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Offlineopensaysme
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Registered: 07/15/07
Posts: 1,649
Loc: NJ-NY area
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Shit just hit the fan.....
    #7863967 - 01/11/08 08:28 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

A little background......

I'm 19 years old and live with my parents and sister. Went to a local community college this semester because i flunked out of private college last year. Heavy drinker and opiate user, used to trip quite often but not lately. I smoke weed occasionally but in the past i was an all-day, everyday type.

Broke up with my girlfriend on sunday, she went into a mental institution on tuesday.

Anyways today the shit hit the fan in my house, parents found out that i failed most of my classes this semester. I hadn't been going to most of the classes actually, not because i was goin out and getting fucked up during class; i just wouldn't go. I guess it was combined depression and lack of motivation but i just didn't go to class most of the time. The classes i did go to, i didn't even try at so i fucked up on those too.

Mother also found that the stash of percocet which was in the house for my sister who once in a while gets nerve pain was completely cashed. (yea i know im a scumbag) Father found empty liquor bottles scattered about in different places in my room. Also found my bowl and a few baggies.

My mother just informed me that they will not pay for college anymore, nor my car insurance or even for me to live in their house. They want me to pay room and board for living with them at home. So needless to say i think i'll be moving out as soon as i can find a steady job. Theres no point in me living here with my parents if i'm going to have to pay for it.

Finding a job so that i can move out and live on my own is my main priority now.

I've been seeing a therapist/psychiatrist because of the drinking and druggin but i haven't really been honest with the person about anything that i actually do. Today when i go to my appointment though i probably will just let her know bout all this shit, don't really know why i hid it in the past. Mainly i would get fucked up on a nightly basis just to get myself past all the stupid shit i do on a daily basis such as not goin to class and just fucking up in general.

Well basically i am a bad person, no motivation no goals. All i do is just get by day to day and lately i don't even do that. The one thing good i can say about myself is that i am kind and caring towards friends and family. But doing all this fucked up shit pretty much completely contradicts that because it's bringing my family a lot of pain.

Hopefully i can get my shit together and start to make a life for myself, i would say i'm gonna do the best i can but shit i've said that so many times in the past.

Just wanted to get all that out there.


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OfflineToddo
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Registered: 07/09/04
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: opensaysme]
    #7863978 - 01/11/08 08:35 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

To tell you the truth, hitting rock bottom is what many people need to get back on track. Take a moment to look at everything right now...take advantage of it and change. I know it might seem impossible...but anyone, and I mean fucking ANYONE can do it. How you create that change is your job.


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Offlinebrshroomer
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: Toddo]
    #7863990 - 01/11/08 08:44 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

could you elaborate why you wouldn't go to class? and, did you had any fear of not getting good grades at school?

if so and then you kinda supressed it the reason why you wouldn't go to school might be that you have neurastenia...but i'm no expert and you alredy have a psychiatrist, so my advice is tell he/her everything...


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Edited by brshroomer (01/11/08 08:45 AM)


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OfflineBrAiN
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Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 6,875
Loc: Chocolate City
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: opensaysme]
    #7864093 - 01/11/08 09:30 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

--


Edited by BrAiN (03/13/08 12:29 PM)


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OfflineBrAiN
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: BrAiN]
    #7864104 - 01/11/08 09:33 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

--


Edited by BrAiN (03/13/08 12:30 PM)


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Offlineopensaysme
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: BrAiN]
    #7864183 - 01/11/08 09:57 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

Thanks for the words of wisdom folks, its nice to hear about your perspectives on the matter.

I don't fully know myself why i would skip class so often. Part of it was definitely fear of failure, hell i'd done it so many times in the past i just didn't want to fall into the same cycle. So i guess my fucked up logic was just i'll ignore it for now, and worry about catching up/doing better later. I'm not a complete moron either, i did quite well on my SATs and i read a lot. Most people who don't know of my educational history think of me as a smart or witty guy. I just have a real difficult time motivating myself, a really difficult time.

