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 AlaskanMusher
Stranger
Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 21
Last seen: 15 years, 6 days
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 losing the the one I love 
#8688359 - 07/27/08 01:33 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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The girl I love and have dated for the last year is a chinese exchange student. We have been through some serious personal tragedies together and have stayed strong and in love. We had to go to our respective hometowns in america and china for summer break and everything was fine. We talked daily and told each other how much we love each other, and I know she really does love me. We were planning to meet each other back at school in a couple of weeks and often talked about how good it would be to hold each other again. After numerous rough patches in our individual lives it finally seemed that this semester we could just be happy and enjoy our time together. I was truly happy. Then the other day I hear from her after she disappeared from msn for a week and she says her family wants her to marry some guy over there. She doesn't want to, but she says her family's business isn't doing well and this marriage could help it. In a country with no social security and a one child policy, she sees it like she may be endangering her parents future if she doesn't marry this man. I am in my mid twenties but this is my first serious relationship and I have never felt even close to this sad in my life. She only has this next semester left in the US, so I feel guilty begging her to defy her parents, who are the most important people in the world to her, for just a small chance of continuing this relationship after this fall. Regardless, I feel like it would be healthier for us to break up in person at the end of a good semester together rather than through the internet after 3 months of seperation. So right now our plan is to convince her parents to let her not commit to this guy untill after the semester, because I will not date someone who is promised to another man, while implying that she probably will. And at the same time we would have to hide the relationship from her parents, who have forbiddin it, and apparently might call her and make her prove she is in her dorm at certain times by using her webcam. I guess I don't have any specific questions for you guys, but there is my situation and i would love to hear what some wiser people have to say about it.
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most
 
Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,246
Loc: Samsara
Last seen: 1 month, 3 days
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Hope for the best, plan for the worst. I would recommend (whether you feel like it or not) that you start dating other individuals, as soon as practicable.
This way, if your current love works out, fine. If not, you may discover that you still have other choices in female companionship as a fall-back position. It might even come to pass that you will meet a woman with whom you have an even stronger/better bond.
You sound young. You have a LOT of years of relationship experience ahead of you. Don't despair over the possible (probable?) loss of this young woman. What will be, will be.
I recommend you posture yourself in as strong an emotion position for recovery as possible should she choose her parents needs over her own happiness. Start seeing other people now. Don't wait.
N.B.
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All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
 
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 MyRedrum
Easily Amused
Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 332
Loc: Portland 
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Quote:
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
my boyfriend of a year recently broke up with me, and that year was the best experience of my life.
i was crushed for a while, but now i look back on it and i'm happy for all the things he taught me and showed to me. (like psychedelics! )
its hard, but i think everything in life happens for a reason - these experiences make us who we are in our futures.
make smart decisions, do what you think is best, and always keep your chin up!
best of luck to you  
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there's someone in my head, but it's not me
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Konyap
Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: losing the the one I love [Re: MyRedrum]
#8688758 - 07/27/08 03:24 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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if i was on the other side of the world id prolly dump my girl less i planned on marrying her as well..
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AlaskanMusher
Stranger
Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 21
Last seen: 15 years, 6 days
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Re: losing the the one I love [Re: Konyap]
#8690658 - 07/27/08 11:05 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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thanks guys
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truekimbo2
Cya later, friends.
Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 9,234
Loc: ny
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lol.
start losing your emotions, once they're faded away you won't miss them.
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You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.
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DragonChaser
Ice in Her Ass and Pussy
Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 7,212
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Quote:
AlaskanMusher said:
And at the same time we would have to hide the relationship from her parents, who have forbiddin it, and apparently might call her and make her prove she is in her dorm at certain times by using her webcam.
Asians are nucking futs, dude. Control freaks to the max.
Do you think you could happily date for another semester knowing she's going to get whisked back to China to marry some guy over there?
