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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
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Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium Flag
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #7929122 - 01/25/08 10:01 AM (16 years, 7 days ago)

thanks for clarifying. i understand that feeling and am in the same position, sort of, except for only moving cities as opposed to states/countries...but other things/obigations are pretty much keeping me in my current situation


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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InvisibleFondaCox
Ms.firstrecipientofaPMBanEVER
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Registered: 05/20/07
Posts: 15,275
Loc: CanoooooooDIA
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: demiu5]
    #7929365 - 01/25/08 11:27 AM (16 years, 7 days ago)

Quote:

demius said:

phummy:  do you not think that this mentality is also a crutch?  "once this happens, i can do this!"  that's self-defeating.  you could take charge of everything now, but it would probably be harder in your current environment.  but that's what you're not wanting to deal with here and now, the challenge.  it's still going to be a challenge when you go to aus

don't forget you have the chance every second of every day to leave everything behind and start anew :heart:




well said


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: FondaCox]
    #7929408 - 01/25/08 11:47 AM (16 years, 7 days ago)

Every moment is an opportunity for love and transformation.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleVeritas
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Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7929414 - 01/25/08 11:50 AM (16 years, 7 days ago)

Yeah, baby, Yeah!!  :smile:  :heart: :sun:


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: Veritas]
    #7929420 - 01/25/08 11:53 AM (16 years, 7 days ago)

There's a possibility of a relationship on the fringes of my perception. This girl..well, I won't go into it, I have in my journal and in the Pub.

But I wonder, will it be possible for me to have another relationship, so soon, without letting it become another crutch? I think that's the challenge, and I think I'm up to it.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleVeritas
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Posts: 11,089
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7929443 - 01/25/08 12:03 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

I think the key is to stay conscious, stay in the moment, and let yourself and your beloved and the relationship be whatever they are going to be. (Because they will anyway, and any efforts you make to stop them are just a waste of energy.)

"Routine" is just another word for not paying attention.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: Veritas]
    #7929450 - 01/25/08 12:06 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

:thumbup: I like that.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleVeritas
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Posts: 11,089
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7929504 - 01/25/08 12:18 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

Don't get me wrong, some routines are very helpful & provide a more-efficient means of getting things done. Performing some tasks on automatic pilot allows our minds to focus on other, more valuable (to us) processes. It is only when the processes which COULD be juicy, spicy & magical become routinized that we lose more than we gain.

Paying attention is usually an excellent investment!


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OfflineCakes
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7932584 - 01/25/08 10:46 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

OMR you inspired me to quit Myspace today, and start recognizing other crutches I have.  Thanks man =0)

I'm glad you're doing well, I hope you can ride this wave for a long time! :mushroom2:


--------------------



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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: Cakes]
    #7933548 - 01/26/08 02:32 AM (16 years, 6 days ago)

It honestly warms my heart to see how many views this thread is getting.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7933851 - 01/26/08 07:18 AM (16 years, 6 days ago)

:smile:


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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Offlinefazdazzle
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Registered: 02/17/05
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7934925 - 01/26/08 12:54 PM (16 years, 6 days ago)

OneLessForeskin - you put into words what I've been feeling lately. I had a fantastic breakthrough about a month ago but it subsided. I knew that if I tried to cling to that idea of my happiness or the naturalness of my life at that time I would be doomed, so I just went with it and examined it, hoping I was truly on another plane of existence for good.

I think what it came down to was unattachment to everything - not seeking specific results, not recognizing my mind, or ego, not doing things for a reason but because they just felt right, which basically stemmed from staying present in each moment, allowing my Self to act.

I have cast aside a few crutches myself lately - the masturbate when your bored, wtf? sooo pointless. But one that I'm having trouble with isn't just the shroomery, but the internet...that is definitely my go-to activity if I'm bored - or even any other time when I'm alone, for that matter. I kind of feel like going Office Space on my computer, so I don't have to choose.

An interesting aspect of living in this way is the freedom you gain and the fluidity of life. Before this happened I had read about "riding the wave" and all this, thinking...well I AM moving through life, so how can't I be riding the wave? I didn't get it. This type of living feels so good, like you are in touch with the essence of life; it's like you are swimming through the water with flippers instead of doing the doggy paddle at the surface.

Now I just need to discover that lifestyle once and for all.

This thread warms my heart too, OLF. It's nice to see people searching for Truth.


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Offlinefazdazzle
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: fazdazzle]
    #7935292 - 01/26/08 02:03 PM (16 years, 6 days ago)

I just remembered to add this quotation from one of my yoga books, which I think fits perfectly in here:

"Today we are living in a world where everyone is more or less satisfied. We have all the comforts and everything we need and do not want. There will come a time, however, when man will be prepared to throw off these comforts. Luxury and comfort weaken the will and keep one under constant hypnosis. Alcohol and drugs are not as dangerous as total slavery to luxury and comfort."

