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Teahead
roaming
Registered: 07/09/06
Posts: 5
Last seen: 16 years, 5 days
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So I mugged somebody last night
#7942295 - 01/27/08 07:48 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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It was a nightmare. I'm no punk. Alright. I've fucking mugged some motherfuckers before. Robbed people.
It was cold out last night and I was in a shitty mood. I didn't want to go back to my sisters place again, it is embarrassing. I was going to get me a room and some rock and stay warm. So hanging out in the alley I heard this drunk motherfucker blabbering on his cell phone about being picked up from the bar, but this joker was so tossed he was giving directions to a corner that was like 10 blocks away. Nobody was gonna be looking for this fool.
I sprung into action. Walked right up behind him and tapped him hard on the shouldeer. Nothing. I had my knife held up ready for him to turn around and I tap him again, harder.
Nothing, and I'm thinking to myself already what is with this fool.
Fuck it. I just popped him in the back of the head and grabbed his collar, dragged him farther in to the alley, tossed him to the ground. That got his attention.
Go through the routine. Kick him a few times, pick him up, and, uh, gimme the wallet. Routine so far. Alright. But this fool is staggering. I mean, he could barely stand, his eyes are fucking going off in every direction, he is falling right into me and I'm trying my hardest to keep it cool and not cut his ass open. It was already taking too long, somebody already walked by the end of the alley but with this fool hugging and groping me who the hell knows what the fuck they thought was going on.
So I go again, louder, but not too loud, gimmie the wallet motherfucker, wave the knife in front of him.
And this clown is talking some anger management shit. Like I don't know if you should do that, blah blah blah. I'm suprised I didn't stab him right there.
I'm pissed, fuck you gimme your wallet, I smash the shit out of his nose, he flys back into the wall and starts sputtering this shit like I'm 10 feet tall, haha. LOUD. Shut up I'm telling him.
At this point I've already decided to cut him open, regardless of what happens.
Smack him around a little more and he is talking to the queen of jolly england. I don't know what was with this fool, he started talking to nobody in particular in this accent. I mean fucking mary poppins goddamnit. It is still loud as hell. What the fuck!
All this shit about blah blah blah being as drunk as I am good fellow I do not like violence blah blah blah or something. I had enough of this shit I was going to just beat his ass and take what I want. It is what I shoulda done in the first goddamn place.
Started unloading on him, he gets a little stunned, nothing to it, grab his wallet and what is inside? 6 dollars. I though you fucking hippies had money, I yell at him.
Was now going to split but while I was pounding him he grabbed the sleeve of my jacket and wouldn't let go. I let him have it so I could get the wallet, but now that there wasn't but 6 dollars in the wallet I wanted my shit back. But get this. This fool is wrestling with my jacket all over the ground. Punching and grabbing it like I was still wearing the fucking thing. Kicking it and smearing it all over the ground, I'm like what are you doing! Must have been punch drunk. I don't know.
He was giving my jacket a headlock and then threw it in the fucking trash and came back with this Mary Poppins shit. "Well I do believe I've taken the trash out"
So my jacket is fucked and I'm going to kill him, and its not like my luck has been good up until now so why I thought I'd at least get to cut him open I don't know. But a whole gang of chinese dudes popped into the alley throwing away some trash from thier resturaunt right when he was going to get it. I ran out of the alley.
No more robbing fools for chump change. That fool is lucky he is still living. It is not like I have 10 jackets lying around, I'm robbing motherfuckers on the street, that was my only jacket. It has chinese food stains all over it. That shit don't come out man. Fuck! I'm gonna bust into people homes from now on.   
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Tangerines




Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,918
Loc: woodwork
Last seen: 4 years, 23 days
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Teahead]
#7942308 - 01/27/08 07:51 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Caribou_Lou
Stranger

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 2,510
Loc: Never Land
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Teahead]
#7942309 - 01/27/08 07:51 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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make up stories much?
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meatcakeman
the search for bodhisattva



Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 8,380
Loc: el sol
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Teahead]
#7942313 - 01/27/08 07:51 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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You're a piece of shit.
-------------------- 大开眼界
 
Hasta siempre, comandante.
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HeadTripVertigo
at least I'm housebroken




Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 10,788
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Teahead]
#7942323 - 01/27/08 07:53 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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-------------------- TACOS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER
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drSE
Pseudo Reality




Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 4,432
Loc: Twighlight Zone
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: meatcakeman]
#7942329 - 01/27/08 07:55 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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sounds like an Implee puppet
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Grow Room
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Tangerines




Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,918
Loc: woodwork
Last seen: 4 years, 23 days
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: drSE]
#7942341 - 01/27/08 07:58 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Yea these kinds of posts are very original. It must take an intelligent mind to create such quality.
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sui
I love you.



Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,853
Loc: Cali, Contra Costa Co.
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dont feed the trolls guys.
-------------------- "There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix
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im_on_a_boat
Stranger

Registered: 04/06/06
Posts: 3,950
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: sui]
#7942396 - 01/27/08 08:13 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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anti-
this is great.
Edited by im_on_a_boat (01/27/08 08:23 PM)
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downforpot
Stranger

Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 5,715
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: im_on_a_boat]
#7942413 - 01/27/08 08:16 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Quote:
drkrobotnik said:
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http://www.myspace.com/4th25 "And I don't care if he was handcuffed Then shot in his head All I know is dead bodies Can't fuck with me again"
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UnholyChild666
I'M GOD

Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 8,940
Loc:
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: sui]
#7942414 - 01/27/08 08:16 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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I had a friend that used to break into peoples houses and steal from them he ended up killing 2 people, only reason he escaped the death penalty was because the cops violated one of his rights and that was just for the one murder, don't be fucking stupid. You just may do something worse one day.
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"I am the Highest Power the leader of the pack" Actiavte My Dream Sequence Machine GOD of the hologram earth
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debianlinux
Myconerd - DBK




Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 8,334
Loc: Over There
Last seen: 7 months, 1 day
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: im_on_a_boat]
#7942417 - 01/27/08 08:17 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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So, I'm the only one who laughed their ass off at this?
Am I the only one who read the other thread this parodies?
This was comic gold.
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Redstorm
Prince of Bugs




Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 44,175
Last seen: 3 months, 10 days
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: debianlinux]
#7942426 - 01/27/08 08:19 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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What other thread?
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debianlinux
Myconerd - DBK




Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 8,334
Loc: Over There
Last seen: 7 months, 1 day
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Redstorm]
#7942432 - 01/27/08 08:20 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Redstorm
Prince of Bugs




Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 44,175
Last seen: 3 months, 10 days
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: debianlinux]
#7942441 - 01/27/08 08:21 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Tangerines




Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,918
Loc: woodwork
Last seen: 4 years, 23 days
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: debianlinux]
#7942453 - 01/27/08 08:24 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Quote:
debianlinux said: So, I'm the only one who laughed their ass off at this?
Am I the only one who read the other thread this parodies?
Look at my previous post. How is this funny when the same type of post has been done over and over?
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UnholyChild666
I'M GOD

Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 8,940
Loc:
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: debianlinux]
#7942460 - 01/27/08 08:25 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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I forgot about that one but I remember now that I saw it, regardless this post is a shitty one.
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"I am the Highest Power the leader of the pack" Actiavte My Dream Sequence Machine GOD of the hologram earth
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debianlinux
Myconerd - DBK




Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 8,334
Loc: Over There
Last seen: 7 months, 1 day
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Tangerines]
#7942467 - 01/27/08 08:26 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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It's not the premise of the joke it's the delivery. Very creative in my apparently simple humor.
Anybody can do the reverse story post, not everyone does it so well.
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eyesoftheworld
ૐ नमः शिवाय


Registered: 05/26/06
Posts: 666
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: Redstorm]
#7942468 - 01/27/08 08:27 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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7/10
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Tangerines




Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,918
Loc: woodwork
Last seen: 4 years, 23 days
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Re: So I mugged somebody last night [Re: debianlinux]
#7942470 - 01/27/08 08:27 PM (16 years, 5 days ago) |
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Everyone can take a shit. But not everyone can take a glittershitz.

This thread is SHIT with a mild flavor of gold. But not nearly enough gold to be good.
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