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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Brujo - A Mushroom Tale
    #826222 - 08/18/02 05:36 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I am writing my first ever full-length novel about a man initiated into the shamanic path. (Someone has to fill the void in psychedelic literature.) Think Carlos Castaneda / Florinda Donner, but with it's own unique flavor. Fact and fiction will be inextricably merged. Would appreciate feedback from any shroomerites. (Note to Swami-detractors: especially want to hear from you too. I don't mind tough critics, but ONLY as it pertains to literary quality- if you can so limit yourselves to that arena ).

BTW, how do I add the Spanish enyay (squiggley line over the n) to the letter N as in senor? Spanish speakers feel free to correct or add any cool or idiomatic phrases.

This is a very rough first draft, so please take that into account. This is not proofread and needs tons of editing, but I am most interested in knowing if my story-telling style and this short snippet are at all appealing. Basically, should I continue on writing or go back to flipping burgers? You be the judge.

Chapter 1. Paint local geographical and character background

Chapter 2. Main character has his first mushroom experience over Labor Day weekend on Lake Mead where "friends" surprise dose him with psilly pizza.

Chapter 3. Main character has extremely disturbing dreams and looks for help.

Chapter 4. Main character meets local Bruja which is where we pick up our mind-bending story.

OK. Let the bashing, er constructive criticism, begin...

Note: Those that boost my ego with false praise may be rewarded by having your character and / or favorite dope story worked into the book and a line in the Acknowledgement section - Wow! How cool is that?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (08/18/02 06:55 PM)


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
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Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
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Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826237 - 08/18/02 05:40 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

? = Alt + 0241

I think books in this area are a wonderful idea, and you are talented enough in your writing skill to make a good one! I wish you luck, Swami!

Edit: I didn't notice your italicized note at the end of your post until after I made my reply. Really! I am, however, very fond of the spanish name Raimundo if you want to add that into the story somewhere


--------------------
Namaste.


Edited by RebelSteve33 (08/18/02 05:46 PM)


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826248 - 08/18/02 05:43 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Brujo copyright Swami 2002

Chapter 4: Once Started...

The door was open as he approached the red clay adobe house. A lyrical female voice drifted out to him. "Vengase. Come on in." Richard paused on the steps to kick the dust from his well-worn boots, then bent his lanky frame to enter the low doorway of the hut. He was both excited and nervous to be meeting Dona Elena, the much whispered-about healer. He blinked twice as his eyes became accustomed to the murky interior, lit only by the late afternoon sun coming from the back room, filtered through a thin, yellowed, gauze curtain. The low angle highlighted the dust motes dancing on the meager breeze. It was still quite hot outside, but he was surprised at how much cooler it was inside; not quite comfortable, but neither was it unbearable. He glanced quickly around the small space that was both kitchen and living room. Furnishings were sparse although tidy. He had expected to see the typical New Age / Indian trappings like an altar or dream-catcher or deer antlers, but there was nothing to allude to the woman's calling. There were only well-worn essentials and a few personal items. He noticed no appliances, lights or even electrical outlets. Richard assumed that this was standard fare for the local poverty-stricken Indians. He felt strangely ill at ease. Was it pity? No, that was not it. It was more of an acute awareness of the cultural divide. He had entered another world. Yet that was not quite it either.

His visual inventory was interrupted as he noticed the silhouette of a woman on the curtain before she swept into the room. Richard's draw dropped and he involuntarily bent backwards at the waist as if her sudden appearance had created a wave before her. "Marta?" he exclaimed incredulously. "Si, Senor Taylor." she giggled. His confusion was paramount. "You're Dona Elena?"

"Who were you expecting, the Wicked Witch of the West?" she replied, taking obvious pleasure at his discomfort, but in a playful, not mean-spirited, way. Marta was the maid at his Dad's 24-room motel, The Highway Inn, up on route 9. Picking up the slack after a protracted silence, she followed lightly with, "Hey, even a bruja has to buy food and pay the bills!"

A light dawned and a smile slowly crept across Richard's face. He had been set up. This was obviously a prank. "OK, Marta, you guys pulled a good one on me. Who put you up to this?" he inquired.

The amiable demeanor of the short, round, 50-something Indian woman dropped from her quickly and the neighborly mood shattered like crystal. "Seeking power is no joke!" Dona Elena thundered. "This is serious stuff not to be dabbled in. Do you want to be a student or are you merely a curiosity-seeker?"