From "Kundalini Tantra," by Swami Satyananda Saraswati.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7959559 - 01/31/08 09:35 AM (16 years, 1 day ago)

My hair is so tied into my self-identity that it is a crutch in of itself. Hm.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
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Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium Flag
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7959799 - 01/31/08 11:04 AM (16 years, 1 day ago)

really? try cutting it then

there's nothing more satisfying (and at the same time, depressing) as cutting your own hair...well, y'know what i mean


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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InvisibleFondaCox
Ms.firstrecipientofaPMBanEVER
Female User Gallery


Registered: 05/20/07
Posts: 15,275
Loc: CanoooooooDIA
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7959835 - 01/31/08 11:14 AM (16 years, 1 day ago)

NOOOOO, don't cut your hair!

My roommate is half Haitian and had curly like you. He shaved it. I hate it. It really has no bearing on me, but I really don't like it.


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OfflineJoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: demiu5]
    #7959884 - 01/31/08 11:32 AM (16 years, 1 day ago)

This has been a thread that changed existence for me, for certain.

I took this thread and began to feel like i was on the edge.

I suggest taking COOOLD showers and doing something that scares you at night {for me, turning off all the lights in the rooms and just sitting in one room, half meditating, hald examining the fear and the strength feelings have to project something that is not really there....finding something that scares us, while we know that trully there is nothing there that could threaten us, is what im talking about.

Right now i've been sleeping alot, and i think ive been using this as a crutch. Its winter up here and i just get really depressed about things, especially feeling the cold.

Though i notice that if i about 10 hours, a funny thing happens - i begin to analyze an idea in my head which is really striking me as important in my life. Today I was thinking about what oneness means and i came to the conclusion that it just means that everything has one origin. This is what oneness means.

Ie/ A decision, has the origin of being made under one question "What is the best decision i could make here" Add fear into this question and my mind begins to jump back into looking at the comforts as positive moreso than negative - Ie/ Having sex with a person that is just not good to have sex with...because i do it out of comfort, but have made my mind up last night that im going to slow down.

Though one thing i notice about crutches, especially relational crutches that involve sex is that I tend to think that i should just stop all sexual expressions period...going from having sex all out, everyday to nothing.

For me this wouldnt work so well...Ive tried it and also because im living with this person i have sex with, it is much harder to just STOP.
When we try to just stop expressing all emotions physically, we  eventually just end up going crazy,splurging and increasing the chances of over doing.

So for anyone who gets this, i would suggest to think of the relationship like being on top of a mountain you ascended, where the peak orgasmic part of the relationship is leaving you BREATHLESS, motivating you to end your time there.

However, once you notice this, i suggest you do not try and JUMP off the peak, but descend it together, with them.

I talked with her about this last night, and it really helps her understand my intentions and my actions. Most people in this world will think that "ITS ending " and try and JUMP off, but i sincerly hope that you take a closer look at why...it may just be culturally imbedded in a practice that has love seeming like a possesion.

Its amazing to hear how this place is like a crutch as well. I understood this when i found myself turning on the internet, with no concious reason saying....what am i thinking?

It is wonderful to have a place where we can talk and help each other. I really do intend to bring the state of awareness that oneness and acceptance gives, to every situation in my life, however difficult and conflicted i may feel.

To you and to all. :heart:

KEEEP GOING WITH IT EVERYONE, WE ARE the TYPES of Conciousnes awareness that can BRING LASTING peace and UNITY to this world.!!!

BELIEVE and ACKNOWLEDGE our PART. Much LOVE


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


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OfflineJackenobi
Hermes
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7960157 - 01/31/08 01:19 PM (16 years, 1 day ago)

Reading this thread I have had touches of the experiences on both sides. Liberation, and routine.

OMR your first post was excellent and concise. It energised my mind to the path I am trying to create more now than ever. The liberating potential of the mind was self evident.

Reading on I became a little entrenched in routine - the personal truth being that the subject matter is best found here, read and enjoyed, but then considered properly away from the boards.

Its interesting how unwieldy it can be. It seems to come back to the old chestnut that consciousness is an unruly ship cast upon unruly waves, and it takes a strong helmsman to navigate his course as he sees truly fit...

Strange, how tiring it seems, or difficult, to follow the correct path, yet how much more enervating and marvellous it is when you overcome incrambriance to do so...

Stranger still, how I would like to follow it tonight, but I am made up to follow the path of least resistence nevertheless.


--------------------
read books


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OfflineSacrebleu
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: Jackenobi]
    #7960253 - 01/31/08 01:45 PM (16 years, 1 day ago)

This is inspiring for me


--------------------
I have no funny saying. I have no quote. I have no ASCII art. I have no video. I have no meme. I have no bolded or italicized font.

My signature sucks.


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Identifying your crutches and moving beyond them. [Re: Sacrebleu]
    #9665780 - 01/23/09 02:47 PM (15 years, 8 days ago)

One year later..

