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 luckycharnes
I'm a SativaCyborg
 
Registered: 12/21/07
Posts: 59
Loc: the emerald triangle
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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 relationship 
#7942406 - 01/27/08 10:15 PM (13 years, 1 month ago) |
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It's been a little rocky lately with the man. As anything, I know that I'm partly responsible, as well as he. Lately though I feel like I'm taking the blame when I shouldn't, or apologizing when I, in retrospect, shouldn't have, just to alleviate the situation.
I know that I can, at times, have poor reaction skills, but I feel as though whenever I'm annoyed by something, enough to voice my annoyance, I'm either a "bitch", snapping and whatnot...or I'm a "baby", getting teary eyed and whatnot.
My boyfriend seems to have the ability to just walk away, fall asleep, get lost in the TV within one minute..and I'm in the other room stewing. Basically the gist of this long rant is I NEED AN OUTLET. I have once for when I get mad about other stuff...that's I rant to my boyfriend, as he does to me. But when it's him that has upset me, I'm at a loss.
What do you folks do ...those of you who live with your significant other, to get away, without leaving the house?
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"something funny"
"something profound"
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 im_on_a_boat
Stranger
Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
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i had my own room with a computer in it and the xbox..
either get on that game or get on the computer watch a movie.. something
either that or cook or clean..
homework always took up a lot of time.. and it still does.
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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lucky,
I think the most important question you can ask yourself right now is, why am I with this man?
i think you should seriously think about the reasons why you are with him and be honest with yourself, even if it may hurt.
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im_on_a_boat
Stranger
Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
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i dont think she wants to break up.. it's not like that i think it's just a tough time of the year for everybody and she needs space..
i couldn't stand being around my girl 24/7 neither could most people.
you can love them and all, but being around anyone constantly without 'alone' time would drive lots of people crazy.
what you need to do is get out of the house.. but tell him and shit be like i just wanna do my own thing.. go exercise or pilates or whatever women do.. go for a walk at the park.. get a dog or something.
i got lots more if you want to listen 
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,503
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
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Quote:
luckycharnes said:
Basically the gist of this long rant is I NEED AN OUTLET. I have once for when I get mad about other stuff...that's I rant to my boyfriend, as he does to me.
Can I ask you a question? What tone of voice do you use when you rant to your boyfriend?
I had a girlfriend with a maddening habit. When somebody throughout the day would upset her, she would complain about it to me later (which is fine). The problem was how she did it. She would get worked up and rant as if she was telling the person off, except she would be directing it at me. I knew she wasn't actually blaming me, but she was still ranting scornfully at me as if I was the person who needed to be told off. I felt like she was using me as a receptacle for her anger, even though I knew I wasn't the one she was mad at.
When I told her (calmly) I didn't like this, she got very offended. The relationship didn't work out for a variety of reasons.
I don't know if that's what you're doing, it's just what I thought of when I read your post.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 1 year, 6 days
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First off, the details of a "fight" between you two would matter a lot.
There are times where we get pissed or sad and then we tend to become excessively emotional, and when that happens we see more fault in the other, or in ourselves. And as long as we're looking for faults, we're really not solving anything. A clear mind is required is such circumstances.
It looks to me that your boyfriend might be having some issues too, since you're either a "bitch" or a "baby". But really I can't tell for sure if it is so, since, like I said, you have given insufficient details. And your focus should be your own problems, not his. Because you can only change yourself.
Reflect on how he's treating you and think about what's bothering you. Those are the problems you need to work on. For example, if you feel like he's not giving you enough attention, then you could probably ask yourself why you're in a such a NEED for attention. You could argue and say that this is because you love him and you need him there for you, but I have learned that in many cases this need for attention comes from something else than love. Love has the power of automatically connect two people, because it comes from being open and honest. The need from attention comes from the ambition of having a prove of love. If you feel like you're growing apart, the last thing you wanna do is hold on to those ambitions. If that's the case, then maybe you should ask yourself what's happening and WHY are you growing apart?
Also from what you said about the way he's been reacting, it might look that he needs some space. Give him that. This can give him the chance to redefine himself and what you are to him.
Learn to be your friend and company. As long as you don't feel good with yourself, how do you expect others to do so?
If what you two have is real, then you will reconnect, if not, then it means that it was just not meant to be. But the only person that you'll spend your entire life with is yourself, so learn to get along with who you are.
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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luckycharnes
I'm a SativaCyborg
Registered: 12/21/07
Posts: 59
Loc: the emerald triangle
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Thanks guys a lot of you hit the nail on the head. I am fishing for attention. It's because I feel like I've been getting less and less as days go by. I realize these two things perpetuate each other. I'll try taking a step back. For some reason it is very difficult for me right now. Any advice, on how to maybe give myself the attention I'm looking for.
I should also bring some of my problems elsewhere instead of just to him, that's a lot of negative energy. The habit we have of ranting to each other is def a bad one.
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"something funny"
"something profound"
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memes
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,770
Loc: In a Tree
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I was in a similar situation with my girlfriend when i lived with her.
Didnt' get better until we broke up and the lease ended.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 1 year, 6 days
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No, ranting to each other is not bad in itself.
In fact, it can bring two closer to each other, if they are open for it and IF this (the ranting) happens in a healthy and non-aggressive manner.
You two are not at your bests in the present moment, regarding your relationship as well as life... in general. As this reflects upon everything else.
Take it easy.
It's not an easy work though to remain level minded when things take this turn, so I'd say that the most important & meaningful tool that you can use is your own Will. The will of coming back to your senses. The intention of being in love instead of in need for love.
Come from love when you talk to him. If you feel it.
If you feel you're presently too confused or hurt, give him space and let him know that you want to do that because you want things to get better.
And whenever you feel like you have to fight, argue or be negative on/with him, remind yourself that THIS is exactly what's tearing you apart. This requires much care because you somehow might find yourself being destructive towards your relationship without even knowing what you're doing.
IF you can come from love with him, do it. If he still feels love for you, he will pick up on your feelings. 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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