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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: jenns_hot]
    #8079820 - 02/27/08 11:29 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

i agree entirely, sharing a name can bring relationships closer. i'm just saying try to view it from the other perspective. why couldn't it be her name you're sharing? and then conversely, she would show her devotion through those other things you listed.


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OfflineImperialCactus
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #8079853 - 02/27/08 11:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I wouldn't care myself, my family is fucked up anyways so if a name were that important I might even prefer hers. But really it's just a label that says nothing about you, besides your race maybe. Some issues I can see are a combination that just sounds bad, or maybe someone has something inter-racial going on and both want to keep their heritage advertised in their names.

Just seems that some people place a lot of importance on their name, like it's a part of who they are or something. To me, it's just a label used to communicate and differentiate between people. Nothing more, nothing less, so I wouldn't care either way unless it was a really bad sounding combination.

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Offlinejenns_hot
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #8079855 - 02/27/08 11:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
i agree entirely, sharing a name can bring relationships closer. i'm just saying try to view it from the other perspective. why couldn't it be her name you're sharing? and then conversely, she would show her devotion through those other things you listed.




I've been trying to write a reply that doesnt sound conceded, but I can't really. I just feel like since it's been going on for centuries and is the standard, I'm not going to change and risk others seeing me as less masculine or less secure. I would probably be the main source of income too, and in my opinion the woman taking my name shows, in a way, that she appreciates that I share what I earn with her in order for us to live happily together.


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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: jenns_hot]
    #8079867 - 02/27/08 11:47 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

fair enough. that's rather well put. thanks for taking the time to figure that out and verbalize it.


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Offlinejenns_hot
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #8079874 - 02/27/08 11:53 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

so how do you feel about it?


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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: jenns_hot]
    #8079886 - 02/27/08 11:59 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

however, if you were wondering, i'd be down for hyphenated names. depending on the girl, the depth of my love, and how adamantly she feels about the topic (and whether or not she has a cool last name), i might even be able to strike a compromise to take on her name fully.




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Offlinejenns_hot
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #8079897 - 02/28/08 12:05 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

whoops, didnt see that post.. cool. Hyphenated names just always sound really unappealing to me because the only woman i ever knew with a hyphenated name was a complete bitch.

by the way though, in my last relationship, with jenn, it was pretty serious. we had talked about marriage, and she always said that she would want to take my last name. i think that most girls would still prefer to take the guy's name.


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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: jenns_hot]
    #8079911 - 02/28/08 12:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

yeah, probably. but sometimes it's fun to question convention.


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OfflineStonedShroom
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #8080017 - 02/28/08 01:17 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I'll never get married, due to laws and whatnot ...

but if it ever were to happen, I wouldn't take anyone else's last name. They can take mine... or we can hyphenate. but I'm not changing mine.

I like my last name anyway.

It's pretty rare. I'm almost certain there's no one else who has the exact same name as me.


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We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.


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InvisibleAcidic_SlothM
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: StonedShroom]
    #8080093 - 02/28/08 01:51 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

i'm positive there is no one else here with the same last name as mine. i've never heard of anyone with the same last name except for the 3 other people in my family who share it.


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OfflineCannabischarlie
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
    #8082607 - 02/28/08 05:59 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

so you don't feel you should show a similar act of devotion?




what, like an expensive piece of jewelry? oh wait.....


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This section of the signature line has been intentionally left blank.

  we could all use a little more sunshine.

:shrug: yeah, she's funny and somewhat interesting.  not a beauty queen, but not bad lookin.  i'd feel quite honored to fuck janine garofalo.
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OfflineRaego
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: jenns_hot]
    #8082809 - 02/28/08 06:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

jenns_hot said:
Quote:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
i agree entirely, sharing a name can bring relationships closer. i'm just saying try to view it from the other perspective. why couldn't it be her name you're sharing? and then conversely, she would show her devotion through those other things you listed.




I've been trying to write a reply that doesnt sound conceded, but I can't really. I just feel like since it's been going on for centuries and is the standard, I'm not going to change and risk others seeing me as less masculine or less secure. I would probably be the main source of income too, and in my opinion the woman taking my name shows, in a way, that she appreciates that I share what I earn with her in order for us to live happily together.




Seems to me lots of people are saying its a sign of devotion and you do your part buy buying a ring..sharing more of the income.
Well the wife..has YOUR kids. spends 9 months stretched out of shape and very miserabele for most of it. and no having kids isnt a glowing wonderful experience like the movies,sory to ruin that for you.
AND I think saying yes, she wants to spend her life with YOU not joe across the street is devotion enough.
I'm not ragging on one or the other as I've been married twice and done both.
However it wasnt out of DUTY to the man, or respect for his name, because we both come from old european families with a rich heritage we wanted to keep.
I changed mine for a more practical reason,.
Made it harder for my ex that has been stalking me for 3 years (tried to kill me twice) to find me.
In the end its personal choice, but it doesnt *prove devotion, respect or anything of the nature..and for its origins, it was used to determine property... the owener/Master of the land had all his chattle share his last name.. wife included.
I'm not property.but I do share his last name and I dont mind.
but think it through not just BS of obligation and who makes the money, she will contribute just as much in MANY ways as that 5 dollar paycheck you bring home.
I make as much as my husband btw.
Peace

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OfflineFractal5
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Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 92
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Raego]
    #8082961 - 02/28/08 07:10 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Its funny I read this post. I normally just lurk and read, but I was actually thinking about this earlier today, so I guess I will comment.

