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OfflineGrav
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Fear
    #898936 - 09/22/02 11:02 AM (19 years, 5 days ago)

Last night I ran into a social situation that yanked some old fear and anxiety out from the back of my head. A feeling I hadnt felt in awhile. I used to have extreme social anxiety.
I don't mean I was actually 'scared', but I was unable to think straight and just battered with anxiety, in which I was unable to relax.

Anyways, I did make myself relax, and chilled out and rolled up a joint. Then I began thinking how 'real' those nervous feelings had felt. Like i was directly confronted with a part of me maybe I had choosen to forget. It was like a learning experience, a challenge.

But I was feeling weird for the rest of the night, even after i left the apartment... all my comfort zones were blown.

i feel like i may have overcome something i had never even attempted before.


do you guys feel like you learn the most about yourself when your shaken up like this?




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OfflineLarrythescaryrex
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #898940 - 09/22/02 11:05 AM (19 years, 5 days ago)

I reckon


--------------------
RIP Acidic_Sloth

Sunset_Mission said:
"larry the scary rex
verily scary when thoroughly vexed
invoke the shadows and dust, cast a hex
mercifully massacring memories masterfully
relocate from Ur to 8th density and become a cosmic bully
mulder and scully couldn't decipher his glyphs
invoke the shadows and dust, smoke infernal spliffs"
April 24th 2011


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OfflineAdamist
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #898952 - 09/22/02 11:11 AM (19 years, 5 days ago)

A similar thing happened to me last night....weird.

I felt "shaken up", or discombobulated... but it also felt like I had overcome it, and survived, and that made it worth it somehow. *shrugs*


--------------------
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OfflineUnity333
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #898961 - 09/22/02 11:18 AM (19 years, 5 days ago)

BIg hugggggg... You are ok..


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Fear [Re: Adamist]
    #899167 - 09/22/02 01:45 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

it made me feel more alive, and down to earh at the same time.. accepting what was out in front of me, and not being afraid of it.

in the past ive escaped situations like these by turning to illusions of superiority (enlightenment) which only led to more and more confusion. in essence just lying to yourself to make yourself feel better.


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OfflineChubbSubb
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #899219 - 09/22/02 02:09 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

"I'm getting the fear"


--------------------
Those who know do not speak.
Those who speak do not know.


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Invisibledee_N_ae
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Re: Fear [Re: ChubbSubb]
    #899239 - 09/22/02 02:22 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

reminds me of a sample i once heard..
"...not fear...fear is the mind killer"


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InvisibleRevelation

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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #899372 - 09/22/02 03:47 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

Talking about overcoming anxieties...for the past couple of weeks i've been able to smoke mj without going into hyper space. I don't know what happened, but it's so much better now. Maybe my mind has just become more calm, but I don't know how.


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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
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Re: Fear [Re: Revelation]
    #899395 - 09/22/02 04:00 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

wtf is hyperspace?


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
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Re: Fear [Re: Albino_Jesus]
    #899458 - 09/22/02 04:26 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

Well..I just mean without zoning out and getting deeply lost in my thoughts.


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OfflineAdamist
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Re: Fear [Re: Revelation]
    #899468 - 09/22/02 04:31 PM (19 years, 5 days ago)

Yeah I know exactly what you mean...

Alot of times when I'm high around certain people, it seems like I retract into myself, getting lost in my own thoughts... even when someone asks me a question I can barely acknowledge them.


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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #899893 - 09/22/02 08:08 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

How you felt that night is how I feel almost everyday, all day.  I can't and won't smoke pot anymore because it makes me feel like I'm going insane.  I don't let people get close to me, because all they do is fuck with my head, which I seriosuly need to set straight.  I know that sounds like I've got this horrible defensiveness issue, and I very may well have one, but time and time again I've let my walls down to people who decided they'de get a kick out building me up and tearing me back down.

Somedays it seems as if the entire world is against me, like I'm really not supposed to be here.  I think I spent a good deal of my childhood in denial of how I felt about things, and denial of all the shit that was happening around me. 

Now if my fucking head would just slow the FUCK down.

Seriously, anyone have any advice on how to slow a racing brain?  My brain has been racing for too long, and I'm having trouble keeping a train of thought going.  It's like my brain has background noise that I want to shut the hell off... :crazy: 


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"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #899913 - 09/22/02 08:19 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

lole.
valium?


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Albino_Jesus]
    #899931 - 09/22/02 08:25 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

Valiums are wonderful things, but 45 minutes later I feel just as nuts as before I ate them.

Sex is great too but afterwards I feel just as low and just as crazy...

Same thing with getting drunk, eating xanax, beans.. anything.

I'm just so tired of everything...


--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #899950 - 09/22/02 08:34 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

only the weak fear.


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

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Check out campaignforliberty.com


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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
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Re: Fear [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #899958 - 09/22/02 08:39 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

In reply to:

only the weak fear




thanks for the encouragement.


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #899965 - 09/22/02 08:40 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

That's a pretty ignorant statement.


--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineMojo_Risin
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #899974 - 09/22/02 08:46 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

i don't think it is.

There are those who don't fear.

Fear is a sign of intelectual weakness.


--------------------
Fear    attracts  energy  that can expose one to be coerced. Learn to overcome fear and develop enlightenment.


Freedom Equality Justice (3 of 12 Jewels of Life)

Nov.11th Veterans Ron Paul Moneybomb...www.Ronpaul2012.com

Check out campaignforliberty.com


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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
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Re: Fear [Re: Mojo_Risin]
    #899982 - 09/22/02 08:49 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

In reply to:

Fear is a sign of intelectual weakness.





without the emotion of fear our species and others wouldn't exist.
forcing yourself to overcome natural emotional states isn't a sign of intellectual "strength", or intellectual anything.
it's emotional.


