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Offlineburgatory
Outlander
Male


Registered: 02/16/08
Posts: 641
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Repressed emotional pain
    #8388110 - 05/11/08 06:03 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I've lived a rather unconventional life because I had parents who were little boys and girls with their own emotional upheavals which were never solved. They were sons and daughters of war refugees (WWII) and recreated, unknowingly, their own childhood pain in their children by being too emotionally unstable to properly understand when a child needs love or attention.

I also had a very poor spirited father who, one day, and maybe on a few occasions, took discipline too far and just let his own pain rip on myself. It was child abuse except for the fact that the father was less aware of what he was doing than most child abusers. He is, however, a very guilty man and would never admit he's done something wrong otherwise it all falls down (and has before).

Because of my upbringing, I had a distorted picture of myself and the world that caused me to act differently to who I was, and this resulted in chronic emotional tension.

What then occurred was the systematic stacking of pain upon pain until the point of numbness. The behaviour pattern was characterised by extreme humanitarianism, hypocondria and a secret search for victimisation which lead to creating repeats of the childhood environment, thus causing a snowball effect upon my body-mind involving excessive strain.

I find now, that I have awoken to the dire situation that was concocted for me and then unintentially proliferated by myself, that I am in a ridiculous amount of pain. I know this because I have had experiences of a kind of emotional oasis which has let me feel the world the way I was supposed to feel it.

When I smoke weed there's a good chance the high is going to jump right into the middle of a huge surge of emotional pain, and I can sit in agony for hours, experiencing pain I have built into my muscular system and then repressed.

When it comes to psychedelics and chemicals like MDMA they also bring up this pain to be confronted. Once, on MDMA, I vomited and experienced the most ectatic feeling of relief afterwards, having disposed of a gigantic amount of pain. I find that if I get into a state where I'm very aware of my pain I can dry heave - the pain is that intense.

I've also had delusions that I cannot breathe properly or that I'm not getting enough air from the pressure of the pain (over the chest area).

Has anyone else had a very rough ride through life, and ended up with excessive pain which they must now face? If so, what do you do to get by and bring the pain forth? Does anyone know of particular techniques or lifestyle changes that might bring about soothing and inner healing (release) of the emotional pain? Any particular drug I should try? Should I attempt introspection on MDMA?

At the moment I'm in a kind of 'self-healing' mindset where I'm effectively trying to catch my breath and use any means possible to bring this pain forth. My day tends to consist of drinking green tea, reading, and just sitting around somewhere relaxing, trying to elude the force of thought coming from the past. I smoke weed, which tends to bring a lot of the pain up. I seek a.muscaria which is also very good for getting rid of psychological defenses and allowing one to face repressions, as well as psilocybes.


--------------------

Wherever the hero may wander, whatever he may do, he is ever in the presence of his own essence — for he has the perfected eye to see. There is no separateness. Thus, just as the way of social participation may lead in the end to a realization of the All in the individual, so that of exile brings the hero to the Self in all.

joseph campbell


For, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.

jesus


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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 1 year, 8 days
Re: Repressed emotional pain [Re: burgatory]
    #8388182 - 05/11/08 07:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

If I were you, I wouldn't focus my attention on a single recipe of healing. Just try everything there is to try and exclude what makes you feel less emotionally stable and confused. You're already becoming aware of what went not so well with your life, and some of those things might shock you a lot in the moment you'll become aware of how much they have influenced you and on how many aspects. So this could take you some time to sort out, maybe try to cultivate patience? This is one of the essential ingredients in the process of healing.

From what you have related, it seems that weed doesn't serve you in any positive way right now, so maybe it would be better if you took a long break from it.
If MDMA helps you, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't keep taking it, as long as it doesn't become a habit, because in the moment when something like that happens it means that it loses from its therapeutic properties.
Reading is good too, having a physically healthy lifestyle, eating healthy, exercising, spending as much time as possible in nature, trying to create something... Everything that creates a feeling a happiness and pleasure is a step closer to healing. :heart:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Offlinerecycledsoul
Stranger

Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 54
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Repressed emotional pain [Re: burgatory]
    #8388497 - 05/11/08 11:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

burgatory said:
I've lived a rather unconventional life because I had parents who were little boys and girls with their own emotional upheavals which were never solved. They were sons and daughters of war refugees (WWII) and recreated, unknowingly, their own childhood pain in their children by being too emotionally unstable to properly understand when a child needs love or attention.

