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Dietrootbear
makes u think



Registered: 08/23/11
Posts: 724
Loc: Sheffield, UK
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Post deleted by DietrootbearReason for deletion: NSA ILLUMINATI SATURNITE BANKING CABAL
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Rumblefishtwist
Cyber Bully



Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 1,040
Loc: Universe
Last seen: 2 months, 8 days
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potato spoon.
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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prostate botherer: i feel uncomfortable putting myself out there
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The Lizard King
Student Strawman



Registered: 12/23/12
Posts: 2,429
Loc: Babylon
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Quote:
The Lizard King said:
Quote:
ThatKidWithTheFace said:
Quote:
The Lizard King said:
Quote:
The Lizard King said: Shithawks.

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Dipping Swords in Metaphors
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: Check out Cambridge, OH [Re: Mad_Larkin] 1
#18534962 - 07/09/13 04:17 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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Clive knew he was dead within minutes of stepping out of the tank.
His feet hit the tiled floor with wet slaps and he wavered ponderously for a moment on the weak and unfamiliar stalks. It hadn't been his idea to grow legs. The things had been foisted upon him by an uncaring and emotionally desolate universe. Or at least, he corrected himself, that's what he believed, remembering the importance of model agnosticism and the doctrines of Bob.
He steadied himself and looked around the room he was in. It was mostly bare, broken tiling covered the floor and wallpaper pealed from crumbling plasterboard walls. Behind him stood the huge glass tank, with all its esoteric wired apparatus and techno-whirlygigs and murky green fluid.
As he scrunitized the tangles of tubes and wires he noticed something odd in the far right corner of the tank. He shuffled closer and pressed his face up against the glass, straining for a better glimps of the object through the murk. After a few moments of straned squinting he realised the object was his head.
How odd, he thought. He raised his hand to his neck and yes, there it was, the awful gaping wound full of gristle and slick shredded meat. He explored further, pushing lightly at the opening of his windpipe and oesophagus and then the sharp knob of his served vertibre.
Most pertubatory, he decided. Well, better go and get it.
He jumped up and grabbed the edge of the glass tank, struggled to keep his grip for a moment and then weakly swung his protesting right leg up and over. This is when the glass decided to break.
A crack appeared suddenly just below his transfixed crotch and a split second later under the pressure of the confined water the tank exploded. The resulting wave of nutrient soup carried him to the far end of the room.
He picked himself up and in the manner of a hairless lanky wolfhound, shook off the majority of the slime, then diligently removed a shard of glass from his left shin. The pain was dull, like a nagging tooth ache, but he ignored it and crossed to the shattered remains of the tank.
His head had shifted position to the centre of the tank and lay on its cheek. He stooped to pick it up, careful to avoid the numerous slivers of glass that littered the tiles. He raised the head and inspected it. It was definitely his, thank God. He raised the head to the ruined stump of his neck, hearing a snatch of Bobby Womack peep from the open mouth as he screwed the severed apendage back on.
Right then, what next? He thought pragmatically.
He scanned the room, realising with considerable dread that there were no exists. No windows or doors, no air vent grills or mouses' houses. His heartbeat began to rise and he felt the cloying sensations of a picnic attack coursing through his naked frame.
Ham and mustard sandwiches, check. Boiled eggs, check. Cabernet sauvignon 2009, check. Cheese and onion crisps, check. Apple, check. Copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Czech.
Taking calm deep breaths he slowly regained his composure. His heart rate lessened and he began to relax. Pragmatism crept back into his newly reattached skull and he began to contemplate.
Inside the smashed remains of the tank lay a number of metal instruments. He gingerly stepped over the broken shards all around him and extracated a large slab like device from the tangle of tubes and wires. It was a chromed oblong with dimensions of roughly ten inches by six. It had a large black readout screen that was blank.
He pulled it free of its wiring and lugged it over to the nearest wall and began smashing savagely at the crumbling plasterwork. After a few hefty blows a small hole had appeared and he felt a cool draught play against his torso. With a couple more blows the makeshift wrecking ball punched through the wall entirely and he lost his grip on it. The chrome thing whirled away into the darkness on the other side of the wall. Unsettlingly, he didn't hear it hit anything on the other side.
The naked man fell back onto his behind and began to ruminate, like a dejected chimp.
---
TBC
Edited by Mad_Larkin (07/09/13 04:22 PM)
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Synthe
Gatorade me, bitch!



Registered: 11/10/12
Posts: 7,961
Loc: Three bags of Funyuns
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Quote:
The Lizard King said:
Quote:
ThatKidWithTheFace said:
Quote:
The Lizard King said:
Quote:
The Lizard King said: Shithawks.

