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Gumby
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Cutting off contact with someone you love
#8813383 - 08/22/08 10:05 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Long story short, tonight I cut off contact with an ex that I still love (she still loves me too).
She was my first true love, was with her for 3 years (yeah, her again). I went through a period of 2 years not talking to her after we broke up. Once I did contact her it was like things never ended. It really seemed like we would end up married some day, she thought so too.
But she has a history of making shitty life decisions that just make things worse for her. She has recently made the same shitty, stupid decisions and surrounded herself with people who bring her down. I guess some people never learn and history repeats it's self.
We had a huge fight. I won't get into it, but I ended up telling her off and stating how she constantly is undependable and surrounds herself with shitty people who make her life worse. I cut off contact with her completely. I have no plans of ever talking to her again.
Should make me feel better, right? It doesn't. As stupid/naive as she is, I still love her to death. I'll miss a ton, but this just has to be done. And you know what? It really, really sucks to say "goodbye forever" to someone you truly love.
Oh well, such is life. It is what it is.
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Entropymancer
Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 10,207
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813391 - 08/22/08 10:08 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sorry to hear that dude. Cutting off contact with someone you love is always going to hurt, but it sounds like you made the best decision you could with the situation.
Like you said
Quote:
Oh well, such is life. It is what it is.
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Crasher
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813393 - 08/22/08 10:08 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Bummer. It's always unfortunate to burn bridges, but some need to be burned.
-------------------- Give me silence, water, hope; Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...
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OneMoreRobot3021
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Crasher]
#8813403 - 08/22/08 10:10 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crasher said: Bummer. It's always unfortunate to burn bridges, but some need to be burned.
Sometimes it's better for both sides to not have anything more to do with one another.
I haven't spoken to my father in almost two years, aside from one brief, awful phone call. Not the same as a girlfriend but still, I love the man, but we're no good for each other.
-------------------- Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake. -Erik Davis
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FunGuyFan
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813404 - 08/22/08 10:10 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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I have done this to a family member before and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made, especially considering I was a child at the time Good luck to you
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neverwhere
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Registered: 04/03/00
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Loc: Boston
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813407 - 08/22/08 10:11 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've been trying to cut contact with my first love too, but it's just so so hard.
My story is a little bit different, but I understand where you are coming from. I know staying far far away from him would only be in my best interest, but it's terryfying ro imagine I will never talk to him again. Knowing he will only break my heart over and over doesn't make it easier.
Thus, he gets deleted/added into my buddy list or phone on a regular rotation. Sigh.
Sorry man. It might suck right now, but when you make the right decisions in life it usually lets itself be known.
-------------------- "The United States is nation of laws; badly written and randomly enforced." -Frank Zappa "If the police ever come knocking, I'm hiding my lava lamp before I hide my piece"-elsd
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Crasher]
#8813427 - 08/22/08 10:15 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crasher said: Bummer. It's always unfortunate to burn bridges, but some need to be burned.
Yep, sometimes they do need to be burned. I nuked this one. I'll miss her, but whatevs. Like I've always said, time heals everything.
I just hope I can meet someone just as good or better than her. It's tough though because not many attractive girls are as nerdy as I am :P
Attractive science chicks = one in a million, unfortunately. Perhaps my intelligence standards are set too high. I don't think I'll change them anytime soon though.
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highdroponics
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: neverwhere]
#8813438 - 08/22/08 10:17 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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you don't stand a chance at just a friendship relationship? if not then yes, you made the right decision.
-------------------- Dr says to stop trying to treat the side-effects of big government and focus on the core issues. End the Federal Reserve/audit the gold reserves at Fort Knox, abolish the IRS, end all wars and occupancies, stop the building of an empire that will inevitably fail, and cut all unconstitutional federal programs. Put the power back in the peoples' hands by ending this nanny-state.
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dill705
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813477 - 08/22/08 10:27 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gumby said:
Attractive science chicks = one in a million, unfortunately.
~dill's girlfriend~ hey cheer up, there are almost 7 BILLION people in this world, so one in a million odds aren't really that bad. {i know where your coming from, so i can make light of the situation}
-------------------- My advice is to find those things that give pleasure and do them often without too much attachment and relax and wait for the show to end. -Icelander- I like free markets and all. Truly I do, at least in general, but there needs to be some kind of oversight in recognition of sustainability. Life works the same way, on a bunch of sustainable systems. Why not honor what made us what we are and take some lessons? Nature FTW! ~dill705~
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neverwhere
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: highdroponics]
#8813486 - 08/22/08 10:31 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
highdroponics said: you don't stand a chance at just a friendship relationship? if not then yes, you made the right decision.
Is this directed at me or Gumby?
