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OfflineOneRainyWish
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Registered: 06/12/06
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Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery *DELETED*
    #8472021 - 06/01/08 08:33 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Post deleted by OneRainyWish

Reason for deletion: .



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OfflineCoaster
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472028 - 06/01/08 08:35 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

hey man cheer up, do some mdma


--------------------


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OfflineSyle
Kenai Sigh
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: Coaster]
    #8472031 - 06/01/08 08:37 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Stop complaining and DO something about your situation. that is my advice.

i don't have any humor, or "words of advice" for you, as that is just shit to comfort you. what you need is a slap in the face and a kick out the door, so then you are forced to get your shit together.

two words you probably have yet to hear: grow up.


--------------------
https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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OfflineOneRainyWish
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Registered: 06/12/06
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Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: Syle]
    #8472035 - 06/01/08 08:40 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I think most of this stems from the problem that I have no idea what I WANT to do. If I had a dream, I'd be living that shit out to the max.


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Invisibleaccountant
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Registered: 05/09/06
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472037 - 06/01/08 08:41 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

be HERE now


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OfflineCokedUpHobit64
Male


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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472042 - 06/01/08 08:44 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Man when you were describing your problems it sounded exactly like my middle years in high school. You really just have to find poeple you really care about and keep them close, including your family. Lay off drugs for awhile until your heads clear. Don't feel bad about being different from other poeple, its truly rare to not go along with the crowd these days.


--------------------
So good to see you, I've missed you so much.



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OfflineOneRainyWish
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: accountant]
    #8472044 - 06/01/08 08:44 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

accountant said:
be HERE now




Okay, but what if HERE seems to be a bad place for me??

If I keep staying HERE, NOW, how will I be able to advance??

Are you referring to zen meditation of clearing the mind?

I've read the book and I always get a little tied up at this point of it... care to explain?


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Offlineallhallows
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472055 - 06/01/08 08:51 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

my advice. First, do whatever it takes to get off the klonopin. Once successful, choose a college in a place you always wanted to live (across the country if possible), and start over. Get your own place and find a roommate with similar interest. Or, open a store dealing with your interest in space, time (the things you said had interested you). Maybe a bookstore, or a hobby shop with those interests as the theme. You will most likely find comfort in your business as you become expertised and attract like-minded people to ease your anxiety.


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InvisibleJack Albertson
bismillah rahmani rahim
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: allhallows]
    #8472066 - 06/01/08 08:55 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Stop typing so much.


--------------------
Man is timid and apologetic; he is no longer upright; he dares not say "I think," "I am," but quotes some saint or sage. He is ashamed before the blade of grass or the blowing rose.Man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time
TRANSCEND



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OfflineMHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
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Registered: 09/24/07
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472068 - 06/01/08 08:55 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Some of my family members have struggled with addiction. You need to get treatment man. They were miserable couldn't figure it out, and then they started to realize there are other people who have been there and can help. If you continue using drugs you will never be happy. Sure there are some other issues that you mentioned, but I think you'll soon find out they are all stemming from this problem you have. I know its not what you want to hear, I mean who wants to quit drugs? Terrible thought I know, but if you want to live a happy life then you might want to check that idea out. They have like AA/NA/CA shit they even have a sex addict thing. Think about it.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472077 - 06/01/08 08:58 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

OneRainyWish said:
Quote:

accountant said:
be HERE now




Okay, but what if HERE seems to be a bad place for me??




it's only a bad place it you allow it to be, you're capable of
overcoming these emotional issues, if you can form a rational
thought and see all these 'shortcomings' then you're able to
put it to rest, your mind it the best way to deal with your
problems, it needs to be a clear one

Quote:

If I keep staying HERE, NOW, how will I be able to advance??




you fail to see that that is an advancement from where you are
now, it's always one day at a time, moment to moment


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OfflineFelinor
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #8472128 - 06/01/08 09:16 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

addiction is just a scapegoat for the weak minded...
get off the drugs.. moderation is KEY!


--------------------
The world itself is the will to power - and nothing else! And you yourself are the will to power - and nothing else! ~Friedrich Nietzsche


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OfflineNunbuh_Chrubble
I'm just a kittycat
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472172 - 06/01/08 09:29 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

OneRainyWish said:
Quote:

accountant said:
be HERE now




Okay, but what if HERE seems to be a bad place for me??

