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PyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
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How common is child abuse?
#8497517 - 06/07/08 09:07 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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In short:
My dad was abusive, my step-dad was abusive, my dad's dad and step-dad were abusive, my mom's dad was abusive, and my step-dad's step dad was abusive and most of my uncles were at least verbally abusive.
Is this just because I live in hickdick, Ohio or are all families usually this tragic?
-------------------- Remember to cut your nails regularly.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,958
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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns]
#8497608 - 06/07/08 09:29 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Its because of Hickdick, USA.
abusive people are common, but this many in close relation is unusual.
Watch out later in life. You might become abusive too, because you've been exposed to so much of it.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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LuNaTiX
Quarterback




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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns]
#8497629 - 06/07/08 09:36 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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I got my fair share of beatings, but thats what happens when people get stressed out from their jobs. The good thing is I know my parents love me, it wasent a random abusive thing, there was always a reason. but its common in my family.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here



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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns]
#8497667 - 06/07/08 09:52 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Every abusive person I've ever known was raised by an abusive person. Children learn how to deal with life by watching the people around them. And they are always watching.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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PyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8497691 - 06/07/08 09:58 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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It's possible to escape that cycle, right?
I don't exactly plan on having children, but the things I saw made me become vehemently non-violent. Will that fade? Will I become a drunken abusive asshole too?
-------------------- Remember to cut your nails regularly.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here



Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns]
#8497745 - 06/07/08 10:16 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Will I become a drunken abusive asshole too?
You're asking me?
I'm guessing you'll do whatever makes sense to you.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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PyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8497770 - 06/07/08 10:28 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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I can never see myself going that route.
But why did my ancestors decide to copy the same behavior they despised?
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns] 1
#8497829 - 06/07/08 10:46 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
PyroBurns said: It's possible to escape that cycle, right?
YES. My mom grew up in an extremely abusive household and refused to pass it on to me. She was kind of neurotic and sometimes pulled wierd guilt trips but all things considered she did a pretty solid job overcoming her experiences.
You have the choice to continue perpetuating the cycle or to pull yourself out of it. It sounds like you've already taken the initiative to behave differently and think critically about your experiences and that's awesome.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns]
#8499035 - 06/08/08 05:48 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
PyroBurns said: It's possible to escape that cycle, right?
I don't exactly plan on having children, but the things I saw made me become vehemently non-violent. Will that fade? Will I become a drunken abusive asshole too?
Of course it is, since how you behave and feel is only dependent on YOU, and nobody else. So stop thinking that, because many of your relatives have been abusive, that's how you'll turn out as well. I know some people are inclined to think in these terms, but honestly and realistically it doesn't make any sense. It's all too much a like with reading one's future.  Of course, the reason why I advice you to stop focusing your mind in that direction is because you create your own reality, and as long as you think that you are in the danger of repeating your dad's or step dad's abusive behavior, then you are somehow assuming yourself this destiny. Another advice that I'd give you is to start revising your attitude regarding violence. Usually, adopting extreme views leads one to an over emotionalism that stops them from seeing things clear. It is not necessary to be "vehemently non-violent" in order to avoid a violent comportment. All you have to do is to remain aware of your feelings and thoughts and learn to cope with them in a functional manner, avoid getting stuck in the past and focus on what you want to become, on what makes you happy.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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PyroBurns
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Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: MushroomTrip]
#8499335 - 06/08/08 09:00 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Doh! That was more of a facetious way to ask "Why were they like that even after being abused themselves?"
I'll never hurt a kid, and so far I haven't regardless how annoying my sister/nieces/etc. have gotten. But why would my parents? Especially when the abuse or whatever was something that they hated with all their lives. Why would they repeat that same treatment for us?
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns] 1
#8499408 - 06/08/08 09:39 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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This is something for you to find out, as I don't know how their lives went in order to develop a better idea about it. But some of the general causes are fear, irrational thinking and probably the fact that this was the only way of raising children that they were aware of. So even if they hated it, when they found themselves in the same situation as their parents, their automatically copied their behavior. It is a good idea to try and stop blaming them or having bad feeling towards them. This doesn't mean that you simply should forgive them because it's the right thing to do, but when you'll stop blaming them you will be more able to see the reasons why they treated you like that, and this is how you'll develop a better understanding regarding the whole abuse issue. This in extent will help you get over your past and in the same time realize that you will never engage yourself in such a behavior, if this is your intention.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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ManianFH
living in perverty


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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: PyroBurns]
#8500070 - 06/08/08 01:24 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
PyroBurns said: It's possible to escape that cycle, right?
I don't exactly plan on having children, but the things I saw made me become vehemently non-violent. Will that fade? Will I become a drunken abusive asshole too?
it is possible to escape the cycle, however it is possible to get trapped in it as well, even after your current revelations that this kind of abuse it wrong.
do this by learning other techniques for dealing with the same problems that led others to abuse. In other words, if arguments led to violence, learn to argue without becoming angry or violent.. if alcohol or money problems lead to violence in your experience, once again learn how to confront these issues in productive ways before they ever occur, then you will be more prepared for catalysts for such behaviors. You must keep reminding yourself when you see abusive behavior that it is wrong, and there are better ways of dealing with a persons problems than to take it out on another person. if you continuously do this and build a strong moral objection to it, then it is much less likely that you will ever resort to the same types of abusive behaviors in your own life.
As the tool song goes, 'i must keep reminding myself of this'.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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Shroomism
Space Travellin


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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: ManianFH] 1
#8500137 - 06/08/08 01:42 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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In America? Child abuse is all too common. Not sure about other countries, as I haven't lived in any of them.
To be sure, being exposed to child abuse and such.. would leave one more predisposed to emulate that same behavior in the future. There is no doubt that environmental impacts plays a very large role in the development of our psyche and personality, which paves the way for our thoughts and actions in the future. So certainly, someone that was abused as a child, and witnessed a lot of violent behavior and such.. will be more likely to repeat that cycle against their own children.
But can the cycle be broken? Absolutely. We have free will and make our own choices in life. It may be difficult to "go against the grain", so to speak.. and do the opposite from what you were "taught". But you must do what you think is right and what is in yours and your children's best interest.. and abusing children I would not put very high on the list of things that are right.
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fung_us_among_us


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Re: How common is child abuse? [Re: Shroomism]
#8505744 - 06/09/08 11:42 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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I was thinking about this recently.. what the long term impacts are on somebody's personality when they have been abused, and what the chances are that they'll end up abusive.
Specifically what you said about how it turned you un-violent, and whether that will fade or not. I'm sort of in the same situation.. was abused to an extent when I was young, and have still been completely non-violent for as long as i remember. But I've always been afraid that someday it's going to wear on me and whether I like it or not I'm going to become either abusive or just downright bitter to the people around me.
It was never anything too serious... just a lot of verbal abuse that most would consider completely un-necessary.. a few slaps and being thrown a little.. but the worst part was listening to the way my dad treated my mother. Some of the things he would say were just awful and have always stuck with me. As much as I've always tried to remain nothing at all like my dad, in my last relationship I found myself becoming very irritable and short sometimes.. never ANYTHING close to reaching a physical level but very verbal.
Now it's my hope that this is just going to take a lot of effort and a lot of keeping things in mind that I'd like to remember. But part of me is afraid that it's just going to be a slippery slope toward turning into my own father.
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