Re: 尿尿測天氣 變未來太
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steelyNads205
Strangler


Registered: 03/28/12
Posts: 1,288
Loc: Space City U.S.A.
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Re: Check out Cambridge, OH [Re: Synthe]
#18535201 - 07/09/13 05:01 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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dude fuck those pandas and fuck smoking corn hash all day.
tired of it.
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steelyNads205
Strangler


Registered: 03/28/12
Posts: 1,288
Loc: Space City U.S.A.
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: steelyNads205]
#18535216 - 07/09/13 05:03 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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sputtered conference spread? hmmm?
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: steelyNads205]
#18535289 - 07/09/13 05:18 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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the special butter miracle sled
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ThatKidWithTheFace
R.I.P. ZIG R.I.P. Sloth


Registered: 09/30/12
Posts: 11,904
Loc: All Good in Allgood
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Shitabyss
-------------------- Check Out My Beats SoundCloud
[quote]Sheekle said: [quote]ThatKidWithTheFace said: Is this the same aunt that fucks dogs?[/quote] u bet ur ass it is.[/quote]
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Toe_Jam
Bluefoot Bandit



Registered: 04/15/10
Posts: 3,693
Loc: Around some corner...
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Nigga was plait.
-------------------- God lay his finger at the Mouth of the Serpent March 1984   A pleasing land of drowsy head it was, Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye, And of gay castles in the clouds that pass, For ever flushing round a summer sky. -Castle of Indolence
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Sham87
mashAllah


Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,816
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Re: 尿尿測天氣 變未來太��������飲品 [Re: Toe_Jam] 1
#18536452 - 07/09/13 08:40 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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it was all great until her panties came off. The stench was unbearable, the smell of death was permeating throughout the entire house. I couldn't take any longer, I was horny as hell but the smell was leaving me flaccid. I did what any respectable young man in my situation would do, I threw up under her bed and proceeded to eat her vagina out. I gagged and spewed a little on her rancid lips and proceeded to lick it off. The more I licked, the sour it got so I decided to lick her asshole. Bad idea. She had been working all day in 100 degree weather, passing gas and turtles but how was I supposed to know?
This was my first experience with an actual woman, and I was dammed if I was going to pass this up so I proceeded to lick her anus. The taste masked the taste of her vagina but soon spread down to my throat. I gagged again. I could feel every bead of sweat coming down my face. She was oblivious to all of the chaos going on underneath her. For some idiotic reason I decided to stick my finger inside her rectum and I immediately regretted the decision. She moaned while I went in and out, in and out. I pulled my finger out and to my surprise it was brown. I couldn't help but to taste it, bad choice. I threw up all over the woman and proceeded to ejaculate at the same time.
--------------------
   ...once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right...
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Re: 尿尿測天氣 變未來太��������飲品 [Re: Sham87]
#18536663 - 07/09/13 09:21 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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They gave me a receipt that said i didnt buy nothing.
-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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Toe_Jam
Bluefoot Bandit



Registered: 04/15/10
Posts: 3,693
Loc: Around some corner...
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Nigga was plaid.
See it's not really the same.
Sounds more like it though. Or really it doesn't but it looks like it does.
-------------------- God lay his finger at the Mouth of the Serpent March 1984   A pleasing land of drowsy head it was, Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye, And of gay castles in the clouds that pass, For ever flushing round a summer sky. -Castle of Indolence
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: 尿尿測天氣 變未來太����������飲品 [Re: Sham87]
#18538138 - 07/10/13 06:11 AM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sham87 said: it was all great until her panties came off. The stench was unbearable, the smell of death was permeating throughout the entire house. I couldn't take any longer, I was horny as hell but the smell was leaving me flaccid. I did what any respectable young man in my situation would do, I threw up under her bed and proceeded to eat her vagina out. I gagged and spewed a little on her rancid lips and proceeded to lick it off. The more I licked, the sour it got so I decided to lick her asshole. Bad idea. She had been working all day in 100 degree weather, passing gas and turtles but how was I supposed to know?
This was my first experience with an actual woman, and I was dammed if I was going to pass this up so I proceeded to lick her anus. The taste masked the taste of her vagina but soon spread down to my throat. I gagged again. I could feel every bead of sweat coming down my face. She was oblivious to all of the chaos going on underneath her. For some idiotic reason I decided to stick my finger inside her rectum and I immediately regretted the decision. She moaned while I went in and out, in and out. I pulled my finger out and to my surprise it was brown. I couldn't help but to taste it, bad choice. I threw up all over the woman and proceeded to ejaculate at the same time.

