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Invisibleohmatic
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broke up with my girl - need some good vibes..
    #7976413 - 02/04/08 02:40 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

hey guys.

so i pulled my guts together and decided to tell my girl that we had no future together and that we were wrecking eachother
and doing no good. its been quite some time we spent together and there were times of not seeing eachother in the past already,
however this was due and i am glad and sad at the same time i finished iit.

this is the very "sterile" version of the text, i happen to sit right here at the moment without feeling
particularely sad, however that being terribly sad is part of the game, alterating with fits of crawling into the bed and crying.

so there it was, first really long relationship and first contact with what i think is love, see, i still love this person and
she has got the same feelings for me, however along the road we forgot to also love ourselves and were blinded concerning
lots of things - driven by idolizing the good times and trying not to realize what was happening to us.

we parted in the good and decided not to contact eachother for atleast a month, shes coming round to pick up some
of her stuff today, i did that yesterday, fucked me up but its good having it done. you see, i would really like
to keep contact with her, not out of the "i still love you" theme, no, as a friend yes, believe it or not but this
person i shared so much with is worth trying it and seeing where it gets me (wont let my heart take over anymore though)

so now there you go, typical for any longer relationship, your alone and absolutely not fucking used to it :frown:

noone around when you wake, when you crawl into bed to sleep or in general, this is the hardest part for me,
the loss of physical closeness, warmth. the head spins like crazy, going "was this clever, isnt there another way?"
and even though i goddamnit know this was the wisest thing to do it wont listen.

so yeah, there you go, your everyday relationshipdesaster whining thread has been posted, share some insight,
its highly appreciated, i may need some suggestions for the weeks to come.

i'm still loving her, but we were walking on a collapsing bridge.

:heart:


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


Edited by ohmatic (02/04/08 09:47 AM)


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OfflineWordlessNature
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #7976454 - 02/04/08 03:24 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Live, man, live. I've been through this too. My character in this script "goes" through this at a certain point in the story, just like the main protagonist in a favorite movie "goes" through something every time you watch the film. Look at it all as a solid, unchanging piece of work- the past was, yet is. The best times were, yet still are, just like the worst. The future is unseen, but still each event did happen, happens again, and will always happen in that particular script. This philosophy was all that saved me at times when I hurt bad. The memories you hold onto so tightly can be released; they will always be. The ones you try to push away to make it seem ok to lie down alone can also be let go, for they too shall always be... Be content in the goodness that was, and don't hate yourself. Even though we say we are ok, I understand that we really aren't sometimes... Let love go; you will not stop loving. Let her go, she will never disappear from that part of your life. Just as the next person you meet shall perhaps be with you the rest of your life, the woman you say goodbye to will always occupy this part of your past, as will the pleasure, as will the pain. Live, and let go, for Nothing Lasts... But Nothing Is Lost.


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: WordlessNature]
    #7976656 - 02/04/08 06:39 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

she just came to pick her stuff up, it was hard but it was good to have it done.
we decided on not contacting eachother in any way (mail/text/call..) for atleast a month if not longer,
to sort stuff out, to get ahold of eachother, for many things.

im glad i got the chance to experience love, it truly is a wonderful feeling.
thank you for everything :heart:


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


Edited by ohmatic (02/04/08 06:41 AM)


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #7976738 - 02/04/08 07:27 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Sounds like it was for the best.  Kudos for being brave. :heart:


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #7976786 - 02/04/08 08:04 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

ohmatic said:

noone around when you wake, when you crawl into bed to sleep or in general, this is the hardest part for me,
the loss of physical closeness, warmth. the head spins like crazy, going "was this clever, isnt there another way?"
and even though i goddamnit know this was the wisest thing to do it wont listen.






:heart:

Breaking up is always brutal.  It takes a long time to get back to normal... there's really no way around it. 


