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OfflineLiquid Amber
Hottie
Female


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 31
Loc: Santa Cruz, Ca.
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
What are women looking for...?
    #8795940 - 08/19/08 01:14 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

As a women I want to be a stay at home mother.  My boyfriend on the other hand sees that as a sign of laziness and says to me "I'd like to stay at home all day with the kids but unfortunately someones got to pay the bills and it's not fair for me to have to work all day while you stay at home sitting on your lazy ass."  (He wants to utilize me to my fullest potential.)

That kind of comment really irritates me because I feel like I am compromising my families well being by neglecting my assumed role as a mother to go out and be a work horse for someone else.  Our American culture has put more weight on the stereotypical women as being an entrepreneur instead of being a house wife.  Which in some parts of the world it is a respectable thing to be a house wife.

I'm not saying that it works for everyone.  But I am put into a bind now of having this expectation to be the bread winner and producer while i put my children in daycare.

:heart:

They say that men are searching to find a mate that can house his sperm and be a good nurturer to his offspring.  Women want to find a man that is able to take care of her and the egg that she is providing for her husband?

Here's my question:  Have man and women forgotten there essential roles as mother and father inside of the household?  Are the instinctive habits of a man taking care of his women and household slowly fading away?  ex:While the man is in the kitchen the women is out hunting the buffalo.  I know it's an expensive economy...

I feel like something is missing, like we are cheating the system.  I am glad for the whole womens right movement and I think there was a lot of progress made for empowering women.
But, this has not only weakened the family but also the communities well being.  Because mothers play a huge role that is looked passed a lot of the time.  A women is a solid foundation for her home, her children, and her husband.  At the end of a long day she needs time for herself too.  And it's harder for her if she is head manager at some stupid corporation. 

When children are growing up and there is an absentee of mother it make it more difficult to grow up in the right environment.
:heart:


--------------------
Life is not measured by the
number of breaths that we take,
But by the number of moments
that take our breath away.



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Invisibleblkjkrabbit

Registered: 07/22/07
Posts: 4,971
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8795970 - 08/19/08 01:20 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Maybe your boyfriend isn't really concerned about your best interests. Tell him how you feel about it. And as a kid who spent a hell of a lot of time in daycare, I'd sure as shit recommend you raise your kids yourself - it's a lot more rewarding, and they won't feel nearly as estranged and alienated from their parents as I do :sad:


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InvisibleEntropymancer
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Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 10,207
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8795972 - 08/19/08 01:20 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I completely understand where you're coming from, families where both parents work certainly seems to compromise effective child-rearing.  But on the other hand, unless he's got a masters degree, it isn't necessarily practical for him to earn enough money to procide for the whole family.  That worked with the wages and inflation levels fifty years ago, but it just doesn't seem as practical now.

I guess I don't have too much constructive to offer on the subject, just trying to point out both sides.  Having a single-earner family can put the whole family under a lot more economic stress.


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OfflineShroomsbrrr
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Registered: 09/30/04
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Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8795977 - 08/19/08 01:21 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Feminists everywhere are tearing there hair out because you want to assume the stereotypical role theyve been trying to get over for the past hundred years. It is an expensive society, and in marriage now adays it seems like people are expecting a rough 50/50 split in responsibility in bringing in the money and taking care of the homestead. Maybe this is why divorce rates are at an alltime high?


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8796040 - 08/19/08 01:32 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Hi.

If you equally share parenting and work responsibilities, there is no lack of parenting.

Why should the mother get to bond firmly with the children while the father is alienated?

It would make more sense for both to handle as much child rearing as possible, while both are working as well.

I know that I would never accept a "you go to work while I stay home with the kids" setup because I have a right to be a large part of my children's upraising as the mother would be.

Am I saying that everyone should work and put the kids in daycare and forget about it? Of course not. Ideally, there should be some kind of compromise where both parents are responsible for watching the kids at some points while the other is providing income.

Kids should not be in day care for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. That is an extreme.

But, it is VERY healthy for children to have time away from whoever they're most attached to, preferably on a regular basis.