The diminutive woman, who he had barely even noticed before - hell, he hadn't even said more than a few dozen words to her in the 5 or so years that she had worked for his father, totally commanded his attention. She was clearly in charge and the shift had been as sudden as it had been unexpected. For the first time, Richard noticed a quiet dignity in her bearing. While forming his response, she motioned him to sit down at the kitchen table.

"Well, Marta, er, Dona Elena, (funny how they seemed like different people) I haven't a clue what you mean about seeking power. I came here for help. You see, ever since I had a bad mushroom experience, nothing has seemed to have gone well. My grades are down and I split with my girlfriend. It's much more than that really." He paused. Did he really want to be sharing his inner struggles with the hired help? Hey, he couldn't even talk to William about all the changes. While he waffled, she interjected. "Ah, I see the hongito has chosen you." Nodding her head slightly as her eyes ran up and down him. "Chosen?" he murmured more to himself. "Si, he is in your dreams."

Richard was taken aback. Yes, those crazy 3D, kaleidoscopic dreams with the unreal colors and patterns that twirled, interweaving with impeccable mathematical precision. It was almost too much. The detail was astounding and it was as if he could see the intricacy all the way down to the atomic level and beyond. It was more than his mind could grasp and he wondered if he was going insane.

"They will get worse you know." Dona Elena remarked casually. They already were. Each time he thought he could take no more another level would be revealed to him. The dream s were becoming more frequent and accompanied by pounding headaches upon awakening that were getting worse. It was getting hard to focus at school. "No! They must stop!" Dona Elena got up to pour the now-boiling water into two mugs. "And who must make them stop?" she asked earnestly peering over her shoulder.

Richard looked at the multi-colored Navajo rug hung on the wall opposite him. He stared as if trying to figure out a differential equation in calculus class. The choice of hues and spacing of the lines contained an encoded message of some sort. The rug grew larger and started to twirl. A primal fear grabbed Richard's gut as he was overcome with vertigo. The room disappeared. Alarmed, he dropped into an abyss, spinning out of control. Black and white lines spiraled out to infinity. His mind tried to follow each one individually at the same time, but it was impossible as they multiplied. He must understand the puzzle, must follow each line to its final conclusion, but there were too many and they constantly shifted and they all interconnected. The paradox was pulling his mind apart. He stood bolt upright screaming at the top of his lungs, his face ashen and covered in sweat.

Dona Elena took Richard's hand. "Levantese, por favor." She said to him as she gently guided him back down into the chair. Zombie-like, he did as he was told. The cool washcloth on his face brought him back into the room. "There, there, mijo. Are you OK, now?" Sudden anger sprang into his eyes. "What the hell are you doing to me?" he yelled. This was the first time the impossible geometric visions had taken place in the waking state and this episode had easily surpassed the magnitude of his worst dream. As Richard glowered and stared into her eyes, all he saw reflected back was a motherly compassion. "I'm sorry," he apologized sheepishly. Dona Elena's face crinkled in a warm smile that lit up the room. "You are not going mad," she reassured him. He felt an enormous weight lift from him. The relief was what he imagined a pardoned prisoner must feel like. The feeling was short-lived. "At least, not yet." she followed with a more ominous tone. The dark terror crept back in. Had it really left? This woman was no psychiatrist. Why should he trust her? His belligerence quickly returned. "What do you mean 'not yet'?" his voice rose with desperation. He looked around in panic as he just noticed that it was dark out and that a Coleman lantern now lighted the room. Jesus, how long had his spell lasted?

