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InvisibleSunny
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Registered: 10/07/06
Posts: 12,350
Loc: on the magic bus
The Astronaut (poem)
    #7857629 - 01/10/08 02:43 AM (16 years, 23 days ago)

I wrote this when I thought I was going crazy, about a year back.


The Astronaut
---
When I look into your eyes
who looks back into mine?
Seems I used to know a boy,
but boy how you've changed.
So long morning, so long.
So long, so long, goodbye.
When I look into your eyes,
I wonder, is there anybody home?
Now I am the astronaut among men,
silently careening through the stars.
But when I look through the glass
I can't say I see anyone looking back.


--------------------
WAFFLEZZ!!!11!!!1!!!1!!!!


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Offlinekrin
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Registered: 11/20/04
Posts: 370
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: The Astronaut (poem) [Re: Sunny]
    #7868396 - 01/12/08 09:05 AM (16 years, 20 days ago)

So now that your there (crazy) how do you feeegoonabBABShWATHEPATRhH!

I thought you might be able to relate to that better than something traditionally empathetic

I liked your poem, except for these lines:
"When I look into your eyes
who looks back into mine?
Seems I used to know a boy,
but boy how you've changed.
So long morning, so long.
So long, so long, goodbye.
When I look into your eyes,
I wonder, is there anybody home?
Now I am the astronaut among men,
silently careening through the stars.
But when I look through the glass
I can't say I see anyone looking back. "

I thought those lines could have been improved.

Just joking.
I thought it was terrible.
Just joking.


--------------------



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Offlineart
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 331
Last seen: 14 years, 4 months
Re: The Astronaut (poem) [Re: krin]
    #7868776 - 01/12/08 11:43 AM (16 years, 20 days ago)

I really enjoyed it, it was short, but nice.


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InvisibleSunny
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Registered: 10/07/06
Posts: 12,350
Loc: on the magic bus
Re: The Astronaut (poem) [Re: krin]
    #7868840 - 01/12/08 12:06 PM (16 years, 20 days ago)

:lol:

yeah, I was pretty washed out when I wrote it. I had just started doing mescaline, and to be honest, the introspective abilities of that chemical blew my mind. I was kind of coping with all these weird emotions, and personality conflicts. I tried to sum it up as much as I could in the poem.

Thanks art, it's cool when people dig my stuff.:sunny:


--------------------
WAFFLEZZ!!!11!!!1!!!1!!!!


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InvisibleApollyphelion
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Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
Re: The Astronaut (poem) [Re: Sunny]
    #7872719 - 01/13/08 09:33 AM (16 years, 19 days ago)

Thank you for that.

Resonates through me, forming a pleasing chord.

I wouldn't change a thing.

You could look at the change in syllabic structure/poem rhythm towards the end as a metaphor for an increasing complexity that was no longer you...whilst the beginning was more "elegant" and simple, compared to the latter half.

Keep writing, more thoughts from ya!


--------------------

"I'm looking at you looking at it"

SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion



Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book


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