I believe it would be healthiest for the child if he/she were to spend equal amounts of time with each parent.

How attainable that is would be a mystery. I believe a lot of free time together would have to be sacrificed. The "being together as a family" thing would be a little strained, as one parent would have to work night shift.

To be honest, I'm not sure it's a good idea to have kids anymore considering the state of things. :wink:


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Offlinehighdroponics
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Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 5,574
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Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8796090 - 08/19/08 01:40 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

i believe in the stay-at-home mom thing, i believe that if someone can't spend time with their children and raise them as they were meant to be raise, by their own parents, then you should not have had a child to begin with.

this message brought to you by someone who has practically raised them self having a single mom that had to work 60-80 hours per week to pay the bills.


--------------------
Dr :ronpaul: says to stop trying to treat the side-effects of big government and focus on the core issues. End the Federal Reserve/audit the gold reserves at Fort Knox, abolish the IRS, end all wars and occupancies, stop the building of an empire that will inevitably fail, and cut all unconstitutional federal programs. Put the power back in the peoples' hands by ending this nanny-state.


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InvisibleEntropymancer
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Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 10,207
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: highdroponics]
    #8796109 - 08/19/08 01:43 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

i believe that if someone can't spend time with their children and raise them as they were meant to be raise, by their own parents, then you should not have had a child to begin with.




I agree, but I also agree with what Jacques said.  The father deserves to play an active role in rearing the children too.  My relationship with my father is pretty much nonexistent.


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Invisibleblkjkrabbit

Registered: 07/22/07
Posts: 4,971
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Entropymancer]
    #8796124 - 08/19/08 01:45 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Entropymancer said:
Quote:

i believe that if someone can't spend time with their children and raise them as they were meant to be raise, by their own parents, then you should not have had a child to begin with.




I agree, but I also agree with what Jacques said.  The father deserves to play an active role in rearing the children too.  My relationship with my father is pretty much nonexistent.




I second that. I never knew my dad - more just through phone conversations and brief visits. :nonono:


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InvisibleaDoS
freedom lover
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Registered: 06/18/05
Posts: 7,590
Loc: land of the free
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8796141 - 08/19/08 01:47 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Well, a while ago being a stay at home mother was a full time job. But now its pretty much pressing a few buttons, maybe cooking a meal...technology ftw.

Having a family is lame anyways.


--------------------
"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley
:drooling:GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH:drooling:


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Invisibleirishbrandywine
Flower child
Female


Registered: 08/14/08
Posts: 25
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8796160 - 08/19/08 01:51 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I am a stay at home mom & wife. It is the hardest most stressful job I have ever had in my life. It goes 247 there is no clock out time or rest for the wicked. I think that if you have children you are obligated to raise them & not pay ppl to raise your kids. I spent allot of time in daycares & with baby sitters as a child. You have no one to blame but yourself when some adult or child does things to your child while in the care of others. I was mistreated by my caregivers as a child. The damage it did to me is hard to live with. My first child I put her in daycare and things happened to her. She is 15 now & remembers well what was done to her. I can never forgive myself for that. i have always been at home with my other 2 kids, age10 & 2, and will continue to be. You can not trust ppl to take very good care of your babies. Protect them & do not give ppl a chance to do harm to them. Life is about choices and it is up to you to determine your future & happiness. It sounds like your man is an asshole who does not respect your happiness. He can be replaced with a better man. I have old fashioned values & believe women should be at home with the kids. You do what you feel is best for you & your child. You do not have to have the man to get his money if you have his child nor do you have to have a man to make you happy


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Offlinesmokeybear
brown chicken brown cow
Male

Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 840
Loc: The sticks
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: highdroponics]
    #8796177 - 08/19/08 01:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

my mother stayed at home from my birth til about the time i was 7 (sister was about 5) and i am very close to her for that reason.  however my father was working 60+ hours a week until i was probably 10-12 so i am just not very close to him (we are working on it, its hard though, im 21 and just now getting to know him).  i think it was unfair for my dad because he wasn't able to hang out as much because my mother was not working.  i love and respect both of my parents and they did what they had to do to survive, but that sucks, just doing what you have to do to survive.  i know my dad wanted to spend more time with me growing up and i am sure my mom would have wanted some more time away, but i think they both felt they had to play the sterotypical roles which is totally wrong.  when i have kids, i would love to be able to take the first maybe 2 years off for each of my children and not be an absolute workaholic like my dad had to be.

