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OfflineKunta Kente
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Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help
    #8548920 - 06/21/08 09:33 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Ok well to start off with this is one of those "i think im permafucked" type threads. It's long, but might be interesting to someone bored, so please read on.

All my higher dose shroom trips (i have had maybe 5, all 3.5 grams except the first which was 4) have ended in what fear and loathing quotes as "that cataclysmic introspective nightmare".  Like everything I have done has led up to that point and that I will die somehow, inevitably soon, and be forced to live my life experiencing deja-vu until the moment happens again.

Those feelings were only existant in my trips.  After the trip it was just a frightening memory, encouraging me to try hard in life.  But after my 2nd acid trip, which was maybe a month ago, and after the large amount of weed i have smoked for the past 3 or so months, it's changed.

The 2nd acid trip (the first was a week before that) was simple bad.  Absolute horror, I tripped happy, smoked a lot of weed at the very end, and suddenly was transported into this hell, because reality snapped and i saw myself getting shot in the eye, and the rest of the night was me thinking i was in hell.

In anycase that too passed, despite how scary it was.  But then, at random moments while smoking some weed, that reality break confusion feeling would return, alot of times from music scratching or someone yelling or just a weird deja-vu feeling.  I would get disoriented, and leave or demand me and my friends leave where we were.  I felt i had to get away.

That was maybe 3 weeks ago, since then i have dwindled down to not smoking at all, which was a week and a half ago, and the feelings would return with lower and lower doseages of weed.  Now, as time passes, the feelings are becoming noticable without even being high, everyday life is being affected.

I haven't left the house too much because of this fear. All i can describe it as is deja-vu, this feeling that i have experienced this before, and that I am trapped in this repeating time between about a year and a half ago and sometime soon, where my life just snaps and i jump back to my first 4 gram trip, wishing it would just stop.

So yeah, i have stopped driving with music on because it trips me into that feeling and I feel like i will crash.  I feel like the moment my life will "reset" or when i will die i guess is going to happen very soon.

Idk why im posting this other than i was wondering if anyone else gets these feelings as frequently as me.  It used to be rare, but within the last week its an everyday thing.  I'll be enjoying just living normally and all of the sudden something feels too familiar, my thoughts seem scripted, the actions that are about to happen i usually can predict like a book.

Idk what to do really...its seriously scaring the shit out of me.

Any suggestions other than tough it out?  Im not on meds, i quit drugs, and i don't drink anymore.  I am physical, bike everyday, get plenty of sleep, and have a generally carefree life. (look at my posts in the "trip report" section for individual experiences from those shroom or acid trips)


--------------------

Everything I have typed is purely fiction, and is purely for personal amusement.
All images I've posted are not mine and I am simply posting interesting things I found on the Google.


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OfflineAchilles
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8548961 - 06/21/08 09:48 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Damn man. are you going through hard tiems in life right now too other then this trippy feeling ur having? sometiems u just gotta be liek fuck it and not react to everything that comes to mind.


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OfflineKunta Kente
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Achilles]
    #8548989 - 06/21/08 10:04 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

no...that's whats scary.  My life is totally normal.  I'm getting ready to go to college but i'm psyched about that.

I'm gonna be a biology major, and everything with everything i have looked at there is no cause for this.  No meds, no recent drug activity other than whats mentioned, no traumatic experiences other than the trips, and i'm alot healthier than most of my friends.

My girlfriend i told all this to last night said she thinks its just an effect from being high all the time and my body kinda re stabilizing, and while it would be nice to believe that i think that's bullshit.

It's that universal crushing, world ending, all these events are synchronized feeling i get when coming off of a hard shroom or acid trip, except i'm not high, i go from feeling totally normal to being scared and my heart racing for absolutely no reason other than deja-vu.


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Everything I have typed is purely fiction, and is purely for personal amusement.
All images I've posted are not mine and I am simply posting interesting things I found on the Google.


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Offlineastronaut
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Achilles]
    #8548990 - 06/21/08 10:04 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Lay off on the drugs, get a full-time job if you don't already have one, and refind your sane perspective. Get into spirituality if you have an open enough mind.

This may or may not help, but what you're describing is a delusion pure and simple. Don't believe any of it. :smile:


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In another Time's Forgotten Space, your Eyes looked through your Mother's Face:
Wildflower Seed on the Sand and Stone, may the Four Winds blow you Safely Home!


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OfflineKunta Kente
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: astronaut]
    #8549003 - 06/21/08 10:10 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks guys...i really hope this shitty feeling stops.  I am really excited about the future, i can't handle going insane lmao  :puke:


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Everything I have typed is purely fiction, and is purely for personal amusement.
All images I've posted are not mine and I am simply posting interesting things I found on the Google.


