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Offlinecircularvortex
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Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes?
    #8795177 - 08/19/08 12:57 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

Ok, so I just recently got back from a month long school trip to Europe.

The people on the trip I'd been at a 2-week camp before hand, so I kinda knew some of the people to start with, but not nearly as well as I do after spending a month in very close proximity with all of them.

At the 2 week camp I was generally flirty with all the girls I thought were cute, and weighed the reactions.  Basically everybody I was attracted to had a boyfriend already (go figure).  Anyways, this one girl has been in a relationship for the last 4 years (since she was 17), but was very flirty with me, and I happened to notice her getting frustrated with her boyfriend constantly calling to check up on her.  She's real fun to party with, and we seem to have a very similar sense of humor, so I had a bit of a crush.  The trip wasn't for another month and a half, so I kinda put it out of my head and we didn't hang out over the summer.

So the trip rolls around, and I've pretty much put this crush thing out of my head, but it was still hanging around a little bit somewhere towards the back.  For the first two weeks I had a blast hanging out with everybody, turned into a bit of an alcoholic, and turned my attention elsewhere.  I still flirted with said girl, but I kinda viewed it as more friendly than anything.  I remember at one point saying to a friend, "I'm basically not putting any effort into trying to get with X.  Seems like a lost cause."

On a night we got back from a free weekend all my friends in the group got tanked.  I drank a liter of vodka and drank/shared a bottle of 40% schnapps down about halfway.  I don't know if anybody else imbibed to that level and wasn't puking/was still hanging out, but the girl I'm interested in was quite tanked as well.  My memory of the night is a bit hazy, and fades in and out at points (apparently I did lots of things I don't remember, but didn't piss anybody off), but I remember sitting down and talking with this girl about life, whatever.  At some point we moved to laying on my bed (in a room full of awake and rambunctious people) and were talking/cuddling a bit.  Her boyfriend got brought up, I'd said she'd have to introduce me to him when we got back.  I asked how he treated her, if he made her happy.  She said good, yeah he made her happy....and I said something along the lines of that's good, you deserve to be happy.  She got all teary eyed and snuggled up on my chest.

From there....we went outside and talked to some people and just hung out for another couple hours, ended up being some of the last people awake.  She said something about how lonely she was, and how good laying on my bed felt, so we decided to go back up to her room and do some more cuddling (in all honesty, that's as far as I expected it to go.  I was being a gentleman, goddamit).  We got into her room, and climbed into her top bunk bed as quietly as we could (she had several roomates, one of whom was in the room sleeping at the time).  She changed into some jammies type clothes, and just took off my shirt and kept my shorts on.  After about 30 seconds of me giving her a nice big hug she just like...tried to eat about half of my face (we were both pretty shit-tanked, so I let the inaccuracy go :lol:).  This quickly progressed into some making out, groping, etc.  I'm about 99% certain that if I'd pushed it I could have had sex with the girl, but decided at the time that it wouldn't be a good idea with the girl sleeping right below us (who is a friend of both of ours), and it seemed like things would be really awkward if I did.  After awhile of this we both kinda sobered up a little bit and she thanked me for not pushing it further than I did.  I said something along the lines of yeah, well this better get me some brownie points, and she said it did.  Basically at this point the crush had come back full swing and I was way into this girl again.  A one night stand would have been great, I'm sure, but I get along with this girl really well, and could see a good relationship coming from it.

The next day was real awkward.  I guess the girl sleeping below us woke up at some point and knew what we were up to, but didn't say anything to us, and instead bitched to all the other girls in their little group of friends (who all know her boyfriend), and they were not happy with either of us.  The whole next day was filled with, "Aren't you going to call your boyfriend?  Did you get him souvenirs yet?  How's he doing?"  While I was nearby.  The girl, fuck it, Amy, was kinda weird with me that day, but that's understandable.  It was the first time she'd been unfaithful she said, and the first time she'd even felt like doing something like that.  I kinda gave her some space that day, and the next day was gravy.

So, the night of the next day we got drunk again, ended up making out again, this time all hidden away from the rest of the group, and talking about the situation.  She said she felt like shit about it, real guilty, etc etc.  I asked her what she thought it meant and didn't really get a clear answer, but she complained that she just signed a year lease with her bf.  The next day I talked to her friends and got them to lay off a bit, and even tried to get them to comfort her a little bit.