what your doing is not wrong, but maybe your boyfriend would like to have some time with the kids as well??  if he doesn't want to spend time with them then he has no reason to complain.  parenting is a full time job + more.

a mans role is just as important in child bearing as a womans and i am not telling you to go get a job, but to just check out another perspective.  nothing is worse than having an alienated parent with no intentions of ever doing that.


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Offlinesmokeybear
brown chicken brown cow
Male

Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 840
Loc: The sticks
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: irishbrandywine]
    #8796195 - 08/19/08 01:56 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

irishbrandywine said:
I am a stay at home mom & wife. It is the hardest most stressful job I have ever had in my life. It goes 247 there is no clock out time or rest for the wicked. I think that if you have children you are obligated to raise them & not pay ppl to raise your kids. I spent allot of time in daycares & with baby sitters as a child. You have no one to blame but yourself when some adult or child does things to your child while in the care of others. I was mistreated by my caregivers as a child. The damage it did to me is hard to live with. My first child I put her in daycare and things happened to her. She is 15 now & remembers well what was done to her. I can never forgive myself for that. i have always been at home with my other 2 kids, age10 & 2, and will continue to be. You can not trust ppl to take very good care of your babies. Protect them & do not give ppl a chance to do harm to them. Life is about choices and it is up to you to determine your future & happiness. It sounds like your man is an asshole who does not respect your happiness. He can be replaced with a better man. I have old fashioned values & believe women should be at home with the kids. You do what you feel is best for you & your child. You do not have to have the man to get his money if you have his child nor do you have to have a man to make you happy




you an AR native??  saw the go hogs go in your sig, thats why.


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OfflineSeussA
Error: divide byzero


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 6 months, 22 days
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8796212 - 08/19/08 01:58 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

> "I'd like to stay at home all day with the kids but unfortunately someones got to pay the bills and it's not fair for me to have to work all day while you stay at home sitting on your lazy ass."

I'd like to get out of the house everyday and enjoy the freedom and responsibility of being the bread winner for the family, but unfortunately someone has got to stay at home and raise the kids, clean the house, cook the food, wash the clothes, wash the dishes, etc, and it's not fair for me to have to to work all day, and all night, taking care of both the kids and you, while you get to come home and relax after your hard day at work.

(Not me literally, but rather the flip side of the coin...)


--------------------
Just another spore in the wind.


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Invisibleirishbrandywine
Flower child
Female


Registered: 08/14/08
Posts: 25
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: aDoS]
    #8796215 - 08/19/08 01:59 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

aDoS said:
Well, a while ago being a stay at home mother was a full time job. But now its pretty much pressing a few buttons, maybe cooking a meal...technology ftw.

Having a family is lame anyways.




Lame......no....hell YES.....pain in the ass YES. I did not realize how much of a pain in the ass kids are. If you have a selfish bone in your body get spade or neutered quickly.


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OfflineLiquid Amber
Hottie
Female


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 31
Loc: Santa Cruz, Ca.
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: aDoS]
    #8796269 - 08/19/08 02:07 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I guess I am just old fashion but mom's do best at being mothers and well fathers aren't as well equipped with maternal instincts of caring, cooking, cleaning, paying attention to little details.  Men are more focused in on strategic settings where the left side of the brain is being put to use.  Men don't want to talk about feelings, they want to punch feelings in the face and put feelings where they belong.  Women have that six sense a certain intuitive, tender-loving touch that men just can't replicate.  Sorry.

My point is just because the womens right movement happening doesn't give me the right to go out there and boast about what a successful women I can be as the president of the United States, I'm not trying to save the world or put some big dent in it.  I just want to do the best job I can to as to be a unselfish loving mother.  I don't think that's to much to ask.  But in this day and age our society has made it a much more far fetch scenario than it was 50 years ago.  Hence, because of points that have just been stated...
:idea:


--------------------
Life is not measured by the
number of breaths that we take,
But by the number of moments
that take our breath away.



