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 ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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 the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them 
#8367565 - 05/06/08 01:10 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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this is a huge problem for me.
it drives me nuts, fucks up my relationships badly.
ive been fucked up by a LOT of people, almost everyone important in my life.
it really causes me serious problems, and i dont know what the fuck im supposed to do about it.
more specifically, this shit is going to cause me to act in a very fucked up way towards my girlfriend, who i care for very much, and i dont want this mental bullshit to come between us.
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PEACE
 zippoz
"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"
"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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 JoseLibrado
return
Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 8 months
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Re: the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them [Re: ZippoZ]
#8369958 - 05/06/08 06:09 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Ponder the Question; What Am i Trusting them with?
Then ask yourself ; Is it worth trusting them with it, to feel paranoid?
The emotional trust is something you can work with quite well. Especially if you can try to relive moments where you lost trust the reasons why you lost them.
Other than that - trust is risky - people cannot predict with utmost certainty their emotions and thus their actions which makes it hard for them to act in ways they promise to.
Its a balance.
Ultimatly people cant take anything away from you that wont be returned - the universe is self-sufficient - it will never lack in some parts and not make up for it in another part.
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The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.
And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.
Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.
Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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memes
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them [Re: JoseLibrado]
#8370589 - 05/06/08 08:09 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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I'm assuming your girlfriend knows of your trust issues? Most important thing is making sure she's aware of the issue and compassionate about helping you get over it. She needs to not make a big deal out of you not trusting her, and not fuck it up for you more by doing what girls do best.
I have similar issues, but not (from what I can tell) to the same extent. Mine have just been trust issues with people i've dated/seen in the past. But just about every guy has those stories. Everyone else has been good (parents friends etc).
Just ensure she's aware and ready to help tackle the issue.
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daytripper23
?
Registered: 06/22/05
Posts: 3,595
Loc: 
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Re: the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them [Re: memes]
#8372254 - 05/07/08 08:41 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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haha yea, I wish there was some expressed disclaimer that automatically said this kind of thing.
Its nothing personal, I just don't trust in general.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them [Re: JoseLibrado]
#8372287 - 05/07/08 08:58 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
JoseLibrado said:
Ponder the Question; What Am i Trusting them with?
Great question.
Nomad, ask yourself what it is you are afraid to lose. Whatever it is, you will lose it one day anyway. Everything ends, so you can't truly depend on any of it to be there in the future.
The key is to understand that nothing is truly yours. Ever. Your car, your girlfriend, your home, your health... all these things will one day be gone, or at least will not be under your control anymore. Every thing in your life is borrowed, so make sure you enjoy them all while you have them. And be prepared to let each of them go when it is time for them to go.
Your time with your girlfriend is limited. You may have 50 years, you may have 48 hours. You may be dead by the end of the day. Don't burn the time away worrying; it is only wasting the precious time you are so afraid to lose. Next time you're with your girlfriend and you feel that feeling of mistrust, smile and go give her a hug. Enjoy the moment, don't throw it away.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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mushbaby
woodswalker
Registered: 09/30/06
Posts: 2,645
Loc: in my own lil world
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Re: the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8374541 - 05/07/08 07:28 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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I pretty much don't trust anyone.
I have learned to live with it and can usually reason inside my head with myself. I know I have trust issues. So when those fucked up thoughts come into my head, sometimes I can talk myself through them. Sometimes when I have those thoughts in my head I do check up on the person. But if you don't let them know you are checking up on them, there's no harm done and you can laugh at yourself later.
For me, part of the problem with trust issues is having too high of expectations of the people around me. They are human, they fuck up. Just like me, I fuck up. Doesn't mean they don't love me, just like it doesn't mean I don't love them.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: the more i care about someone, the more i feel paranoid that i cant trust them [Re: mushbaby]
#8375122 - 05/07/08 09:41 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
mushbaby said:
I pretty much don't trust anyone.
I have learned to live with it and can usually reason inside my head with myself. I know I have trust issues. So when those fucked up thoughts come into my head, sometimes I can talk myself through them. Sometimes when I have those thoughts in my head I do check up on the person. But if you don't let them know you are checking up on them, there's no harm done and you can laugh at yourself later.
For me, part of the problem with trust issues is having too high of expectations of the people around me. They are human, they fuck up. Just like me, I fuck up. Doesn't mean they don't love me, just like it doesn't mean I don't love them.
Why!? Why must people be so human!? 
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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