Amy and 8 other people took the second (4-day) free weekend to go to Ireland, which was just a week after we got back from the first and all this mess started.  It was my buddy Matt and 8 girls.  He asked me if I wanted to go so he wouldn't be so stranded, and I went along for the dual reasons of helping him out and getting closer to this girl.  The trip went well with general flirting coming from both sides.  One night we camped outside along the coast and it got real cold, so Amy and I shared some body heat under my blanket for the last half of the night.

We got back to Germany and continued the flirting for the remaining week we were there, and on the last 2 nights had more drunken make out yada yada sessions.

From there we went to Iceland, and didn't do any drinking at all (shit's EXPENSIVE in Iceland, and I'd already spent all of my money and then some).  Finally I asked her to go out on a walk with me by ourselves, sober, and we ended up sitting down by this hot spring beach.  Basically I asked her what was up and what her plans were, and she replied that she was going to tell her boyfriend what happened, and that she was definitely interested in me more than she "should be" but that she kinda hoped he would forgive her for it.  I'd already been all pissed, as that was kinda the conclusion I'd come to about the situation, so I was just real nice about it and let her know that if that didn't work out she was welcome to come look my way.  I also made it clear that I was still going to pursue her anyways, and continue being openly flirty in front of whomever.  She didn't object to that at all, and took it really well and got all teary eyed again, and we spent a lot of time just sitting there holding each other with an occasional kiss here and there.

The next day I spent all day sitting next to her on the bus, being flirty, holding hands, etc etc, pushing pretty hard to keep her interest on me.  That night we went for a walk again down to the same spot, and it was just gorgeous out.  It was really cold, but we huddled together and watched this spectacular shooting star show.  I snuck in a few quick kisses to the mouth, and kept at pushing her, and eventually we were at it again, but sober this time, and on the last day of the trip.  It got to the point where I had her laid down on a picnic table with my hands up her shirt where she kinda slowed us down.  We walked back to the hostel we were staying at holding hands and occasionally stopping for long, hard hugs.

The next day I sat by her again on the bus, and spent the day with her until we got to the airport.  My seat was way far away from her, but one of my buddies was seated right next to her.  I got him to trade seats with me.  When I was walking back to the seat she was already sitting and asked me where I was.  I said right next to you (she knew my friend had originally had that seat) and she got this huge grin on her face.  She slept on my shoulder, cuddled a bit, and we ended up watching like half a movie on her iPod sharing one pair of headphones (awwwww) before we landed.  We stuck together all through customs and baggage claim, and I got one last good hug out of her before we left baggage claim and kissed her on top of the head.  I kinda backed off when we walked out of the gate, cause I knew her boyfriend and parents were going to be there.  I saw her parents run up and hug her, her little brother, too, and after like 5 minutes of them meet'n'greeting I see this other guy stand up and walk over and say hi to her.  At first I thought her boyfriend must've not come, because there was no immediate reaction between the two.  They hugged, and she kinda kept talking to her family.

Outside I was waiting for my ride to show up, and heard her boyfriend bitching about, "You've been gone for a month and all I get is a hug?" and she hugged him again and kissed him on the cheek.    They left, and eventually my ride showed up.

So now we've been home for about a week, and we've been facebook flirting back and forth (lame, I know, but our parents' houses are like 3 hours apart) since then.  She hasn't mentioned talking to her boyfriend yet, but has said that things are "weird" around home.  I've continued the shameless flirting, and have been saying that when she comes to town we'll have to get some ice cream (she's a tad obsessed).  Her response was that she would be up for that, and mentioned turning her boyfriend down when he asked her to go out for ice cream the day before.

I'm back in the town we're going to school in, and apparently she's moving her stuff in today and tomorrow, so I told her to give me a call so we can go out for that ice cream.  I assume today or tomorrow we'll be having a serious talk about where things are headed, and it's kind of nerve wracking.  She seems to respond really well to persistence, so I'm going to keep at it, but a 4 year relationship is a lot to work against, especially when they are going to be moving in together for the first time this year.  I dunno what I was looking for in making this post here, but I guess I just needed a place to vent a little bit.  Thoughts?  Comments?

Oh, and on a side note, her boyfriend seems like a little bitch to me, whiny voice and everything.  It could be I just put that on him cause that's what I want him to be, but it really seems that way.  I kinda hope he gets pissy with me when she tells him and tries to start a fight :evil:


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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Offlineanyone420
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795201 - 08/19/08 01:02 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

wurd homie


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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795227 - 08/19/08 01:07 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

Quote:

circularvortex said: She said something about how lonely she was, and how good laying on my bed felt, so we decided to go back up to her room and do some more cuddling (in all honesty, that's as far as I expected it to go.  I was being a gentleman, goddamit).