If you mean me, no, it probably wont work. I have too many feelings, he just wants a fuck buddy now...far too many dynamics there. For Gumby, without knowing the entire story, I'd say it sounds like friendship wouldn't work in this case.
Sometimes you just need to walk away.
-------------------- "The United States is nation of laws; badly written and randomly enforced." -Frank Zappa "If the police ever come knocking, I'm hiding my lava lamp before I hide my piece"-elsd
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NastyDHL
Registered: 04/04/08
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813490 - 08/22/08 10:32 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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As long as you are doing what is right for you and your future, and not doing something just because it's what you want or desire, then you have made the right choice my friend.
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demiu5
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813498 - 08/22/08 10:34 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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i pretty much finally accomplished this in the last 24 hours
unforuntately it was through text message
she's definitely not happy, because she hasn't sent anything back, but
it's better this way
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: neverwhere]
#8813546 - 08/22/08 10:46 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah, friendship really isn't an option. We did that for the past 8 months. Every time she'd make a shitty decision I found myself getting all worked up emotionally. I don't need that. It's just one more element of stress in my life and I could do without that.
She is better off forgotten. If only it were that easy.
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demiu5
humans, lol
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8813552 - 08/22/08 10:47 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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it's funny how the girls, ime, always seems to be the one wanting the friendship scenario after things go south...even if they've been told before that it won't work
yea
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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highdroponics
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: neverwhere]
#8813553 - 08/22/08 10:48 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
neverwhere said:
Quote:
highdroponics said: you don't stand a chance at just a friendship relationship? if not then yes, you made the right decision.
Is this directed at me or Gumby?
If you mean me, no, it probably wont work. I have too many feelings, he just wants a fuck buddy now...far too many dynamics there. For Gumby, without knowing the entire story, I'd say it sounds like friendship wouldn't work in this case.
Sometimes you just need to walk away.
yeah it was directed at gumby, sorry for the reply directed at you.
-------------------- Dr says to stop trying to treat the side-effects of big government and focus on the core issues. End the Federal Reserve/audit the gold reserves at Fort Knox, abolish the IRS, end all wars and occupancies, stop the building of an empire that will inevitably fail, and cut all unconstitutional federal programs. Put the power back in the peoples' hands by ending this nanny-state.
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Gumby
Fishnologist
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Posts: 26,656
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8818532 - 08/24/08 12:43 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Man. This really sucks. It's so hard to let this go. I love the girl so much. But if I talk to her it just puts me back in the same shitty situation I was in before. God damn, I wish people weren't so stupid.
One thing I will NEVER understand is people who have self-destructive personalties. Anyone here know psychology? Why do people develop self-destructive personalities?
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CaptainH13
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8818545 - 08/24/08 12:52 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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I just went through the same thing with my chick of 2 years or so.
I'm a solitary cold hearted asshole,and in general i don't give a fuck that she's gone,but there are random times were it (us breaking up) infuriates me so much i can't even move. That plus her making stupid fucking choices has lead me to do the same thing.
I put up with so much bullshit for her, put so much into our relationship,more than I've ever put into any person to person interaction, for it to end like it did, there's just no way i can ever see her again. I need to erase her from my existence. It pains me to no end,but i gots too.
So i feel you pretty damn well.
Quote:
Gumby said: Man. This really sucks. It's so hard to let this go. I love the girl so much. But if I talk to her it just puts me back in the same shitty situation I was in before. God damn, I wish people weren't so stupid.
That's basically exactly how i feel right now too.
--------------------
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Gumby
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: CaptainH13]
#8818663 - 08/24/08 01:53 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
CaptainH13 said: I need to erase her from my existence.
I hear ya man. If there were a way to erase someone and all memories associated with them, that would make life SO much easier.
Balls. I guess I need to figure out how to do that in my neuroscience research.
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Prisoner#1
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8819189 - 08/24/08 08:15 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gumby said: Why do people develop self-destructive personalities?
without knowing her I couldnt give you an exact answer, rarely is it motivated by attention seeking, often it's due to depression, or as a mechanisim to cope with stress, in some cases it's an attempt to cut ties with someone because they fear hurting them, the latter I believe may apply to your situation
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Prisoner#1
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: CaptainH13]
#8819201 - 08/24/08 08:20 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
CaptainH13 said: I need to erase her from my existence.
I prefer to remember their better qualities and bury the things that pushed me to the point of turning away, it helps to eliminate the anger I associate with them
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demiu5
humans, lol
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8819304 - 08/24/08 09:03 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gumby said: One thing I will NEVER understand is people who have self-destructive personalties. Anyone here know psychology? Why do people develop self-destructive personalities?
