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InvisibleSell Your Soul
Nutmeg shaman
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Registered: 03/15/00
Posts: 40,819
Loc: Over there
To all of you who have unresolved issues:
    #7829409 - 01/03/08 08:22 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.


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OfflineCokedUpHobit64
Male


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Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 2,053
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Sell Your Soul]
    #7829434 - 01/03/08 08:26 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

Thats one of the best stories I've ever heard.


--------------------
So good to see you, I've missed you so much.



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OfflineMuppet
Nomadic Jester
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Registered: 08/14/02
Posts: 28,785
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Last seen: 13 years, 11 days
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Sell Your Soul]
    #7829459 - 01/03/08 08:34 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

I'm pretty sure I heard this same exact story elsewhere a few years back
(I don't think that version had the cops or the television crew in it though)



but in either case - it's still a damn good read  :craven:


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


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OfflineJadian
Ninja
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Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 7,404
Loc: The desert
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Sell Your Soul]
    #7829499 - 01/03/08 08:44 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

:lol:

Always funny.


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LNC's official Alaskan stoner
:jackdaniels::drooling::jackdaniels:


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Offlinehoopershroomer
Bonafide Oneironaut
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Registered: 03/30/06
Posts: 1,704
Loc: WA
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Jadian]
    #7829588 - 01/03/08 09:06 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

:lol:
that is definitely one of the best stories i've ever heard in my life i was laughing out loud the whole way.

you are fucking great for posting that man thank you :grin:


--------------------
"Life lived in the absence of the psychedelic experience that primordial shamanism is based on is life trivialized, life denied, life enslaved to the ego."

"You teach the world how to treat you, by showing the world how you treat yourself."

A well developed sense of humor is far superior to any religion"

"Everything you could want and could be, you already have and are."

:peace: & :heart:


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Offlinemilkman
DeliveringWorldWide
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Registered: 07/04/07
Posts: 2,108
Loc: tha FLA
Last seen: 2 months, 29 days
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: hoopershroomer]
    #7829615 - 01/03/08 09:14 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

haha thanks for that real funny one of the best stories ive heard for a good while


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Invisiblelessthanzero77
seeker
Male


Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 79
Loc: Anytown, USA
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Sell Your Soul]
    #7829626 - 01/03/08 09:17 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

Fucking hilarious!


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InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
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Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: lessthanzero77]
    #7829675 - 01/03/08 09:27 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

It's an old one...but a good one.  :lol:


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OfflineGastronomicus
3-0-G
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Registered: 03/31/05
Posts: 9,727
Last seen: 9 hours, 34 minutes
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Sell Your Soul]
    #7829690 - 01/03/08 09:30 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

:awesome:


--------------------
Make my Funk the P Funk, I wants to get Funked up

LAGM2024


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Offlinefapjack
Title
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Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 16,574
Loc: Central New Jersey
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: Gastronomicus]
    #7829706 - 01/03/08 09:33 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

Delicious copypasta.


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Invisibletruekimbo2
Cya later, friends.
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Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 9,234
Loc: ny Flag
Re: To all of you who have unresolved issues: [Re: fapjack]
    #7829780 - 01/03/08 09:47 PM (16 years, 29 days ago)

old copy pasta is old. before caller id old, lol.


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You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.


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