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doitagain
He-Bro



Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 1,947
Loc: Land of Milk and Honey
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover
#8046162 - 02/20/08 05:39 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hmm let me begin by talking about my drug history, i've struggled with depression since i was a teenager and been on every kinda ssri, snri, mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, and add medication you can imagine.
I don't blame my parents as they were just looking out for my best interests, and shrinks are just crazy with the drugs they're passing out like halloween candy, without letting the users know about the side effects and possible benefits/negatives from this form of treatment.
So because my parents trusted the so-called expert opinion of these various quacks I became a guinea pig for all sorts of drugs, went through phases where i lost weight to the point of being unhealthy skinny because of the stimulants they gave me for ADD. Some drugs made me excessively lethargic, and i couldn't wake up for school, my mom would literally shake me and throw water on me but I was impossible to wake up, and this goes beyond normal teenagerness.
Eventually after going the gamut from anti-psychotics, to mood-stabilizers, and pretty much any psychiatric drug there was, i was re-diagnosed from bi-polar to depression, and got on SSRI's and later SNRI's which helped me function better but made me feel numb, and hollow, not at all fulfilled.
I was usually a pretty obedient kid so when my mom told me drugs were bad, i believed her, and when she said she tried marijuana in college but its become more harmful now so no one should try it, i believed her.
In my senior year in high school, i began to notice that some of my friends were into smoking pot, and some of them were the stereotypical burnout lazy stoner, but as many others were people i knew to be good students, and had gotten into good schools.
I began researching pot, and that's when I first found erowid. I realized that the risks of pot were hugely exaggerated to me, and that trying it once certainly couldn't hurt. I tried it and liked it very much, i've always loved music, and often good music has been what kept me going in depression, it speaks to me that much. And with pot the music sounded so much clearer, and intricate, just more beauty, i saw beauty everywhere when I smoked pot. I felt alive as i never had been before those first few times getting high.
I felt confident whereas before i completely lacked self-esteem. The highs were stronger then, and i felt like when i got high it allowed me to self-psychoanalyze and help myself to be better and happier. I'd have times where i'd just feel the pure love and energy and beauty in this world and i just loved it. I felt like making the world a better place. It wasn't an escapist drug so much as a rebirth for me. It was kinda like the days after a great shroom trip where you feel so amazing.
The third time i smoked pot, was senior year with a good friend of mine who had hippie parents so we blazed in his house, me and a couple friends stayed over blazing all night,it was later on in the year, and it was on the rocks whether or not i would graduate, but since I already had my GED, i wasn't completely focused on it. So i was really high there and came to the revelation that it would be a good idea to buckle down, do my homework (which was always easy i was just lazy.) and get to those night classes where i was making up credits. By smoking weed i was able to tolerate this shit that i didn't really do and i got stoned before classes but at least went and paid attention enough to barely graduate with my class. I noticed that even when i wasn't high if i had smoked recently i was in a happier mindset than my usual depressed self.
Also i was interested in psychedelics from the start for reasons of self-improvement and self-discovery. One of my good stoner buddies to this day will remind me of when he smoked me out my first time, and 5 minutes later i was like i wanna try shrooms lol. I wasn't really interested in drugs just for the sake of getting fucked up i wanted to be able to take something from the experience.
Since then i've tried shrooms, lsa, 2c-i, 2c-b, salvia, dxm and any psychedelic i could get my hands on. (I know dxm's not a psychedelic but i think the 3rd plateau is still good for shamanic purposes) anyways I always looked down on ecstasy because it seemed to be like it was just pointless hedonism. Not that I think hedonism itself is a bad thing, but it can be carried to excess. Anyways judging from what i'd heard about ecstasy and by seeing people rolling and all e-tarded i was like yeah thats one of the bad drugs, and i stayed away opting for things like shrooms, and lsa, and plenty of grass. I loved shrooms, and they have certainly changed my life for the better, and shaped some of my ideology about the world and i'm very grateful for them. I just wasn't interested in mdma, because i didn't think there was anything to be learned from it. In my first few years of drug experimentation i never touched E.
