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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
I'm not shy
    #7755899 - 12/13/07 09:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I just don't have anything to say. Does anybody know what I mean?


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ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7755926 - 12/13/07 09:14 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

You're shy, trust me.

There is always something to say. Get really drunk and approach a group of people that are the complete opposite of who you would normally associate with. I promise that you'll have an easy time talking to them.


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: I'm not shy [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7756040 - 12/13/07 09:39 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I've been plenty drunk at plenty of bars and plenty of parties and around plenty of people. I find that I have nothing to say in these situations any more than I have to say while sober. I know this strategy works for some people, but not for me. Also, its not a strategy worthwile to depend on.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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InvisibleAlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7756070 - 12/13/07 09:44 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I used to think I was shy, until I discovered my preferred way of self-expression.

It's all about finding your way.


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7756077 - 12/13/07 09:46 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I was going to make a silly/funny remark, but...

I am 100% sure that this is due to shyness. I myself am awkward around people, but there was a time I was much more so. I felt ok around people, but found that I never had anything to fucking say, I just assumed it meant I had no middle ground with them. Then I started to blossom some more and have noticed me finding more and more stuff to talk about with various people.

The Dalai Lama once said something to the extent of, I can feel comfortable and happy with anyone, because I know we both share the quality of being human.


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: I'm not shy [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7756330 - 12/13/07 10:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

That's kind of a nice quote by the Dali Lama.

I understand what you are saying, but I disagree.  I have nothing to say to my parents or my friends a lot of the time.  I'm just quiet.  I just don't have things to talk about.  Most of the time I am engaged in speaking with somebody it is because somebody else carries the conversation.

I think you can have nothing to say and not have it anything to do with being shy or not.  :rocket:


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7756390 - 12/13/07 10:38 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

There' still something wrong with you, you're not normal :crankey:

I refuse to believe that a person could really not have anything to say to people. Maybe you have Asperger's Syndrome?


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OfflineBlargIAmDead
Shroom Samurai
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 11/04/07
Posts: 550
Last seen: 14 years, 11 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7756415 - 12/13/07 10:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Maybe your just not that interesting O.o. If you can't think of anything to talk to someone about, even the weather as a last resort, then you're just a skin sack wandering through "life".


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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: I'm not shy [Re: BlargIAmDead]
    #7756747 - 12/13/07 11:46 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Talking about the weather is fake as hell. I'd rather not resort to that.

For one thing, I find it very difficult to tell a story. I can't speak in chronological order without getting jumbled and I often fumble for words, which kills any story that I am trying to tell or any point that I am trying to make.

That is the one thing, the other is that I mostly don't have anything interesting to say. But sometimes when I have something to say I don't have the motivation to say it because its all the same to me (I don't care either way) whatever the other person or people have to say about it.

Sounds pretty lame, I know.

But the thing is, I don't want it to be like this. I think I'd be a lot happier if I did care, if I was able to interact in a more personal and meaningful way.


--------------------

ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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Offlinefazdazzle
Wanderer


Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 1,796
Last seen: 11 years, 27 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7756912 - 12/14/07 12:24 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I think I know what you're talking about...

Have you thought a lot about why this is? Do you understand yourself well? Are you an introspective person? Do you have good posture?

I can talk the hell out of people when I'm drunk, so maybe my advice won't exactly fit, but really examine your thoughts and moods. I found that when I'm very happy I talk a lot, when I'm upset I talk less. When I am upset I have a worse opinion of myself and think that what I want to say isn't interesting, like you mentioned. Look at what everyone else talks about...is it really mind boggling stuff? people just say random shit.

Try and discover how meaningful contact with other people is. EVERYONE is different and it's really amazing when you really understand how unique people are...then getting to know them (and I mean not just their favorite color, but they're style of interacting) is really fun. Take an interest in the people around you.

And my last question to you may be a little complicated, but it's important: where is your awareness? The focus of your consciousness?

edit: I just noticed your signature also...you are not shy but you have nothing to say, yet your signature boasts a word which denotes a very gregarious and friendly state of mind - wtf??