At the moment I'm in a kind of 'self-healing' mindset where I'm effectively trying to catch my breath and use any means possible to bring this pain forth. My day tends to consist of drinking green tea, reading, and just sitting around somewhere relaxing, trying to elude the force of thought coming from the past. I smoke weed, which tends to bring a lot of the pain up. I seek a.muscaria which is also very good for getting rid of psychological defenses and allowing one to face repressions, as well as psilocybes.




this is what almost all parents do so this is not unique to you.
read freedom from the known by krishnamurti
or you could try emotional wellness by osho that would really help.
i highly reccomend both books and meditation

I really feel at this point drugs arent going to help you.
i would meditate. so you have all this stuff repressed in your sub/unconscious if you sit meditating it is bound to come up and being under the influence of an intoxicant wont allow you to fully get over it.
search for a vipassana 10 or 3 day meditation course near you it is free. so beautiful and healing. this is the ultimate self healing.
search on tribe.net for meditation recourses
i can tell you meditation will really help this if you work on it.

if you dont have the will to work on it, you may get a temporary relief from drugs, but no real results, You have to do the work.
Reiki may help too
now i have shown you these wonderful, powerful tools
you have a choice to sit around smoking weed staying in your same habit/ mental pattern your parents gave you or consciouslly change your life and be happier
good luck


--------------------
Listen to what the universe wants you to do, be happy
listen to what the mind wants you to do, be miserable
just be Here. Reality as it is, dont change it as you would like it to be, just observe, no repression, no expression


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OfflineJoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Repressed emotional pain [Re: recycledsoul] * 1
    #8388564 - 05/11/08 12:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

"now i have shown you these wonderful, powerful tools
you have a choice to sit around smoking weed staying in your same habit/ mental pattern your parents gave you or consciouslly change your life and be happier
good luck "

This shows me that u have limited experience with repressed emotions and thus do not understand the fear involved in bringing them out.

I have the similair experience of this - it is extremly hard for me to bring it out. I was 14 and was within the FULL complete and undoubtful realization that I had HIV and had given it to my entire family, including my 7 year old brother. This trauma lasted about 4 years, until i was 18, it began when i was 10 years old, and i am now sure that i used psychological repression and denial to live like the other kids, like a normal one....Worse of all - i had the contorted view of sexuality given to me by culture which melded into this and my 'vice' or pleasure wanting, something i was taught was not acceptable and lead to bad things, was the cause of this. Ill spare the details of the sexual compnent.

Because of this and an event where my brother almost died - i fell into, because of a lack of knowledge about my true nature - years thereafter of extreme guilt, daily anxiety and worry, dread of my family eventually findind out, its even hard for me to write correctly because im bringing up old emotions.

I'm beginning to see the effects this has on my life. I will not commit to healing but i will attempt a healing today, though I'm feeling very fearful and hope that I can endure it.

Bye!

I am 22 now and suffer alot from anxiety - in the recent years


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


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Invisiblenever.never.land
Pirate
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/11/08
Posts: 605
Loc: Anywhere the wind blows
Re: Repressed emotional pain [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #8390515 - 05/11/08 10:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

There doesn't seem to be an easy cure :frown:
While I have no first hand experience, learning meditation or something similar would likely be more beneficial than drugs.


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OfflineTheHappyHippies
Dick Hippie
Male


Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 120
Loc: Your mom, somewhere near ...
Last seen: 9 years, 12 days
Re: Repressed emotional pain [Re: never.never.land]
    #8392079 - 05/12/08 12:05 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

All in all it's just another brick in the wall...

~Jane


--------------------
Under the old oak tree,
The Village Idiot sat...
Amusing himself, by abusing himself
And catching it in his hat!
-Anonymous

Today's asshole is Chris!
-Chris Leavins & Colty
(www.cutewithchris.com)

-- Yes, I am THE Dick Hippie


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Offlineburgatory
Outlander
Male


Registered: 02/16/08
Posts: 641
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: Repressed emotional pain [Re: TheHappyHippies]
    #8393616 - 05/12/08 07:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks for the replies.

What do you mean by the quote? Is my status more common than I think? I've lucidly relived abusive memories...


--------------------

Wherever the hero may wander, whatever he may do, he is ever in the presence of his own essence — for he has the perfected eye to see. There is no separateness. Thus, just as the way of social participation may lead in the end to a realization of the All in the individual, so that of exile brings the hero to the Self in all.

joseph campbell


For, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.

jesus


Post Extras: Filter  Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
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