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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: MOTH]
#7968851 - 02/02/08 01:52 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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thanks mothy
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OneMoreRobot3021
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: notapillow]
#7969047 - 02/02/08 02:43 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Damn pillow. Sorry.
-------------------- Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake. -Erik Davis
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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we all gotta feed somebody sometime
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Todcasil
rogue DMT elf
Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: notapillow]
#7969099 - 02/02/08 02:57 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Its strange to see your friends and family go down such desperate roads.
I have what some people would call an opiate habit, some may call it an addiction. Its weird. My mother died of a heroin/cocaine overdose among other things, and I'm presently watching three of my friends delve deeper into the weird magic of opiates. Its strange. One knows its killing him, it drove him to steal from his work and he lost his job the other day because of it. My other friends its just twisting away at their personalities...
Its strange because, I do them too. I love it. I have a prescription. Every month I cant wait to get my ten 80 Ocs... Its like my party week.
And then I have a bad couple days after that but nothing big, I just feel hung over. I don't go looking to hard for the shit otherwise.... But yet, I see my friends in a bad way.
They spend every day looking for hook ups. they have to consume about 120mg a day just so they don't go through withdrawal.
I don't understand how they could let it get that bad, and its a bit scary. Its where ALL there money goes. rent, food, opiates.
What a strange life we have all known...
Self control? Willpower? Moderation? Temperance? balance? Where are we letting the wave of escape take us?
Me? I don't drink alcohol but very rarely... I don't smoke pot at all.... I don't do psychedelics but maybe twice a year now, same with Ecstasy... Ill do cocaine vaguely, and I'm very good about that.... But I sure do Love opiates.
I do them whenever my friends have them, I make sure and get my script every month, but goddamn they do not control my life... But I see others letting it control theirs.
Am I really that far away from my friends? But I think:
Ive been doing it much longer then all of them, by many years, almost a decade longer than two... What in the holy fuck is wrong with these people? do they not see their lives spiraling out of control?
Ive had two instances where This has happened... and cold turkey is just silly... I have no other recreational drug I really like... So I just take my opiates recreationally.....
man... What must I sound like?
But I just cant help but think I'm not at risk.
But neither can my friends.
-------------------- Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect GODDESSES Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud GODS. ~Casil
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: Todcasil]
#7969170 - 02/02/08 03:17 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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i have several freinds who have become so ditached from reality due to oxy and or heroin that they litteraly seem to have just vanished
i dont know if they are alive.dead. if they are on the streets or in a bed
they just drift off. stop calling, stop haning out
tred lightly senior casil.
you are a well grounded individual and i would hate to see your name stickyed at the top of the forum
my addiction is purly ego based. i want to kill it. soo desperatly. thats why i take so many damn mushrooms and huff nitrous like theres yesterday or tomara.
but i cant, and i know that all to well. i cant destroy me. and i cant be everywhere at once. not untill im dead
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Todcasil
rogue DMT elf
Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: notapillow]
#7969249 - 02/02/08 03:40 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
notapillow said: i cant destroy me. and i cant be everywhere at once. not untill im dead
well said.
Ive been dosing drugs for very far back into my history...
But I can remember when I didn't. I can remember what its like.
And I remember my thoughts when I read my dead mothers writings, twenty four years after the day. I remember thinking... Drugs are useful, there amazing...
I remember thinking, my mother was on the right track! But she got too wrapped up in the despair of life, the constant kick of the world to your stomach... She just tried to escape to many times... she forgot the beauty of being able to come back.
She forgot she had some people to come back to, some people to do this for, some people to be a better person for...
i know who I am. I know where I'm going...
arghhhh.
love.
-------------------- Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect GODDESSES Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud GODS. ~Casil
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VisualLearner
Stranger
Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 459
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: Todcasil]
#7969272 - 02/02/08 03:45 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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sorry about your/her luck RIP i was on oxys last night. Never again
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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good to hear
i like to think i have seen where i am going. the prophetic side of phschedelics is not somthing i openly talk about much. because it concerns faith, and that is up to each of us to find. but for me. the mushroom has been my only true alchemical buddy. sybiosis does not even begin to explain it
i was raised by alchoholics. my dad will die soon from his liver. my mom from diabeties most likly. death is not somthing i stress about. without dead trees to mulch i would not have mushrooms. and without dead people to morn there would be no good songs to sing
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Todcasil
rogue DMT elf
Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
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bro, know who you are and know your limits. Thats all I know.
-------------------- Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect GODDESSES Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud GODS. ~Casil
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: Todcasil]
#7969302 - 02/02/08 03:53 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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limitation is key widsh i thought of that last night
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pantsboy
I troll because I care.
