For a few reasons, I decided I wanted to try a small amount of LSD. Firstly, on the plant psychedelics, I’ve always felt an incredible connection to the plant’s “spirit” or “essence”, occasionally as an actual entity. I was curious if LSD, something that does originate from a plant and thus is semi manmade, would have something similar. Whether it did or did not is very significant. Second, I can’t be fascinated with psychedelics and then bypass the one that is THE most researched and discussed. I need the full experience. It’s like trying to fully discuss and analyze fast food in America, and then skipping over McDonalds. My knowledge of fast food in America would be incomplete without it. Third, LSD is hardly more unhealthy or dangerous than the others; we have this conception because we call it “acid” which implies some kind of corrosive, brain frying quality, and when the government suddenly decided to end all their research on it and illegalize it, there were SOOO much misinformation, propaganda, and rumors spread about the substance, and much of this has yet to be abandoned.
When it first hit me, what I felt the strongest was a huge surge of electricity flowing through my whole body. The experience then began to unfold. The visual effects were quite unique - it was like what I would see was internally motivated. Rather than seeing what is just out there, I was projecting my own thoughts into the outside world, and seeing them manifest. Aside from that colors became magnified and textured, etc, etc. But the visuals aren’t what I was after…
I realized that it felt like a very human thing, which is not necessarily bad: Shrooms and mescaline allow one to merge with animals, plants, and each other. LSD allows one to merge with the entire human condition/potential, and oneself. I could feel the presence of all sorts of different humans. People standing up for what they believe in, fighting for peace, ending war, making friends, helpless children starving, and most of all, people’s love, unity, and respect. It felt like everyone who had ever done LSD had contributed a piece of themself to this huge mass of electric LSD energy, like an autograph, and anyone who takes it experiences and contributes to it all. The sense of communion and love was incredible. Never was the true importance of love made so clear to me! Also, it didn’t have the distinct call to nature as shrooms and cactus do. It made all things human come out, and thus I was completely content in the warmth and peacefulness of my cozy little room.
LSD has given me an amazingly powerful, useful ability: When I did it, I felt completely in touch with who I am on the inside. My outer shell – my ego, was stripped away. All the bullshit I surround my inner self with was just cleared right out of the way, and I existed with myself at the core. Even my body was stripped away – I felt like I was existing completely as my spirit, infinitely light and full of penetrating electric energy. The only thing that was bodily was my visual point of reference.
But most importantly, I was able to see who I really was. Not this guy who is proud of this and who wants that and who’s in a good mood now and is annoyed later. It was who I REALLY am, without all the clutter. I could access who I was as a developing spirit. Every experience I have ever had since birth contributes to who I really am – to the development of my spirit, or soul. And LSD has given me a very easy to read “progress report”. Never has it been so clear in my life. And I must admit, I am very happy with who I have become.
I realized that at my essential core,
1. I am nearly infinitely open-minded. There are very few ideas, if any, that if introduced to me, that I will fully and immediately dismiss.
2. I make it my duty to not ignore my inner instincts. In general, when I feel a thought come in, if I feel myself pushing it away and try to get myself to ignore it and think about something else, that immediately raises a red flag. I know that right there, there is something I need to change or improve on. Be it jealousy, a realization that something I do is unethical or wasteful, or something else, I refuse to allow myself to continue to ignore it. I believe that this is really the key to spiritual progression. Simply not allowing oneself to ignore our conscience. When I listen to that instinctual voice rather than toss it aside, it is very clear what the ethical thing to do is. I believe that inside, everyone already possesses all the answers as to how to be loving, selfless people, and it is up to us to listen to our inner guide and not brush its influence aside.
3. I am a kind, gentle person who has a sincere desire to spread happiness, positivity, warmth, compassion, and motivation to others. While this may not be omnipresent in my day to day life, as one’s inner drive can certainly become entangled in their day to day problems, moods, and dilemmas…this is one of my traits at the core, as it probably is for almost everyone. We are beings of compassion; the problem lies in our unfortunate tendency towards ignorance and denial.
4. I am full of love. I have been blessed with incredible family and friends. Love flows through me, and right back to them in a never-ending “figure eight”.
While I’m sure there’s more, this pretty adequately summarizes what I was made aware of about my inner self. I also realized that out of respect for God, or life in general, I feel like we have an obligation to treat our bodies with respect. I remember looking in the mirror at my body and realizing, “Holy shit, I really am doing a great job at that.”