Done Elena took a pan of boiling water from the propane stove and poured it into two mugs, setting them down on the table. "Have you heard the Eastern mystical saying regarding setting out on the spiritual path, 'Better not start. Once started, better finish!'?" "Yeah, I've heard something like that." Richard replied coolly. He sipped his tea. It was a strange flavor, both bitter and sweet at the same time. A pleasant warmth spread through his body. He relaxed bit by bit as he realized how much tension he was holding inside him. "Why don't you think about it now?" she suggested smiling sweetly at him. He became aware that she had been manipulating his moods from the moment he entered her house. Richard felt an urge to run and stood up with a violent force that knocked the woven chair backward on the floor. "I've had enough of your games, woman!" he exploded. Her expression remained unchanged. He wanted to slap that silly self-knowing smirk from this fraud's face. She was the fucking cleaning lady, for Christ's sake! Not Sigmund Freud and not the goddamn Dalai Lama with her Zen bullshit! (this line in honor of schlorch)

The anger abated as quickly as it had come. This last bit of emotion had drained him. God, what a paranoid fool! He looked away, picked up the chair and sat back down, with his head hanging. Was he becoming schizophrenic? Richard had never previously experienced mood swings like this. Even in the heat of battle on the boards (basketball court), he was known to keep an icy calm after being on the receiving end of a nasty foul.

Dona Elena repeated the question as if nothing was amiss. "What does that saying mean to you?" His mind returned to the room as he fumbled with his tea. He wondered if this question was like a koan or a riddle. Should he tell her what she wanted to hear? He just wanted to get this meeting over and get out so he blurted out the first thought that came to him. "Um, it means that in any endeavor one should give one's full effort and complete the task else your time and energy invested has been wasted." She cocked her head to one side and studied him like an inquisitive bird, her long black and silver-streaked braided hair hanging down and swaying like the pendulum of a clock, ticking off the seconds until he came up with something better. Was she expecting more? Hell, he was never any good with essay type questions, but he thought his response was OK. He offered nothing.

"Oh, it means much more than that," Dona Elena sighed. "When entering the shamanic path, you must follow it through to it's logical conclusion else you may go mad, die or even worse." Her eyes hardened as she spoke and the smile faded into a firm thin line. "But all I did was to party down at the lake. I didn't choose any path," he protested weakly. In fact, it was my buddies that dosed me, so how is that even a decision? Her tone turned deadly serious. "That doesn't matter. The mushroom has chosen you, now you must decide whether to continue or not."

"What the hell are you talking about? Continue towards what?" Richard said with exasperation. "Why, your destiny, of course!" Dona explained as if it were obvious. "However, it may already be too late to stop." She whispered more to herself, "But that remains to be seen." She said with a little more optimism.

Richard whined, "Of course I want the dreams to stop!" "Oh, do you now?" she winked at him knowingly. His brow furrowed in puzzlement. She continued, "Tell me about your basketball game." He reflected on how he had finally moved up from j.v. to the varsity team after 2 1/2 years. His game had really begun to flow. Sometimes it had seemed as if time had slowed down. More and more often he could intuit his opponent's moves like he was in sync with their thoughts instead of just guessing and reacting. So what? He had never been a natural talent, but had been playing since he was 9 and had been practicing particularly hard lately. It only followed that he would be getting better. "You know what I am referring to." she chided. "Tell me about your magic shot."

A slight electrical charge ran up his spine. He remembered it in near-perfect detail and had replayed it in his mind a thousand times. It was the clutch shot that had moved him into the varsity league. The clock was ticking and his hard full-court charge had left him boxed-in by two opponents with no teammate nearby to pass to. He leapt and spun 90 degrees counter-clockwise and fired from 25 feet. Richard knew as soon as the ball had left his hands that he had choked in the final seconds. The trajectory was clearly low and wide and would miss by at least a foot or more. He seemed to hang in the air as time froze when he noticed a feint purplish-blue energy arcing like a rainbow from his hands to the basket. The ball was in the center of this plasma stream and seemed to bank on an unseen curve as the energy field lifted and guided the orb back towards the net. That 3 pointer had put them in lead 88-87 and they were able to run down the remaining few seconds with no score for a victory. In the locker room, his buddies laughed and rolled their eyes when he explained how the miracle shot had occurred. "Thought you didn't smoke any of that wacky weed. " Gunner had teased him.

Richard looked at Dona Elena with newfound respect. She knew! But hey, this was a small town and she could have asked neighbors and acquaintances for any unusual or detailed information about him. He had some idea of how these psychic types fooled people. "How is your sax playing going?" She deftly nudged him in a new direction. Richard occasional played at some of the local roadhouses and taverns with a band called 'The Renegades'. They played mostly a mix of blues and rock with a few pop dance tunes thrown in to get the crowd going. Last week the music had flowed through him like never before. He had become more a conduit for creative musical energy than a performer. It was amazing. On his solo, he went places he had never before dreamed. He could see the notes dancing in the air as colored bubbles; he just followed them if that made any sense at all. No matter, he felt like a real musician for the first time in his life and it was a peak experience. His band mates and several audience members commented on how they were moved by his emotion-filled styling. He beamed inwardly remembering the praise. Donna Elena rudely broke his mood. "You will lose it you know." "No!" he cried in denial, bringing his hand down with a thud on the heavy oak table. "I practice my ass off and I am finally seeing some results. That's all! There is nothing mystical in that."