If I keep staying HERE, NOW, how will I be able to advance??

Are you referring to zen meditation of clearing the mind?

I've read the book and I always get a little tied up at this point of it... care to explain?




But see that's the thing... you're not being HERE, NOW. You're wrapped up in your thoughts about the future, the past, your desires and fears. The last thing you are doing is paying attention to the immediate moment that is confronting you.

It's hard to "be here now"... especially when your mind is clouded from so many drugs.

First thing you should do is get off the drugs. Deal with the suffering for a while, and when your head gets cleared up then you'll be better able to figure shit out.

And honestly, I would talk to your parents and tell them that you are struggling with addiction and need help. If anybody will love you enough to give you that type of help, it will be your parents.


--------------------


"This day is a lover..."

~Rumi


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Invisiblesui
I love you.
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery (moved) [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472180 - 06/01/08 09:31 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

<img src='http://www.shroomery.org/forums/images/moved.gif'> This thread was moved from The Pub.

Reason:
Better suited for Physical and mental well being. You might get better/more replys here. Good Luck dude.


Edited by sui (06/03/08 09:18 PM)


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OfflineMaverick
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery (moved) [Re: sui]
    #8472190 - 06/01/08 09:35 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I wouldn't really call klonopin a hallucinogen, more of a dissociate, and I can easily see why you had addiction problems to it, my close friend was hooked on it for a long time. You might need treatment, though i'd avoid anything that's overly christian based...


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InvisibleLayYouIn
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472293 - 06/01/08 10:05 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

you remind me of myself, except that you went to college and your 5 years younger.

i am also always thinking of the universe and existence. i always think about how it makes no sense...how could everything just exist without a beginning, what was before the beginning...

damn it...my keyboard batteries ran out...ill edit in a bit.

.................................

alright..recharged.

there sure are a whole lot of people that just shouldn't be replying in the first place.

anyways...your 19 years old and you still have a chance to be financially successful. im 24 and have a chance, but not as much as you.

i had similar problems to yours except that i did have friends, BUT they were always into drugs and whatnot. i was as well.

to cut to the point...

you are very fortunate to be here, you were the fastest sperm, and that makes you an average of 1 in 250 million.

you really should try out therapy or something. if your problem gets worse, you may end up like me...24 years old, living with parents, complain because i sit at home on the weekends and do nothing, no girlfriends, no dates, no life.

you have a chance, please dont throw it away.


Edited by LayYouIn (06/01/08 11:21 PM)


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472493 - 06/01/08 11:03 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

You sound like my emotionally immature whiny friend

Yah I got nothing else to contribute


--------------------
There is no valid reason you should be reading this


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472601 - 06/01/08 11:29 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:


Basically I feel like a social reject, somebody completely confused by reality, trying to find the answers but becoming so petrified in the process that I become delusional and have extreme anxiety and have to take klonopin, which I am now fully addicted to and trapped in chemical slavery.





You will have to get off the klonopin to begin to work on your other problems. I'm sure you know that. If you need help to do this, you'll have to seek it out.

The social anxiety can be turned around completely, I've done it myself, but not until you are out of the habit of using drugs for comfort. You have to decide sometime soon if you are serious about doing what it takes to make a life you like, or if you are content to just resign yourself to living this one you don't like. This is a serious decision. You are not just going to stumble across the perfect piece of advice that will solve these problems for you. It's going to take action.

When you've been in hard times for a while, I know it feels like it cannot change. People do actually turn their lives around, every day, but it's never anybody else that does it for them. It comes down to whether you are intending to be responsible for your life or not.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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Offlineandrewss
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Registered: 08/17/07
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: LayYouIn]
    #8472845 - 06/02/08 12:23 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I didnt read ALL the post, but anyway. I say talk to your parents if you have a good relationship with them. I would say, get clean of course.

Try to take it slow and relax, maybe read some philosophy since you are pretty interested in it.

Just some thoughts about some books, Victor Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning is pretty cool, he was a jew that survived the worst Nazi concentration camps, thats real hardship.

