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arpnuke
Always changing



Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 230
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it
#9064086 - 10/11/08 05:45 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I apologize for the dramatic title, but it carries a lot of truth. I remember first being depressed when I was a white kid in an inner-city black school system in about the 4th grade. There were times where things got good again, but I generally fight with it at least once a year for a period of months. What lead to this post was my last two or three trips. I tried to cure my depression with shrooms and lately mescaline, but both of them have left me kind of bummed even during the middle of them. I realize there is no point to this life except maybe suffering. Why should I stay here when there is no way to show people fully what they are doing to there people (thus leading to them stopping it). Look at all the school/workplace/college shooters going through immense pain and trying to show a bunch of people by killing a bunch of people by killing themselves. I get why they do that, but know it doesn't do anything but cause more pain in the world.
The bottom line is that I'm in a lot of emotional pain and see no end to it. I've had multiple psychiatrists/therapists and my current one was as interested in hallucinogens as I am. He's got a bookshelf behind him filled with 4 rows of books on psychedelics. Despite a really good shrink, he barely helps me at all and I know an anti-drug warrior will not even be helpful.
I want to study the therapeutic nature of psychedelics and apply them in therapy (money, helping people, and drugs) and have the hardware to do that, but my software says, "Fuck it, you might get arrested for possession of a schedule I psychedelic and be locked out for your entire life." Some of us try to help and yet the majority wants to do everything they can to rub some drug users face in it. "My God, and this one was so addicted he wanted to treat diseases... with DRUGS! 'Wonder whats on TV tonight?"
So lets get down to tripping treatments. Mushrooms get me asking why and I don't need any more analysis of why we do what we do. It's been made pretty clear and has shown me many of my and others unconscious motives. Mescaline is a wonderfully gentle psychedelic for being out in nature. It helped me more than mushrooms, but still not what I need. It's been a while since I tried LSD, but the intensity of the visuals, thinking change (enjoy life, not thin about WHY I DO THIS), and uplifting feeling seemed like the best for my mental state. On all substances I feel the presence of other beings and wonder if I should whip up some DMT. I feel as ready as I'm gonna be and the stuff I've read about ayahuasca and depression give me a lot of hope. Salvia?
Any of you guys put to bed long standing depression with or without psychedelics? Every time I've really thought about killing myself the thought, "I don't want to die, just not live like this," comes into my head.
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Orbital_Saucer
Other


Registered: 10/13/06
Posts: 551
Last seen: 15 years, 21 days
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9064150 - 10/11/08 05:59 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Psychedelics will not solve your problems. You are delusional if you have this mindset.
If I read this correctly, their past use has only made you more depressed, so why would you even consider continuing? If professional help is not working for you, then it really is up to you to deal with your issues.
The above was probably unduly harsh, so let me start again.
No one here, or anywhere can tell you what to put in your own body. These substances affect everyone differently. If you feel you need to trip to delve into these issues, than no one is going to sway you. The fact that these are criminal actions probably should not to play too heavily into your decision, for unless you are dealing with drugs for profit, it isn't likely you'll run into any legal repercussions.
Whatever your final decision is, I wish you the best of luck in confronting your demons.
Edited by Orbital_Saucer (10/11/08 06:00 PM)
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retrospect
Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 1,340
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: Orbital_Saucer]
#9064294 - 10/11/08 06:39 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Try get on some antidepressants or maybe a really big dose of shrooms.
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Ram Dass
Challenger



Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 693
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: retrospect]
#9064319 - 10/11/08 06:45 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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There is no panacea which will release you from your hell. Psychedelics are not what you are looking for to cure yourself from depression, they're just not.
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davedes
Stranger
Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 41
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: Ram Dass]
#9064370 - 10/11/08 06:59 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Low doses of these drugs might be useful in guiding therapy sessions, but attempting to 'cure' your depression by self-medicating a trip is a very bad idea.
Edited by davedes (10/11/08 07:00 PM)
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Psynsns
Stranger


Registered: 03/30/08
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9064508 - 10/11/08 07:41 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Pray. Get in touch with the power greater than yourself and watch what happens. This does not have to be couched in organized religion, but just a humble supplication to God to direct your life. Amazing changes should ensue if you follow the advice of your new friend.
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altitudes
Space Cadet


