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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Offlinegluke bastid
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Re: X is depressing [Re: backfromthedead]
    #8021919 - 02/14/08 11:01 AM (15 years, 11 months ago)

I don't even know how to explain it to myself, although it feels very bad. It has to do with a bad trip that wasn't intense but has unleashed a pandora's box of existential crises that seem to be growing. I am have come to see the personality I have worn my entire life as an elaborate lie towards myself. My strongest remaining desire is to shed my self-concious, self-obsessed nature and stand naked within the world. Ironically, all of the attention that I am drawing to my self-conciousness is making its grasp on me stronger and harder to escape. I have convinced myself that I am fundamentally flawed, and don't know how to un-convince myself. I don't know how to be confidant and engaged around my friends. Simple conversations have become difficult for me because the self-conciousness is so out of control. Nights lying in bed with my girlfriend, which used to be utter bliss, are now total nightmares in which I try to hide my self-conciousness from her and pretend to be independent and ok.

This crisis has an overwhelmingly ironic nature in that any attempt to overcome my paranoid self-hating self-conciousness on my own terms brings more attention to it. And yet so does being open about it with people. If I try and be honest with people who I am close with about what I am going through, I become even more self-concious about it. Do you see? I have nowhere to turn with this. It is like a demon that is swallowing me whole.

The only good coping method I have found is to go for long walks by myself. Which is fine, but I worry if I continue to isolate myself I am going to lose people who are important to me.

Before long I am going to have to seek some sort of professional help.


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:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
 
- Thomas Paine


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Registered: 04/01/07
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Re: X is depressing [Re: gluke bastid]
    #8022129 - 02/14/08 12:00 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Two words: volunteer work. Do it ASAP.

Focusing on someone else that is struggling will shift your center and tend to quiet your mind.

Nothing is wrong with you except for out-of-control thoughts that need to be tamed. You don't need to hide nor pretend nor runaway.

Meditate on the part of you that is most sane instead of the part that is most unbalanced.


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Offlinegluke bastid
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Re: X is depressing [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #8022426 - 02/14/08 01:28 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Ok thanks, I'll try that.

And I apologize for derailing your thread.


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil
 
- Thomas Paine


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Offlinebackfromthedead
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Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 3,592
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
Re: X is depressing [Re: gluke bastid]
    #8022699 - 02/14/08 02:43 PM (15 years, 11 months ago)

Benedryl helps to chill me out.
I know I have felt exactly the same.
Feels like you are burning.


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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order


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