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Offlinewiggles
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Nobody says "I want to be a junkie when i grow up"
    #7976858 - 02/04/08 08:31 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

They say the biggest divisor between use and abuse when it comes to psychoactives is knowledge and education (and I agree, though I've always felt that self-awareness is a pretty important part). I am aware that recently I've been smoking more, and more, and more. Part of this is because I've had an incredibly large amount of green on hand (after the holiday I bought an ounce, and since I'm smoking by myself that has allowed me to smoke 2-3 times a night every night and I still have at least a quarter left). Now, smoking isn't a huge issue for me, and it never has been. For a span of about a year I was hooked on coke, and I've done pretty much every recreational drug known to man. I finally have it down to only trees... but...

Lately I'm starting to feel fuzzy in the head, like I feel like I'm walking around in a dream, even when I'm sober. I've gotten like this before when I was smoking a lot. However, I've never run into a complete loss of motivation and ambition like I have recently. For instance, in the past week I've ditched a bunch of friends (on numerous occasions: monday, tuesday, and yesterday) so i could literally sit around my apartment and smoke. That is *not* normal for me. Its not hard for me to reach a point where I forget about other people while sober.. I tend to be a complete loner as it is but I always make sure that I get "some time outside" and I have *never* ignored a prior commitment. It also doesn't help that most of my friends don't know I still smoke (and if they did, they'd likely be completely scathing about it). Lately though seeing other people simply hasn't seemed important. But yet it has... I'll be sitting in my apartment with this glazed over look, torn inside thinking "my god, what the hell am I doing, I should be out with my friends right now, but here I am. Ok, I'm going to go, just 5 more minutes..." and 5 more minutes becomes 10, and then 20, and then an hour, and then.. never. Suddenly I'm coming to the next morning, and I see 8-10 missed calls and voicemails from people wondering where I am.

Since other stuff is suffering, I know I need to cut back. But at the same time I still have this quarter left and I'd prefer not to waste it. So, do i freeze the quarter, clear my head for a few weeks and move on? Do I grind up what I have, make a tiny batch of brownies and destroy my mind this upcoming weekend and start anew next week?

Decisions, decisions. This is mostly a rhetorical post i suppose, I'm just trying to get this shit in perspective. I don't really think the bud is the issue as much as it is a complicating factor in whatever the current issue is in my head. I ditched one of my friends yesterday and she got really upset, and the only way I could cover was to lie.. and I don't like doing shit like that. Its not me. And whats fucked up is I can't help but feel this is just like one of those goddamned commercials I always laugh at.

I know what I need to do... I guess this post is just another way to delay.. ugh.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me. I just need to clear my head completely I think.


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You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.
Hunter S. Thompson


Edited by wiggles (02/04/08 08:39 AM)


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OfflineDayTripper1
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Re: Nobody says "I want to be a junkie when i grow up" [Re: wiggles]
    #7976920 - 02/04/08 08:59 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

I have been smoking 5-10 times everyday for 11 months. I have experienced everything from lack of ambition to low self esteem. Although, I think the most obvious problem for me is the anxiety it causes.

I am now into my third day of sobriety and it sucks. The boredom is a killer, exercise helps. It seems like everyday that goes by that I don't smoke, I gain more and more confidence.

It just sounds like you need a break. Nothing more, nothing less.


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OfflineAzrah
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Re: Nobody says "I want to be a junkie when i grow up" [Re: wiggles]
    #7976933 - 02/04/08 09:03 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Yea man i would put it in the freezer and clear your head a few days. Friends>drugs in my opinion at least. Anyways I always have the feeling of that im not sober, when I am sober. It kinda feels like a light trip or dream like state. I been stuck with this for about 2 months. It doesnt bother me really, i just ignore it. Then when I smoke it feels like thats what sober should be. Like you said thats when I started smoking heavily so maybe your high just lost its magic and your putting too much effort into it to get it back? Just my two cents.


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OfflineSpiritual Seeker
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Re: Nobody says "I want to be a junkie when i grow up" [Re: Azrah]
    #7977071 - 02/04/08 09:56 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

I say you cook it and get in the FUCKING ZONE :headbanger:

not because i think it would be funny of you to fry yourself for 8 hours or so but because if you freeze it......i promise you it WILL be on the back of your mind. The best but most difficult way (for me at least) would be to get rid of it all at once.

Or if you wanna wean yourself off......smoke only a little at night and make it your goal to space it out as you get back in contact with the real world. Either way it wont be easy. It never is in this world. But you can do it.


:mushroom2:""""""""""This thread now officially carries the Shroomery seal of Love, and good luck from the gods""""""""":mushroom2:


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"Nothing in the world is a gift. Whatever there is to learn has to be learned the hard way."
-Don juan


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Offlinewiggles
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Re: Nobody says "I want to be a junkie when i grow up" [Re: Spiritual Seeker]
    #7977178 - 02/04/08 10:29 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Spiritual Seeker said:
I say you cook it and get in the FUCKING ZONE :headbanger:

not because i think it would be funny of you to fry yourself for 8 hours or so but because if you freeze it......i promise you it WILL be on the back of your mind. The best but most difficult way (for me at least) would be to get rid of it all at once.

Or if you wanna wean yourself off......smoke only a little at night and make it your goal to space it out as you get back in contact with the real world. Either way it wont be easy. It never is in this world. But you can do it.


:mushroom2:""""""""""This thread now officially carries the Shroomery seal of Love, and good luck from the gods""""""""":mushroom2:




Truth! :smile:
I actually don't care so much about the trees as I do the massive amount of keef I have sitting in my grinder, which I plan to make into hash. I'd like to have something to enjoy the hash with when I'm done making it :wink:


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You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.
Hunter S. Thompson


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Invisiblemanyc
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Re: Nobody says "I want to be a junkie when i grow up" [Re: Spiritual Seeker]
    #7977212 - 02/04/08 10:38 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

I'm going through something similar. I need to quit the ganj but it's so god damn difficult for me. I started smoking when I was 14, and have been smoking everyday for the past 5 years since with the occasional few-day hiatus - but those are never by choice. That only happens when I can't get any.

I need to quit so I can get a well-paying job. I know I could buy fake piss, but... the jobs I'm going for (electrician apprenticeship, or any other trade I can get into with my dad's help) will most likely have periodic drug tests for the first period of my employment, during training. So buying piss all the time would be a little too much trouble, and I fear I may warm the bottle of piss too soon, or somehow too much... I just don't like the idea.

Besides, I really DO need to take a break for other important reasons. I've gotten to the point in my use of the sacred herb where it's just too casual. Everyday, whenever I can. It has left me with a psychological dependence that makes me grumpy as hell when I can't smoke, and I hate that.

A lot of my friends are the same way, probably because we're all bonafied potheads. It can only last so long before you see that things need to change..

Good luck to you, man.

Quote:

And whats fucked up is I can't help but feel this is just like one of those goddamned commercials I always laugh at.




Hahaha, I know what you mean. It's depressing when you see that commercial and realize where they get that bullshit - they just really blow it out of proportion. When a person is in the midst of a pot binge (which I have been for 5 years, lol) that seems to have no end, they tend to become disillusioned and discouraged to reality because the ganj becomes reality.


--------------------

Hemp could Save the World.

"There is no flag that is large enough, to hide the shame of a man in cuffs." -Serj Tankian


:mushroomgrow:Know Thyself.:mushroomgrow:

"If the words 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp it was written on."
-Terence Mckenna


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