Well I wasn't sure if I would have the dedication to even begin to write about my last trip, but here I am, beginning the inevitable.
I still can't explain everything that happened. I'll start with the basics, I suppose. Five people. Me, my girlfriend, my two buddies, and one of their girlfriends. ~13.5g of garden variety cubes (cultivated, of course, that's all we get here in AZ). Somehow it ended up at around 2.6g per person, and I got just a tad extra.
Quick come up. Sally, we'll call her, starts tripping after fifteen minutes. She's done this once before. Then my girlfriend, me, Law, and Sally's boyfriend Travis (poor guy came in really late on the trip).
Soon enough, we're in it. THe music is flowing through the speakers. It's taking control. We're getting slammed with synesthesia, but I'm the only one who knows it (I've played this fun game many times before).
Then the crazy stuff happens. To summarize, we had a collective consciousness. We all shared thoughts, completely incommunicable through words, every minute of the peak. Somehow, I had the power to control every person in the room. My thoughts streamed out of my mouth, and I only listened to my words as they formed into perfect explanations that everyone else grasped. Ego death in the strangest of ways (I was only an observer to my own words and actions, though somehow I controlled them). I could go on, but honestly I don't think I could explain it.
It was as if we had all jumped out of our own minds and into each other's. We would talk to one person, but they wouldn't be listening- instead the person on the other side of the room would be. And it formed a perfect chain of one person ignoring, another listening, another talking, etc. People began to confuse their emotions for one person with another. I felt the love that I felt for my girlfriend for everyone there. And everyone felt that same love for everyone else. Bouncing around, so strange. Without realizing it I'm cuddling up to Sally, but my girlfriend is right there doing it with me. Things that normally seemed so wrong didn't matter at all. And naturally, everyone was scared to give into these actions.
I began to control it. I told everyone how things would play out. And so they did. It was so strange. It wasn't the first time that my words had controlled another person's trip, but never had I done it with four other people.
My CEVs and OEVs blended together, moving and breathing with my thoughts. I could see my visuals explaining, somehow, how our minds were interacting. They were colliding at the center of the kaleidoscope, and every time I spoke I could change my visuals and everyone around me. And each time the music changed over to another song, everyone merged together for a few seconds and experienced the exact same thing. It was, by all means, a TRIP.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone has had these feelings and experiences on their ventures. I'm sure it's happened- I know I'm not that special.
Hopefully I can collect myself sometime soon and gather everyone together so I can try to piece it together and write it all down as a full report.
Anyways, any input or comments appreciated!
-------------------- Life is just a flashback... I may have gone a bit too far, I fear Will I get out of it this time? What was I thinking, taking this leap I thought I knew where we would go If only I knew, I had no idea.
Edited by shadowed (02/11/08 11:56 PM)
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"I guess I'm wondering if anyone has had these feelings and experiences on their ventures. I'm sure it's happened- I know I'm not that special."
Something along those lines has occurred to me at least once before that I can vividly remember.
At some point I developed the assumption that I was all-knowing and all-powerful. I was intoxicated with my power, absolutely delirious with how amazing I was, and how amazingly well I was suddenly able to perceive the world. I mean, I was king, I was the big cheese. I was desired by all, mentally, emotionally, sexually, spiritually.
And the moment that I discovered that I was wrong, that my held notions and conceptions of my relationship to others and reality were false, oh so fucking false, my mind tumbled into a self-perpetuating cycle of ever-increasing insanity, until I became one with the delusion that I am not just a god, but a god who has forsaken his own existence, whose surrounding reality somehow broke, but not me, oh no, I could not possibly have been wrong about everything I knew.
I wound up naked in a public park with a broken ankle, proclaiming my love for all beings at the top of my lungs, all the way to the hospital, at which point I slowly began to realize that I was so horribly mistaken all along. And my oh my it was such a hard thing to admit at the time.
The moral of my story? I don't know what the moral is. But I'll never take 7 grams of mushrooms ever again. And I'll always try to avoid comparing myself to God, or a god, or trying to assume that I am omniscient or somehow greater than anything else.
Apologies if this has a slight rant-like process to it
-------------------- /opinion .sean
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