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other temporary mental illness can seem like schizophrenia... i had an anxiety disorder for 9 months once, caused by stress and drugs like dxm and ritalin.. it was hell. i made a fool of myself in all social situations, even worse than usual, and i thought about my social mistakes and shortcomings non-stop in a paralyzing self-critical thought loop. i always wanted to die and i had no positive emotions, no motivation, no pleasure, and no energy. it only went away after i dropped acid for 2 days in a row, then snorted a moderate dose of pcp on the second day (good weed/hash smoked also). i helped my friend herd sheep..that is the trippiest thing i have ever done even without drugs, and i was on peace and acid! wow! shrooms have also aided the healing process in an extreme way... so eat lots of shrooms.. psychedelics have even been known to reverse schizophrenia in some cases.. they have helped me become far less autistic than i used to be.
Yeah that's how I feel. I just realized it one day. There's always that inner voice thinking about something completely different and I don't pay attention to what's actually happening. Most of the stuff I think about doesn't make any sense. And most of the time it's very mean to me. I have learned a lot of other stuff about myself through my abnormal psychology class. I neve really formed an ego, let alone a super ego. You could even call me a 19 year old baby. All I care about is just pleasure and fun and I can't sit though classes anymore. It's just torture. I can't focus on the bullshit they try to teach me. I think I'm going to drop out and just get a jerk off job and get fucked up all the time. I'm just a big insane burnout. If they legalize weed in canada, I'll seriously move there. I also realized that I've never felt love for someone before. I'm a narccist and I haven't really cared for someone else. I've never been in a relationship before. I have trouble just talking to people. It's always been that way but it was worse before. Usually people talk to me and i just smile and look away. Who needs psych drugs when you're already insane. When I lay in bed at night while trying to fall asleep I start having real auditory and visual hallucinations. Sometimes I'll be lying in bed and I'll have a dream while my eyes are closes but I don't think I was even asleep....
I might go to a mental facility someday. Whenever I talk to my mom about this stuff (she's an idiot, she never believes a thing people tell her and she argues over anything she hears, she's wrong most of the time) she doesn't take it with a grain of salt because I've always acted just plain weird and it kind of just seemed like I was a kid with an imagination. Although I do tell her a lot of the weird stuff that goes though my head, I might also be a hydrochondriac. I come from a really normal red blooded american family who my sisters just sat in their rooms and studied and got A's and here I am a fucked up psycho-burnout.
The thing is that I hate my life and my self and all I want to do is sit in my room and listen to music and play guitar. I think this country is fake and evil and I feel exactly like I'm in the book 1984. But it's all true. freedom is slavery. I guess this could happen to someone that has never felt love for someone else. I was always alone through my whole life.
I'm just insane and immature. I got really drunk last night and I realized that how I've been acting like a little spoiled brat to everyone. And I haven't been a real person.
I think most of my psychoticness was caused by robitussin. I think I had a small underlying neurological disorder before any drugs and it was the part that robitussin acts against. I was a lot worse two months ago... but a week or two ago I could actually feel the vacuoles pop in my head and my brain felt more normal again. I promptly gained back a lot of my muscle control and felt more normalfied.
The oddest thing yet..... you know what I hear in my head right now..... DEAD SILENCE. That voice is gone and you know why? I sat up straight..... It's all true. I just gained back the control in my back. I wonder how many months I was just walking around tripping and not knowing it. I can't even produce that voice in my head right now. I think I liked being insane.