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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Dietrootbear]
#18293709 - 05/20/13 04:51 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Dietrootbear said: I'm not getting laid.
Possible Explanations:
-No one is getting laid. The entire world, for the last fifty or so years, has been completely celibate due to a farrago of fertility-inhibiting, impotency-inducing chemicals that are being circulated in our food, air, and water without our consent. All the babies are being manufactured in a gigantic UN-funded facility underneath Laos by old underpaid Vietnamese ladies. An intelligent ethnicity generation program has been developed by the lowest bidder in order to calculate what babies need to be born. They plop out of machines, rolling on conveyor belts, picked up at points by female workers on the assembly line with wrinkly hands and examined for defects or errors. This explains why all babies are born smelling like rice. Some imperfect children make it through though, Christ knows modern technology isn't perfect. If they do pass examination they are packaged immediately, and armies of truck-toting Covert Infant Insertion Crews transfer them to their destined wombs, implanting the children in the dead of night. The powers of the world decided around 1961 that this would be the most reasonable solution for controlling the spread of communism. So far it has proved ineffective, and is up for review by the Board of Global Reproductive Affairs. As for normal people's boring day-to-day lives, all the sex they think they are having is really an ill-mannered fabrication of their own depraved imaginations.
-Getting laid isn't real. That experience which human beings have cum to distinguish as "the mating ritual" by now in their evolution is really an illusion brought about by our need to have purpose in life. Much like the question of theophonies and religious ecstasy, sex feeds upon itself, its enjoyment a result of self-actualization. That is to say, we are not really having sex, and never have, human beings decide to have children, and by will of their own psychic abilities bring the fetus into existence. The convincing state of mind that occurs within the brain after what we describe as "orgasm" only seems so pleasurable because we want it to. This can be compared to beer eyes, but on a much more metaphysical level.
-I am within the walls of a computer simulation designed by alien lifeforms in order to research my decaying body, recently excavated from a thousand year old condensed heap of kleenex. Miraculously I am still semi-alive, having been preserved by strange microbial lifeforms that evolved from the coagulated sputum and fluids surrounding me. Unfortunately, like a dream, this simulation has its limitations. Many of the most pleasurable biological activities we engage in on a regular basis cannot be carried out within this facade reality for sake of the fact that my true physiology is in stasis within the outside world, barely self-aware and damaged severely by cat-wires as well as bio-nuclear frostbite.
-I am an alien who has had its memory wiped and body replaced with that of a very unattractive man by the CIA and a variety of undisclosed corporations who decided that I would be a threat to their economic futures. Perhaps I am not unattractive, but rather gender targeted nausea-inducing pheromones have been surgically placed in my glands in order to deter possible breeding suspects. Perhaps my body was never replaced at all, but rather the perceptive hologram of myself that I choose to carry. In this case, I am an extraterrestrial life form to others, likely motivating them to refuse and avoid all chances to copulate with me even more.
-Maybe all women are psychic and thus know I wipe the piss off my socks when no one's looking.
-Maybe all men are psychic except myself, and I am therefore unable to communicate with a female in a regular, cogent manner.
-Maybe it's ya attitude, Johnathon.
-Maybe I don't exist at all.
-Fuck.
-Where's my hemp lotion?
-God have mercy on my pitiful, pita bread shoveling soul.
panzooli wankoids
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lil_demented
Loner will lone


Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 6,146
Last seen: 1 month, 8 days
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Mad_Larkin]
#18294741 - 05/20/13 08:26 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mad_Larkin said:
Quote:
Dietrootbear said: I'm not getting laid.
Possible Explanations:
-No one is getting laid. The entire world, for the last fifty or so years, has been completely celibate due to a farrago of fertility-inhibiting, impotency-inducing chemicals that are being circulated in our food, air, and water without our consent. All the babies are being manufactured in a gigantic UN-funded facility underneath Laos by old underpaid Vietnamese ladies. An intelligent ethnicity generation program has been developed by the lowest bidder in order to calculate what babies need to be born. They plop out of machines, rolling on conveyor belts, picked up at points by female workers on the assembly line with wrinkly hands and examined for defects or errors. This explains why all babies are born smelling like rice. Some imperfect children make it through though, Christ knows modern technology isn't perfect. If they do pass examination they are packaged immediately, and armies of truck-toting Covert Infant Insertion Crews transfer them to their destined wombs, implanting the children in the dead of night. The powers of the world decided around 1961 that this would be the most reasonable solution for controlling the spread of communism. So far it has proved ineffective, and is up for review by the Board of Global Reproductive Affairs. As for normal people's boring day-to-day lives, all the sex they think they are having is really an ill-mannered fabrication of their own depraved imaginations.
-Getting laid isn't real. That experience which human beings have cum to distinguish as "the mating ritual" by now in their evolution is really an illusion brought about by our need to have purpose in life. Much like the question of theophonies and religious ecstasy, sex feeds upon itself, its enjoyment a result of self-actualization. That is to say, we are not really having sex, and never have, human beings decide to have children, and by will of their own psychic abilities bring the fetus into existence. The convincing state of mind that occurs within the brain after what we describe as "orgasm" only seems so pleasurable because we want it to. This can be compared to beer eyes, but on a much more metaphysical level.
-I am within the walls of a computer simulation designed by alien lifeforms in order to research my decaying body, recently excavated from a thousand year old condensed heap of kleenex. Miraculously I am still semi-alive, having been preserved by strange microbial lifeforms that evolved from the coagulated sputum and fluids surrounding me. Unfortunately, like a dream, this simulation has its limitations. Many of the most pleasurable biological activities we engage in on a regular basis cannot be carried out within this facade reality for sake of the fact that my true physiology is in stasis within the outside world, barely self-aware and damaged severely by cat-wires as well as bio-nuclear frostbite.
-I am an alien who has had its memory wiped and body replaced with that of a very unattractive man by the CIA and a variety of undisclosed corporations who decided that I would be a threat to their economic futures. Perhaps I am not unattractive, but rather gender targeted nausea-inducing pheromones have been surgically placed in my glands in order to deter possible breeding suspects. Perhaps my body was never replaced at all, but rather the perceptive hologram of myself that I choose to carry. In this case, I am an extraterrestrial life form to others, likely motivating them to refuse and avoid all chances to copulate with me even more.
-Maybe all women are psychic and thus know I wipe the piss off my socks when no one's looking.
-Maybe all men are psychic except myself, and I am therefore unable to communicate with a female in a regular, cogent manner.
-Maybe it's ya attitude, Johnathon.
-Maybe I don't exist at all.
-Fuck.
-Where's my hemp lotion?
-God have mercy on my pitiful, pita bread shoveling soul.
panzooli wankoids
I'll give you seven etchmonds for two wankoids and one panzooli. It's a good deal man, don't try to bust my balls like you did the Jewish fella.
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Mad_Larkin]
#18294757 - 05/20/13 08:29 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mad_Larkin said: Are you on an E?
"Are you ian?!" No im pablo...
-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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ChRnZN
Din of Doom


Registered: 12/21/08
Posts: 6,265
Loc: ADK
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Invisible_Woe]
#18294775 - 05/20/13 08:32 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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onnanneedoshdae
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lil_demented
Loner will lone


Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 6,146
Last seen: 1 month, 8 days
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: ChRnZN]
#18294798 - 05/20/13 08:36 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm on potato.
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: ChRnZN]
#18294810 - 05/20/13 08:39 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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oxamonipia problems with damn dykes farts in my stoodabaker aahhrroooga!! says my ass with force of Irene the sailing tokin tiki torch Tammy touched tits till they tried to tip their trailer topsy turvy tint turn that thing to the thirty temp this that these those whose knees my nose baba lab goes Hoes
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: lil_demented]
#18294843 - 05/20/13 08:45 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
lil_demented said: I'm on potato.


Fuck potatoes...
-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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ChRnZN
Din of Doom


Registered: 12/21/08
Posts: 6,265
Loc: ADK
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Invisible_Woe]
#18294846 - 05/20/13 08:46 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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I luv potatz
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: ChRnZN]
#18294859 - 05/20/13 08:49 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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I make luv to potatoes, pot at toe s fuck a Jewish foot creeper
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Quote:
the mad machinest said: I make luv to potatoes, pot at toe s fuck a Jewish foot creeper
Oh yeah?..
Maybe you and i should get a well ventilated room fitted with an hydroponic system where the sun shines in and the soil is fertile.... baby.
-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man



Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Invisible_Woe]
#18296620 - 05/21/13 06:10 AM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Invisible_Woe said:
Quote:
the mad machinest said: I make luv to potatoes, pot at toe s fuck a Jewish foot creeper
Oh yeah?..
Maybe you and i should get a well ventilated room fitted with an hydroponic system where the sun shines in and the soil is fertile.... baby.
that sounds great but if you wanana get your clothes out the fire place ima start letting less sun shine through thine orafaces an moar unto my fertile muddy field, and if you bring clams and a shucker we could have nancy for tag team. she's that kinda girl. I have some Faggy little slippers i can put in your ass if you like they're green and have Lil danglers on té front. I pissed my car this morning and shit my dads pants. now I'm pissed and he's all shitty. FUCK SALT!
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Quote:
the mad machinest said:
Quote:
Invisible_Woe said:
Quote:
the mad machinest said: I make luv to potatoes, pot at toe s fuck a Jewish foot creeper
Oh yeah?..
Maybe you and i should get a well ventilated room fitted with an hydroponic system where the sun shines in and the soil is fertile.... baby.
that sounds great but if you wanana get your clothes out the fire place ima start letting less sun shine through thine orafaces an moar unto my fertile muddy field, and if you bring clams and a shucker we could have nancy for tag team. she's that kinda girl. I have some Faggy little slippers i can put in your ass if you like they're green and have Lil danglers on té front. I pissed my car this morning and shit my dads pants. now I'm pissed and he's all shitty. FUCK SALT!
and a lot of carrots making karrots into kar-ots Realign the 22gauge and poodick the semester. Baybay tas and shitle griddle tastes like snow. Id rather not but hotsauce galapagos islands.
-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,556
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 1 hour, 19 minutes
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Invisible_Woe]
#18299084 - 05/21/13 03:56 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: twighead]
#18299116 - 05/21/13 04:01 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Invisible_Woe