:hug:


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


Edited by WhiskeyClone (02/04/08 10:36 AM)


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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7977205 - 02/04/08 10:35 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

I would not suggest going from such a close intimacy that you shared to be followed by a break off of any intimacy, even the intimacy of talking.

I know this may seem like the best thing, but really when your in a relationship, you cannot just end all form of intimacy if you want to heal from the hurts of being sexually intimate(a high form of bonding), to heal in a natural way.

From what i can see the only reason you two are breaking off of any contact, is because you saw no future together.

This is the usual break off between people that leads to alot of pain and even adaptual fear from the mind, when we begin to feel like we are enagaging ino a new intimacy and the mind remembers of the extreme pain that was associated with the last relationship it was put through.

I am in the midst of what most people would say is 'breaking off' my relationship, but i do not live by this and act on it, letting it create my feelings for that person, in the same way that i did allow the notion of 'being in a relationship' alllow guide my feelings for the person for reasons that i will note, but basically because they had no meaning to me and i was just infatuated with all the ideas and how they reflected any ideal of intimate, romantic love between people.

From personal experience these Beliefs are powerful things and they are deeply connected with how we feel and ultimatly how we act in relationship with others. These ideas of "braking up" and "the question of a future" can effect to the largest extent how we feel in the relationship and the way we choose to act. It is through these beliefs that many people in my life have founded and ended relationships, and deeply hurt themselves in the process.

The place that these conceptions come from, begins at a young age when we begin to learn these ideas and see them in the movies and in others. The main idea that is the foundation to most of the the status of our relationship, is that a relationships should be formalized into a categorie - with each categorie havings its own set of ways to be intmiate with the person, deciding in many cases how we will act towards a person regardless of feelings. What happens in many instances is that we attach social meaning to our feelings, which are unique to the relationship and the feelings the individuals have for each other and thus are meaningless and only decieving to the two people in the relationship.

Ie/ Just because you know and feel that sex would hurt you more now than it would help, doesnt men you should stop all types of intimacy, such as hugging, kissing and caressing. Actually im here to say from personal experience and logic that our culture has it all wrong.

I, from personal experience and from listening to others about experiences with "break ups" noticed that a relationship, is like climbing a mountain, the mountain signyfying the relating of each others lives together and the climb, resembling the intensity of the relationship. Eventually, you reach the summit of the mountain. When you get there with the person, you feel like you are ontop of the world and that this is the most amazing thing ever. Shortly after this spike in wonderful emotion, we begin to see things are changing and the summit is not fun anymore, in your case even begin to feel that there is no future on this summit. Once we realize this most people, because of the belief that all relationships should be formalized , will either hold on to the summit staying there as long as possible even if it knowingly hurts them, then after enough torture, they see nothing left but to let go completely and free fall to a disasterous pain of the heart. Once at the bottom they feel heart broken and depressed for the most part, because the jump was intitiated by the belief that since they didnt have a future on the summit together they may as well free jump down, to rush up another summit.

What i noticed is this is true, for every relationship, especially sexually intimate ones and most definatly the one i am climbing down from, together with the person, reflecting and reliving those crucial things we learnt about ourselves in it, not withholding any intimacy from each other and taking the walk down the summit as an inevitable and also beautiful in its own, experience.

I am happy to say that this has been and feels like the most natural and healing way of dealing with a relationship that is inherently intimate that is begginging to come down from its climax.

It seems only logical and ideal to climb back down the way we climbed up - to let those feelings go on their own course and boil down experiencing them physically whenever compelled, instead of trying to do the impossible task of generating feelings we know we do not have for eachother, taking a huge free fall dive, tumbling off the mountain of intimate love.

I wish you all the best, and trust that we all are making the best decision, in any situation.

love and joy.:heart: To all you girls and boys. hehe.


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


Edited by JoseLibrado (02/04/08 04:35 PM)


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InvisibleVirus_with_Shoes
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #7980891 - 02/04/08 11:29 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Hang in there buddy, we're here for you.