I've always enjoyed reading non-fiction and learning about science so drugs are a fascinating thing for me to study. In pikhal i liked a lot of what shulgin said, and it surprised me how he saw ecstasy as a very useful psychotherapeutic tool, not just a get fucked up drug, so I became curious. My roomate rolls a lot, well not a whole lot, but maybe more than he should. Shulgin didn't think it was a think that should be taken often, and I think that's good advice.
My roommate gets a lot of these pink buddha pills, and i've rolled twice on them, including right as we speak, though i'm coming down. They're very gentle, it's doesn't feel like really forceful, or really speedy, and obviously unless you test a pill you can't be 100% sure but my roommate says hes pretty sure MDMA is the only active ingredient in there. My only othertime taking E was a speed based pill and i was on an SSRI and i didn't really feel anything besides the stimulant effect.
But these pills are nice, and very conducive to my brand of self-psychotherapy, allowing me to analyze my behaviors and see how certain choices im making like skipping my junior college classes is really self-sabotaging and that I have to stop doing that shit. It gave me the where with all to say hey, i've got a nice apartment that my parents are helping pay for, and all they ask is good grades and i can't even deliver them that, even though i'm completely capable of understanding the material and i'm just being lazy.
It's also made me realize how much i've turned away from my family and how sorry I am for that. I know my parents love me, but they're pretty straight laced people, my dad smoked pot twice in his life,and cocaine once, and my mom used to smoke a little pot in college but was never a stoner, and they both did a low dose of shrooms before.
I've always been very honest with my parents, and so when my dad saw the pictures of nug i had on my cell phone (i'm a dumbass) i admitted it and said how great weed was and basically told them i'm gonna keep smoking you can't stop me, it's good you guys should do it too. So by the time I had graduated high school my parents were always on my case, checking my room for drugs, trying to make me take piss tests etc... i never stopped for any sizeable length of time. They couldn't understand why i liked pot so much, or the shrooms that they've found any room, and I couldn't understand why they made such a big deal out of it. My parents just thought drugs could not possibly be good, and tried to stop me. I'd lecture them on the virtues of psychedelics, and tell them how pot isn't so bad and such, my mom knows who timothy leary is, and his basic history because of this one long back and forth my parents and I have had about drugs.
Now my parents have accepted that i'm an adult and if I really want to do drugs there's nothing they can do to stop me, and if i am meant to get clean someday it will happen, but i won't stop doing something if i still think its worth it. Which right now it is.
MDMA has reminded me how much my family, loves me, and how much I love them, so i'm going to visit this weekend, and work on repairing my relationship with my parents, (things are better than they have been but still not worth it) i even made the decision tonight that i'd be willing to go to family therapy for my mom, but no drugs. 5htp is the only thing I take for the depression, and when i combine it with exercise, eating right, and meditation I function my best, without the prozac, or the effexor my high's are higher and my lows are lower, but everything feels real, and theres none of that numbness to the outside world.
I feel foolish for neglecting MDMA so long on those preconceived notions of what it was, because it has helped me get a better outlook on life and my spiritual path to perfection as a journey, not a destination. Peace and good vibes to everyone, anyone spreading love in the world is doing good, this turned out a lot longer than i expected so if anyone reads this whole thing than props right there, but lol yeah i doubt anyone will. Still what i put out here meant a lot to me, and if one person finds value in one thing I said than i've done a good work, but if not at least i got some stuff on my chest and into the open.
MDMA has made me very grateful for all that I have like my awesome, and pretty open-minded family. My mom's smoked pot with me twice, and she says if i graduate from college she wants to shroom with me. My dad would probably never do shrooms again or weed, though i did smoke with him once, but its just not his thing, and I respect my dad as much as any man in this world.
I've been through much more than most people my age, from mental hospitals, to drug rehabs, to getting kicked out of an israeli kibbutz for smoking too much hash, i've seen a lot and learned more and more everyday, my experiences have made me who i am today, and will be tomorrow and I don't regret any of that shit. And my advice to anyone going through conflict with their parents about using drugs, is to put yourself in their shoes, and if it means quittin on the drugs, until you move out and are doing it under your own roof, or at least in college away from your parents do it. No high is worth losing the people you care about, and parents just want whats best for their kids.
PEACE!!!!
-------------------- now i hear the police comin after me
Edited by doitagain (02/20/08 05:45 AM)
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dirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave



Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: doitagain]
#8046177 - 02/20/08 05:52 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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I'm glad you took yourself off of those SSRI's and what not. I read something earlier this morning about how all of the shooters since Columbine were on some sort of SSRI. I'm not entirely sure I believe this, but at the same time, I certainly don't trust all these "disorders" psychiatrists are making up as they go along.
It's good to see that MDMA and ganja have helped you in such a positive way.
--------------------
“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison
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Raven0us
Soldier



Registered: 01/14/08
Posts: 219
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: dirtworshipper]
#8046742 - 02/20/08 11:01 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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sweet, good read.
-------------------- ~Raven0us
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albien5
Happy traveler



Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 507
Loc: Thessaloniki
Last seen: 5 months, 23 days
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Raven0us]
#8047133 - 02/20/08 12:39 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Oh men. I had almost the same experiences. A lot of anti-psychotics and other things by psychs. And i remember the time i took MDMA i was loving everybody loves me and i had a lot of good time with them. I am very glad to see you here, stay away from psychs pharmacy they don't do anything good. You have great parents keep them happy. Don't afraid of anything. And don't take drugs which makes you feeling bad... i think both know what is to feeling bad
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Coaster
Baʿal



Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: albien5]
#8047190 - 02/20/08 12:50 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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mdma owns, even shulgin recognizes that
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smokeybear
brown chicken brown cow


Registered: 07/05/07
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Coaster]
#8047296 - 02/20/08 01:22 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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wow man, i think i need to go get checked out. i feel a lot of what you mention on day to day bases, when everything is going great, i have a great outlook, when things are going bad, i have an awful outlook. i have very low self esteem and reading what you are/have gone through makes me think i may need to consider getting some help. im not going to take any sort of anti-depression pills or anything like that, but at least i would understand why i feel that way some times.
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andrewss
precariously aggrandized


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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: smokeybear]
#8047352 - 02/20/08 01:37 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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never had a chance to really try MDMA... had a roll once and it wasnt fun, just a speedy pill and the experience wasnt that positive. Hopefully pure mdma comes around sometime
-------------------- Jesus loves you.
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Raven0us
Soldier



Registered: 01/14/08
Posts: 219
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: smokeybear]
#8047366 - 02/20/08 01:41 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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just go get some rolls you'll be fine!
plur!
-------------------- ~Raven0us
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blacksun



Registered: 09/02/06
Posts: 1,390
Loc: United Kingdom
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Raven0us]
#8047709 - 02/20/08 03:07 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Stick to PURE mdma crystals.
Mdma can teach you alot, but moderation is THE fucking key with it. Dont do it every weekend. It should be a treat, with a couple of months gap in between each experiences 
Learn from it, and enjoy the experiences you have on it with no regrets, then really go out and push the limits of what you are doing with School/Work, if your not interested in the stuff your doing then dont bother, but if you are and your just being lazy, get off your ass and do it.
many good times with the magic of MDMA
EDIT:
I had exactly the same view of Ecstacy as you, then I got into magic mushrooms, and met a few friends of friends who were into MDMA and have been for years, they told me a bit about it, I did my research, and then had my first evening with MDMA... that was a night i wont forget for a while
-------------------- uarewotueat - "Libs are messy as hell, I don't know whether to take a shit or get a haircut when I'm on them!"
Edited by blacksun (02/20/08 03:10 PM)
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AndhesEcuador
Primitive and Proud



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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: blacksun]
#8047854 - 02/20/08 03:34 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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I'm sure there are are many others with whom you share similar experiences, myself included. Although I haven't done mdma, I know what you mean about the parents. Thank god I was able to leave all that BS dogma they believe in. They're good people over all but don't have an open mind to anything.
-------------------- NO EGO WBS TEK
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daiy

Registered: 01/09/08
Posts: 2,989
Loc:
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: blacksun]
#8047893 - 02/20/08 03:42 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Good read dude, it's convinced me to give mdma a shot when I can get my hands on some reliable pills.
Makes me realize how lucky I am to have such an open-minded mother. I've always been up front with her about my use of weed and psychedelics, and while she doesn't exactly approve, she realizes I'm an adult and doesn't try to force her view on me. She has faith in me to do my research and know what I'm getting into before I do anything, and to not do anything incredibly stupid.
Come to think of it I had a ton of freedom growing up, but never got into any real trouble and, if I may so myself, turned out just fine.
good vibes and such man
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NineStorms
The Dragon



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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: AndhesEcuador]
#8047907 - 02/20/08 03:46 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Truly a beautiful post brother, hehe. Pot helped turn my life around and repair my relations with my family, it might even have saved my life. It certainly gave me it at the least. I've only had MDEA twice, but the first time was helpful to me. Someday I'll try and score some pure MDMA, but just at the moment I'm looking for some mushrooms for my next psychadelic step. I think experiences like these show that these things truly ARE medicine, more powerful than anything any pharm company can make. And yes, as medicine, you shouldn't overdo it, but that applies to everything. That was really inspirational dude, thanks for speaking up.
Peace indeed!
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blacksun



