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jonathanseagull
Cool!


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 11 days
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Friend with selective hearing...
#7767373 - 12/16/07 09:05 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I hesitate to call this person a friend, although I've known and been his best friend for over 10 years. He hasn't been the best of mine, though. Long story short, he moves in with me, and I think transference has occurred. He hated living with his family, and hated his last two roomates, and now he's hating me... I see a pattern. I think he's basically going to dislike whoever he lives with. Here's where I need some input:
The situation is two-fold. Whenever he is in a bad mood, he wants people to know it. He will take things out on people, including myself, because he knows that its relatively consequence free (a problem that I need to fix for myself, which I have already confronted him about). On top of that, he is always in a down mood and saying condescending and patronizing things to me. Then, on other days he will be in a great mood and even say that I put up with a lot of shit that I shouldn't and he appreciates it. This makes me think he might have a very slight form of manic depression.
The next problem is his "selective hearing" and straight-up ignoring what I say. I will talk to him and be standing right next to me, and I know damn well he hears me, and doesn't reply, or even acknowledge that I'm speaking, even if I lead him on with a "you know what I'm saying?" type thing. I want to think he might have Attention Deficit Disorder, or is so self-absorbed or absorbed in whatever he's doing that he doesnt' hear me. But then again there are times when I know he hears me.
And a little paragraph on his background from how I see it. The guy is a 24 year old virgin (not a bad thing, but he hates it). He has terrible self-esteem, anxiety around girls and people in general, is overweight, getting close to obese. He's intelligent book-wise, without much wisdom, although he loves to think he does. He thinks he's a genius, etc, which he isn't even close. I'm saying that he's arrogant, which I think is an overcompensation for his low self-esteem and image.
So basically, I'm asking you guys what you think of my assessment, and how should I deal with his actions. So far, I let it go, and try to work on myself, knowing that's the most I can do. I try to control my own reactions, and loosen the irritating grip this has on me. At times, I confront him and tell him how I feel, and it works for about a week then it's all over again. How do you feel I should be dealing with this? I need advice!
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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Phishe
Lysergic Bliss



Registered: 01/21/06
Posts: 2,908
Loc: Planet Earth
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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You know man, I have a friend who is almost exactly the same as you described.
Does your friends happen to be addicted to ecstasy?
Just Kidding if not, but my friend is almost the exact same way and it makes me sad.
We have been best friends for years, but the past year he has been a depressing negative nancy that is just annoying to be around.
He also has this "selective hearing" and we can be having a conversation and then he just stops listening. It pisses me off, but that's not the biggest problems. He too is also a virgin and complains about it. He just doesn't know how to talk with people and is pretty much an all around bitch.
I think your friend too is one of these bitches and you should try to avoid him at all costs.
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RonaldFuckingPaul
Our Dear Leader



Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 13,617
Loc: Straight Outta Compton
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
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Take some E together and have butt secks
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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jonathan, I would just be nothing but nice around him. He is going to have a hard time getting pissy with you if you are Mister Happy Pants around the house.
You being nice will break him down leaving him to feel like a dick.
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jonathanseagull
Cool!


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 11 days
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Re: Friend with selective hearing... [Re: Phishe]
#7767610 - 12/16/07 09:55 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Phishe said: I think your friend too is one of these bitches and you should try to avoid him at all costs.
Sadly, this is how I'm starting to feel. He's not addicted nor has tried E. But yeah, basically it's a matter of one person growing, and the other either not growing or regressing. It's lonely for the more mature, and sucks overall. But he's starting to drag me down... But see, that's the dilemma in my head. If I can't conquer my emotional reaction to this, then how can I move forward. So to leave him behind doesn't really help me in the long run. See what I mean?
Quote:
oliveplume said: jonathan, I would just be nothing but nice around him. He is going to have a hard time getting pissy with you if you are Mister Happy Pants around the house.
You being nice will break him down leaving him to feel like a dick.
This has been my approach. I try to not buy into the roles he tries to project. Then he's looking at a mirror. It's worked, as he's actually said that I put up with his shit and he appreciates it. But, how long should I continue to put up with it? How long should a person put up with abuse? Even if I can not react in an irritated manner, he's still being a dick, which is unacceptable. This is my predicament. I want to master myself, and also treat myself kindly. As of right now, the two can't exist together.
Thanks for the replies so far.
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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You should put up with it for as long as he lives there.
I've given up on arguing and being bitchy with people, no one can win. You two will keep feeding into eachother until you guys end up doing things you regret.
Here's an example. A little while back, my best friend began dating a new girl, we'll call her Ashley. Ashley absolutely hated me because she was jealous of how close me and my friend were. Every waking moment that the three of us were together, she would find ways to put me down, or make-up shit to tell to my friend. One day it happened to be her birthday and she probably expected me to be the last person to buy her something. We were driving to my house so I could be dropped off, the entire ride there, there was just nothing but shit being thrown at me. When I got out of the car I asked her to wait 5 minutes because I needed to get something. I came back with a present for her and she just melted. She felt like the crumbiest person in the world at the moment. She actually hugged me, amazingly.
She still gets snippy with me from time to time, but it is nothing like how it used to be. Just be nice to your friend.
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jonathanseagull
Cool!


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 11 days
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Re: Friend with selective hearing... [Re: mushroomplume]
#7767709 - 12/16/07 10:17 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Good story. It's like the super version of mine where he says I put up with his shit.
When I say I've confronted him, I don't mean physically, or even emotionally. I've simply told him in a calm and collected manner how his actions have made me feel. Then he feigns sorrow. But there's never been a conflict anywhere other than my mind. I'm sure he's not even aware of how much it gets on my nerves, simply because he's not capable. I'm not sure he even feels guilt when he says he realizes I put up with crap.
I hate how dick heads can be our greatest teachers.
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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PoisonedV
Fuming Shrooming




Registered: 09/13/07
Posts: 398
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Sounds exactly like me, without the selective hearing. it might be assburgers (aspergers) some fakeass thing they diagnosed me with.
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