Read some "no bs" existentialism perhaps? Nietzsche, Camus, Sartre, Kierkegaard, etc are good... and the ancient Greeks (particularly the pre-socratics and Aristotle are good). The point being that enriching yourself and learning can help make you feel better about yourself. Good luck  :smile:


--------------------
Jesus loves you.


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OfflineJoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #8472851 - 06/02/08 12:24 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Your Anxiety is an outcome of being afraid that you will experience Guilt, resentment and shame, in a social situation.

You seem to have a sensitivity, of thought patterns and your focus is extremely strong, yet out of control, which makes your anxiety over riding, in a competitive world.


LEARN TWO THINGS

- HOW to make your focus controllable.

- HOW to use your FOCUS, and place it on other thoughts.

Then; READ about GUILT and SHAME, THINK about it.

DELVE deeply into the two concepts, SEE others and how they are GUIDED by this emotion, watch how you REACT and how much it influences your ACTIONS.


NEXT; Experience how your FOCUS on different thoughts ABOUT LIFE, change your emotions...

Actually I suggest to try and MAKE yourself ANXIOUS more than you are right now, intentionally. Try it and get back to this post, with results.

I can purposefully make myself anxious, by simply changing my focus on certain thoughts about life and relationships between people, especially the ones i am in.

Its ironic that the more i did it the more i was able to accept that My mind was imagining it INTO existence.

It was much easier after that.

Ironically enough, our culture is blinded, your struggle is much needed, because once you have transcended this, with enough determination you will, it will spout outwards like a beautiful fountain of life and love, onwards towards all who can harvest it.

I have gone many a messed up thing in my life; and my anxieties reflect alot of that, where i find myself in the same situation as you...but go back, read the suggestions before and get back to me, i am interested in your struggle and would love to hear from it.

Jose


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


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Offlineb0b gnarley
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472860 - 06/02/08 12:26 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quit everything cold turkey, force yourself into more social interaction. :yesnod:


--------------------


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OfflineHeffy
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8472952 - 06/02/08 12:44 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

OneRainyWish said:
I think most of this stems from the problem that I have no idea what I WANT to do. If I had a dream, I'd be living that shit out to the max.




In my experience this is an excuse offered up by people who don't try anything.
You say you feel trapped in your house.
If you just sit around in your house doing drugs, how will you ever figure out what you WANT to do, other than continuing to abuse drugs?

Here's some things you might never have done, that you might like doing.

Snowboarding, fly fishing, kendo, ballet, parkour, acrobatics, painting, playing music, bowling, dancing, acting, making movies, singing, sports, cooking, gardening, science, other languages, juggling, etc......If you try all those things, and not one of them appeals to you, I guess it's up to you to figure out what you like doing.
Other than drugs that is.

Seems to me that to really appreciate the things you MIGHT want to do, you're going to have to stop doing drugs. Right now you can't appreciate anything else.
Once you are off drugs completely you can slowly accustom yourself to being more comfortable around people. Then you can decide what you LIKE doing by TRYING things.

Your drugs make you feel anxious, your anxiety makes you want drugs. The answer here is crystal clear.
Won't make kicking the drugs any easier, but at least you know what you have to do.


--------------------
I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund


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Offlineandrewss
precariously aggrandized


Registered: 08/17/07
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #8472972 - 06/02/08 12:49 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

JoseLibrado said:
Your Anxiety is an outcome of being afraid that you will experience Guilt, resentment and shame, in a social situation.

You seem to have a sensitivity, of thought patterns and your focus is extremely strong, yet out of control, which makes your anxiety over riding, in a competitive world.


LEARN TWO THINGS

- HOW to make your focus controllable.

- HOW to use your FOCUS, and place it on other thoughts.

Then; READ about GUILT and SHAME, THINK about it.

DELVE deeply into the two concepts, SEE others and how they are GUIDED by this emotion, watch how you REACT and how much it influences your ACTIONS.


NEXT; Experience how your FOCUS on different thoughts ABOUT LIFE, change your emotions...

Actually I suggest to try and MAKE yourself ANXIOUS more than you are right now, intentionally. Try it and get back to this post, with results.