Registered: 09/02/06
Posts: 1,390
Loc: United Kingdom
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: daiy]
#8047910 - 02/20/08 03:46 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
daiy said: Good read dude, it's convinced me to give mdma a shot when I can get my hands on some reliable pills.
Makes me realize how lucky I am to have such an open-minded mother. I've always been up front with her about my use of weed and psychedelics, and while she doesn't exactly approve, she realizes I'm an adult and doesn't try to force her view on me. She has faith in me to do my research and know what I'm getting into before I do anything, and to not do anything incredibly stupid.
Come to think of it I had a ton of freedom growing up, but never got into any real trouble and, if I may so myself, turned out just fine.
I have the same relationship with my parents, all seems cosher aslong as they dont see or hear about it.
-------------------- uarewotueat - "Libs are messy as hell, I don't know whether to take a shit or get a haircut when I'm on them!"
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mayfly
.



Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 800
Loc: planet home
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: blacksun]
#8047966 - 02/20/08 03:59 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Great post, dude. I've gone through some similar bullshit with mood stabilizers and all that jazz, and I'm so glad I managed to move past that without going crazy. I smoke weed a couple times a month, I roll a few times a year, and I eat a healthy diet, and I feel a thousand times better than I ever did on prescription drugs. I'm glad you're doing well now, and that you shared your story with us. This community is awesome, eh.
-------------------- "The important thing to remember: if we ship all our fat-bottomed girls off to foreign countries, the terrorists win."
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Seraph in Blue
Stranger

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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: blacksun]
#8047986 - 02/20/08 04:03 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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I seem to get much more psychedelic effects from MDMA than most people, so even though its fine when I've been to huge raves (200,000 plus) or big house parties, but I find I've gotten the most out of MDMA from small groups of my friends, and/or girlffriend it really is like a bonding session.
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doitagain
He-Bro



Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 1,947
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: blacksun]
#8048053 - 02/20/08 04:21 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
blacksun said: Stick to PURE mdma crystals.
Mdma can teach you alot, but moderation is THE fucking key with it. Dont do it every weekend. It should be a treat, with a couple of months gap in between each experiences 
Learn from it, and enjoy the experiences you have on it with no regrets, then really go out and push the limits of what you are doing with School/Work, if your not interested in the stuff your doing then dont bother, but if you are and your just being lazy, get off your ass and do it.
many good times with the magic of MDMA
EDIT:
I had exactly the same view of Ecstacy as you, then I got into magic mushrooms, and met a few friends of friends who were into MDMA and have been for years, they told me a bit about it, I did my research, and then had my first evening with MDMA... that was a night i wont forget for a while
yeah, i definitely got the feel that this is not a drug to take too often, yeah my opinion on mdma is definitely changed forever, i know its not just a purely "feel good" drug and theres some value in this material.
-------------------- now i hear the police comin after me
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doitagain
He-Bro



Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 1,947
Loc: Land of Milk and Honey
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: smokeybear]
#8048071 - 02/20/08 04:24 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
smokeybear said: wow man, i think i need to go get checked out. i feel a lot of what you mention on day to day bases, when everything is going great, i have a great outlook, when things are going bad, i have an awful outlook. i have very low self esteem and reading what you are/have gone through makes me think i may need to consider getting some help. im not going to take any sort of anti-depression pills or anything like that, but at least i would understand why i feel that way some times.
yeah, it can be good to get help, as long as they're not hawking out pills to their patients like it's going out of style, i'd reccommend getting help with a psychologist or other type of therapist not a psychiatrist cause they'll just throw drugs at you. 5htp might be worth trying as well, since its not really a drug more of a supplement.
-------------------- now i hear the police comin after me
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doitagain
He-Bro



Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 1,947
Loc: Land of Milk and Honey
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: mayfly]
#8048082 - 02/20/08 04:27 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
mayfly said: Great post, dude. I've gone through some similar bullshit with mood stabilizers and all that jazz, and I'm so glad I managed to move past that without going crazy. I smoke weed a couple times a month, I roll a few times a year, and I eat a healthy diet, and I feel a thousand times better than I ever did on prescription drugs. I'm glad you're doing well now, and that you shared your story with us. This community is awesome, eh.
yeah, all those prescription drugs never helped me, they just made me numb or made things worse, getting off them was hell, for a while but now i think my brains back to normal from that crap, and i feel better than i did on prescription drugs with just daily 5htp. yeah this community rocks.
-------------------- now i hear the police comin after me
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Sophistic Radiance
Free sVs!



Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: doitagain]
#8048188 - 02/20/08 04:51 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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The psychiatric establishment is built on exploitation of the highest degree.
That's awesome that you can share your drug experiences with your parents, though. Just this last Christmas morning my brother and I sparked up a fat J with our dad. Best Christmas ever. My mom would never do something like that and I doubt I'd ever get the opportunity to trip with my dad (he used to trip all the time but I just can't see him doing it again at this point), but that was awesome anyway.
-------------------- Enlil said: You really are the worst kind of person.
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rushofblood
Stranger

Registered: 01/27/08
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
#8048239 - 02/20/08 05:03 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Pure mdma is a beautiful thing (so is mda for that matter), I don't know why everyone wants speed?
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Sophistic Radiance
Free sVs!



Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: rushofblood]
#8048243 - 02/20/08 05:04 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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MDMA + speed is amazing at the right party.
I've only had pure MDMA twice, and it was a really small dose both times... pity. I want to see what it's really like.
-------------------- Enlil said: You really are the worst kind of person.
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blacksun



Registered: 09/02/06
Posts: 1,390
Loc: United Kingdom
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
#8048658 - 02/20/08 06:58 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Well if you have always had speed in your pills, then its a bit different. Much more mellow and loved up.
Its so easy to get pure MDMA, I have had no trouble getting a gram of MDMA at EVERY party/rave I have been to, within the first 15 minutes really. I've done pills a few times... and they were rough and speedy, enjoyable if your into that stuff, but not my style really.
I enjoy interacting more so than dancing twice the speed of the music.
But i dont munch that often anymore, would like to try MDA and MMDA though.
EDIT: If your experienced with MDMA crystals, its quite easy to take a fairly large amount spanning 14-16 hours, usually from the start of a rave to the afternoon of the next day.
Me and a friend would get through over half a gram in one night usually, doing a bomb(MDMA in a rizla) at the beginning of the evening, then dabbing every 2-3 hours until the morning, then hit up Macdonalds(only place open at 7am on a sunday) for another bomb in the toilets and a coffee/tea, then get back to his or my place and rail a line each, then just chill out in a very buzzy electrical state of mind, quite tweaked out, we might manage another line, but most of the time we would crash out for 3-6 hours and have strange dreams.
When we first started doing that it was pretty mental, full on rushes, music sounded stellar, could dance all night and day, if the batch was really strong may end up sitting down and hallucinating for an hour or two. And the next day would be very strange dreamy hallucinations when you closed your eyes.
Nowadays it doesnt have the same magic for me, but my friend loves it still , so i like to drop acid now.

It only took a dozen experiences/evenings for the magic to really fade for me, so cherish each moment you have with it.
-------------------- uarewotueat - "Libs are messy as hell, I don't know whether to take a shit or get a haircut when I'm on them!"
Edited by blacksun (02/20/08 07:09 PM)
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Divided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: blacksun]
#8048934 - 02/20/08 07:56 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
blacksun said: Stick to PURE mdma crystals.
Mdma can teach you alot, but moderation is THE fucking key with it. Dont do it every weekend. It should be a treat, with a couple of months gap in between each experiences 
Agreed. MDMA can be an amazingly wonderful and productive experience, you just have to treat it with respect and use it intelligently. It can be a powerful entheogen with the right intention.
The two most profound life changing experiences I've had have been on MDMA and LSD respectively.
-------------------- 1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..." 2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..." 3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."
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Coaster
Baʿal



Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
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Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Divided_Sky]
#8048984 - 02/20/08 08:09 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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ya LSD and MDMA are probably the two most useful drugs out there
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doitagain
He-Bro



Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 1,947
Loc: Land of Milk and Honey
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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Re: MDMA impressions - don't judge a book by it's cover [Re: Coaster]
#8049033 - 02/20/08 08:21 PM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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i dunno where to get pure molly, but my roommate gets pills that aren't speedy at all, i mean obviously i can't determine if theres anything else in it besides mdma and pill binders without a lab, but it seems pretty pure, and my roommate said there pure (besides the inert ingredients)
-------------------- now i hear the police comin after me
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