LOLwut.  A girl who claims she's lonely and invites you back up to her room, and you didn't expect anything else?

And no offense, but these kinds of stories where a friend sidles up to a girl while the boyfriend's away always rub me the wrong way.  I had a long-distance relationship with a girl for quite some time, and I know I would have been pissed as hell and probably wanting to beat the shit out of you if I had found out that someone had done that while I was away.  (Of course, now that I'm single, I'd probably end up doing exactly what you did.  Oh, the irony.)


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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795239 - 08/19/08 01:09 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

She screws around on her boyfriend of 4 years and you're thinking about getting into a relationship with her?

The same thing is going to happen to you. Just wait a few years.


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: deCypher]
    #8795242 - 08/19/08 01:10 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

Well...in my defense I was drunk as hell, and we had just talked at length about her boyfriend.  I kinda figured that since she didn't really say anything bad she had good intentions.

And what the hell ever, she came on to me.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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OfflineLeanin
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795244 - 08/19/08 01:11 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

ya dude just go with it.

dont wait around for this girl though, she might just use you for attention etc. if she doesnt break up with her boyfriend soon then forget it.


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: adrug]
    #8795251 - 08/19/08 01:13 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

adrug, that thought has definitely crossed my mind.  Given the fact that she's been with the guy since she was 17, though, kinda makes me a bit more sympathetic.  I mean, she really hasn't had a chance to experience anything else besides this guy, and can I help it if I'm just that irresistible? :naughty:  :lol:


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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Invisibleadrug

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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795257 - 08/19/08 01:15 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

All joking aside, If she doesn't respect him enough after a 4 year relationship to break up with him before screwing around with some random guy, then she doesn't sound like the kind of person who you should be putting any trust into. :shrug:


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: deCypher]
    #8795265 - 08/19/08 01:17 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

Quote:

The Cypher said:
And no offense, but these kinds of stories where a friend sidles up to a girl while the boyfriend's away always rub me the wrong way.)




:nod: My first thought is pretty much that.

Part of me wants to say it should have ended at the point where she said she was happy in her relationship.

But I admit, sometimes they need help realizing they're not being treated correctly. It is a grey zone for sure.

Just make sure it's her decision, not you manipulating her into it. There's a big difference.


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: adrug]
    #8795295 - 08/19/08 01:23 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

I wouldn't say I'm "some random guy."  I mean granted I've only known her a month and a half all total, the time that I've known her has been close contact pretty much constantly, and I feel like I've gotten to know her pretty well in that time.

In all honesty, I know I could definitely get burned in all this.  What was she supposed to do in the situation, though?  Call him and break up on the phone and then say can't talk, gotta go, this is costing me a fortune?  I dunno, my optimistic view on the situation says that she's probably just gotten real bored/frustrated with the guy and is looking for something else, but is very used to being with the guy.  The longest relationship I was in was 2 years long, and breaking that off was the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do.  That was in person, with nobody else in the picture.  At the end of that relationship, if I'd gone on a month long trip and got interested in somebody, I'd probably have done the same thing in all honesty.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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OfflineDrewwyann
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795301 - 08/19/08 01:24 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

I can't believe I read all of that. I usually never read really long posts.

Mmmm... well long relationships go one of two ways I've found. They either last because both of the people in the relationship get more addicted to each other than anything, or they are truly in love. They can either just get really used to being with the other person, and not want anything else because it is a comfort, or they are in love.

If they are in love, I would not want to mess with anything. I would try to move on. But 3 hours is not all that terribly far in the larger scheme of things, and if she likes you more than her current boyfriend, then I don't see anything wrong with it really. Love is about compatibility, and being with some one that makes you the happiest and brings out the best in you. Not clinging to memories you have with some one you have been dating for a long time.

So I'd talk to her about her boyfriend. Bring it up to her and discuss it more with her. It really sounds like you two fell into place on that trip.

If I had a girlfriend of 4 years and some one took her from me I would be crushed. Being broken up with some one of three years is the hardest thing I've had to go through so far in my life, knowing that she had another guy would have done me in. I would not be able to function.

But! after a while I would realize that is it for the best. Time heals all wounds, and if you really like this girl, and she really likes you I think it may be worth it.

Thats my two cents.