Registered: 05/25/07
Posts: 11,707
Loc: Mabase
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Mad_Larkin]
#18300499 - 05/21/13 08:19 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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 Tis tah besasheshathaatsasatashaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
wob wobvwabwabpwabaobwoabwowbao0wiwoawbwoiawywbvawbaubawuwba-pwjauwwamashing buttons mwashamshwahsowshawoswuawoshawosubhawisllllllllllllllllllllllll99999999996668999999896896896896896896894950549480549503958966666666666666666666666666666650250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250250266666666666502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502502Wpoobaowabowbwobawoabs speak ng this ibsined youdo toyu speaking inside of you yopealspeaking inside of you speaking inside of you speakin insinde of you wordliny inehetanenrnetys speakisn ginsie yo of ou speakin gspeaking speaking speakin gskpeapsoujj sis speasking inside of you isnide oyu for you worldlolololilolilolilolilolilolilolilololilolilolilolilolilolilolillookiioii fobvfhe 3w e zelda zelda zeld adld aldl atrechia trechia trehehehecehceyheve hoosexuals are tge beas sth stgh as oss[ u666 502......................................wind waking....................
-------------------- These are not the answers you should be questioning.
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The Lizard King
Student Strawman



Registered: 12/23/12
Posts: 2,429
Loc: Babylon
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Re: The Official Utter Nonsense Thread [Re: Invisible_Woe]
#18300642 - 05/21/13 08:46 PM (10 years, 8 months ago) |
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Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr BAW BAW WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WAH WAH WAH WAH Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH WUH DROP THE BASS WUHUWUHUWUHUWUHUWUHUWUHUWWUHWUHWUHWUHWUHWUHWUHWUHWUHWUHWUH Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr BOW BOW pfffffffffmmmmmmmmmm
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Dipping Swords in Metaphors
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man


Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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sizzling cum bubbler! neo bait nair logs with cantoons on red beans and lucrative wholeMiLk ksßeçžæ zim zim zim zing ing long ding dong big bong sing song song sing along silly ping pong @&$ fuck3ßlâsšū sum dumb numb bum eats gum
 yeah that's my home depot tatto0... I just ate some weed crackers with peanut butter I cooked in my coleman grill for real deal son color teal no big deal if you feel the cheeeelll, HUSTLER, ima punch that clock right in the FUCKING FACE someday it always make me get the swamp ass Biafra Biaf niagra falls shoots water falls out my ass like guantanamo no bro oh hi hi how how I am 2 months old and I have three grandchildsrens:) I hate ten all! if I was any fatter I kick my boss in the dick and call her Elliot bonerstien..........// wish I hada nice ass in my mouth to scream into. oh how I long to scream into her ass and ask for the secrets of shaman dogmas pearly liquor temple. it's where all the drunks find thor if they really want to fight. I iiiiiiiiii hear you back there mother sum bother both bitchymble mumblemenenmun
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The Lizard King
Student Strawman



Registered: 12/23/12
Posts: 2,429
Loc: Babylon
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Haha.
Is that actually your tattoo?
That's awesome.
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Dipping Swords in Metaphors
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the mad machinest
Medicine Man


Registered: 04/18/13
Posts: 4,249
Loc: parallel universe #420
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yes that is my leg and my home depot tat glad ya like it
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Fatherroot
Amid the Adventure



Registered: 04/09/13
Posts: 1,396
Loc: Outside the Infiniverse
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Don't some companies pay people to be walking billboards? I've heard that companies pay people for stuff like that. Think it has to be on the forehead or something though. 8 days machinest! Got the lights in today. I'm doing some testing on batteries with them now. It's gonna take a lot of AA batteries. Found some, 8 for a dollar at the local buck store. I'm thinking as long as I can get at least 6 hours out of them they'll do the trick.
Definitely a lot better than paying $5 bux for 8 that might last 12 hours. Math...
Edited by Fatherroot (05/23/13 03:32 PM)
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