Ok, well to start off with hallucinogens fascinate me. I mildly hallucinate after smoking weed. I love it.
Before my shroom trip, as I do with any substance I put into my body, i researched the hell out of it. For some really strange reason, every source i went to said 3-5gm was good to start with. Yeah, apparently i didn't research enough. Needless to say, my first trip was on 4 grams.
Bare with the long post, i actually do want suggestions or comments. (and sorry about the awkward shifts in grammar...i wrote it like it was happening now, then shifted to past tense...whatever).
Trip one:
This was about a year ago, right before school ended of my junior year. I got to my friends house, who is known for throwing badass parties, but it was supposed to be a pretty mellow night. My friend who bought 3 grams also showed up. I eat a stem, then go spend some alone time with my gf. Girlfriend leaves, and i chill with my 4 friends, me and my fellow tripper stand on either side of a beer pong table while the other 2 play.
After taking the rest, and waiting, me and my friend notice the table looks like its on fire (the wood grain is dancing). Time passes, we go outside. We talk for awhile and the light becomes fuzzy. Suddenly people start showing up for a party i didn't know what going to happen.
At this time i have no anxiety, its probably an hour in, and im definitely coming up. A bunch of people show up, maybe 30, and alot are from my childhood and i hadn't seen them in atleast 10 years. I go inside, and start tripping balls.
Here's a summary of what i saw, and did, and was told i did.
I had a hood on, with my whole head covered and my eyes barely visible, and everyone knew i was the dude on shrooms (for a semester that was me, that one kid who did shrooms). I wandered the party, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room while people talked, just staring at one (but really just in another world). Some people were weirded out, but some were cool. I don't know when i started having a bad trip. I sat in a chair, and my body went totally limp, my head cocked back staring at the floor. The floor started kaliedascoping into dancing lizards or something. I sat for what seemed like days. The wall was painted with a very 3d paint drip style, which looked like dinosaur skeletons that were fighting. Generally cool at this point.
I remember forgetting my name, and thinking i was this one kid i used to think was a nerd but i was his friend. So i went outside. On the porch (still many people around) i leaned on a wooden pole. I was falling and hanging onto it for dear life, and probably looked like i was totally drunk getting ready to heave. Drunk friends from the past start clinging to me, so i go inside. I sit on a couch with some people. I have a busted tooth from 4th grade, and the crown just felt wrong, like i had busted my tooth again. I felt it with my tongue and thought i smashed my face into concrete outside for no reason, and some kids voice in my head kept saying "its never going to stop" and a loop played through out the night of me asking someone "Did i smash my face?" and they would say "Yeah dude, stop asking, you fucked yourself up bad. I don't know why man". The song party like a rockstar played ALL night long. I forgot who i was totally. I apparently at this point rolled over onto this girl and almost got in a fight and got punched in the face, but i don't remember. I curled up in a corner and spaced out while people demanded to know if i was ok (not from the punch, just because i was curled in a ball).
It really felt like i was being punished. For some reason i thought it wasn't shrooms, but weed that i had smoked, and that it was some sort of sin, and that everyone was looking down on me. I felt like someone was going to come in with a bat and beat the hell out of me, or take my head and smash it into the fireplace for no reason.
So, that is that night...the come down was after the party, around 6, with me taking all of them at midnight. We were watching infomercials about the bible and weight loss, and while im not particularly predjudice, i felt like i was being forced to watch it because im not particularly religious and im skinny as hell and i would die if i were super fat (idk...lol). Really when the party ended it seemed like everyone was abandoning me.
I kept walking into my friends room (hilariously, his nickname is Jesus, and he wore a shirt that said "Elderly Pride", and all these signs were everywhere about how i need to respect my elders more, or not take people for granted. I really found out how much i loved my girlfriend after that...
Trip 2: This was 3.5, which i was aiming for only 2, but i kinda got lost in the "What if it doesn't do anything and i waste all this money" thing. It was at the same girlfriends apartment. Pretty much, it started out getting this grid vision of red over everything which i didn't like, so i downed a beer. It vanished. Suddenly my phone rang, and it was party like a rockstar (idk why i put it on my phone). This trip is about 3 months after the previous one btw. Anyways that totally started me into a bad trip. I said "i think i took too much" and went to the bathroom to throw it up. I dropped these at maybe 6pm...idk really. My girlfriend got really distant, and she was tripping too but having a good time.
She got like...disgusted of me and how scared i was and said i was different and she didn't like it or me anymore. They dropped me off at 11pm instead of 1 in the morning like was planned because the guy who had the car had to go get someone from far away.
I sat on my walkway to my house for an hour and a half, coming down, each second feeling like my life was being sucked away. The shadow from a tree branch looked like a man with a hat, biding his time till the come down was over, till he would finally punish me for something i had done. I was frozen. I then got up and wandered my streets, sure that someone was going to drive by and shoot me in the head for no reason. The streets were dead empty...which is pretty weird cuz i walked into a major road right next to my house (yeah dumb i know...but hey i felt like i was about to be sent to hell).
I then went inside, at 1, almost fully come down but still delusional, and told my mom everything. That i had taken shrooms, tried X, smoked weed. She knew i drank before this though. She tripped me out by just repeating "What" over and over again.
Dumb...i really really know.
Time passes, and 2 weeks ago i took maybe, 1.5 or 1.75 grams. I had a good time. No time distortion, which although i didn't talk about, was heavy on the 2 bad trips, along with alot of looping of unpleasant things. Me and my 2 friends i was tripping with sat in my blacklight room and watched fear and loathing in las vegas.
It was a very very good time.
So, last weekend i met a friend who grows them. I am recieving 2 ounces this coming weekend. Most are going to a few groups of friends..some of which i offered and was greatly appreciated for, to trip sit. 8 grams are for me. 6 are for a good friend who's going in to buy with me.
While i talk about the hell that the trips were...i think they are good stories. One thing that bothers me is how i feel like im loosing myself, and will inadvertently hurt myself (like bashing my head into the ground for no reason lol). Before both trips, and even now, i feel like i am very mentally stable. Im pretty introspective...trust is a big thing, all that stuff. The visuals were amazing, the time distortion was a bit much for my psyche at the time...
Anyways...im getting the shrooms. Im not doing all 8 at once by no means...im going to split it into a few different trips. i have read alot recently, like i did before my other 2 trips, about set and setting (which on both bad trips were all wrong, the setting that is, because we never changed it, and there were strangers who just kept weirding me out at both trips). This time will be different. Im going to have a trip sitter after doing it for my friends. If it starts going bad im going to have them drive me somewhere.
I'm just looking for any analysis or suggestions. Theres no way i could list everything that happened, or some of the fucked up loops i went through, and i have already typed alot.
Any thoughts?
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Everything I have typed is purely fiction, and is purely for personal amusement. All images I've posted are not mine and I am simply posting interesting things I found on the Google.
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