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Invisiblefushock
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549025 - 06/21/08 10:20 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I would suggest getting exercise and to stop taking drugs, but it sounds like you've already done that.

If your problem is with deja-vu, maybe you need a significant life change. Maybe move, or get a new job.

I really don't, BTW, think three weeks is a long enough amount of time to diagnose yourself as perma-fucked. Hell, Ive tripped once in the last six months(but a whole lot more in the six months before that :smile:) and I still see things move if I look at them for more than 20 seconds. I don't consider myself perma-fucked.

Just hang in there and try to put it out of your mind.


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OfflineKunta Kente
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549042 - 06/21/08 10:33 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

thanks guys...its oddly comforting to know someone else gets after effects as well.

There's going to be very significant changes soon, a vacation next month then moving into a dorm for college, so that will be a relief.


--------------------

Everything I have typed is purely fiction, and is purely for personal amusement.
All images I've posted are not mine and I am simply posting interesting things I found on the Google.


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Offlinebloodbrother778
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549096 - 06/21/08 10:55 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Hey man let me tell you, I know exactly what you're talking about....I have  gone through this myself a little while ago.

Recently my life has changed drastically, I've had to move to a new state and start a new life, I was visiting my friends for spring break a few months ago and while there I had this crazy ass acid trip, I took acid after I was drunk, which wasn't a good idea but I didn't really think about it at the moment.  So that night I was tripping with a friend of mine and I kept getting this mental movie of how something weird was going on, I couldn't really tell what it was but I felt like it was all going to end badly for me somehow.  After the trip that feeling didn't go away, I barely went to sleep that night because I was almost convinced that somehow I was going to die in my sleep.  Then when I woke up I tried not to think about it, but every single thing was like a de javu, everything seemed to go along with my thoughts, like everything on the radio, tv, everything anyone said was the exact thing that was on my mind.  I thought I was going crazy, that lasted for like 5 whole days, ruined my spring break, I couldn't even smoke pot after that because I would keep feeling like something bad would happen, I even threw my pot out in a trash can because I felt like I was being followed by undercover cars everywhere when I was driving.  Everything felt like it was some sort of an elaborate prank and I was the center of it and everyone was in on it except for me.  I felt like if I told my friends certain things I would die, or drop out of reality completely and end up in this looped personal hell.  At some point I even told a friend of mine to stop talking because I knew what he was going to say and I though it was going to lead to my doom somehow...

The whole thing had a big lesson to teach me though, it was kind of like things that I've already known but I've kind of looked the other way and not acknowledged them, and that trip just threw it all in my face so I couldn't look away anymore.  Think about your experience, it has something important to teach you, a personal enlightenment lesson, it all relates to your first 4 gram trip, something happened on it that you haven't completely dealt with yet, and you have to figure it out or this will keep happening.  For me the whole thing was relating back to my first salvia trip that I had, and in retrospect it was because I didn't really deal with it back then.

The reason this happens is when you have such an experience you step out of reality and see the other side, and when you're on the way back you're kind of stuck in this in between space and everything in this reality tries to bring you back, that's why you see the connections between everything, you can see the pattern behind it and how you're connected to it.

So don't worry, what you saw isn't going to happen so stop thinking that it will, and you're not going crazy, don't allow those irrational thoughts to consume your brain because that's what gives them power.  But don't take this lightly, it's a very important lesson, figure out what it's trying to tell you if you haven't yet, it will be very enlightening, I felt exactly how you're feeling right now, but now I'm over it, I've learned my lesson and found out that others have had such experiences as well - you're not alone, lay off drugs for a while, meditate, and do some serious introspection and you will get through this.

Hope that helps, peace


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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549148 - 06/21/08 11:21 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Well everything has happened and is again, as is the way of the all. That's us, and we are complex and simple at the same time.

"We have to believe in our free will;
We have no choice in the matter."


Learn to laugh at it. Being in a constant deja-vu and having the power to laugh at it is supreme, man. People that know how to laugh are cool.


--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


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OfflineDimensionX
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549176 - 06/21/08 11:36 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

This kind of stuff can lead to deep soul searching. And i know its really hard but when you come out the other side you will be a better person. The only thing to fear is fear itself.


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OfflineTheMan420
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549210 - 06/21/08 11:55 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

hey man im with you on the same boat! i ate one gram of shrooms and trip the hardest i ever did! it was bad but i stuck it out and it was my first real bad trip after that it has seemed im always tripping. (like my back will start to shake and i call it my nervous system going into shock) i cant sit around and smoke pot anymore i have to go out and smoke. if at all.
Ive taken shrooms after that bad trip and its been okay but im always afraid now when i take em or smoke weed if im going to have a reacrence of that night, so i try to think it never happened.