I can purposefully make myself anxious, by simply changing my focus on certain thoughts about life and relationships between people, especially the ones i am in.

Its ironic that the more i did it the more i was able to accept that My mind was imagining it INTO existence.

It was much easier after that.

Ironically enough, our culture is blinded, your struggle is much needed, because once you have transcended this, with enough determination you will, it will spout outwards like a beautiful fountain of life and love, onwards towards all who can harvest it.

I have gone many a messed up thing in my life; and my anxieties reflect alot of that, where i find myself in the same situation as you...but go back, read the suggestions before and get back to me, i am interested in your struggle and would love to hear from it.

Jose




Good post :smile:


--------------------
Jesus loves you.


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OfflineCokedUpHobit64
Male


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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: andrewss]
    #8473057 - 06/02/08 01:10 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

^^ Yeah for real, thats damn good advice.


--------------------
So good to see you, I've missed you so much.



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OfflineNova


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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: CokedUpHobit64]
    #8473507 - 06/02/08 04:31 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I've lived a similar life. Always introverted + social anxiety. Smoked through high school. Got into opiates in university. Forced to come home junior year because I wasn't going to class. This is what you need to do...

1)Stop taking all drugs. You have no idea how important this is. You need to deal with your issues not cover them up. Your mind will never be peaceful taking benzos/opiates/pot. Towards the end of my opiate use I was in this horrible state of feeling faded, sedated, just really out of it and depressed along with a relentless sense of panic. That 'over stimulation' anxiety you get is from opiate  withdrawal. Not fun.

I was given xanax too and it works great but then it wears off and you find out you really made one step backwards instead of forward. Benzos should be used (IMO) if your having a panic attacks severe enough that you think you need to go to the hospital. When you say your anxiety is way worse when you try to come off it, that is called rebound anxiety. The only way around this is time and effort, not idleness. I know it feels like crap coming off benzos/opiates but it does go away. Oh and the whole 'i give up, ive been tricked into chemical slavery' is a joke. No one feels bad for you because no one shoves the pills down your throat. Thinking like that will get you nowhere fast. Be vigilant.

2)You need to get used to sobriety, this doesn't just 'click' in three weeks like you thought. After three weeks your not 'in the clear' to go back to using. It is an ongoing process that improves each day you put toward it. Sometimes the hardest part is starting. You've been high since 13? So the latter (more conscious) half of your life you've relinquished control of your life to external crutches and you wonder why now things aren't working right? You never figured them out in the first place. Everyone goes through this its called adolescence. Like you I didn't deal with them and grow as a person, I avoided it at all costs but you can't run forever. Unless you want to continue this road and be tied down by drugs and miserable your whole life, you need to get used to the normal life. The only addiction you need is to food and O2. Taking responsibility for your life can be scary but you need to stop sitting around thinking about it and just start doing things. Implement a plan and do it. 

3)See a psychologist or buy some books. Social anxiety is a joke once you beat it and you will I promise you if you work at it. Its an irrational belief that can be ironed out. PM me if you want and I can rec a good book on this.

Quote:

b0b gnarley said:
Quit everything cold turkey, force yourself into more social interaction. :yesnod:



(In case you dont know) Come off the benzos with help from your doctor. It can be dangerous/deadly cold turkey.


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Offlineillume
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: Coaster]
    #8473518 - 06/02/08 04:42 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Coaster said:
hey man cheer up, do some mdma





+1
swiy should stop using introspective drugs, get into the most socially anxious position possible, ie rave club etc.
take some good mdma, feel the love, have a blast discover self worth...


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OfflineMHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: illume]
    #8473856 - 06/02/08 07:28 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I'm pretty sure the last thing this guy needs is more drugs to mask his problems. He needs to be sober, and actually put forth some effort to fix his problems. The problems aren't just going to fix themselves. If that were the case we'd all be rich, happy, and everything between.


--------------------


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8473879 - 06/02/08 07:43 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

you are a great writer;
with such mental abilities
your life is your best medicine;
find your own way, since you are subtly different from the people around you, it is your only choice.

discover the nature of your experiences relative to your actions and slowly take steps and plan activities that take you to a career in writing.
then write.
writing will make you feel better, it will be your life
what helps you write consistently and beautifully is good for you
the rest is shit.
later you may find love
not everyone does.
if you do, accept that it is a special thing, and adjust priorities for it.


