I cant remember ever having such a profound experience and being both functional at and wanting to go to work at 7am the next morning. Maybe because I care about what I'm doing so much--but more on that and its relation to the trip later. My only previous experience with caapi that actually worked was using about 1/3lb of shredded vine.
Preparation ----------- --Started out with 1 pound of caapi ordered from the same site I've always gotten my ethnobotanicals from. Out of respect for their business I wont post the name unless a mod gives me permission. In the past I'd purchased their shredded caapi; this time it was vine segments approx 5-8in long and 1-2 inches across. The variety was listed as 'white caapi'.
--Split the vine segments into strips as thin as possible. Not nearly as uniform as the shredded I'd purchased at the past--I had pieces as big as cigars down to pencils plus a pile of 'sawdust'. Noticed in some pieces the tiniest bit of light bluish-greenish-grey mold (I'll say right here it caused no noticeable problems later.
--In a bowl, covered caapi in water and allowed to sit in the fridge from approx 5pm Friday to 2pm Saturday.
--Cold water infusion a dark yellow-brown. Probably the darkest of the extractions to come. Filtered out vine, and covered the pieces in water in a pot to cook. Did 4 boil-filters total, each for approx 4 hours(?)--there was some downtime inbetween due to family events + sleep I had to participate in. For each extraction the temperature was raised slightly, going from a simmer to a rolling boil.
--By the 3rd extraction I began combining the liquids. It took a long time to boil it down....eventually the pound of caapi was reduced to about 1.25 cups of brown sludge (incredibly thick despite repeated filterings), very similar to chocolate milk that has too much syrup in it. As the extract boiled down to less and less, the semi-clear and almost red-black liquid thickened and a milk-chocolate color appeared out of the murk in a manner similar in appearance to cream when first poured in black coffee. --Ready to drink the stuff at approx 3:30pm Sunday afternoon. My glass, which I'd estimated to be about 12oz worth of caapi, had cooled slightly and sticky black pieces of goo began to (precipitate?) out of the lighter brown liquid and settle to the bottom; I heated it in the microwave first for 20 seconds. Put some shpongle on, took a deep breath, and somehow got 95% of the stuff down, aided by half a glass of water and a few sips of rootbeer.
The Experience -------------- Intoxication started almost immediately after drinking. Maybe it was just from the mental strain of consuming such concentrated slime, but I was extremely drunk and dizzy. The effect of this stuff on the stomach sends chills through your whole body.
At approx 4:15 things started to get really intense. The caapi 'feel' of a heavy-lightness started to come on quick...a weightless sinking like drifting to the bottom of the sea. My vision began to distort to a level that would remain for most of the experience...in which I was paying attention to everything up close in front of me, but at the same time I could barely see things that weren't a foot or more away. I also began to experience a very strange distortion, similar but different to the tracers of tryptamines--everytime I'd look at a light and look away, the flash burned into one's vision for a second was incredibly bright, multiplied and long-lasting.....and brighter and more real than the lights being distorted!
At about 4:45 things started getting really intense. I've heard caapi is not a sexual drug, and one must abstain before during and after, but the vine gave me an overwhelming sexual urge I only wish could have been satisfied by something beyond masturbation. It was at approx this time that the peak began.
Mid, uh, wank... the buzzing started. Barely noticeable at first but increasing in volume and intensity to the point my computer was barely tolerable. I finished my business, noticing the buzzing seemed to increase significantly as orgasm peaked.
About 5:15 my stomach finally had enough, and I ran to the bathroom to purge from mouth, then ass, then mouth again. The purging lasted about an hour total, with breaks of calm inbetween.
It was during this purging that the buzzing went to a new level, and my entire body began to shake. It wasn't like amphetamine twitches...but as if my entire being was oscillating on an infinite scale, from my whole being to my limbs down to my cells and molecules. If I was on anything but caapi, the fear would be taking over completely right now. To an outsider, I would have looked like a serious victim of parkinson's disease.
As the purging continued and the body oscillations increased in intensity (I was shaking so bad I was afraid to stand, and I could barely keep from dropping a glass of water) I began to fear I had ODed on beta-carbolines, or not fasted long enough, somehow tainted my brew in a non-MAOI safe way. By this point its easily one of the most intense experiences of my life. I felt like I was being bathed and permeated by what I can only describe as white light. I bowed before the caapi power and begged her to show me the way, and swore I would do whatever it takes, in this life or the next, to reach enlightenment and help all living things to do the same, and do my part to put an end to misery and dellusion. (I'll say right here that this is the most important thing in my real life I can think of, and the desire to be free and to free all other life is an obsession that has kept me going since I was 17).
About this time the purging subsided. I flushed it down the shitter (note--caapi vomit/poo stains porcelin big-time!), and oozed my way into the shower. I might say that this was a difficult task, because, although I could tell I had no risk of blacking out and drowning, standing in a slippery shower was simply impossible. At about 6:15 I lay down in the shower and let the water run over me for several hours. The sound of the shower as one of the few things that helped block out the deafening buzz.
It was this stage that I really noticed caapi's effects on my thought process. My stream of conciousness was flowing incredibly fast, thought to thought, similar but 'opposite' to tryptamines. My thought process had a similar theme of 'connecting things'....seeing patterns in nature, society, my mind. Again I say this was similar but opposite to the unity-realization of tryptamines. I feel caapi shows the connection on a smaller, down to earth level, while tryptamines show the connection on an external and cosmic scale.
My thoughts were of my own destiny, and the people around me, and most importantly, of love. Caapi definetly put me in touch with the identity I've become so detached from over the last few years. It gave me a slight glimpse of my self from the outside as others might see me...the good the bad and the bat-shit crazy. It made me realize that during my journey towards enlightenment and freedom from ego has caused me lose sight of my true self/soul that lies within. I thought about that true self and how it hides within all people, sometimes veiled slightly with good-nature, or wrapped tightly within a shroud of hate. About this time--6:45pm or so--the body and auditory buzzing/oscillations dramatically decreased. As I began to recover my final thought was of love for another person, something I had struggled to come to terms with. I guess caapi made me realize that, after all base desires are purged, the desire for love still remains. I'm not so sure now I can stand to be alone for the rest of my existence in this and future lives.
My closing vision was one of hope, and beauty....something personal that reminded me of an image Alex Grey did. It was of myself, and of a woman, and a baby inside her. Instead of needed them to complete, I long for them to complement me. I can't express how odd this ending was for me, considering my constant struggle to let go of the need to be with another being. As for the desire to have a child....that is the opposite of what I thought was me. Perhaps in trying to rid myself of ego, I'd accidentally drifted away from that true-self....who's essence I can now better appreciate as pure boundless love--the same love that holds existence itself together. Tears come to my eyes, and I am at peace. The experience slowly faded
So thats it. Thanks for taking the time to read through at least a few sentences of that. I 'can't remember' remembering a drug experience in half the detail I did this one. I dont know how much of this experience was 'personal' for me and how much was unique to the caapi itself, but I highly recommend its healing power to everyone. I've always gone into psychedelics with a longing to see the light--this time I was utterly immersed in it. I will never do a dose less than I did, but I will warn anyone who may be interested in it themselves, that if I had not had considerable experience with such substances in the past it probably would have been too much. I personally can't see any reason to throw DMT in the mix--the unpleasant feelings plus the overwhelming visuals would have completely ruined the experience. I would recommend anyone interested in just the vine itself to do so with someone very close to you, especially a lover.
|