Edited by fazdazzle (12/14/07 12:31 AM)


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OfflineCompass
Ancient Light

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 1,149
Loc: The Border of Reality
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7756960 - 12/14/07 12:35 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I get what you're saying. I don't speak much either, not because I'm boring or shy, but because I don't have anything to say.

I guess some people like to vocalize their thoughts, but for me anything I say sounds silly because I've already thought it.

I hate chatchatting, and I don't tell stories either.


--------------------
nystagmus dopamine guru inverted pop culture love scars of sorrow fleshy synesthesia hippie farts perpetual tinnitus
Reclaim the Swastika!


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OfflineJoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: Compass]
    #7757428 - 12/14/07 07:37 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Speak with your emotions. Dont use words, use feelings.

Awkward moments with others, see meaning less, but it is really an interaction of the emetional energies.

YOu may just be a person who teaches through emotion, learns through emotion...your encounter with meaninglessness may be due to the fact that much words are empty,

Love until you forget your loving.
Love and witness you are love.:heart:


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


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InvisibleAlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7757454 - 12/14/07 08:14 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

It can help to be very observant, even when you are not around anybody.

Take note of even the littlest things, and the simplest situations you encounter in your daily life. Store them in memory.

Like Fazdazzle said, where's your focus? How are you relating to your world? Are you interacting with it?

I do not think that talking about the weather is fake, not if you really want to say it. What's fake is when we speak because we think we have to. Really, there is no obligation.

Talk if you wish, be silent if you wish. Eventually, you'll find what's behind your wishes.

I'm at a stage right now where I am moving more towards being talkative. The past years I used to keep to myself a lot and even held a lot of the same thoughts you have right now.

Your attitudes and motivations will change with time, trust me.

The mind goes on preparing comebacks.
Drop the mind and open the heart.
Trust that it will have the appropriate response.

:mushroom2:


--------------------


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
Male User Gallery

Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7757488 - 12/14/07 08:37 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Sometimes I'm better off being silent. Sometimes when I try to be social, I'll end up feeling all the more awkward.


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: AlteredAgain]
    #7757490 - 12/14/07 08:38 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

For one thing, I find it very difficult to tell a story. I can't speak in chronological order without getting jumbled and I often fumble for words, which kills any story that I am trying to tell or any point that I am trying to make.




All you guys are wack, this kid just suffers from shyness. There is no profound dilemma being uncovered here.

:rolleyes:


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OfflineQuerjek
Friend


Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 339
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7757697 - 12/14/07 09:54 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah, I know what you mean.


And don't worry--there's nothing wrong with having nothing to say. It happens.

Generally, however, I've found that the people who will tell you that having nothing to say is a bad thing tend to be the same people who are convinced that hanging out/conversation are the most fun things one can do.

And that's not true--it may be true to them, but perhaps they've never thought about it from another perspective.



There's nothing wrong with you. Being social is not the high point of society. It could be one of them, but people seem to confuse these concepts.

Personally, I sometimes find conversation interesting, but often it's just a bunch of useless, uninteresting talk. People's lives can be interesting, for example, but reciting jokes from movies and television isn't (sorry, I just had to mention this--this is a "pet peeve" of mine, because, honestly, it's not funny to recite a joke from Family Guy or quote some Gingerbread Man scene from Shrek. It really isn't.)




I wish more extroverts would think outside of themselves a bit more and realize that it's ok to be quiet, but oh well, what can you do?




EDIT: And if this helps at all to make idle conversation whenever you feel it's necessary, remember: the most interesting thing you can talk about it what's going on at this moment.

And also, if you feel that you would like to be talking about something--are you doing anything interesting in your life that you'd like to share? It's ok to talk about one's self every once=in=a=while :smile:


--------------------
tripping eyes and flooded lungs
northern downpour sends its love


Edited by Querjek (12/14/07 09:58 AM)


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
Not here
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7757787 - 12/14/07 10:28 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TODAY said:
I just don't have anything to say. Does anybody know what I mean?