So yea i guess this is my opportunity to start anew, although i've had plenty in the past and i've fucked them all up. It's not gonna be easy though as i've been in a bad rut for a while and i can't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Every time i do find some light, i manage to extinguish it somehow. Burn more bridges...

But i'll try, and see if i can do a little bit better getting my shit back together this time around. In the words of the dead "every time that wheel turn round, bound to cover just a little more ground".

I think the right move for me WOULD be to take at least a semester off, find a job and just work my ass off. Hopefully get a place of my own, even if it's a tiny studio in bumfuck nowhere. I think i need some personal space; something which there is none of in my current home. Then after im settled there and have a steady job i'll go back to school and start working towards a degree again.


Edited by opensaysme (01/11/08 10:13 AM)


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OfflineStizzle
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Registered: 04/26/07
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: opensaysme]
    #7864278 - 01/11/08 10:22 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

I can relate... my mom tried to charge me rent too so I just work full time to pay for an apartment now I have no time to go back to school :shrug:


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OfflineBrAiN
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: Stizzle]
    #7864309 - 01/11/08 10:29 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

Stizzle said:
I can relate... my mom tried to charge me rent too so I just work full time to pay for an apartment now I have no time to go back to school :shrug:




Daz what evening classes are for :wink: .. or Saturday classes. Some comm colleges have a few


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OfflineStizzle
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Registered: 04/26/07
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: BrAiN]
    #7864340 - 01/11/08 10:37 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

I know I just gotta force myself to go. I've already done the work all day school all night thing it sucks!


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OfflineBrAiN
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: Stizzle]
    #7864350 - 01/11/08 10:38 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

If you can prove that you make little enough on the fafsa... you might be able to get a federal grant that would be enough to pay tuition.. then you can probably pull off working part time.. one less grand to drop a semester


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Invisiblemachination
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Registered: 09/17/07
Posts: 705
Loc: Hringhorni
Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: opensaysme]
    #7864378 - 01/11/08 10:45 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

if i were in your shoes, which i am, id get a beer and some cough syrup, write a will, fake my death, and squat with the hippes over the rainbow nd build a farm home base, a hot air balloon and travel to micronesia, take over a few islands, .... no id smuggle heroin, god loves heroin

i'm a 6th year sophmore with a phd in bullshittery


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"Have you not learned that your word is bond? Yes, my word is bond and bond is life, I shall give my life, before my word shall fail."


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InvisibleNemo_Hoes
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: opensaysme]
    #7864388 - 01/11/08 10:48 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

WELCOME TO EARF SON


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InvisibleBIGSWANG
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: Nemo_Hoes]
    #7864389 - 01/11/08 10:49 AM (16 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

The Motherfuckin G said:
WELCOME TO EARF SON




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Admin Edit: Your signiture is inappropriate and has been removed.  Do not harass other members in your signiture.  Also refrain from posting links to scat pornography.  If I see anything like that here again, you will be banned.


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OfflineBoneMan
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: BIGSWANG]
    #7864702 - 01/11/08 12:00 PM (16 years, 21 days ago)

Stay in school man. Use this situation as your motivation. Use your desire to move out on your own as motivation. Since you're 19, I'm gonna guess you don't have much work experience in anything very lucrative. You should get a job but you're not going to be able to afford your own place, unless maybe you get two or three jobs and work a night shift. But in that case you wouldn't have any time for school. And thats the main reason why people go to college: so some day they can afford to live on their own.

Find a part time gig and get to studying, maybe the therapist can hook you up with a psychiatrist that might prescribe some adderall to help you with schoolwork.


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
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Re: Shit just hit the fan..... [Re: opensaysme]
    #7864750 - 01/11/08 12:12 PM (16 years, 21 days ago)

no don't even go to college if your not going to try, thats just stupid and a waste of money.

get a job and take a walk in the real life, and very soon you will HAVE your motivation. Then you will sit their kicking yourself in the ass for not taking your parents so generous gift of free living and free learning.

honestly thow when i read your post it sounds like your underage and in highschool


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