I know it happened for a reason and now my life has changed do to it, i feel i need to do something because of it but cant or something. its hard at times but i get oer it and it seems to work its way out.

Just remember that everything falls into place when you play your cards right.


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Find Your Mind


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OfflineKunta Kente
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: TheMan420]
    #8549345 - 06/22/08 12:52 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

bloodbrother, exactly lol.  I know i need to deal with it i just have no idea how. any time i try to accept it it just whips back except instead of just deja-vu it's the deja-vu mixed with that feeling that you're about to die.  I have no idea how to cope with it.  I think about it and just remember my future plans and that it can't be true but i still end up heart racing and sometimes a headache.

I know that first trip really fucked me up.  I mean it felt like an explosion of reality or something.  But i don't really know what it would mean to actually soul-search or meditate on it or confront it you know?  I mean i have really only thought about what happened in the trip and why, which is really like trying to explain dreams to me.

and I know what you mean, about the coming down everything feels like its in your head, but i always took that as because it just changes the way you percieve things...like, instead of this route for information it goes in a reverse way, so you actually think about something before you sense it, and thats why its familiar.

I can deal with constant deja-vu...its weird but i have been dealing with it...its when i feel exactly like im tripping for no reason and its that destruction feeling that i really can't...

so, any suggestions on what you guys do to integrate yourselves or deal with a trip?  How do you guys focus on what the trip told you? I just tripped and thought about what happened and let it be, just tried to better myself from it...i guess that's not all there is for me to find?


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Everything I have typed is purely fiction, and is purely for personal amusement.
All images I've posted are not mine and I am simply posting interesting things I found on the Google.


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OfflineTheMan420
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549397 - 06/22/08 01:15 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I started to trip at work once and got freaked out so much i ran to the bathroom. it lasted about 15mins. i came back and they asked if i was okay and said yea. it wass more real than the trip it was pretty werid to tell you the truth. Look in to taking Xanax or something im going to when i get time to go to the docs or let my blood go clean.

That trip was about a year ago and i still remember it, i think it will always be with me as a reminder how not to do things. ITs dejavu for you but mine is that i "think" but it feels like i can read minds, when someone is looking at me and i make eye contact i can hear what there thinking and its fucking werid cuz its in there voice ive used this to help me with dealing with people and shit. the funny thing is i cant remember if it was there before the trip so it seems ive always had it?!


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Find Your Mind


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OfflineDimensionX
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8549415 - 06/22/08 01:24 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I find meditation to be vital if im having trouble dealing with things. Its because it teaches you to let go of whats bothering you and to just be. Everything becomes clear in this mind state.

Its not what happens to you which is the problem its how you react to it. The craziest thing can occur but if you can keep your mind calm and happy then its like water off a ducks back.

You can learn how to cope in very difficult situations through experiences like this. Being calm and happy is so important for survival in this crazy world.


Edited by DimensionX (06/22/08 01:26 AM)


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InvisibleDebuteMachine

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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: DimensionX]
    #8549525 - 06/22/08 01:57 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Sounds to me like you're bored with your life and feeling depressed and suicidal. Just change some routines up, and stop doing so many drugs. No one is going to think you're a pussy for stopping. I've stopped almost permanently because of those same reasons. :smile:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: DebuteMachine]
    #8549884 - 06/22/08 05:37 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

biology major huh?

ok
stick this in your biology:

consciousness is a series of gestalt experiences:
in ordinary mental states,
as each gestalt fades a new one arises - including: sensory feeds, associative memory feeds, body feelings from memory.

in progressively psychedelic states of mind, the gestalts fade more and more slowly
(longer tetany between thalamus and cortex - for instance, possibly due to synaptic serotonin levels).

in the least degree, slightly longer fading (of sensations in the mind) provides enhanced color and sound etc. as the unfaded gestalts become layered together.
but as the fading becomes longer, the subjective experience of this layering is one of time being folded over, or of dimensions being extended.

this is where deja vu is born.

now the biologist in you should examine dreams and emotions (& meditative absorption)
to see that what they do is the natural version (internally) of what psychedelics do:
i.e. they induce more layered mental states (the fading trail of mental signals becomes extended)
- so you do not need a drug to cause a temporary drug like effect, and never did!

at this point in your life, you have tenderized yourself, you have associated a number of patterns
as triggers - like an emotional shock that transports you into a layered mental state.

It is an emotional transition.