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineAdamist
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900054 - 09/22/02 09:15 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

Quote:

Now if my fucking head would just slow the FUCK down.


I know what you mean... most people I know say that they can easily fall asleep when they are high, but for me, sleep is impossible, because my mind races so fast, I often feel like I'm going to "explode"...
Quote:

Seriously, anyone have any advice on how to slow a racing brain?


Sex is good if with the right person; try taking a bath or going in a pool, the free-floating sensations are very relaxing. (I avoid showers when high because the pelting of the water usually overwhelms my senses).

Also, try and hang around people you are very comforatble with... I've found that being high by myself or in large crowds is very different than being around one close friend who I'm totally comforatble being around...

Hope some of this helps.  :smile:   


--------------------
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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Adamist]
    #900084 - 09/22/02 09:32 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

Man, I can't even think about getting high right now...

I don't have any close friends. In fact, the one person I thought was a close friend basically hates me now because all of these "issues" are suddenly coming to light and I just need to shut the hell up about it. Or so says his twisted sick fucking mind.

The problem with confiding in people is this.

1 tells 1 2 tell 2 4 tell 4 8 tell 8 16 tell 16 all the way until what you said comes back
to you from someone you barely even fucking know.



--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900118 - 09/22/02 09:46 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

try drawing to slow down and relax your thoughts.

this might not help much, Chikhai, but it sounds like something youll get over in time. i went through a long period of time like that where EVERYONE seemed to be staring at me or talking about me behind their backs. when i smoked pot it either made me feel better, or just really intensified the shitty feelings.

the whole thing came from being so isolated in highschool. i am pretty damn sure, and its taken quite a good deal of soul searching to get over it, but i did, and without forming any nasty grudges.

dont let anyone influence your opinion. its all yours.



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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900124 - 09/22/02 09:49 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

creativity DEFINITELY helps with anxiety for a lot of people
even if it's just silly doodles or playing nonsensical music on an instrument you don't know how to use
very relaxing


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineGrav
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900126 - 09/22/02 09:50 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

fuck that shit man.
you dont need people like that in your life.
dont be afraid to walk away from that shit


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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900144 - 09/22/02 09:59 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

I only have 1 real-life friend I can depend on, there's a lot of trust because we've been friends for years, but I wouldn't say we're exactly "close" emotionally. there's not a lot of sharing but we're not really on the same emotional/intellectual level of maturity, so it's no big  deal. we have fun together and know we're not going to fuck  each other over, and that's good enough  for me...I guess
the other friends I have are completely undependable and only like me when they feel like it because a couple of times they've freaked me out(not  purposefully) when I was stoned and I had an anxiety attack of sorts so now they think I'm a freak or something...
the only "close" friends I  have are on the internet. and even that's only a total of 2
*loser*  :grin:


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900176 - 09/22/02 10:12 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

It's strange but I swear this is just about the only place I have right now where I feel comfortable...

There just seem to be a lot of people here who "know" =)

Everything just seems so horrid, like it's all spinning out of control. I'm wondering now if my anxiety is just one of the ways some deep depression is letting itself known to me... could it be that suppressed (repressed, whatever) feelings/thoughts are causing a deep depression in me, which in turn causes me great anxiety and makes me feel like I'm going insane all the time? If that's the case, how do I get to the bottom of it all and make it stop? Do I even want to do that? I don't want to live my life this way but that seems like such an impossible task.. shit, getting up in the morning feels like an impossible task.


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"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Fear [Re: Albino_Jesus]
    #900177 - 09/22/02 10:12 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

the only close friends i have are my band
they are all just as crazy as me :smile:
we are brothers and would do anything for each other

everyone else would probably think i was weird if i was totally honest with them.


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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900180 - 09/22/02 10:15 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

In reply to:

everyone else would probably think i was weird if i was totally honest with them.





Not a chance in hell. For me, on the other hand, that statement is undoubtedly true.


--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineAdamist
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900193 - 09/22/02 10:19 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

To me it sounds like you are letting your fears of "going off the deep end" take too much control.... Feeling like this is completely normal, I tell ya.  :laugh:

Fearing insanity is giving into insanity. 


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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900286 - 09/22/02 11:00 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

you wanna bet?


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OfflineChikhai
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900317 - 09/22/02 11:11 PM (19 years, 4 days ago)

Well, I can't speak for others but I'm pretty damn sure nothing you could say would make me think you were weird.


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"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #901021 - 09/23/02 07:07 AM (19 years, 4 days ago)

I dreamt I had sex with John Scofield once, he didnt have a penis or a vagina, just this really weird 'hole'...


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OfflineViBrAnT
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Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #901078 - 09/23/02 07:23 AM (19 years, 4 days ago)

chikhai, if i am dealing with anxiety which is usually a constant battle i start by clearing my mind, i do this sometimes for about 6 hours. when the bad thoughts start to drift in after that i begin to meditate on my inner light, the bad thoughts dont stop but they begin into drift into my inner light and actually enhance my euphoric mode, not repress it. i begin to look at those same thoughts as to strengthen my inner light for i could not exsist in my blissful experience for very long without some sort of refrence point to what i am not, those thoughts. this is how i use the illusions, you do not have to create them, they are already there.


--------------------
" liken this life illusory, for your sand castle will one day be adrift amongst the wind "




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