i don't know how to put this, i can't make sense of this when i speak or write of this but it's all clear inside my head:
all my life i have been reading up on mysticism and such, about consciousness change and perception, magick and well... everything. experimenting, probing, seeing the world differently and so on.
this has been wearing me out. i feel like i have somehow taken in too much signals, too many thoughts, too many tests.
lately i feel like i am distancing my self from "this" world and living in some alternate world. words and objects have started to lose their meaning. i'm not out of touch with this reality, i don't walk onto highways expecting cars to pass through me or anything like that. i also don't like to talk about that stuff to people that may laugh at it or tell me that i'm imagining it: to some extent i am and i am becoming lost.
lately i have been seeing dreams that remind me of mushroom trips: nothing too surreal, just experiences that seem on a fine balance line between the waking world and the subconscious mind. i dreamt that i became overtaken by an incredible power/energy/force that crumbled mountains and created black holes and controlled vacumes. it was bright and crystal clear, i couldn't control it but it was a part of me.
i am a writer and that's what i want to do in this life. i've been published and people like what i do although i can't tell them all that i've written here. i also have an irrational feeling that i can control chance and events from the future.
there isn't a problem per sé but i hope some of you will understand where i'm getting at.
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yup i know what you mean. Losing touch with this reality comes from losing touch with what makes it real.
The other day i was in a sequence of thoughts that had me asking "wtf are we all doing in this room with these people, talking the way they do, impersonal and lifeless, how are you's, followed, by give me your cards, sign here, are you alrite(this one came after the lady noticed that i wasnt there in her reality), and thank yous.
It really is a wierd experience losing touch with the beliefs that make alot of social interactions real. I felt almost like love was purely possesive to all of them. Like it didnt matter if we loved each other or if you love them, because they have little toys that will love them on command somewhere else.
sadness then hit me, low energy frequency for fear of being to high.
now im back and would have prolly done it over differently this time.
disassciation from having any direct effect on peoples emotions also hits me alot at times. Wondering why they felt like that, forgetting where i came from.
Maybe we just have to keep in mind where we came from and not be afrain to jump into where we rightfully are.
Could be a pathway to aid others to see through the illusion.
Love love love love love love love love !!!! choo choo
-------------------- The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution. And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change. Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems. Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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