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Offlinelysergicide
Aurora Borealis
Male

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
i lost my best friend yesterday...
    #8183212 - 03/23/08 12:15 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

and he was my father.

he lived a long and fulfilled life. he experienced everything and anything that somebody as wild and adventurous as he could have. he was an ideal image of youth and personality that radiated with confidence and excitement that often left people in awe and admiration of him. he lived his life day by day, moment by moment, and fully appreciative of each loving and happy moment he had spent with those he loved. he really was too much for life to handle.

he was a simple man with simple goals and simple needs. he was always laughing, making people laugh, smiling and having fun. even as he aged, that wit and boyish charm that so many people loved about him remained; even up to his 50's, he was still up to his old antics and pranks. he was a young american boy that just refused to grow up, even though it was an unavoidable phase of life.

he was a great pal, a true best friend, a loving family member and determined fighter his entire life. the impression that he left on those that were close to him was everlasting and i'm sure that none of them will ever forget the beautiful, the hilarious, the loving, and the exciting times that they shared with him throughout his entire life.

but i just can't just sit here and pretend that his life was perfect and that it had a fairytale ending. he was haunted by chronic pain, anxiety, and depression for the last 28 years of his life. it often seemed like the once gentle giant and high-school hunk was starting to weaken and fade, but he wouldn't give up without a fight. his sanctuary was the people that he loved; he flourished in the moments where he could forget all of his worries and be with his caring friends and his beloved son.

after my parents' failed marriage, he moved out of the family house and lived in isolation in an apartment. he didn't realize the consequences of filing for divorce until it was too late. because of my moms working and my schooling, he could only see me on sundays, which wasn't nearly enough for both of us. he deeply regretted the divorce until the day he died. he always told me that if he knew what was going to happen, he would have tried much much harder to of made the marriage work out somehow.

on december 28, 2004, my father and i got into a car accident when driving around in his new car on an icy road. we barely got out alive and he was badly injured. already with a weakened body in his late 50's, he suffered a shattered hip, a broken leg and broken ribs. after that, he wasn't the same again. his already fragile body started to deteriorate at a much quicker rate. he started suffering from very poor memory, poor balance, and had a hard time walking due to pain from his injuries. because of this, he never drove or worked again.

half a year later, he had a stroke. this intensified all of his problems and created and complicated new ones. he was starting to lose hope and became very sad, lonely, and worrisome with all aspects of his life. but on every sunday, i came over and i saw that twinkle in his eye again, almost as bright as a star burning through the night sky. and he was my superman again.

the past 6 months have been rough on him, so it has been rough on me too. his condition was relatively getting worse and worse, and even though he had his better days where he felt a lot better, ultimately, he was still in decline.

within the past month, i only seen him 3 times. he had to cancel twice because he was that sick, and another time i had to go home early. i could see how weak and tiresome he had become. he had stopped eating for the most part, and slept all day. i was very concerned and i constantly voiced that opinion, telling him he needs to eat and stay active. things looked very bleak, but all that mattered to him was seeing me and talking to me and being sure that everything was alright with me, and he assured me that as long as things were fine with me, things were alright with him too.

the last time i spoke with him was on thursday, march 20. i was with my friends, and we don't like to talk when i'm busy, so we kept it short. he told me that he was feeling better, and i could hear it in his voice. but before we hung up, he told me that i was his life, and that he loved me so much. and i know that things like that start to become routine with family, like you say it on command without noticing or really caring. but for that moment, i really heard it, and i felt that love, and i had a sigh of relief and i said, i love you too dad. and we hung up.

he passed away sometime between friday, march 21 and saturday, march 22. he was found on the ground next to his bed, and the cause of death was stroke.

for the longest time, i was scared to death of losing my father, because to me, he was more than just a father. he was more than a best friend. he was more than a human being. he was my superman. he was my world. he was my biggest role model, my biggest inspiration, and my biggest influence. he became the groundwork for my own life; everything about me is a reflection of his beautiful spirit. he was the most incredible person i ever met and ever loved and i know that i will never meet anybody like him ever again for as long as i live.

even though it breaks my heart to let go and move on without him, in a way i'm happy to let go. i'm tired of seeing him suffer and fade away. he always told me that he was scared to death of how i would react to his passing, so i hope there is xanax up in heaven because i'm pretty sure he'll be having a panic attack right about now. :P but i hope he knows that even though i mourn the loss of him so deeply, i am also so happy for him that he can finally be in peace and at rest, and that he doesn't need to worry about me because i completely understand, and i'm glad that this bird, once  caged and unfed, can fly freely throughout the beautiful bright blue sky.

he was my past, he is my present, and i will honor him in my future. i'm going to be just like him.

i want to say rest in peace, but he knows that i already know he is. i don't need to tell him that, he's not stupid.

i will forever love you -
my best friend,
my role model,
my hero,
my superman,
my father.