Softly Dona Elena replied, "Have it your way. How do you explain your lack of sleep?" Once again Richard reviewed the last few crazy months. Most of his life he had required 9 hours of sleep to feel normal and refreshed. Now he was up most of the night, getting maybe 3 or 4 hours at most. His restlessness increased with intensity of the dreams. Sometimes he was afraid to go to sleep lest the nightmares begin again. "It could just be migraine headaches causing all this weirdness." he offered.

"Then why visit me instead of a doctor?" she countered wryly. Why indeed? "Come back next week and we will do our best to return you to your previous world, but I sensed more courage in you than that." She picked up the cups and turned her back on him while washing them in the sink. "Buenos noches, Ricardo."

He had been dismissed.



--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (08/18/02 06:27 PM)


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Anonymous

Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826267 - 08/18/02 05:53 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Awesome idea Swamster!

Note: Those that boost my ego with false praise may be rewarded by having your character and / or favorite dope story worked into the book and a line in the Acknowledgement section - Wow! How cool is that?

I thought I have contributed enough in this area to merit some kind of mention.

Seriously, I think you will do a fine job.

Cheers,


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Anonymous

Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826294 - 08/18/02 06:06 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Done Elena took a pan of boiling water from the propane stove and poured it into two mugs, setting them down on the table. "Have you hear the Eastern mystical saying regarding setting out on the spiritual path, 'Better not start. Once started, better finish!'?"

Typo in the first word, should read "Dona" and stick something in it to indicate the first quote is hers, like a comma after the word table.

I'll peruse it tomorrow for flow, continuity, and creative aspects.

So far, so good.


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826308 - 08/18/02 06:11 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

?Muy bien!

The first post made it sound like that was all you'd be posting, and I was wondering how you expected much contructive criticism from that; but now all is made clear in the slow mind of Steve!

I really liked that Chapter... Kind of like Don Juan DeMarco meets The Wheel of Time! I like the character development so far.

Why did you decide to have this fate befall a person who was not looking for it and does not seem to want it in any way? I guess that type of conflict could make for a good story, now that I think about it... Afterall, that's the main premise for the Wheel of Time series that I am so in love with.

I don't have much other criticism right now... You said that was a very rough draft and I am sure you'll be dividing up the paragraphs better in future drafts. Especially during conversation... You need to start a new paragraph each time a new person speaks. I'm sure you knew that, though... It's just a rough draft like you said.

Also, what type of background in Spanish do you have? I've taken 5 years myself and love the language. You did a good job with the mandatos con Ud. as far as I can tell. ?Buen trabajo, Swami!


--------------------
Namaste.


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #826331 - 08/18/02 06:23 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

?Muy bien!
!Gracias! (still need to know how to do the enyay and upside down quotation mark - help!)

I really liked that Chapter... Kind of like Don Juan DeMarco meets The Wheel of Time! I like the character development so far.
Am not familiar with the 'Wheel of Time'.

Why did you decide to have this fate befall a person who was not looking for it and does not seem to want it in any way? I guess that type of conflict could make for a good story, now that I think about it... Afterall, that's the main premise for the Wheel of Time series that I am so in love with.
Fate and conflict... Actually "I" seemingly didn't decide anything. Woke up at 3 AM (sans pyschedelic imagery ) and "channeled it". Wrote as a stream of consciousness with no idea where it was heading. It is 95% unchanged from that.

I don't have much other criticism right now... You said that was a very rough draft and I am sure you'll be dividing up the paragraphs better in future drafts. Especially during conversation... You need to start a new paragraph each time a new person speaks.
Thanks, I knew it wasn't quite right, but having never formally written anything and have forgotten much from school...

Also, what type of background in Spanish do you have?
Took 3 years of Spanish some 30 years ago and never used it.



