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manyc
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫


Registered: 01/03/04
Posts: 571
Loc: Axis Mundi
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The Fear
#7951231 - 01/29/08 04:33 PM (16 years, 3 days ago) |
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I was sitting outside about 10 minutes ago, on this randomly fucking 66º day (a few days ago it was 20º outside), smoking what was left of a blunt of some really nice weed. I was thinking about a lot of shit. The wind was coming in very strong gusts - I love this kind of weather.
I felt myself get high really fast. I didn't smoke yesterday so my tolerance had taken a blow (a day really makes a difference in my mind). Plus, I endured the birth of my son and helped guide my wife through the most intense experience of her life. The intensity was fuckin' palpable. She screamed bloody murder about 4 times, and when she did all 6 (or was there 5..) of the nurses and myself looked up. It was crazy... blood-curdling shit.
What an ego trip having a baby is.
I have found something to put myself into completely and put before myself. It's something that makes you very proud. I feel an immense amount of pride, because I had a kid. I think it's unavoidable, unless you're just a cold-hearted son a bitch.
I am unfamiliar with this kind of pride. I've never had much pride in myself, to be honest. I've been kinda hard on myself over the years. The unfamiliarity is something that I fear. Humans innately fear the unknown.
I believe what I truly fear is the potential of myself. It hinders me, and it holds me down. I also believe this is all of humanity's deepest fear... ourself.
Maybe now I can finally kill that fucking criticizing voice in my head.
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Hemp could Save the World. "There is no flag that is large enough, to hide the shame of a man in cuffs." -Serj Tankian Know Thyself. "If the words 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp it was written on." -Terence Mckenna
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Crasher
αἱρετίζω




Registered: 03/13/01
Posts: 6,220
Loc: Tardy to the Party
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Re: The Fear [Re: manyc]
#7951471 - 01/29/08 05:14 PM (16 years, 3 days ago) |
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Children change your life forever. I can't imagine life without my son.
-------------------- Give me silence, water, hope; Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...
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2859558484
Growery is Better



Registered: 01/10/06
Posts: 8,752
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: The Fear [Re: Crasher]
#7951488 - 01/29/08 05:16 PM (16 years, 3 days ago) |
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crasher that sig is hillarious. I cant believe they make ads like that!
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Overclock22
Here, There andBack Again



Registered: 09/19/07
Posts: 208
Loc: NY
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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Quote:
Maybe now I can finally kill that fucking criticizing voice in my head.
I don't think that guy can be silenced, I feel like its in my head to but less critical more analytical. I just cant let myself be sometimes.
-------------------- He did not laugh as his eyes stopped in awareness of the earth around him. His face was like a law of nature-a thing one could not question, alter or implore. It had high cheekbones over gaunt, hollow cheeks; gray eyes, cold and steady; a contemptuous mouth, shut tight, the mouth of an executioner or a saint. If you wake up at a different time in a different place, can you wake up a different person? Cf. A.C. Doyle "I'll rise above this, you can't keep me down, for I am Divine, and I know it all too well."
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g00ru
lit pants tit licker



Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 21,088
Loc: georgia, us
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Just try hard to love yourself, sounds gay but my life is so much better now that I've learned to do that.
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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