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Ginseng1
Elegant Universe



Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 3,310
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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ADD. I have it too. Talk to you doc about ritalin.
-------------------- Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...
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Ozekat
Cosmic Observer



Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 186
Loc: Kentucky
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Inconsistant behavior driving me crazy. [Re: Ginseng1]
#7774899 - 12/18/07 06:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I can sympathize with the inconsistent behavior coupled with distaste for it at times.
It is as if you are left alone in some dark place of your mind, all within, trapped and incapable of feeling ok with your shifting moods and shifting mentalities, forever changing, or inverting or what have you.
But truly, it is natural. At times when I am unsure of who I am, I meditate. You must stop the self-abusive flood of thoughts running through your head, perhaps quite negative in your case. Breathing in and breathing out the life surrounding you. It is all quite simple, but humans make it needlessly complex. Inversely, through simplifying/eliminating your thoughts and desires (EGO DEATH!) you can become infinitely more insightful.
Count the breaths, think of nothing, concentrate on the eternity surrounding your existence.
Yeah it sounds to me like you may need some solitude and quiet surroundings, however the opposite could apply if the former variables have been lived in for some time and no improvement has been made.
Death is touuuugh shit, nomatter what the circumstances. I can't imagine seeing a suicide occur whilst on a psychedelic journey. Was there a relation between this person and you, if you don't mind me asking?
-------------------- Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. - Chinese Proverb
Beauty & Simplicity
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RonaldFuckingPaul
Our Dear Leader



Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 13,617
Loc: Straight Outta Compton
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
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Re: Inconsistant behavior driving me crazy. [Re: Ozekat]
#7774926 - 12/18/07 06:37 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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MOTH, I can totally relate to the way you feel. I find myself constantly changing my mind. For instance, One minute I'll feel that my education is extremely important then the next moment I'll think education is pointless. I'm extremely unstable and wish to be grounded as soon as possible.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Yep, that's it exactly. I got almost all the way to work today only to turn around and drive all the way back home. I guess I've quit that job now, but I've considered calling my employer and making up some story to get my job back.
Or maybe I've quit. I can't keep track.
Edited by MOTH (12/18/07 11:12 PM)
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Inconsistant behavior driving me crazy. [Re: Ozekat]
#7776006 - 12/18/07 11:33 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Ozekat said:
Death is touuuugh shit, nomatter what the circumstances. I can't imagine seeing a suicide occur whilst on a psychedelic journey. Was there a relation between this person and you, if you don't mind me asking?
I knew him for less then 24 hours. He was in our camping group. I was peaking on mushrooms and 10 feet away when the pop of the gun went off.
But I don't want to go into it. It's always in the back of my mind but I hardly think about it anymore if you know what I mean. I doubt that's what's causing my flagrant inconsistancy. I've always been a little scatter-brained but lately it feels outrageously disconcerting, like I just cannot be, cannot get a grip, cannot keep track...everything is always changing.
Apparently all this is NORMAL human behavior, but I feel very wearied by the consistant inconsistancy. Like I can't trust myself to do anything because my mindstates are always changing. I find it very confusing and it frustrates not only me, but people who have to put up with my unpredictable shifts of mood, which changes my entire reality. When a shift occurs, everything that happened before is forgotten, there is only the reality stemming from that one mindstate and mood at the moment. I forget everything else. Even if I was happy and enjoying myself before, a mindstate can be triggered that will take me to the depressive pits of hell in less then a heartbeat, and all my decisions and my very BEING will reflect this, because that becomes all there is...until I shift again. This happens constantly.
So yeah, I just had to go on and on about it, putting my experiences into words, so thanks for listening if you read. I trust you guys' advice and appreciate the validation that "it'a all good, you're just a human being like the rest of us." That's a big relief, really. As for the rest of it, I do yoga just about daily, and it seems to at least provide a sense of consistancy and calm in my life. Some of the only things I can do consistantly are yoga and working out at the gym, anything having to do with movement and motion. Sitting still, opening up to the void and getting my mind to let go takes something else.
I think I should definitely begin a meditation regiman again though...because I still feel insane.
I'm not complaining...if it's normal.
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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Re: Inconsistant behavior driving me crazy. [Re: MOTH]
#7776166 - 12/19/07 12:28 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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HEY MOTH!
Something is not normal, otherwise you would not have made this thread.
In my opinion, it sounds like you are trying way too hard to have control over your life. Perhaps a quote from Kung Fu is what you need, haha:
Caine - "What happens in a man's life is already written. A man must move through life as his destiny wills."
Old Man - "Yes, yet each man is free to live as he chooses. Though they seem opposite, both are true. I do not understand it."
Caine - "You have taken in much, old man, like the waters of the Tao."
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Inconsistant behavior driving me crazy. [Re: mushroomplume]
#7776669 - 12/19/07 08:00 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Actually I've decided not to care anymore or think about it.
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BlueCoyote
Beyond



Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 16 days
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Re: Inconsistant behavior driving me crazy. [Re: MOTH]
#7781755 - 12/20/07 01:44 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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It's you to make the plunge into the sea
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