1946 - 2008 :heart:

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Offlinelysergicide
Aurora Borealis
Male

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183215 - 03/23/08 12:16 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

leave some prayers and love for me shroomery!
thank you.

may he bless you with his spirit! :smile:

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Invisiblemayfly
.
Female

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 800
Loc: planet home
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183218 - 03/23/08 12:16 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

:heart: Sorry for your loss man. He sounds like an amazing person.


--------------------
"The important thing to remember: if we ship all our fat-bottomed girls off to foreign countries, the terrorists win."

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OfflinePilzeEssen


Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 7,312
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: mayfly]
    #8183235 - 03/23/08 12:22 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

same age as my dad. im sorry to hear, i know thats gotta be hard to go through. wish you and your family the best.


--------------------
"The soul has greater need of the ideal than of the real. It is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live."

If you want to get a hold of me, my email address is in my profile. Just click on my screen name. I got banned from using private messages cause I didn't follow the rules... :frown:

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InvisibleAtheist
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 01/24/06
Posts: 13,705
Loc: USA
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183236 - 03/23/08 12:24 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

god that is sad

sorry for your loss man :frown:

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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183242 - 03/23/08 12:26 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Great post, man.


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183247 - 03/23/08 12:27 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Aw man, I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences. :sad:

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OfflineDiabloSmurf
Shake it.. Shakeit.. sugaree!
Male


Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 1,177
Loc: Ohio
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: mayfly]
    #8183261 - 03/23/08 12:34 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

::hugs::

Much love man.. much love.. You're post makes me want to call my dad right now.


love man.. :heart:

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Offlinebiggysmall
Stranger
Male


Registered: 04/27/07
Posts: 1,694
Loc: your moms bedroom
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: DiabloSmurf]
    #8183274 - 03/23/08 12:38 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

sorry for your loss, i wish the best for you and your family.

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OfflineWScott
´ ɑ `▽ ᑲᓇᑕ
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 5,713
Loc: Nacada
Last seen: 11 months, 12 days
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: Le_Canard]
    #8183291 - 03/23/08 12:43 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Your last words with him must be very comforting to you.. he sounded like a good man and father. All the best.


--------------------

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Offlinemisterdogman
Educationalresearcher ofthe Shroom
Male


Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 644
Loc: International Waters in a...
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183324 - 03/23/08 12:55 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Not only did your beautiful words bring a tear to my eyes but it honored your father as much as possible. For you to publicly share your feelings with us and seeing that love in the words not only touched me personally it reinforced the hope I have in the things I do and the way I raise my 3 sons, that hope is leaving the same kind of impact on them, as your father left on you! The love you 2 had for each other was and is totally obvious and really is a sacred thing, and I am glad you got to share that together before he left. But like you said there will also be a future together, that you get to look forward to, more beautiful than the words anyone could write about him now... and twice as beautiful as the past you shared before. I really dont think saying sorry or giving my condolences fits here either, because the love and happiness for your relationship and his new found relief from this life is proof enough and I see in your writing you know that, and it was bleeding from your heart like I could hear your voice in person...it shows your relationship with him and love for him is enough condolence and relief back for you in return, and just replying hopefully shows that I am proud of the way you are dealing with it and my thoughts are with you and your Father as he begins his travel... and you also begin for your own travel... in a way. Peace and love be with you and yours
Mr.


--------------------
While driving my overpowered car around tight corners like a maniac all my friends yell out. Hey man slow down, we might Wreck. I reply, Shut up, I drive like Dale Earnhardt. They all look around at each other and laugh. Then one asks me. Hey wait, isnt he dead? Well yeah he is I said. Then I drive like Junior I mumble, while I promptly slow down.
"Everyday is opposite day. Everything I say is opposite of what you think I am saying. So if I say something and you think I mean one thing it is the opposite of what I am really trying to say. I actually mean another thing other than what you are thinking I am saying. Get it? Good because that's what I meant".
"You may defeat me, you may even destroy me, But you will never CONQUER me"!

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183336 - 03/23/08 12:58 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Well man, pass the love that he showed you on to others.