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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,556
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 6 minutes, 10 seconds
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Re: Check out Cambridge, OH [Re: Mad_Larkin]
#18538202 - 07/10/13 06:48 AM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mad_Larkin said: Clive knew he was dead within minutes of stepping out of the tank.
His feet hit the tiled floor with wet slaps and he wavered ponderously for a moment on the weak and unfamiliar stalks. It hadn't been his idea to grow legs. The things had been foisted upon him by an uncaring and emotionally desolate universe. Or at least, he corrected himself, that's what he believed, remembering the importance of model agnosticism and the doctrines of Bob.
He steadied himself and looked around the room he was in. It was mostly bare, broken tiling covered the floor and wallpaper pealed from crumbling plasterboard walls. Behind him stood the huge glass tank, with all its esoteric wired apparatus and techno-whirlygigs and murky green fluid.
As he scrunitized the tangles of tubes and wires he noticed something odd in the far right corner of the tank. He shuffled closer and pressed his face up against the glass, straining for a better glimps of the object through the murk. After a few moments of straned squinting he realised the object was his head.
How odd, he thought. He raised his hand to his neck and yes, there it was, the awful gaping wound full of gristle and slick shredded meat. He explored further, pushing lightly at the opening of his windpipe and oesophagus and then the sharp knob of his served vertibre.
Most pertubatory, he decided. Well, better go and get it.
He jumped up and grabbed the edge of the glass tank, struggled to keep his grip for a moment and then weakly swung his protesting right leg up and over. This is when the glass decided to break.
A crack appeared suddenly just below his transfixed crotch and a split second later under the pressure of the confined water the tank exploded. The resulting wave of nutrient soup carried him to the far end of the room.
He picked himself up and in the manner of a hairless lanky wolfhound, shook off the majority of the slime, then diligently removed a shard of glass from his left shin. The pain was dull, like a nagging tooth ache, but he ignored it and crossed to the shattered remains of the tank.
His head had shifted position to the centre of the tank and lay on its cheek. He stooped to pick it up, careful to avoid the numerous slivers of glass that littered the tiles. He raised the head and inspected it. It was definitely his, thank God. He raised the head to the ruined stump of his neck, hearing a snatch of Bobby Womack peep from the open mouth as he screwed the severed apendage back on.
Right then, what next? He thought pragmatically.
He scanned the room, realising with considerable dread that there were no exists. No windows or doors, no air vent grills or mouses' houses. His heartbeat began to rise and he felt the cloying sensations of a picnic attack coursing through his naked frame.
Ham and mustard sandwiches, check. Boiled eggs, check. Cabernet sauvignon 2009, check. Cheese and onion crisps, check. Apple, check. Copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Czech.
Taking calm deep breaths he slowly regained his composure. His heart rate lessened and he began to relax. Pragmatism crept back into his newly reattached skull and he began to contemplate.
Inside the smashed remains of the tank lay a number of metal instruments. He gingerly stepped over the broken shards all around him and extracated a large slab like device from the tangle of tubes and wires. It was a chromed oblong with dimensions of roughly ten inches by six. It had a large black readout screen that was blank.
He pulled it free of its wiring and lugged it over to the nearest wall and began smashing savagely at the crumbling plasterwork. After a few hefty blows a small hole had appeared and he felt a cool draught play against his torso. With a couple more blows the makeshift wrecking ball punched through the wall entirely and he lost his grip on it. The chrome thing whirled away into the darkness on the other side of the wall. Unsettlingly, he didn't hear it hit anything on the other side.
The naked man fell back onto his behind and began to ruminate, like a dejected chimp.
---
TBC
AAA
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: Check out Cambridge, OH [Re: twighead]
#18538392 - 07/10/13 08:26 AM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yip yip yip! Kibble kibble-dy ki!
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Waiter... there is a loli in my soup. [Re: Mad_Larkin]
#18539267 - 07/10/13 01:13 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: Waiter... there is a loli in my soup. [Re: Invisible_Woe]
#18554576 - 07/13/13 08:14 PM (10 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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alsdfjoiwujerijldfanlshjriowedfjwijrierujioweuriowuerwioeruioweruio238u04923ujeifdkf90923uqefkad0weadf09ui23kreadf90ip23kreadf90kop3qerdpafckjmadflkasjdf akfj asdklf jasdfklj asdfj asdl;laksjdfkljaklsdfjklajsfalsdfjlas;dfjlksjdflkjsdflkjsdflkjsdfljsdfljsdf;lasdl;kasd;lkasd;lkasdkldsakld;sakldskaldsajkfdsjklfdjklfdjklsdfouiweroiuweroiuweriouwerpqiowepiqwepoiqwepiqwe;kjasd;kasdljdfkjfjlfdkjfsdhfasdhfdhjfdjjfdjkdflsajkdflsa;a;a;a;alslslslskdkdkdkdjfjfjfjfnvnvnvnvmcmcmcmc,x,x,x,z..z.z.z,x.zx,z.x,.zx,z.a;slslskdkdkfjfjfjkdjfkkddkslslslkddksla;;a;aslsllspwijweifj99;dlfk jasdklfj asdlfk jasd;lfkja sdfkl jasdfkajs dfij wefi wejfwief jweiof jweifj wefio jwefioe jiwoe fijwe fjiwefji wefjiweijfw ejofjr8023u49823
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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