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: Drewwyann]
    #8795311 - 08/19/08 01:27 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

Quote:

Drewwyann said:
I can't believe I read all of that. I usually never read really long posts.




Yeah, I'm surprised I'm getting so many responses.  Thanks for taking the time and your input!


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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OfflineDrewwyann
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795316 - 08/19/08 01:28 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

your writing is easy to follow :shrug:


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Love powerfully :peace::heart::peace:


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8795332 - 08/19/08 01:31 PM (10 years, 17 hours ago)

Quote:

JacquesCousteau said:
Quote:

The Cypher said:
And no offense, but these kinds of stories where a friend sidles up to a girl while the boyfriend's away always rub me the wrong way.)




:nod: My first thought is pretty much that.

Part of me wants to say it should have ended at the point where she said she was happy in her relationship.

But I admit, sometimes they need help realizing they're not being treated correctly. It is a grey zone for sure.

Just make sure it's her decision, not you manipulating her into it. There's a big difference.




See at that point I had pretty much put it out of my head.  I mean granted I still had some attraction to this girl, but it's not as though I was actively pursuing her until she came onto me first.  I kinda struggled with some guilt over the boyfriend issue at first, but then decided that 1. I don't know the guy, and 2. if she's coming after me when I'm not going after her, she's probably not getting what she wants out of it and sees something in me that she doesn't see in him.

It's hard not to respond to a girl who you're attracted to both physically and on a personality level when she throws herself at you like that, regardless of her dating status.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795444 - 08/19/08 01:51 PM (10 years, 16 hours ago)

While I agree that it's not your fault if she's coming onto you, that doesn't mean she's doing it out of the proper motivations. She said she was lonely. She hadn't seen her boyfriend in about a month. And you're a warm and friendly person who is obviously very into her.

I'm not trying to place any fault on you, so please don't take it that way. I'm simply pointing out that it needs to be her decision.

Further more, that decision should be made rationally from a grounded perspective, which SHOULD be attained by getting the hell away from both of you for a while so she can clear her head.

If you're attracted to two people, and there's only one of them around, that is going to be the one you end up close to during that time. It is not at all unreasonable to suggest that her judgement was being clouded by the very experience of being in your presence.

Look, honestly, this will work in your favor in the long run. But for the sake of your own mental well-being, it is important to make it clear that you want what is best for her and is going to make her happy. She needs to make the decision on her own.

If her boyfriend is the whiney bitch you suspect him to be, this approach will result in the boyfriend pitching a fit because HE'S not getting HIS way. And then her decision is clear.

If he is a good man, he will tell her to do what is going to make her happy. (Then she's REALLY got a hell of a decision to make--two men who have her best interests in mind.)

Just my 2 cents... I've kind of been around the block with this shit...


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8795605 - 08/19/08 02:16 PM (10 years, 16 hours ago)

So she's in town now, unloading her stuff.

I asked her if she wanted any help, and apparently her boyfriend came along to help her unpack.

This is going to be some awkward ice cream....


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795650 - 08/19/08 02:23 PM (10 years, 16 hours ago)

Quote:

circularvortex said:
This is going to be some awkward ice cream....




ROFL.

Being around both of you at once is likely to have the polar opposite result of the clarity found in distancing herself from both of you. Should be interesting. :wink:

On the upside, maybe this will all finally be resolved by this happenstance event. :shrug:

BTW... don't forget to update us. :wink:


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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8795696 - 08/19/08 02:31 PM (10 years, 16 hours ago)

Even more awkward, cause I don't even know if she's told him yet that shit went on between us.

If she has, I really hope he starts a fight.  :box:  That'd just be spectacular.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: circularvortex]
    #8795718 - 08/19/08 02:34 PM (10 years, 15 hours ago)

Quote:

circularvortex said:
Even more awkward, cause I don't even know if she's told him yet that shit went on between us.

If she has, I really hope he starts a fight.  :box:  That'd just be spectacular.




Heh... is he a small guy? Cuz.. no offense.. but you don't have a lot of mass. :laugh: (Neither do I! Don't take it personal! :awesome: )

Can you fightz? Or are you just figuring that she'll leave him for blowing up instead of being rational? heh.


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Invisibleuber_aj
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Registered: 11/13/05
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Re: Girls with boyfriends (again?) How do I get into these messes? [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8795723 - 08/19/08 02:34 PM (10 years, 15 hours ago)

when you all get the ice cream, shove yours in his face and proceed to beat the living shit out of him. this will impress her, who you'll sleep with shortly after.

you win.

:yesnod:


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