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Offlinechamp
pudding pop
 User Gallery


Registered: 06/27/01
Posts: 787
Loc: unknown trashscape
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8183672 - 03/23/08 03:22 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. What you wrote was beautiful. :heart:

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Offlinelysergicide
Aurora Borealis
Male

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: champ]
    #8184437 - 03/23/08 07:32 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

today, i called up my dads friends. i talked to them, and they understood and shared my sympathies. we all learned a lot from each other, and from him.

i'm glad my dad had such great friends. i'm entitled to my fathers ashes, so i'm giving both of his best friends a share of his love. they have stuck by him since elementary school and my dad would be so happy to know that the other people who shared his life and memories had something like this to remember and honor his glorious life that affected so many people.

i don't need all of his ashes. if anything, i think it's important to pass his legacy on so other people can also remember and honor his spirit. so much love and humanity is too much for a young son like me. being stubborn like he sometimes was, he would probably expect that i would have kept them all. but i can't just do that: he's more important to me then that. i need to show the world what he did for me, and i need to give a little of it back to him.

with my share of the ashes, i'm going to bury most of it in the grave plot of his mother and father, who lay side by side. i think he spoke a few times of wanting to be with them in peace again, but either way i think i know he does.

my dad spent a lot of his youth in fort lauderdale. he always spoke of it like it was his haven and his sanctuary. i'm not completely sure, but i can imagine he really flourished in that beautiful florida sun and was really happy there. he was a philadelphia boy and he was a florida boy too. i think a part of him always wanted to stay there.

i've never been to florida before. i'm going to go to fort lauderdale and send some of his ashes out into the ocean.

so much love and humanity shouldn't be forced to rest in one quiet place...

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Offlinelysergicide
Aurora Borealis
Male

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: misterdogman]
    #8184494 - 03/23/08 07:44 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Quote:

misterdogman said:
Not only did your beautiful words bring a tear to my eyes but it honored your father as much as possible. For you to publicly share your feelings with us and seeing that love in the words not only touched me personally it reinforced the hope I have in the things I do and the way I raise my 3 sons, that hope is leaving the same kind of impact on them, as your father left on you! The love you 2 had for each other was and is totally obvious and really is a sacred thing, and I am glad you got to share that together before he left. But like you said there will also be a future together, that you get to look forward to, more beautiful than the words anyone could write about him now... and twice as beautiful as the past you shared before. I really dont think saying sorry or giving my condolences fits here either, because the love and happiness for your relationship and his new found relief from this life is proof enough and I see in your writing you know that, and it was bleeding from your heart like I could hear your voice in person...it shows your relationship with him and love for him is enough condolence and relief back for you in return, and just replying hopefully shows that I am proud of the way you are dealing with it and my thoughts are with you and your Father as he begins his travel... and you also begin for your own travel... in a way. Peace and love be with you and yours
Mr.




thank you very much, this reply really touched me.
it gave the words to a lot of my feelings, thank you.

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OfflineMaverick
Lover of Earwigs!
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 12/18/05
Posts: 13,442
Loc: Valleys of Willamette Flag
Last seen: 1 day, 10 hours
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8184638 - 03/23/08 08:18 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Man I'm sorry, I don't know how I'd cope with losing a parents (though they're both nearing 60, I'd better get ready for the shock of something happening).

He'd be proud though, of the strong person he left behind to take care of the rest of his family. You're a kickass dude, keep improving in live, that's what he would have wanted: You to succeed and live a life that suits you.

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8184659 - 03/23/08 08:21 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

Quote:

lysergicide said:
leave some prayers and love for me shroomery!
thank you.

may he bless you with his spirit! :smile:




Just reading that I feel blessed with it through you.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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Invisibleivi
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 9,089
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8184859 - 03/23/08 09:04 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

My condolences to you and your family. But this is what we all have or will have to go through some day, as nobody lives forever. Thank you for sharing your feelings, it really means a lot to me. Your father would be proud of you.


--------------------

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Offlinecircularvortex
Bass Head
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 12,148
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 25 days, 14 hours
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: lysergicide]
    #8184878 - 03/23/08 09:09 PM (16 years, 8 days ago)

:hug:


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.


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Offlinelysergicide
Aurora Borealis
Male

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
Re: i lost my best friend yesterday... [Re: circularvortex]
    #8186276 - 03/24/08 08:38 AM (16 years, 8 days ago)

thank you everyone!

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