The ability that LSD has given me is that I can now access who I am on the inside whenever I so choose. It is quite fascinating: Whenever I choose to, I can literally lift up the curtains of my outer ego and emotions and thoughts and temporal desires, and access that same spot that LSD made me see. I can hit print and see the updated progress report. Any time I feel happy, I can look inside and see exactly what it is – if I’m happy in an egotistical, Earthly sense, as in being proud that I did well on something or that I have a great girlfriend, or if I’m happy because I’ve made some real progress.
I remember the first time my friend and I did weed, it felt as if some kind of new, previously unused pathways had been formed or cleared out, and much to my excitement, those new kinds of thoughts and feelings have stayed with me to this day. Perhaps this is the same thing. The LSD has opened or cleared out some new pathways in my mind, and I can now access them intentionally. My mind has quite literally been “expanded”, in an undeniably positive way.
I’ve also gained the belief that this soul, which is ever developing in this human life, will in some form continue to exist when my body will not. It has a quality to it that is not temporal, that is infinite and independent. Whether or not this encapsulation of self is ultimately what God judge’s me by, or what I will be stuck in for eternity, or what will determine my next life is all very interesting and fun to discuss, but ultimately in the present, it is irrelevant. What is relevant is the fact that developing this inner self, our spirit, simply could not feel more right. I believe that our actual, measurable output in this world is ultimately not as important as we make it out to be. What is important is doing things, no matter how seemingly insignificant, that truly strengthen and progress us as people. While this certainly can, and often does, include school, volunteering, working, etc, I feel like the most important thing to get from this illusory life is to better who we are on the spiritual, or “soul-ul-ar” level, and all of these events are simply a mass of tests and opportunities to do so. When we are selfish, deceptive, or acting purely in our own “best interests”, what we gain is so incredibly temporary, and we are only denying ourselves of the true opportunities that forever stand before us.
I find the following, which my girlfriend introduced me to, to be quite encompassing of what I just said.
If Life is a 'Game' - These are the Rules
Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.
1. You will receive a Body. You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth. Acceptance, Self-Esteem, Respect, Pleasure
2. You Will be Presented with Lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time school called "life." Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum. Openness, Choice, Fairness, Grace
3. There are No Mistakes, Only Lessons. Growth is the process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors, and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that work. Compassion, Forgiveness, Ethics, Humor
4. A Lesson is Repeated Until Learned. Lessons will be repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can go on to the next lesson. Awareness, Willingness, Causality, Patience
5. Learning Does Not End. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned. Surrender, Commitment, Humility, Flexibility
6. "There" is No Better Than "Here." When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain a "there" that will look better to you than your present "here." Gratitude, Unattachment, Abundance, Peace
7. Others are Only Mirrors of You. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. Tolerance, Clarity, Healing, Support
8. What You Make of Your Life is Up To You. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Responsibility, Release, Courage, Power, Adventure
9. Your Answers Lie Inside You. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust. Listening, Trust, Inspiration
10. You Will Forget All of this at Birth. You can remember it if you want to, by unraveling the double helix of inner knowing. Faith, Wisdom, Limitlessness
In order to present the totality of my experience, I must admit that there were also some negative effects the following two days. You know how you feel the following day when you smoke A LOT of weed late at night? The next day I felt like a mixture between that and an alcohol hangover, minus the nausea/headache. I felt worn out, tired, hazy, and generally drained. This was present a small amount even the second day after, but by the third, it was completely gone and I felt completely myself again with all my mental sharpness and abilities still intact. It is clear that this substance is not as purely harmonious with the mind as shrooms are. But at the same time, it was still far easier on the body and mind than alcohol ever was, and America does that all the time…Consistent with my experience, the way I see it is that LSD is imperfect, just like humans are, and I’m willing to accept it for what it is. Will I do it again? Yes, but not anytime soon, and that’s because I have a great respect for my body and mind (and thus don’t want to do alcohol either), but surely some day I will swallow Lucy once again.
As you can see, I have learned a HUGE amount from this experience. While psychedelics may or may not themselves provide insight, the fact that they have huge potential to catalyze our own discovery is undeniable.
Edited by kody260z (12/14/07 10:10 AM)