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OfflineChikhai
member
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 110
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
Re: Fear [Re: Adamist]
    #900084 - 09/22/02 09:32 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

Man, I can't even think about getting high right now...

I don't have any close friends. In fact, the one person I thought was a close friend basically hates me now because all of these "issues" are suddenly coming to light and I just need to shut the hell up about it. Or so says his twisted sick fucking mind.

The problem with confiding in people is this.

1 tells 1 2 tell 2 4 tell 4 8 tell 8 16 tell 16 all the way until what you said comes back
to you from someone you barely even fucking know.



--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900118 - 09/22/02 09:46 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

try drawing to slow down and relax your thoughts.

this might not help much, Chikhai, but it sounds like something youll get over in time. i went through a long period of time like that where EVERYONE seemed to be staring at me or talking about me behind their backs. when i smoked pot it either made me feel better, or just really intensified the shitty feelings.

the whole thing came from being so isolated in highschool. i am pretty damn sure, and its taken quite a good deal of soul searching to get over it, but i did, and without forming any nasty grudges.

dont let anyone influence your opinion. its all yours.



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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
Clearly Retarded
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Registered: 09/14/02
Posts: 1,698
Loc: Construction ahead...
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900124 - 09/22/02 09:49 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

creativity DEFINITELY helps with anxiety for a lot of people
even if it's just silly doodles or playing nonsensical music on an instrument you don't know how to use
very relaxing


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900126 - 09/22/02 09:50 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

fuck that shit man.
you dont need people like that in your life.
dont be afraid to walk away from that shit


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OfflineAlbino_Jesus
Clearly Retarded
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Registered: 09/14/02
Posts: 1,698
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Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900144 - 09/22/02 09:59 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

I only have 1 real-life friend I can depend on, there's a lot of trust because we've been friends for years, but I wouldn't say we're exactly "close" emotionally. there's not a lot of sharing but we're not really on the same emotional/intellectual level of maturity, so it's no big  deal. we have fun together and know we're not going to fuck  each other over, and that's good enough  for me...I guess
the other friends I have are completely undependable and only like me when they feel like it because a couple of times they've freaked me out(not  purposefully) when I was stoned and I had an anxiety attack of sorts so now they think I'm a freak or something...
the only "close" friends I  have are on the internet. and even that's only a total of 2
*loser*  :grin:


--------------------
The only difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the velocities with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock on their door.
-Ralph Nader



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OfflineChikhai
member
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 110
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900176 - 09/22/02 10:12 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

It's strange but I swear this is just about the only place I have right now where I feel comfortable...

There just seem to be a lot of people here who "know" =)

Everything just seems so horrid, like it's all spinning out of control. I'm wondering now if my anxiety is just one of the ways some deep depression is letting itself known to me... could it be that suppressed (repressed, whatever) feelings/thoughts are causing a deep depression in me, which in turn causes me great anxiety and makes me feel like I'm going insane all the time? If that's the case, how do I get to the bottom of it all and make it stop? Do I even want to do that? I don't want to live my life this way but that seems like such an impossible task.. shit, getting up in the morning feels like an impossible task.


--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Fear [Re: Albino_Jesus]
    #900177 - 09/22/02 10:12 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

the only close friends i have are my band
they are all just as crazy as me :smile:
we are brothers and would do anything for each other

everyone else would probably think i was weird if i was totally honest with them.


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OfflineChikhai
member
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 110
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900180 - 09/22/02 10:15 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

In reply to:

everyone else would probably think i was weird if i was totally honest with them.





Not a chance in hell. For me, on the other hand, that statement is undoubtedly true.


--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineAdamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
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Registered: 11/24/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900193 - 09/22/02 10:19 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

To me it sounds like you are letting your fears of "going off the deep end" take too much control.... Feeling like this is completely normal, I tell ya.  :laugh:

Fearing insanity is giving into insanity. 


--------------------
:heartpump: { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } } :heartpump:


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #900286 - 09/22/02 11:00 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

you wanna bet?


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OfflineChikhai
member
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 110
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
Re: Fear [Re: Grav]
    #900317 - 09/22/02 11:11 PM (19 years, 9 days ago)

Well, I can't speak for others but I'm pretty damn sure nothing you could say would make me think you were weird.


--------------------
"I see!" said the blind man to his deaf wife.


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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #901021 - 09/23/02 07:07 AM (19 years, 9 days ago)

I dreamt I had sex with John Scofield once, he didnt have a penis or a vagina, just this really weird 'hole'...


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OfflineViBrAnT
WaRpInG &sPiRaLiNg
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 286
Last seen: 18 years, 2 months
Re: Fear [Re: Chikhai]
    #901078 - 09/23/02 07:23 AM (19 years, 9 days ago)

chikhai, if i am dealing with anxiety which is usually a constant battle i start by clearing my mind, i do this sometimes for about 6 hours. when the bad thoughts start to drift in after that i begin to meditate on my inner light, the bad thoughts dont stop but they begin into drift into my inner light and actually enhance my euphoric mode, not repress it. i begin to look at those same thoughts as to strengthen my inner light for i could not exsist in my blissful experience for very long without some sort of refrence point to what i am not, those thoughts. this is how i use the illusions, you do not have to create them, they are already there.


--------------------
" liken this life illusory, for your sand castle will one day be adrift amongst the wind "




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