Quote:

you see, i would really like
to keep contact with her




That's a very fine line to walk. From experience, when you try to hang out with an ex as 'just friends' it can lapse back into a relationship or some really negative emotions can surface and you'll fight. It may be a good idea to wait it out a little before you see her again.


--------------------


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: Virus_with_Shoes]
    #7985910 - 02/06/08 09:08 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

tough stuff guys, thinking all the time about calling. i went home to my mother over the holiday,
its good that there is spacial distace between us, that i am not in the same town right now.

the post about the possible disatvantages of not seeing eachother made me think,
right now my strongest urge is to see her because i am questioning myself if the
last chapter of our book has really been written already or if not, but i cant let
the urge for physical closeness overshadow the reasons why i decided on taking this step.

however this is troubling me, that i do not know if this really was the wisest of steps and
if we couldnt have somehow worked out what the problems were. i do not know and this really sucks ARGH !

so, deal is, i am definitely not rushing it, minimum for any action taken must be a week atleast
so i can sort of make up my mind a bit.

this really troubles me :frown:


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #7985924 - 02/06/08 09:15 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Be at peace. :heart:  Whatever happens is meant to happen.  I would do as you feel and nothing more, nothing less.  Just be sincere and act from a place of love, for both yourself and her.  Give yourselves time to be alone for awhile and never decide anything.


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: MOTH]
    #7985940 - 02/06/08 09:20 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

what do you mean, never decide anything ?

and i definitely see that the time alone is a good thing, because right now we still are wound up in the old emotions,
however when we see eachother again after some time, can see if we still got feeling for eachother or not.

initially we agreed on not contacting for a month, but i question this now, its fucking long !

*edit
sometimes i wish i were one of those guys who dont give a flying fuck for love,
but i am a very emotional person when it comes to stuff like this.

i think understand now what you mean with your post, however your words are feeling good, thank you.


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


Edited by ohmatic (02/06/08 09:23 AM)


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #7986006 - 02/06/08 09:38 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

ohmatic said:

sometimes i wish i were one of those guys who dont give a flying fuck for love,





Don't think I've ever met anyone like that...

Take the whole month, then have a talk; you'll have a lot more perspective then, so will she.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7990407 - 02/07/08 02:45 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

so today was the first time i could actually get to sleep and not feel sad in the morning.
i am a bit surprised that this occured to fast, its been only a couple days since.
i wonder, but it seems like a good thing to me - finding peace sort of.

oh, and for the first time i appear to realize that nr 1 theme of ALL media out there is either
love or relationships, the tv/music/papers are all full of love shit, holy cow..

so yeah, friends are awesome right now, its so great to have a social network to rely on and to
help overcome. i feel so terribly sorry for her because i know that her social network is far
smaller than mine and most people are not avaiable for her right now because theyr out of town.
its really sad that she does nt have the chance to get the same psychological speech therapy
i can get by talking with friends.

so yeah, another day has risen.


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #8000532 - 02/09/08 02:59 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

working out really takes my mind off those things.
nothing like looking yourself in the eye after some good squats.

so, ill be in the city in about 2 more weeks, i wonder what will happen till then.
im feeling better every day, sleeping alone still is strange, i do miss her but i dont
miss the headfuck ive been through though :wink:

i am really curious what will happen once we see eachpther again.


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


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Offlinewille

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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #8000854 - 02/09/08 04:19 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

You'll get over it, however hard it may seem.

You made the right choice letting her go


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Invisiblemushbaby
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Re: broke up with girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #8000864 - 02/09/08 04:21 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Sounds like you are still going strong. The sleeping alone takes awhile to get used to. But once you do it's nice. You get all the pillows and all the blankets.

Is a pet possible in your situation? They can help with the loneliness.


--------------------


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InvisibleLeftyBurnz
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Re: broke up with my girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #8001200 - 02/09/08 05:12 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

:heart:  youll be fine buddy. they come and go.


