If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it. - Ernest Hemingway If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it. In the law courts, in business, in government. There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent. -Cormac MacCarthy He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus
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