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Anonymous #1
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I NEED to become more extroverted
#9052102 - 10/09/08 04:29 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I've always been a very introverted person. Learning has always been my greatest hobby and I've always tended to keep to myself while still maintaining a good number of healthy friendships. However, and while I have several "best" friends, I feel unhappy with my role in social situations. I've always been in the background, observing, and listening. I'll come through and comment or participate every now and then if a topic particularly interests me, but it's difficult to do this very often.
I have not always been very interested in other people. The things people have to say just don't hold my attention very long. I am a very intelligent person but have a hard time formulating ideas. If I am involved in a conversation involving something that interests me, such as general bsing around with philosophical ideas, I just can't always keep up with it. I just feel "slow" in social situations. My brain can't keep up. Several years ago I came up with the idea that I have possibly always been slightly autistic. And I mean very slightly. I've wondered about this occasionally ever since.
So I have two major problems on my hands: I have a hard time being interested in people, and I have a hard time discussing ideas with them.
It's not just when I'm around people that I have a hard time formulating ideas -- it's when I'm alone too. My thoughts just feel so scattered and unorganized. Let me try to describe my thought process. It's like there are two sections in my mind, and they are divided by a thick wall. On one side is my conscious side where I am aware of the world around me and thoughts are always flying by, then there is the "back room" where all the actual thinking gets done. I have no access to what is going on in this back room..it is completely dark. The idea formulation happens back there and is sent up to the "aware" area of my mind where I receive the idea and pass it by. Not having control or access to what is going on in the "back room" seems to be a problem.
And I feel like I am being held back in personal growth and development by not having a more healthy social life. I can always have someone around me if I feel the desire, but the interaction is never as satisfactory as I would like it to be. I really just want to make good solid connections with people on a regular basis. That would be so fulfilling to me. It's something I desire all the time now days.
Well this is getting a little long winded, and I think I would just make this post too confusing by continuing much further with it.
Thanks for listening. I needed to get that out. I've always been extremely appreciative that this forum, and especially this Physical and Mental Welling forum has existed. You are all great people and I enjoy being part of the community. If anybody would be willing to discuss this with me I'd be very appreciative. It's feels like a major roadblock in my life and I don't know how to go about getting past it.
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dr_gonz

Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 44,654
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Talking Head
cheeseburger walrus


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 1,080
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted *DELETED* [Re: dr_gonz]
#9053549 - 10/09/08 01:09 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Post deleted by Talking HeadReason for deletion: SDFGSDFG
-------------------- pt: n u m b e r s c a n a l s o b e u CT(a): BH AT CW CE KI LI LT KE AE BH AE KW LT AW CE KI AT pt: s e d a s c o o r d i n a t e s CT(a): LT KI KT AE LT KE AW AW LI KT BI BH AE LE KI LT Outer Space Radio Network Gcv Ujkv
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Nexion
Seeker


Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 648
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Talking Head]
#9053896 - 10/09/08 02:09 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I have a similar situation. I know a lot of people, but I only hangout with and consider a few of them friends. I've always found myself wishing I was one of those fast-living types who's always having a good time, but when it comes down to it I don't get along with those people. I just wish the area I currently reside in had a greater variety of personalities, most people here share the same morals, ideals, attitudes, hobbies, and of course...religion.
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MyRedrum
Easily Amused



Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 332
Loc: Portland
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9059707 - 10/10/08 04:16 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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i also have a hard time relating to people socially. all through high school i was a slave to my social anxiety. after i was voted "quietest senior" i'd had enough. progress is slow, but it gets better every day.
you can't just wake up and be extroverted. it takes time, and you really have to want to improve yourself. i've come to terms with who i am, and that i may never be as social as i would like; that's just how i am.
just remember that it can take a lot of time - a person can change a lot over a year.  don't worry about it, be optimistic!
try meditating to relax your thoughts, or try tai chi or yoga and focus your energy somewhere else. i don't want to pressure you into drugs or anything, but a good mushroom trip (or 1/2 of one) can help a lot with coming to terms with who you are, your environment, or other people.  or register to the shroomery, there is a lot of knowledge here. 
-------------------- there's someone in my head, but it's not me
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d


Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: dr_gonz]
#9059931 - 10/10/08 05:03 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
dr_gonz said: years ago i was the same way, and then and i said "who gives a fuck?"
maintain that attitude and the rest falls in to place.
you'll be ok
Bingo. It's one of the hardest things to do, but you just have to do it, and when you do it, it feels great.
It sounds to me as if the OP is afraid that his intelligence will be mocked, which is all he's about. If that is destroyed what's he got left?
No ones knows shit and there are no adults on this planet.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 27 days
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9061210 - 10/10/08 10:59 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Introversion-Extraversion, as measured by the MBTI is not a quality that can be changed. It is a deep psychological orientation, either towards the outer world of people and events or towards the inner world of thoughts and feelings. This does not prevent one from obtaining social skills, but the orientation is as fixed as your sexual orientation. You need to better understand and accept nature - your's included.
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JacquesCousteau
Being.



Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9061218 - 10/10/08 11:01 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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You NEED to become more self-accepting, if anything.
You are who you are. You can't force change upon such deep aspects of who you are. If it's meant to change, it will naturally, but only through acceptance of your current psyche.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9062396 - 10/11/08 09:20 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I say it is worth practicing social skills. If you say you NEED to become an extrovert, it sounds to me like interacting with people is something that is important to you, even if you are not great at it yet. I am the same way. I used to be painfully shy, and now not so much, but I do have to consciously work on it.
When you're not interested in what someone has to say, you're just not interested, that's understandable. But it does pay to learn how to offer your attention to other people, even if you are not enthralled by what they are saying. Everybody wants to be accepted, and when you offer acceptance by listening well, they will love you for it. It's not feigning interest, it's giving the gift of attention. Give people that gift, as a habit, it pays huge dividends.
I recommend reading about social skills. Start with the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, or How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes and then go from there.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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conutant
Stranger

Registered: 10/23/08
Posts: 6
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#9124791 - 10/24/08 01:09 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Wow this is exactly how I was like 2 months ago. ( i still am a little bit). Your post described me perfectly. It was like I have great ideas and thoughts I just couldn't get them our quick enough and was almost "stuck" in a mental funk.
This is what I did and I can't recommend it enough because I felt JUST LIKE YOU!
Sit down cross your legs in a mediation position or lie down or whatever makes you comfortable.
Close your eyes and focus on your body. If you don't know what I mean then you can now focus on your hands. Did you do it? You might feel some vibration or just energy in it. Now do that to your whole body. You will feel different part of your body "light up" maybe even a little pain in your chest or legs or arm or whatever.
Just focus on it and you will feel another place in your body to just focus on.
While I was doing this I would wake up in the middle of the night and just feel like a million lbs have been lifted off of me. The next day I went to go order some mexican food. I am (or use to be??) a little shy and I would get a little nervous but everything just seemed to flow so naturally. Everything was connecting.
My brothers girlfriend came over (shes a little bitch but young so i forgive her) and she made some stupid comment about me and my red beard (i have blond hair so its weird and i didnt shave) but it didnt even phase me. It was like I had peace within me or something I even responded with a nice comment to her and I really meant it. I wasnt trying to act better or anything.
Ok this was long SORRY! But I cant tell you how interested in your results i am. Focus on your breath and body. LET ME KNOW!
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youbreakyoubuy
Monkey Mouth



Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 2,632
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9130192 - 10/25/08 02:12 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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you NEED to let go of your opinion about who you should be and ACCEPT who you are.
As others have said, once you've let go, it'll fall into place.
-------------------- Let that which doesn't matter truly not matter.
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Baeosistine
ڜڭۑۄڴڡڟژۻۼئٹ



Registered: 12/23/07
Posts: 902
Loc: England
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Re: I NEED to become more extroverted [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9131934 - 10/25/08 01:36 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Wikipedia has a good article about introversion/extroversion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion
-------------------- jesus
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