--------------------


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: MHbound]
    #8473964 - 06/02/08 08:46 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

MHbound said:
I'm pretty sure the last thing this guy needs is more drugs to mask his problems. He needs to be sober, and actually put forth some effort to fix his problems. The problems aren't just going to fix themselves. If that were the case we'd all be rich, happy, and everything between.




Yes. Serious problems are serious. Depression and addiction can completely take over a life. A euphoric MDMA experience is not going to snap somebody out of it.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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Invisiblesleepy
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8473982 - 06/02/08 08:55 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

if i wasn't so much like you, i wouldn't feel like a hypocrite giving advice.  uh, one thing i've found to be true is if you face your fear and do it, despite the fear, the fear goes away.  if you run away from the object of the fear it gets worse.

if you need to get away this summer, the rainbow gathering is happening in Wyoming and you'll be able to get into a vibe that more accepting than the average university.
www.welcomehome.org

"Experience the Rainbow" 1978


My favorite "experience the rainbow" exerpt.  Part 3


:trippycow:

2006 Rainbow Gathering




meditation can get you higher than LSD which is good since you are living with your parents.  i am too, it sucks.  buy Be Here Now and do the meditation techniques in the back:thumbup::trippycow::peace:


Edited by sleepy (06/02/08 03:43 PM)


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Offlineillume
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: redgreenvines]
    #8473997 - 06/02/08 09:03 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

SWim would have to disagree with you there. If you were using them to mask them then, yeah your not going to get anywhere.

What swim is suggesting, he has put into practice himself with pleasing results.

Lets first of all clarify What is meant by this suggestion to dispel any trigger mechanisms that go of in certain mindsets when drugs are used as TOOLS in the treatment of certain disorders.

Mdma would be a useful tool in the ops situation as swim feels it would offer a valuable opportunity to view his problems in a mindset that he is not used to, in fact used to the opposite.

It would offer a new positive mindset for the viewing setting. A subjective dissociation from ones problems so that a plan of action can be reached that is non biased by emotional involvement.

After this mindset is reached the next time the said problem manifests, the op would have a plausible experience to go by on choosing how to react to these situations, thus breaking the negative/anxious cycle.

But thats just swiMHo, Just to clear that up.

Although this would also differ from person to person. Just lending a thought on what worked for me :smile:

swim respects your differing viewpoint and It may very well be what the op needs

Time will tell


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OfflineMHbound
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: illume]
    #8474025 - 06/02/08 09:20 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Look guys. MDMA acts on your seretonin etc., and when you come off of it you don't produce as much. Thats why prolonged use leads to severe depression, and that would only make this guys problems worse. Don't give him the idea that anymore drugs are his answer. Unless I guess it could be done anyway to trip yourself so hard that you have a religious experience, and decide not to use them anymore and realize how good your life is...YOU'RE ALIVE@! But even thats a long shot.


--------------------


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OfflineOneRainyWish
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: MHbound]
    #8480723 - 06/03/08 09:04 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

:happyheart::happyheart::happyheart:
:thumbup::smile2:

Hey,

I wanted to drop in and tell everybody how much I appreciate your replies. I wish I could get back to each of you individually, but quite honestly I'm still digesting all of these new ideas, as they have made a major shift in my thought processes. With that in mind, however, here are some general reactions I had.

The advice I have received in this thread is extremely valuable to me. Since reading it, I have been DOING things(starting a journal, hiking in nature, videogames, ATV riding, reading) and I'm feeling better than I have been in awhile. It's been exciting. I feel much more in control of my life and my thoughts, and I want to face my fears and overcome them. Obviously, this will be a long process(as I've been in my previous mindstate for so long), but you guys have definitely pointed me in the right direction.