Wednesday I ended an incidental marijuana break that had come to last eighteen days, the longest such THC sabbatical I have taken in about a year. It originally came about simply as a function of my journey to Israel, where marijuana was nowhere to be found though some in the group did hunt hungrily for hashish.  The night before departing for Tel Aviv, I'd gone to Ani's sister's apartment for some drinks and jubilation and there I had taken what I knew would likely be my last puffs of smoke for 10 days until I returned from the Holy Land.  Looking back now, I can still taste the anxious feeling that crept over me as I rolled the delicious smoke over my tongue, savoring the feeling of getting high and dreading separating from it.

And then, in Israel, ah, how little thought I even gave it! It came up in conversation, sure, but not once did I find myself pining for it or missing it in the slightest.  The trip was a clean break from certain aspects of my reality that were like crutches I daily leaned on - marijuana, the internet, even New York City - major centers of my identity. Walking free of these crutches I felt free as a gazelle on the open plains, running with abandon.  My Self, surrounded by stimuli it had never known before, drew itself up to full height and stood proudly erect. The second-guessing I was used to suffering from all the time was nowhere to be found. This new sober self was awake, alive, and aware.

The first week of being back in New York City, I held on to that holy human high.  I was on top of the world. And whereas smoking marijuana had once been almost - I'm a bit embarrassed to say - central to my sense of self, my personality, I found myself with no desire whatsoever to smoke.  Even when my roommate Dave lit up a beautiful joint of his insanely good marijuana, the smell of the smoke wafted over me and it was acrid where once it had been aromatic; it tickled my nostrils like a stench and not a perfume. Strange, to be sure, but I decided to follow Kellie's timeless advice as I have been for the past seven six months - just roll with it.

I took my own stash out, buried my nose in it, and came away with the smell in my nostrils but no appetite for getting high. Strange. Much like it had the whole Birthright trip, my life seemed perfectly arranged,. Everything was lining up so well and my head felt like it was in a great space. I went to dinner with Kayla and Jared and we had the most wonderful time. My energy was coursing clearly. Everything was gravy. That night I wrote a drunken email to a friend, and it contained the line - "Sometimes you confuse me, you win me, you lose me. Maybe I'm silly, maybe my brain's willy-nilly, but the messages I hear in all the music in my ear just has me thinkin - also I've been drinkin' for seven hours at this point. I almost smoked a joint. But I'm not into getting high - these days...I don't know why. Maybe then I'd be back here, in new york which can be like hell instead of with my heart in Israel."  That was Tuesday. All was well.

Wednesday - the entire day was a slow build-up to a concert I'd been looking forward to for months. Animal Collective, psychedelic freak folks extraordinaire, were going to rock the Bowery Ballroom, best-sounding room in the whole city. Smoking was in the back of my mind. After all, if I had been on my usual regimen of smoking every day, this would have been a show, an experience, that I would have been considering tripping for. So to be riding high on sobriety, even taking a puff of weed was a big deal that I was considering.

We were at Lucy;s apartment and Dave rolled a joint. I knew, in that moment, that I shouldn't partake, yet I did. Not just one small puff, either, but several long and deep tokes. As soon as the heavy coughs hit I knew I was in for a doozy. We set about walking to the show, all of us in our own stoned stratospheres. In mine, a full orchestra backed David Bowie as he sang Space Oddity in the arena in my mind.  I was on cloud 9 for a moment.

And then we got to the Bowery and the entire rug was pulled out from underneath me. We met up with Jared, with Ani, and there was Lucy, and Dave, and all my worlds were colliding and I was well aware that I was the reason all these people were hanging out together. And yet I had absolutely no idea how to be myself, which was the antithesis of my experience in every moment in the three weeks prior.  My entire existence became one unnerved and quivering question mark. This self-consciousness felt newfound though it was not entirely new. In a way I felt it each time I smoked, but when I smoked every day it was something I simply accepted and dealt with.  Coming on the heels of an intense journey of self-discovery that ran concurrently with a period of sobriety, however, it was nearly unbearable. Instead of being glad to be stoned for such a trippy audio-visual dance-party of a show, I actually spent almost the entire time regretting my choice to get high and barely enjoying myself in the slightest while also worrying that everyone else wasn't having a good time.

At the end of the night when I got home with Dave and Ani, another joint was passed around, and I partook of that one too. Why? I'm not quite sure. But the regret stacked on, as I woke up the next day and still felt utterly stoned, pot-hangover style.  I felt that way until about six or seven in the evening.  My head was in an awful space. All day long I was down on myself, unsure of myself, melancholy without any real reason. Getting high had crashed me down to earth and now I was crawling on the ground.

So there has to be a way to stand back up right? I think I'm on to it. See, I didn't feel better until I cracked my journal open at night while working in the coat check, and wrote this all down. It didn't get better until i went through the catharsis of processing what was going on emotionally and mentally through writing.  Now I know that I've learned something. That I  don't want to be high all the time, that getting stoned every day isn't for me, and especially not getting stoned before going out in public to be sociable with people I care about. The next time I smoke (and I'm not thinking of quitting outright, you see) it will be because it feels just right, and not because everyone else is and not because I think I need it to enhance something that's probably going to be awesome on its own.

You live, you learn.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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