--------------------


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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Re: broke up with my girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: LeftyBurnz]
    #8002343 - 02/09/08 08:27 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Im glad to hear that it is going fine. I know it is hard for me too.

Right now, i figure its just to hard to keep a straight head. But talking to her about whats going on is helping out alot. I really finding no reason to let go of contact with her completly like she wanted to do.

This seems to be the best way - i understand that our subconcious mind will bring back all these emotions that we do not like anymore, but i also see no reason to stop expressing myself towards her physically, as a way to stop all emotions.

I recognized that the problem starts in beliefs, mainly all those ones portrayed in the media, unrealistic and life shattering really. Misconceptions about relationships always bring enormous pain and unrealistic expectations on people, where eventually they begin to see that they have to work with each others to stay feeling good about each other. My moral philosophy teacher has as her modo for relationships that "It is like work."

I saw that she had promised to have feelings for her friend by looking at that ring on the finger, that signyfies they have done so. Yet i can definatly say that even in the relationships stage of a romance, these expectations are as real, expectations placed on yourself to HAVE feelings for someone brings one huge problem though - You didnt make the feelings you have for the person, so it would seem irregular, inconsistent and irrational for people to believe that they can make these feelings - even some 30-40 years, 10 000 - 15 000 days into life. :tongue2:

I'll keep going this way, keep challenging my emotions with new thinking, keep challenging myself to see that its all a challenge.

I suggest talking to her though. I say this because its simply those subconcious beliefs that are causing these hurtful emotions you do not like and because of this, i say that doing this will only cover up the problem until the next chance they have to arise, until the next sexual relationship with another.
"and i definitely see that the time alone is a good thing, because right now we still are wound up in the old emotions"

these emotions will come up in the same way, with another, so its not really helping the development of your abilities to create new, real emotions and eliminate not fantasy, movie style misoncieved emotions.

Im off now. Peace and love to you all, in any way.


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


Edited by JoseLibrado (02/09/08 08:29 PM)


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: broke up with my girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #8003651 - 02/10/08 04:17 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

you know i keep wondering about one thing my mum told me and which absolutely makes sense to me.

that i REALLY shouldnt contact her for some time, to actually show her that i am not running after her
and that i can keep up the distance. as i didnt do this in the past, i kept coming, phoning, writing,
she told me that i should really show her that i wont do that this time, to let her know it.

i just checked, gotta be in town @ the 18th, thats 8 more day i do not plan on contacting her,
i think ill drop by her place then maybe or maybe not, dont know yet.


--------------------
:penis: MONOTUB tek :sun: HEATBOMB tek :penis:

RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !


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OfflineBoulderBoomer
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Re: broke up with my girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: ohmatic]
    #8007367 - 02/11/08 01:01 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Ohm, I'm going through something very similar to this right now. In fact, I'm probably going to make a post about it to get opinions. My conclusion thus far with my breakup is that being alone sucks. Even friends can't come close to the emotional intimacy you share with your partner. Right now life feels hollow as fuck, like I'm a zombie going through the motions but dead inside.

But then again, being in an emotionally abusive relationship sucks too. The lesson? That emotionally people like you and me are doomed to ride this roller coaster for a long time. I think it's important that you don't rush back into anything though. There is a very very very strong pull to go back to the way things were and ignore the lessons you learned. I would at least give it a month before contact. Sorry for being such a downer, I really do sympathize with you.


--------------------
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams."
  -Willy Wonka




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Re: broke up with my girl - need some good vibes.. [Re: BoulderBoomer]
    #8007761 - 02/11/08 06:49 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Best piece of relationship advice I ever got from a friend was:" You'll never find a good relationship as long as you are stuck in a bad one. "

If you know you are wrong for each other, make it a clean break.  Go through the grief and come out stronger and healthier for having done so.  Good luck.  :hug:


--------------------


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