(emotional transitions normally do cause a shift in mental state
- it is how we struggle to break the chains of conditioning - shifts in processing speed alter the knee-jerk reactions of habit.
this is an adaptive advantage that has accrued over millions of years)

as with all emotional triggers, you can overcome them by seeing them for what they are.
It takes time, and a base of tranquility and understanding.

I think you can use your interest in biology to discover what is happenning, and an interest in psychology to overcome it.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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Offlinebloodbrother778
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: redgreenvines]
    #8550691 - 06/22/08 01:30 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

yes i know what you mean exactly about the im tripping for no reason and am about to die feeling, that's how i felt the whole time, i would try to get my mind off of it but the next moment something would happen that would bring me back to it, basically you can't just ignore it or it will come back to  haunt you eventually

mine hasn't really stopped until i understood the lessons it was trying to teach me and accepted them, don't try to force yourself to accept it, that won't work, it's the kind of deep down unconditional acceptance that you need, it will come once you understand what it was trying to teach you, maybe it's telling you that you aren't living your life the way you're supposed to or have the wrong mindset about life and if you continue this way it will all end badly for you (that's kind of what the lesson was for me anyway) do you feel like for some reason you're not living the life you want and in the future something will happen that would magically change all that? (like going off to college).

yes you need to confront the experience in order to understand it, next time you're getting those feelings try not to freak out but pay attention and see if anything that's happening is relevant in any way, it won't stop until you figure out that great personal truth, it can be hard and the whole experience is very unsettling, but once you get through it you will be a better and more enlightened being, so hang in there.


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OfflineJFro
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: bloodbrother778]
    #8551977 - 06/22/08 08:13 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

BloodBrother;s original post are the exact feelings I share towards this situation...It's so wild that this same kind of experience has been shared by so many people...If your bad trips were anything like mine with regards to you being at the center of this huge cosmic joke, think then, how could it be possible for other people to experience it then? I've experienced almost exactly what you've where I come to think that I am dreaming the universe into existence and I get really frustrated with people who try to talk to me, because in this 'world' talking is unnecessary due to the fact that I can read/share your mind. These trips are realllllly scary tho, to the point where if death didnt come soon enough I was just about ready to do myself in(not really, but it was getting to the degree of intensity where I just wanted my awareness turned off) The world is a weird place and as blood brother stated, you are given access behind the curtain tot he stage of life, where all the actors and actresses remove their costumes and you see things as they actually are. You pick up on the patterns the flow thru everything.And this can be terrifying. I dunno if your into McKenna, put he talks about this - when you enter into a psychedelic state, you are doing battle with your ego. It seems to me that you are right on the verge of ego-annihiliation, maybe half a gram away. Anyway, so your ego is barely holding onto its existence and as a defense mechanism its begun to get real frantic and its telling you that you are killing yourself(it, the ego) I could explain this better, I know, but I'm feeling a bit blocked. The ego is that psychological realm or aspect of your awareness that tends to fall into a scheduled/noncreative mechanized mode of operation. When it encounters an experience that psychedelics offer, it is blown off its rocker! It is such an astounding experience, it thinks its dying because everything it has held to be true has vanished! Your worldview is attacked and rearranged. Good Luck - Embrace it and Analyze It! Blood brother put it nicely, along with all the other contributors. It will pass as soon as you see it, falling comfortably into place. Lay off the substances, especially pot, as that tends to flare things up a bit and let loose!


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OfflineBen18
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: JFro]
    #8552011 - 06/22/08 08:25 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

This one is easy.

You're just over thinking it. I know it sounds simple and almost ass-hole but I'm sorry its the truth. It happens to all of us druggies once in a while.
These folks are probably right.
Exercise more often.
Lay of the drugs some.
And most important don't over thing it.
Just like mecreateme said "Learn to laugh at it. Being in a constant deja-vu and having the power to laugh at it is supreme, man. People that know how to laugh are cool."

He is right, those are the cool kids in college.

Anyways hope you do better.


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Invisiblelayzdapipe
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Re: Deja-vu is killing me, long post but please help [Re: Kunta Kente]
    #8552074 - 06/22/08 08:43 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I havent read all the replys but the only time Ive had trips like those are when I ate mushrooms, that I thought couldve had contams. Ever since my last one like that ive had a similar situation to what you have now. Is it not really like jumping back into a trip, but more like a change over into that mind frame to where all your thought patterns are different ways you could die, start thinking about the mushroom trip that you know is causing this, etc. I want to guess its been a year or more for me. I have had a good mushroom trip at a low dose since then too. When I get those thoughts I just tell myself, its that bad trip thats causing this paranoia, and try to forget/ignore them the best I can or when neccassary.


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