Registered: 10/28/04
Posts: 13,002
Loc: 8====D ~o
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: Todcasil]
#7970328 - 02/02/08 08:01 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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yeah but in order to know your bodies limitations you have to reach them. and unfortunately every now and then i too like to test my limits. ironically, testing your bodies limits makes you feel totally invincible and alive even though in reality you can come pretty close to death.
-------------------- Acid doesn't hurt when you're on fire. "Mushrooms are only similar to penises in their appearance." - LeBron James (2013) ToiletDuk said: "Bus squelching is not to be laughed at."
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MFDoom666
trash hoarder
Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 793
Loc: 512
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: pantsboy]
#7970577 - 02/02/08 08:54 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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sorry man. never good to hear about these things. but for some fucked up reason it happens. people are so absurd.
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Learyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
Registered: 04/20/01
Posts: 34,168
Loc: High pride!
Last seen: 1 hour, 43 minutes
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: notapillow]
#7970587 - 02/02/08 08:56 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Sorry to hear it dude. Hope you feel better soon.
-------------------- -------------------------------- Mp3 of the month: Sons Of Adam - Feathered Fish
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spieone
aspiring amateurmycologist
Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 116
Last seen: 15 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: Learyfan]
#7970904 - 02/02/08 10:04 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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IMO opiates are bad bad news and anyone using them should use moderation and be extremely cautious. I used them for a looong time, many years. Only in the last year that I used them did it really swirl out of control. I was using oxy, dilaudid, morphine, hydrocodone, demerol, whatever I could get. Suffice to say, I damn near lost my wife, daughter, job and life over it. I count myself lucky that I did not lose it all and was able to stop when my world came crashing down and the universe slapped me in the face. Only in hindsight can I see that my spiral down started way before that last year. This is the insidious nature of opiates, they cloud your head and slowly take you over when you aren't paying attention. I hate them.
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: spieone]
#7971088 - 02/02/08 10:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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truth others may disagree but even those with will power often fall victum
im fine the death comes as a string of many passings and or near death instensed. its all part of the trip
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sui
I love you.
Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 32,445
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: notapillow]
#7971512 - 02/03/08 12:54 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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damn pillow. im sorry man.
This sux what is 08 like the heroin overdose year?
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: sui]
#7971993 - 02/03/08 08:00 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
without dead trees to mulch i would not have mushrooms. and without dead people to morn there would be no good songs to sing
Beautiful, Pillow.
LOOK GUYS...all of my wonderful friends whom I love and treasure dearly who do opiates...
...I can't help but fear for your safety. I've seen too many people die in the past year from opiate-use. First there was that guy at the gathering that shot himself in the head while I was tripping balls because of heroin withdrawl...then Dreamer died and guess what? He thought he had his shit together, that his use wouldn't catch up with him. And then I hear about Dobie's friend, and Pillow's cousin, and Dune's buddy...all fucking DEAD from opiates, in some way, shape or form.
PLEASE BE AWARE, FELLAS. *please* If it seems like it's taking you down, just let it go...I have no idea what withdrawl is like, but holy shit, it's such a waste to let a drug (or anything really) consume your waking conscious mind...
Please be vigilent. Be kind to your bodies. PLEASE.
I am only saying this because I love all of you.
truly,
*me*
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BurningBeard
The IncomparableMr. Flannery
Registered: 01/23/08
Posts: 327
Loc: The bottom of the bottle.
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: MOTH]
#7972010 - 02/03/08 08:13 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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QFT. Nothing to say other than that.
Watching the personality of a person shift from what they are into something utterly lacking humanity is a scary thing. I've watched my sister go trhough it. Selflessness vanished. Love vanished. The urge to use and consume overtook her. I don't mean use in the sense of just the drugs. Everybody and everything takes on the shape of a tool to offer advantage. It's a scary thing, and I pray on a daily basis, especially after reading this thread, that her road to recovery is already paved and that she's going to stick to it. Seems this year has offered omens and I can't say they hearten me... but man... evil, evil opiates... what else is there to say? Again, pillow, condolences. I hope that I won't have to eventually be in your position. It scares the piss outta me.
-------------------- Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling. Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them. Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger Bed with Dawn, your bride. Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man, Tongueless muse of time
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rizingfire
Mycoticus psychoticus
Registered: 09/10/07
Posts: 875
Loc: North-east USm'f'nA
Last seen: 5 months, 30 days
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Drugs suck, but we still need them [Re: notapillow]
#7972067 - 02/03/08 08:42 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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This is the reason for a love/hate relationship with heroin and other opiates. I have seen almost a dozen people I care about turn purple and die or turn purple and come back, 9 of my high school friends all OD'd Luckily only one out of the 3 of my closest friends died but it still sucks. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I wish stuff like this would stop people from trying it but it wont.
-------------------- aka NHMI
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: SO my cousin OD'd [Re: MOTH]
#7972321 - 02/03/08 10:31 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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thanks moth cant put it any clearer than that
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