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mofo
Hobby Jingoist


Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 2,232
Loc: Donkey Kong Kill Screen
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Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams
#9093974 - 10/17/08 09:35 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I get kind of sad when I see an interview on TV with someone who is really cool and successful, and they go on to say its what they've wanted to do since they were a kid, because I had nothing but antisocial life-path fantasies from even my earliest years.
My childhood dreams of what I wanted to do when I grow up could be summed up as "lead a life of crime." I had various dreams of smuggling cocaine, heroin and other drugs, running illegal gambling operations, commit major robberies such as bank takeovers and armored car hijackings, and generally running/ participating in a crime syndicate.
I never really pursued it too much; I didn't really want to commit myself like that. However, my friends and I even in elementary school always had a gang dynamic. The teachers even called us "the mini-gang." We were mostly wise-ass troublemakers, but we bullied and threatened other kids for fun and power. We could do all kinds of shit in class right behind the teacher's back and no one would ever rat us out. We also did some petty thefts and vandalism. Not anything too major until a stabbing incident, after which time our gang was disbanded by efforts of some of our parents as well as school officials.
I still had my criminal ambitions after that, but I was beginning to feel kind of ambivalent about it, and having been separated from several key friends, I became introverted and started smoking weed. Weed actually mellowed me out a lot and I didn't really care to pursue crime after that (other than a few failed/ busted growing attempts).
What bothers me though is that I've never had any positive dreams. Even now, my career I just kind of fell into, and stuck with it because it was tolerable and the pay was good. When contemplating career change, that's my basic criteria. There isn't any career I have dreamed of, other than smuggling yeo or knocking over banks. Am I fucked up? I'm starting to wonder.
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thedudenj
Man of the Woods

Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 14,684
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: mofo]
#9093990 - 10/17/08 09:40 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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lol i was this spirit ghost thing that flew around and stuff. usually over flied of dmt grass and other shit that iv seen now and understand what it ment back then. when younger i would think about mixing chemicals and getting crazy colours and chemical reactions. stranger natury stuff. and then stuff about time travel and distortions. the mirror, alternate worlds. a future where people had a apololiptic mind state and acted like pirates. as well as these strange OBEs when a bit older first using dxm of techno and this strange kitchen.
later it all made sense hippie festivals, raves, and a lot of psychdelic drugs. i am living my dreams i just couldnt understand with the mind state that was forced upon me as an infant. its strange i kinda wish it was more but am happy with what it is. maybe more will just unfold and it will make more sense
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  "You all are just puppets... You have no heart...and cannot feel any pain..."" you may think thats pain you feel but you must have a heart to feel true pain and that pain wont be yours
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mofo
Hobby Jingoist


Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 2,232
Loc: Donkey Kong Kill Screen
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: thedudenj]
#9094049 - 10/17/08 09:50 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thats funny dude. I think there are some general 80's themes mixed in there too (i.e. Mad Max type pirate imagery, and fluorescent/bright colors).
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thedudenj
Man of the Woods

Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 14,684
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: mofo]
#9094065 - 10/17/08 09:53 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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yeah 80's i guess but it is what life is like for me. i know way to many pirate like people. i watched hook the other day and was like wow its like they are at some sort of giant hippie jam fest that never ended
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  "You all are just puppets... You have no heart...and cannot feel any pain..."" you may think thats pain you feel but you must have a heart to feel true pain and that pain wont be yours
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SvampViking
Går med pumor



Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 617
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: mofo]
#9094067 - 10/17/08 09:53 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I was just about to mention mad max. When I was little I always dreamed of living in a post-civilization world like that. Long before I even saw that movie. I don't think your dreams are weird, some people are just hard-wired differently.
-------------------- The human experience is such that we are caught between being monkies and gods. It is up to us to decide which direction to go in. Everything is everything, and everything is becoming itself.
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thedudenj
Man of the Woods

Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 14,684
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: SvampViking]
#9094097 - 10/17/08 10:00 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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lol right now were in a gas crisis, and people are getting shot over oil in deserts for sure lol just not in austrialia
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  "You all are just puppets... You have no heart...and cannot feel any pain..."" you may think thats pain you feel but you must have a heart to feel true pain and that pain wont be yours
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Ceara
Shroom Hunter


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 246
Loc: Great White North
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: SvampViking]
#9094098 - 10/17/08 10:00 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Maybe past life dreams?
Like maybe in another incarnation you were a mobster or prohibition alcohol runner.
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mofo
Hobby Jingoist


Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 2,232
Loc: Donkey Kong Kill Screen
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: Ceara]
#9094146 - 10/17/08 10:09 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I dunno, but even to this day, if I start dreaming about running rackets I get really excited. I went into the bank the other day just as the armored car money guy was leaving with his bag of money. Our glances met and I could see fear in his eyes. For a split second I thought about what it would be like to jump him, grab that money bag and run. "Fuck, that'd be awesome," I thought. I snickered. But no, I'm a goodguy. If ever I was going to go down that path, its too late now. I'm too old to be a rookie.
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thedudenj
Man of the Woods

Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 14,684
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Re: Fucked-Up Childhood Dreams [Re: mofo]
#9094191 - 10/17/08 10:19 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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oh i get past life dreams too. its all relative to who i am cause i will always be me thru out time like how the characters in the highlander anime were. even tho the main character didnt age he met reincarnations of certain ones thru time and well the druid sage who was magic.
for one in past lifes i didnt have to have human body and was mystical creatures lol
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  "You all are just puppets... You have no heart...and cannot feel any pain..."" you may think thats pain you feel but you must have a heart to feel true pain and that pain wont be yours
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