I think it would make me more and more miserable, and then me being miserable would make the China girl sad, and the relationship would start to suck, and I'd start thinking about other girls, and she'd probably start wondering about this other guy, and then I'd start being really bitter and snappy to her and eventually the relationship would just deteriorate completely.
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My name is Mud
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LingeringDestiny
Ganja Idolotrist
Registered: 09/07/06
Posts: 211
Loc: Shroomville
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
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Re: losing the the one I love [Re: DragonChaser]
#8691816 - 07/28/08 10:22 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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The reason parents raise children are so they will become strong, independent adults who can make decisions of their own. Whether the parents believe it or not, that *IS* the objective.
Have you thought about asking her to marry you? Tell her love is more important than pride and making everyone else happy around you while wallowing in your own secret pool of self-pity.
If she loves you, there won't even be a question about it.
If she's worried about her parents' business, she should do well in school, get a GOOD job and help them out monetarily, if she feels so obligated.
But, HONESTLY, to me it sounds like she's trying to break it off...gently as she knows how.
DON'T let her play you like a fiddle, first and foremost. Nomatter how much you love her, if she doesn't feel the same (and it will be apparent if she doesn't want to spend her life with you, then she doesn't love you as much as she claims) all of the love you can give will never be enough. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea. You need to throw the bait out, if you ever expect to get a bite.
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~*~*~*~Nothing that coincides is ever coincidental~*~*~*~
Edited by LingeringDestiny (07/28/08 10:24 AM)
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AlaskanMusher
Stranger
Registered: 12/10/07
Posts: 21
Last seen: 15 years, 6 days
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well guys, this morning I told her that i want to spend the rest of my life with her. And she said she wants to as well but that it would only get harder because of her family. I am trying not to feel this way, but I am starting to hate her family. She always talks about how she is by far the most important thing to them, and I believe her, but they are so fucking tradtional they are blind to what would make their daughter happy becuase in the 1970's in china when they were young that would be a wonderful thing I guess....I feel like a cliche falling this madly in love with my first real girlfriend. But I also feel like my friends who have been in a lot of serious relationships lose a little bit of their ability to love and to be loved every time their heart is broken. Now when they are in relationships it is more like a silent battle for domination and not appearing pussy whipped. Whenever I do really nice things for no reason for my girl, my more "experienced" friends start telling me I am whipped. But this just makes me sad for them and their girls because I know my girl will return the favor. We never owe each other anything. We just make each other happy. I think a first love is a beautiful and unique thing and if I can have that the rest of my life, why not. I may be young but I have already done so much of the things adults talk to me about wishing they had done. I have had a wonderful and exciting childhood in a great state, I have lived in Hawaii, worked for 3 years in every crazy job imaginable in alaska, then travelled around the world to 25+countries for six months before returning to school. This last year has been the first time in a long time where I knew where I would be living and what I would be doing more than 2 months in the future and I absolutely cherished that feeling. Im sure many of you can relate to that feeling....I got so sick of bouncing around that I almost just got myself an easy job and settled down to make a life for myself as a stoner in alaska. When you are always moving it seems like you are always saving up for something expensive and you never get to enjoy your money, so that was my theory. luckily, thanks to my SAT scores from a few years back that got me a big scholarship (wtf is up with that, huh?), I took the other "easy life option" and went to college. I have a 4.0 after my first year and am excited about my education. I know I should focus on my education but like I said I crave a long-term life plan. Most of my friends would see moving to china and getting married as the scary option, but to me graduating at 30 years old and then starting to look for a life and someone to love me is scary. Something I noticed through all this is that a lot of my friends give really shit relationship advice that seems more geared towards making me single than anything. It is almost like they want us to break up for whatever reason....I always had to stop myself from attempting to sabotage my friend's relationships when I was younger because I was jealous of their life....but I never did, and always was there to talk them through times and try to help their relationships. I hope my friends are not letting this primal instinct hurt me. Anyone out there have chinese-specific experience?
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