Registered: 05/01/08
Posts: 220
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: davedes]
#9064512 - 10/11/08 07:42 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think the only way psych's could help you with depression is by revealing what is wrong with your life/what causes your depression and how you can fix it. The rest is up to you.
I know it sucks to think about this stuff when tripping, but I don't see any other way they could help your depression.
Depression sucks man, it really does. But usually the only ways to really solve the problem are hard emotional work. Psych's won't be something you can take and are magically cured or put into a state where you can enjoy life. Using other drugs like this could lead to addiction as well, so be careful.
Good luck!
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chris92346
Stranger

Registered: 09/10/05
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9064547 - 10/11/08 07:51 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Studies show that exercise is as effective or MORE effective than any other treatment for depression. Find something that you enjoy doing that is very active. It helps a bunch.
Also something I find that helps, set goals. Try to make them challenging but those that you are pretty sure you can do. Helps keep your head on straight when you are working towards something.
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mr.bixby
Routine waxes cold


Registered: 03/14/08
Posts: 1,246
Loc: The West is the Best
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9064563 - 10/11/08 07:56 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm in the same boat. My depression and extreme anxiety and panic attacks make my future seem bleak and hopeless. I went to a shrink at my college campus out of desperation and told him everything I was going through but really what can they do? The only time I felt really helped was when my dad led me to this woman who talked in tongues and gave me insight into what I was going through in my life but I let that fall away. People like that are hard to come by and most people would dismiss it anyway. I've tried meds and taken psychadelics but I know my mental state more than likely will never improve. When I took ayahuasca I experienced what maybe was the "universal mind" and saw this 3-d energy grid to where I could communicate with anyone, just sitting on my bed. It was a unique experience and kind of fun. Maybe ayahuasca could be healing or give you some insight. It's a spiritual thing and something that you might need to fast for and watch what you eat and drink. I still give in so much to my self destructive cigerette smoking hard drinking ways that ayahuasca is not condusive to. I took it once when at a low energy level and was told by I guess the plant spirit of the vine to "get my energy up" so that I could be taught what it wanted to teach me. Out of everything I have researched Ibogaine is the only substance that I think can heal me to some degree. Reading a lot of peoples experiences of it as well as Daniel Pinchbeck's books about it I have a lot of hope for it. Many people experience kind of a life walkthrough and energy shift within, as well as being able to ask questions and have them answered by the spirit of the root. To most people this would sound crazy of course but on this board I'm sure many of had some experiences that this would sound plausable. It's just so damn expensive. So take this for what it's worth. I've been on a open suicide internet board (not for or against) and it was interesting. I hate the stupid bullshit of what you get on most of the don't commit suicide webs and sites which is as empty as much of mainstream society and media. Life still holds too many pleasures and surprises for me to go through with it and I'm glad your not going to do it.
-------------------- finality [faɪˈnælɪtɪ] n pl -ties 1. the condition or quality of being final or settled; conclusiveness. 2. a final or conclusive act Long live the Shroomery and I'm done with it.
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Noteworthy
Sophyphile


Registered: 10/05/08
Posts: 5,599
Last seen: 11 years, 10 days
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: mr.bixby]
#9064634 - 10/11/08 08:20 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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If you know there are things wrong in the world, and it is this knowlege that keeps bringing you down, then assumedly the only 'cure' is to remove that knowlege.
Dont bother with that.
The world is depressing brother.
But if life was about suffering, then what is happiness? Is that a means for people to judge how lacking they are of suffering? Is it a mechanism to ensure people keep harming eachother for the instant gratification it can give to some?
Life has suffering because life is an incredibly complex, fragile organism with leaves that can fall off and bugs that infect it, and competition for sunlight, etc. Not everything can have a nice life.
In my oppinion, the best cure for your depression is to get out of the slum you live in (making assumptions here due to the fact that you call yourself a white boy in a black world full of suffering) and find people who have a similar appreciation of love and peace.
The world is huge. You cant get hung up on your place on the physical world until you have travelled far and wide - otherwise you have no idea what you are talking or thinking about when you consider the state of teh world
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satyr
אתה בעצמך יודע


Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 3,396
Loc: Alpha Canis Majoris
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: Noteworthy]
#9064710 - 10/11/08 08:41 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yeah man, depression is a strange thing, and is different for everyone. Psychedelics have the potential to help you work through things, but then again there are many other tools besides psychedelics that can help you in the same manner. If you are looking to psychs for help, I would have to recommend ayahuasca, as it has proven itself quite successful in this area more so than other psychs. But the fact remains, the plants only give you access to higher realms of awareness, once you are there it is up to you to explore and search for the keys that may open the door to a solution. Besides psychedelics, maybe you should try taking a break from your usual life. Never mind your job, school, or even relationships. Just get out without plan or rationalization. Go to the desert, go fishing, go hike the appalachian trail or something. Maybe discover your spirituality. Meditate, surround yourself with positive energies, music, thoughts, influences. Depression is a disease of the mind, and the mind has the keys to cure it. Just remember that the key is always there, waiting to be discovered. Good luck man, hope you find something that will help. just keep searching, if you want something bad enough, it will come.
-------------------- Looking for Astrophytum asterias specimens; have cacti for trade
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altitudes
Space Cadet


