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OfflineSmellyMushroom
Top Hat Mushroom


Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 463
Last seen: 11 years, 5 days
Sometimes I wish I had nothing to lose.
    #7781417 - 12/20/07 12:24 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

So much thought, so much confusion in my head.
My name is Jitan Forcier, young man from Canada.
I'm only 18 years old, yet I think I'm not living correctly.

Since my first use of psychedelics a couple of years ago, my mind has been growing, enlarging. I'm seeing everything differently. I used to have no real ambition, I used to had nothing but a boring life. But things have changed... I now have love, friends, awareness of the world I live in. I feel different, very different.

I feel this change comes from the chance I have these days, but a big part of this state of mind comes from the drugs I've been taking. I feel fulfilled. I've been having thoughts about life, about me, about everything... And it's scaring me.

Sometimes I wish I had nothing to lose. I wish I could just let it go. Let everything go and flow like a real life should. But I don't. I keep fearing myself. What I have today is perfection to me, and I don't want it to go. Not only socially, but the way my mind has enlarged makes me feel so good I can't even explain. The problem is, I'm young. And I fear everything will go away. Things passes by so slowly.

I wrote this down the other day..

''I don't need no one to tell me who I am,
But who am I to tell my self who to be?
Who am I? Am I really who I am?
I guess my only way thru is just to be.''

But I can't achieve to think this way. I'm a prisoner of my mind.
All of this is driving me crazy. Why can't I just stop asking questions and live? I feel I'm not doing it right, I feel I'm not living properly. In my head is constant confusion, questions about myself.

Y'know... After thinking about it I think I know what my problem is. I don't know what I want. So will I? Will I me tortured by all these questions until I really find out? I want it to be now. I want to tell my mind to show me the path, but how? Time?


--------------------

 


Edited by SmellyMushroom (12/20/07 12:39 PM)


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Offlinedanlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/29/02
Posts: 19,246
Loc: usa Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
Re: Sometimes I wish I had nothing to lose. [Re: SmellyMushroom]
    #7782068 - 12/20/07 03:31 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

"Rather than continuing to seek the truth, simply let go of your views." Gautama Buddha


--------------------
"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"



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Offlineorigami.octopus
Mycoporn fanaticin training


Registered: 11/17/07
Posts: 256
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
Re: Sometimes I wish I had nothing to lose. [Re: danlennon3]
    #7783280 - 12/20/07 08:26 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I often feel the same(?) sense of despair.

Living in the best way i can, just getting from day to day, is all i can do. Making honest choices and

Take pleasure in the small things in life. Finding yourself is no small task.

Accept healing and guidance from wherever it appears. Life will lead the way.





One thing that brought so much stability to my life was meditation. Start with just 20 minutes a day. Hold still and focus on just being. It can be difficult, but dont spend the time fidgeting.

Work up the time to around half an hour twice a day, or whatever works for you.


Just suggestions.


--------------------
I like to look at mushrooms the way most people like to look at flowers.

this is an amazing game
http://www.kongregate.com/games/customlogic/sprout


Edited by origami.octopus (12/20/07 08:28 PM)


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