I need to get off the drugs, for real. Weed gives me almost purely negative effects and exacerbates my problems; I believe the reason I smoke so much is because I think it's a good thing, as it has been in the past, but in reality it removes all of my self confidence and exacerbates all my problems, leaving me debilitated. Opiates are a temporary fix but they also cause stagnation and cause me to miss out on everything else in life when I'm hooked. I am honestly worried though, because even though I rationally know they are not good for me, I still love them to death. This is something I will have to work out on my own. As far as the klonopin, I don't even like taking that stuff but like I've said, I'm physically dependent. I need to get off of it though, and I have started a taper regiment for myself. It's going to be rough, but I need to pull through to get myself straight in life.

In other news, I have been extremely fortunate and blessed; I had been looking for a place to stay at university and all of my plans failed... Yesterday, out of nowhere, a friend called me and asked me if I needed a place to live and if I wanted to be his third roomate. It's a brand new condo that his parents bought, very nice place. I thought it would be way out of my price range, but then I found out his parents will let me stay there extremely cheap, as they're going to sell it once my friend graduates. I am scared of going back to school, but I know that going to university and facing my fears will be better than living with my parents and hiding from life. I need to overcome these things so that I can grow as a person. I have signed up for summer B classes, as my current lease goes through those dates, and I'm going to sign up for fall classes as soon as I get everything finalized with my new place. I plan on going back to my original idea of majoring in English, as writing truly does give me a rewarding outlet.

Like I have said, I'm fearful, but I need to take responsibility of my own life. I am scared that I might fall into a deep depression again and that things may spiral out of control, but for now I am trying to make myself much more aware of my thoughts and how they effect my reality, so that I can better control my mind and shape my life into something beautiful(redgreenvines style!). I'm starting to meditate, so that I can slow down my mind and get a rational outlook on things rather than being controlled by my own spiraling emotions.

Once again, thank you so much for the help. Ultimately, this post has been equally directed to me as it has been to you. I feel like I'm starting on a new path, and it's going to be rough, but hopefully I can use this thread/post to look back upon and reflect.

Good times, good times. :sun:


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InvisibleLayYouIn
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: OneRainyWish]
    #8480934 - 06/03/08 09:49 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

lol, you ride ATV's too.

strange, because i made this post right before you made this one.

when i thought about it, a lot of people out there dont ever get to ride ATV's or do other things that i do...it made me feel a lot better.

if you dont eat healthy, you should start.  keep hiking and stay active.

if you get depressed again, and dont have anyone to turn to for help, just post on here.  that's what i do.

:heart:


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Offlineporcupine
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #8482887 - 06/04/08 11:21 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

klonopin is a benzodaizepine and you're not taking a very high dose. you can work out a taper schedule and get off it slowly without much discomfort.

as for your other problems, i can't help you those because i have most of the same ones in addition to others. but i take xanax and klonopin, way more than you do and in my experience they are as bad as people think. most of the horror stories stem from people quitting them cold turkey, or taking too much. studies have shown that most people who complete tapering programs don't suffer lasting problems from having been on them. as for me, i don't really plan to ever stop taking them because they help with my anxiety like they are meant to do.


Edited by porcupine (06/04/08 11:26 AM)


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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: porcupine]
    #8483050 - 06/04/08 12:17 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Fearing Depression, is not acknowledging the powers you have over it.

Focus on increasing the powers you have over the depression, directing thinking, looking through different beliefs about life and what you are.

If you would like, read a post called "Thoughts on Thinking" in the philosophy forum. It helps me with my day to day emotional patterns, because it gives a fresh look on what it means to think and more importantly 'think' a thought.


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


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Invisiblesleepy
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #8485148 - 06/04/08 10:10 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

not too fast, not too slow. whoa whoa whoa...


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Invisibleblo0mz
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Re: I am feeling very lost and terrified about life and I want some help from the Shroomery [Re: sleepy]
    #8486075 - 06/05/08 01:37 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Go to rehab.

I was fucking terrified of it before I went, but it turned out to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

I thought I was too smart for rehab too. I thought that because I'd researched everything online for hours and hours and I knew what I was doing to myself that I could simply put down the drugs one day and that would be it. Wrong. There's a lot more to recovery than just putting down the drugs.

I'm telling you, get to rehab. Even just outpatient - although it's not a very good idea to come off Klonopin on your own. Benzo withdrawal is awful, I think it'd be a fuckton easier and safer if you did it under medical supervision.

Good luck.


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