Quote:
or as a mechanisim to cope with stress
this seems to be true in my case, *also as a mechanism to not be hurt by others. it's easier to cast people off than to gain their trust/feel trusted and then to be betrayed
why did it develop? i couldn't really tell you, but i think a lot of it has to do with abandonment issues and being told for most of my life that i was worthless, from about age 2
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
Edited by demius (08/24/08 09:12 AM)
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JT
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8819409 - 08/24/08 09:40 AM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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i know a girl just like the one you speak about gumby. i tried so hard for her but she pretty much ruins everything she touches. smart girl but has no sense of self preservation....just lives in the moment.
good luck...i had to cut off contact with her as well. she threw away four years of friendship because she couldn't recognize the people who really cared for her.
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silly_sigh_ben
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8819969 - 08/24/08 12:40 PM (15 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to say goodbye.
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Gumby
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8854930 - 08/31/08 01:46 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well, I'm flying back to Jersey in less than 12 hours and I kinda expected her to branch out and ask what she did wrong. No such luck.
So I decided to get some closure and tell her what was exactly on my mind. Being that I don't have her number anymore (deleted it), I decided to send her an email. While email may be lame, it gives me the chance to verbalize what I'm thinking without stumbling.
I didn't write this because I want her back or any of that bullshit. I thought I did, but after this trip home I realized that she is so mentally unstable that she isn't worth my time. I had that realization recently that once crazy = always crazy, so I would never consider getting back with her. I just want her to realize that shes fucking up her own life.
I think this email should hit the nail on the head:
I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about you and things that have transpired since I came home. It really is a shame that I never got to see you again while I was home. Regardless, I'll be gone in less than 12 hours.
To be dead honest, one of the main reasons I wanted to come home was because I REALLY was looking forward to seeing you. I still love you to death, regardless of your shittastic decisions. I had looked forward to seeing you all summer, just ask my Jersey friends. It was one of those things that kept me going. But when I got home it all went to shit. That saddens me deeply.
I can't put it into words how incredibly disappointed I am with you that you made the retarded decision to forgive/move in with <abusive ex>. Deny it as you will, you two will end up back together in the same abusive bullshit excuse for a relationship. Perhaps thats what you want. If it is, then I am no person to judge (or understand). You can do a million times better than that mentally unstable piece of shit. I can only hope that one of his half-assed, attention whore suicide attempts is successful. Maybe that's what it will take to wake your ass up.
While I don't understand your self-destructive tendencies, perhaps this will work out for you. I mean, you're both kinda crazy. I would think that crazy + crazy = horrible results, but I could be wrong, I'm no psychologist, however I am interested to see how this plays out. I have a feeling it'll be one of those "I told you so" situations, but if not, prove me wrong.
Although it may not seem like it, I do love you dearly and only want the best for you. When you choose what everyone other than you (including me) thinks is the worst decision you've ever made in your life, I gave up. I didn't want to make that decision and it was very tough. But I can't help those who refuse to accept help... yes, I know, you don't want help, but you need it. After the coke episode, I'm not going to sit back and watch you fall into the same self destructive cycle.
I wish you the best and hope for the best. But, unfortunately, I will not be talking to you anytime soon. Seeing someone I deeply and sincerely love willingly fuck up their life only brings me down, and I don't need that shit.
Like I said before, goodbye and good luck (you will need it).
Love, < me>
PS: I don't really care what it matters, but <your sister> knows that you're moving back in with <your ex>. I sent her a message on myspace because I wanted to tell her to watch over you since I won't be around. Apparently you don't talk to her anymore either. I will never understand why you continually push away the people that love and care about you and trade them for someone who treats you like trash. Perhaps someday you will learn. Until then... Have a good life.
Yeah, it might be a bit mushy. But I do love the girl. Shes just... crazy. It really sucks. It is what it is though. Time to let go. I just had to get that off my chest and plant that seed of doubt/disappointment in her mind before she proceeds to fuck up her life again. Maybe she will figure it out.. But I won't be there for her when shes does. She fucked up for the last time. Thats 3 strikes and shes out.
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Chrissi
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8854948 - 08/31/08 01:53 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gumby said:
Quote:
CaptainH13 said: I need to erase her from my existence.
I hear ya man. If there were a way to erase someone and all memories associated with them, that would make life SO much easier.
Balls. I guess I need to figure out how to do that in my neuroscience research.
Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (great movie btw) and you won't wish it. That's pretty much the premise, and they definitely show you how shitty it would be. Basically because if you can't remember, you keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over again.
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California
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8854949 - 08/31/08 01:53 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Prisoner#1
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Re: Cutting off contact with someone you love [Re: Gumby]
#8854964 - 08/31/08 02:05 AM (15 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gumby said: Yeah, it might be a bit mushy. But I do love the girl. Shes just... crazy. It really sucks.
gumby... you cant help her until she realizes she needs help, you dont strike me as the kind of person that will ever stop caring, when she's at that point... make sure you are there.
for your peace of mind.
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