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Invisibleirishbrandywine
Flower child
Female


Registered: 08/14/08
Posts: 25
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Seuss]
    #8796274 - 08/19/08 02:07 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Seuss said:
> "I'd like to stay at home all day with the kids but unfortunately someones got to pay the bills and it's not fair for me to have to work all day while you stay at home sitting on your lazy ass."

I'd like to get out of the house everyday and enjoy the freedom and responsibility of being the bread winner for the family, but unfortunately someone has got to stay at home and raise the kids, clean the house, cook the food, wash the clothes, wash the dishes, etc, and it's not fair for me to have to to work all day, and all night, taking care of both the kids and you, while you get to come home and relax after your hard day at work.

(Not me literally, but rather the flip side of the coin...)








That is sooooooooooooooo damn true !


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InvisibleEntropymancer
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Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 10,207
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8796306 - 08/19/08 02:12 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Liquid Amber said:
I guess I am just old fashion but mom's do best at being mothers and well fathers aren't as well equipped with maternal instincts of caring, cooking, cleaning, paying attention to little details.  Men are more focused in on strategic settings where the left side of the brain is being put to use.  Men don't want to talk about feelings, they want to punch feelings in the face and put feelings where they belong.  Women have that six sense a certain intuitive, tender-loving touch that men just can't replicate.  Sorry.




Sorry, Dick Masterson has proved this wrong

But seriously that sounds like sexist hogwash.  It's the flipside of "Woman, get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich!"


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InvisibleEgo Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea
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Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Entropymancer]
    #8796335 - 08/19/08 02:18 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Its not sexist, its nature.

We all have the power to be different as individuals but we also cannot deny that we are programmed to behave in particular ways as are all animals.  We may choose to deny our instincts because of an idea or whatever but survival instinct is there in all creatures and having sex and parenting families is a part of that.


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Offlinesmokeybear
brown chicken brown cow
Male

Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 840
Loc: The sticks
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Liquid Amber]
    #8796340 - 08/19/08 02:18 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Liquid Amber said:
I guess I am just old fashion but mom's do best at being mothers and well fathers aren't as well equipped with maternal instincts of caring, cooking, cleaning, paying attention to little details.  Men are more focused in on strategic settings where the left side of the brain is being put to use.  Men don't want to talk about feelings, they want to punch feelings in the face and put feelings where they belong.  Women have that six sense a certain intuitive, tender-loving touch that men just can't replicate.  Sorry.

My point is just because the womens right movement happening doesn't give me the right to go out there and boast about what a successful women I can be as the president of the United States, I'm not trying to save the world or put some big dent in it.  I just want to do the best job I can to as to be a unselfish loving mother.  I don't think that's to much to ask.  But in this day and age our society has made it a much more far fetch scenario than it was 50 years ago.  Hence, because of points that have just been stated...
:idea:




ok, here is what really aggravates me about your post.  your saying all men do this??  i can guarantee that when i have a child, i will be just as loving, nuturing, able to cook, clean, and care for my children just as  well as any other person could take care of a child (be it man or woman).  i do not have kids right now (and hopefully not for a few more years) but when the time comes, i will be right there through all of it.  my kids will know that just because i am a guy, we are not going to punch our feelings out because that is totally irrational, im not going to feed my kids beer and beef jerky, and they can't stay up til all hours of the morning just because daddy does it.  your generalizing all men into this category.  now what if i were to say all women are money grubbing lazy whores, is that true??  no, are there women who are money grubbing lazy whores, yes, so please don't group men into this category of being completely incapable of raising a child.  some men are like what you describe, but honestly, way less than half that are like what you describe.  as a matter of fact, i can honestly say that the 10 guy friends i have, maybe 2 of them are what you describe.  so next time, say some men.


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InvisibleEntropymancer
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Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 10,207
Re: What are women looking for...? [Re: Ego Death]
    #8796343 - 08/19/08 02:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

What, men evolved to be bad parents? :wtf:


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