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razmablues
Biologist




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Why Santa Doesn't Exist
#7795707 - 12/24/07 01:37 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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http://ron2k.blogspot.com/2006/09/why-santa-doesnt-exist.html
I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accellerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
-------------------- soft silly music is meaningful, magical
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Riboflavin



Registered: 03/05/05
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: razmablues]
#7795713 - 12/24/07 01:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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It's like the documentary loose change, but for christmas. The conspiracy has finally been revealed. But why do they, yes they, want us to believe in santa. I think we should look at who benefits. Um, uh, retailers?
-------------------- All that groks is God.
Edited by Riboflavin (12/24/07 01:43 PM)
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Muppet
Nomadic Jester



Registered: 08/14/02
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: razmablues]
#7795715 - 12/24/07 01:43 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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--------------------
Ravings of a Madman
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Ripple
Ripple




Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: razmablues]
#7795717 - 12/24/07 01:43 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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That's much too long to read right now but......Ok
-------------------- The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!
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Muppet
Nomadic Jester



Registered: 08/14/02
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: Ripple]
#7795735 - 12/24/07 01:49 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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it's worth the time
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Ravings of a Madman
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circularvortex
Bass Head




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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: Riboflavin]
#7795738 - 12/24/07 01:52 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Riboflavin said: It's like the documentary loose change, but for christmas. The conspiracy has finally been revealed. But why do they, yes they, want us to believe in santa. I think we should look at who benefits. Um, uh, retailers?
That's kinda funny...retailers have turned Christmas into a 2 month long shopping spree rather than a religious holiday. I would say "they" (as in retailers) want us to have a jolly Christmas spirit.
-------------------- No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction. For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool By making his world a little colder. Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.
 
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Ripple
Ripple




Registered: 05/16/02
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: razmablues]
#7795744 - 12/24/07 01:54 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I call bullshit.......
reindeer can run at least 17 miles per hour.
-------------------- The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!
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razmablues
Biologist




Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 2,403
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: Ripple]
#7795764 - 12/24/07 02:03 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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this guy is way more visual than he needs to be 
A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
-------------------- soft silly music is meaningful, magical
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Muppet
Nomadic Jester



Registered: 08/14/02
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: razmablues]
#7795770 - 12/24/07 02:06 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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that was the best part
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Ravings of a Madman
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tedgar
no onesignificant
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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: Muppet]
#7795791 - 12/24/07 02:13 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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awesome post!
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coda
Banjo Goiter



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Re: Why Santa Doesn't Exist [Re: razmablues]
#7795924 - 12/24/07 03:18 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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oldie but a good one for sure
-------------------- To get really high is to forget yourself. And to forget yourself is to see everything else. And to see everything else is to become an understanding molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe. And I think every human being should be a conscious tool of the universe. . . . -JG i really am glad you came back to us instead of taking the other path. *hug* -A_S (RIP your final words to me will never be forgotten)
 Don't fuck with the laughing jesus.
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