I really love my last name. My entire life at family gatherings, and just throughtout normal family times we have proudly refered to ourselves as the "'s." Now I can also see the flip side that a women may have that same bond with her name, but I simply will not take another name, and will not hyphenate it. I have the feeling I have a lot more conservative view on things than most of you (based on this and other posts) but it is just the man who keeps his name, and it is something that both the women and the man can be proud of.
Also, the type of girl I am interested in and will most likely marry will probably not have any issues with this.
Straight to the point, and not subtle in my arguement, but those are my thoughts.

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Offlineg00ru
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Fractal5]
    #8082967 - 02/28/08 07:11 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I wouldn't really care either way, but for practical purposes I'd kind of prefer that my wife take my last name. Her last name is from her dad anyways, so it's sexist whatever she does :P


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InvisibleLiz
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #8082969 - 02/28/08 07:11 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I'm getting married next spring, and I think I am going to keep my last name as my middle name, and take my fiance's last name. We'll see though.


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The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.



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OfflineFunGuyFan
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: jenns_hot]
    #8083112 - 02/28/08 07:38 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

My maiden name is not my blood name and I thought of having it legally changed years before I ever got married. I am very proud of my blood name and it makes me cringe to think of where my legal maiden name came from.
Needless to say I was happy to change my name when I got married although taking his name was not my first option. I wanted both of us to change our names to something completely different , but he was not up for that. He wanted to continue carrying on his family name because there was no one else to do it.
I can respect those reasons.
If I had wanted to keep my name that was fine by him. I had a lot of pressure from my sis and a little bit from my mum to keep my maiden name but I did not want to. I finally ended up taking his name just so I could be rid of the old one. I do not feel that it makes me his property or pushes me down in anyway. My maiden name is now my middle name and I am okay with that. Who knows I may change my middle name back to my blood name someday because it is a name I have great respect for.
:2cents:
I do feel it is a womans right to decide what her name should be just as man can do and no one should be offended by that. If my husband and I ever decide to have children I would consider giving them both of our last names.


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InvisibleCrasher
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Raego]
    #8083262 - 02/28/08 08:10 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Raego said:

Well the wife..has YOUR kids. spends 9 months stretched out of shape and very miserable for most of it. and no having kids isn't a glowing wonderful experience like the movies, sorry to ruin that for you.






Really? My wife is pregnant with our second child and we both agree it is a wonderful time. Feeling the baby move, preparing for the arrival, picking names, etc. This doesn't even cover the daily wonder and joy that being a father or parent brings..

If you judge the experience by the sickness and pain, I feel sorry for you.

Also, spending nine months pregnant pales in comparison to the 18-20 years we'll BOTH spend raising OUR children.


As for the original issue: Its just a name. She took mine because hers was shared with a portion of the female reproductive system. No bullshit.

:Meh:


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Edited by Crasher (02/28/08 08:11 PM)

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Offlinejenns_hot
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Raego]
    #8083349 - 02/28/08 08:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Raego said:
Quote:

jenns_hot said:
Quote:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
i agree entirely, sharing a name can bring relationships closer. i'm just saying try to view it from the other perspective. why couldn't it be her name you're sharing? and then conversely, she would show her devotion through those other things you listed.




I've been trying to write a reply that doesnt sound conceded, but I can't really. I just feel like since it's been going on for centuries and is the standard, I'm not going to change and risk others seeing me as less masculine or less secure. I would probably be the main source of income too, and in my opinion the woman taking my name shows, in a way, that she appreciates that I share what I earn with her in order for us to live happily together.





Well the wife..has YOUR kids. spends 9 months stretched out of shape and very miserabele for most of it.


she will contribute just as much in MANY ways as that 5 dollar paycheck you bring home.
I make as much as my husband btw.
Peace





-----FIRST- I dont want kids. But if we did have kids, my wife would not have MY kids, she would have OUR kids. It is a mutual choice and she knows that.-----

Also, no need to be insulting about my "5 dollar paycheck." I'm not sure what you are trying to imply by saying that, because you don't know me at all. I also know that any woman I marry will certainly not sit on her ass all day. She'll probably have a job and work hard at work and at home. And so will I. I'm just saying that with my major, I expect to earn a very decent earning when I am through college.

My views of marriage are very traditional. I think that a woman should take my name. No need for you to get offended.


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"Fear makes the wolf look bigger"

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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Liz]
    #8083759 - 02/28/08 09:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Liz said:
I'm getting married next spring, and I think I am going to keep my last name as my middle name, and take my fiance's last name.  We'll see though.




This is what I did when I was married.  I thought it was romantic to change my last name to his, and to identify myself with his family.  I would NEVER change my name again unless it was to join the Federal Witness Protection Program.

1. It is a HUGE hassle.  It took nearly 2 years to catch every single instance of my maiden name, and many places did not respond to my first request.

2.  I realized that I really like my name.  It suits me, it is short and easy to spell.  It sounds feminine and graceful, and it looks pretty in my signature.

3.  After 4 years of marriage, the first 2 of which I was still wrangling with name changes, I got divorced and had to UNDO all of it.  :tongue:

I have two kids, so one has my last name & the other has my ex's last name.  The one with his father's name has told me that he will change his last name to mine once he turns 18. (Our divorce decree states that I will not change his last name). 

Personally, I don't see why anyone should need to change their name to show devotion or familial connection.  A family is so much more than a name.

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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
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Re: marriage and taking names [Re: Veritas]
    #8083779 - 02/28/08 09:46 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

it's awesome that so many of you have replied to this and chimed in your opinions. there are a lot of ideas and opinions expressed thoughtfully and clearly, and several real life instances of mishaps.

it's really interesting to see the many p.o.v.'s


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