--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826380 - 08/18/02 06:44 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

>!Gracias! (still need to know how to do the enyay and upside down quotation mark - help!)

Did you see my first reply to your original post? To make an ?, hold down the Alt key, press the numbers 0241 (not at the same time, but in that order), and release! An upside down exclamation point is made by pressing Alt + 0161 in the same fashion. Upside down question marks are made by pressing Alt + 0191.

Here are some others that you might need:

? = Alt + 0225
? = Alt + 0233
? = Alt + 0237
? = Alt + 0243
? = Alt + 0250

>Am not familiar with the 'Wheel of Time'.

The Wheel of Time is a huge fantasy series by Robert Jordan. The basic premise is about a young, normal farmboy who comes to find out he is actually The Dragon Reborn, a man of prophecy who can wield magical powers and who is destined to defeat the Dark One in the Last Battle. (Okay, so now you know I'm a nerd )

>Fate and conflict... Actually "I" seemingly didn't decide anything. Woke up at 3 AM (sans pyschedelic imagery ) and "channeled it". Wrote as a stream of consciousness with no idea where it was heading. It is 95% unchanged from that.

Neat! My high school english teacher greatly advocated this method of writing.

>Thanks, I knew it wasn't quite right, but having never formally written anything and have forgotten much from school...
>Took 3 years of Spanish some 30 years ago and never used it.

If you ever want any help with either of these things, just PM me. My mother was an english major, and she frequently asks me to proofread her articles for her. (She's now a freelance writer). I was also the editor of my high school's literary magazine and received an award of excellence for english writing in my senior year. In addition, I did very well during my 5 years of spanish during high school (one year in middle school) and am actually minoring in the language at college.

Not trying to brag... Just letting you know I will try to be of help if you need any!


--------------------
Namaste.


Edited by RebelSteve33 (08/18/02 08:44 PM)


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Anonymous

Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: RebelSteve33]
    #826624 - 08/18/02 08:13 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Why does this method not work for me? when I try it in the window where I create a post all I get are honking sounds like a car makes. I tried it in word too but it didnt' work there either.

I am impressed. You are very intelligent. We'll have to talk about atoms someday.

cheers,


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OfflineTraveller
enthusiast
Registered: 04/13/01
Posts: 309
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826633 - 08/18/02 08:16 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

interesting, and definately go for it, but maybe keep flipping burgers in the meantime....you're going to have to try pretty hard to give this thing it's unique flavour, with a story like this it could be difficult to keep the castaneda influence under control.


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InvisibleXlea321
Stranger
Registered: 02/26/01
Posts: 9,134
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Swami]
    #826657 - 08/18/02 08:24 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Think Carlos Castaneda

You are aware that Castaneda is a proven liar who made everything up and showed complete disrespect to native peoples out of the desire to make himself a buck? Is this the guy you wish to emulate?


--------------------
Don't worry, B. Caapi


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: ]
    #826675 - 08/18/02 08:38 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

In reply to:

I am impressed. You are very intelligent.



What are you implying here??? That language skill relates to intelligence?!
Pff... Get off your high horse, buddy! Dat shit don't mean nuthin'. I'm as dumb as a brick!

In reply to:

We'll have to talk about atoms someday.



You'll never convert me!!!!!!!!



BTW, I think that method of making certain symbols only works if you are operating on a computer that runs Windows. You aren't a Mac user, are you?!?!


--------------------
Namaste.


Edited by RebelSteve33 (08/18/02 08:47 PM)


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InvisibleXlea321
Stranger
Registered: 02/26/01
Posts: 9,134
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Traveller]
    #826713 - 08/18/02 08:58 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

maybe keep flipping burgers in the meantime

LOL


--------------------
Don't worry, B. Caapi


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Brujo - A Mushroom Tale [Re: Xlea321]
    #826737 - 08/18/02 09:16 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Is this the guy you wish to emulate?

I wish to emulate no one, or at least no more than any author who is influenced by others. When I said 'in the flavor of' I meant that it is going to explore non-ordinary reality, if I may temporarily borrow that term. Think more of a 300 page trip report, or series of trip reports if you will, connected by an underlying theme.

Mostly I mention Castaneda because I used the term "Brujo" which may be changed.

Remember, the world "needs' more drug tales.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (08/18/02 09:21 PM)


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