Registered: 05/01/08
Posts: 220
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: satyr]
#9064760 - 10/11/08 08:49 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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+1 on the exercise!!
It's amazing what cardio can do for your state of mind. A good runners high is an amazing feeling mentally and physically. Nothing quite like an endorphine dump.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,526
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: satyr]
#9064771 - 10/11/08 08:51 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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it is definitely not easy. you can transform, but it takes a lot to unwind what is wound. doable, though difficult. the key is to drive your interest. this is what draws energy out of habit formed anxiety and diverts it to new patterns. it helps if the interest is outward oriented. good luck with kindling this kind of fire, and letting the other ones peter out.
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513orangejuice
...



Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 397
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: redgreenvines]
#9064811 - 10/11/08 09:01 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
it is definitely not easy. you can transform, but it takes a lot to unwind what is wound. doable, though difficult. the key is to drive your interest. this is what draws energy out of habit formed anxiety and diverts it to new patterns. it helps if the interest is outward oriented. good luck with kindling this kind of fire, and letting the other ones peter out.
Wow. Wise words. Your the kinda person thats good to rap wit after munchin a phat bag of enlightenment. I hate that depression exists.
-------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------- America is a rapist.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,526
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: 513orangejuice]
#9064974 - 10/11/08 09:40 PM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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these things are stronger than anyone imagines. they can't be fought directly they have the power of many against one. just opposing makes it stronger - adds fuel.
finding a way to cope is a bit like being a double agent or being poker-faced with a good hand, and if you fight it has to be like aikido, indirect flowing moves to ground the opponent not to defeat.
the opponent is also self, so compassion is essential.
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deCypher



Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9065341 - 10/12/08 12:02 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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Salvia can give good antidepressant effects.
Change is primarily up to you; psychedelics are tools that can help you get there, but the onus is still yours.
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 
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Nnflogg
Stranger


Registered: 05/20/08
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9065392 - 10/12/08 12:16 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I know of someone who went through a schizophrenic episode, just like you, he actually went to a psych ward. His help was working the 12 steps of NA / AA. Get a sponsor and have him help you work the 12 steps. The 12 steps only say alcohol(or drugs) once, it's all about finding a higher power, mentioned before.
Good luck man.
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QuantumReality
Mycopath 🗡


Registered: 05/20/07
Posts: 3,197
Loc: BoobyTraps
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9065462 - 10/12/08 12:50 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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dont rely on drugs to cure your depression, it wont work
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ShroomMan420
91' Til Infinity....



Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 1,232
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: arpnuke]
#9065482 - 10/12/08 01:09 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm depressed to......
-------------------- I am excited for my thoughts to become positive and of lifeful things instead of negative and suicidal things - Oceanshore23Forest
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Entersandman
Wings of Tomorrow


Registered: 06/19/06
Posts: 617
Loc: behind the border
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Re: This depression is going to kill me if psychedelics/therapy can't end it [Re: ShroomMan420]
#9065629 - 10/12/08 04:13 AM (15 years, 3 months ago) |
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i had a depression for years and i was ready to end this life But the more i took mushrooms and realized that this life is only a big theater tribune the better i felt myself.
this life is only a theater and we are the actors.we have the ability to change our lifes for a better one.
i have been taking mushrooms since winter 2004 and it took 4 years to realize what potential they have to change ones life for a better way. i have experienced situation which suprised me a great deal. i feel so good now.
psychedelics won´t change you but they can show you the ways to live a better life.that sounds a bit romantic of course but it´s the experience i had and still have. a few months ago i realized the real power of entheogens and now i am trying to discover how mankind can use their 100 % force to become a perfect human with no illness, problems and so on.
i am using entheogens as medicine-i am interested in shamanism and the power of mind. psychedelics may alter your consciousness and in this state you can ask what you can do to cure your self.
i hope i can help you more than now but i am still discovering the secrets of the healing power of entheogens but i will be finished soon.
thanks for your attention and may the force be with you
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