I understand what you mean. I've said that same thing many times. But sometimes you have to just bring something up to get the exchange going. It can really be anything, but the less conventional the topic (i.e. weather, etc) the better. Once you're talking, you can go off of what the other person says, and suddenly you DO have things you want to say.

You'll also get a feel for what the other person is interested in, and it not only becomes more comfortable to talk with them, but you have some precedent to talk about certain topics with that person.

Don't underestimate the importance of making conversation. It doesn't have to be phony or lame, and there is much to be gained. To refuse to make conversation IS to be shy.

To learn how to do this, observe others who converse easily.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


Edited by WhiskeyClone (12/14/07 10:29 AM)


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OfflineBard
Ultrahuman
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/10/01
Posts: 172
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: Querjek]
    #7757805 - 12/14/07 10:34 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I just don't have anything to say. Does anybody know what I mean?




I have been thinking about this in the past, and I think I am both shy and don't have anything to say. I think those who are not shy, they don't have anything to say either, but they just don't care... And why I think I am shy? Because it's not about saying anything or not, it's that I feel that I want to connect, but can't. And I watch the people, and I see that they connect through talking, maybe meaningless talking, or at least meaningless for me, but they connect. So that's why I think that it's irrelevant in this matter. Maybe shyness is the fear of saying unimportant/silly/any- things... And besides, "they" say that it's not the content what is important, but the way you talking, the vibe you project. So I feel that shyness has nothing to do with the content of the talking.


--------------------
So dreaming let's you know reality exists.



I don't belive. I fear.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7758190 - 12/14/07 12:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TODAY said:
I just don't have anything to say. Does anybody know what I mean?






I wish I had a response.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineCakes
some guy
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Folding@home Statistics
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Posts: 1,613
Loc: Arizonee
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Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7758724 - 12/14/07 02:50 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

TODAY, I feel the same way. I have been like that for a good part of my life. I have a strong desire to connect with people on a verbal level, but it's really just not easy for me to do.

I can get into a conversation with someone, but when it comes time to speak all I have to say are short and uninteresting responses. It's like my brain just isn't good at talking in general.

The interesting thing is that when I am writing or typing, words come to my muuuuuch more easily. I can pour my heart out and be extremely expressive when talkin to someone over Aim/email/etc.

For me, there is definitely some shyness thrown in the mix, but it often seems like even when I am not feeling shy I will not be able to hold a very meaningful conversation. The exceptions to this are:

-the topic is something I know a great deal about (drugs, among other things.
-the topic is focused on something about ME. (I feel egotistical when this happens)
-the topic is geared toward something very deep, emotional, or meaningful.

Unfortunately, those three things definitely do not always fit into everyday conversation.


Would you say this is how things are for you, TODAY?


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: Cakes]
    #7758847 - 12/14/07 03:23 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

TODAY.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy & Drugs may be something you should look into to help overcome your shyness.


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InvisibleAlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist
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Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
Re: I'm not shy [Re: mushroomplume]
    #7758975 - 12/14/07 04:00 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.


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Offlinemushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
Re: I'm not shy [Re: AlteredAgain]
    #7759002 - 12/14/07 04:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

this thread failed. :toomuchacid:


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OfflineNiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7759793 - 12/14/07 07:22 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

TODAY, you sound a whole lot like me. I often just don't know what to say to some people. It used to be pretty much all people, but now it's narrowed down to just people I have crushes on, and other people who aren't particularly chatty. I think one of the reasons I've become able to talk to some people is that I've decided I have nothing to be embarrassed about and that whatever I say is fine, so I just say what's on my mind. And WhiskyClone is right, you've gotta get the ball rolling with something, anything, and small talk is good for that. Conversations usually begin with some inconsequential intro, and then veer off into more interesting and/or meaningful areas when potential topics are triggered by other things that are said.


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Offlinemoses
miraclemannequin
Male

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 149
Loc: California
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: TODAY]
    #7759887 - 12/14/07 07:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TODAY said:
I just don't have anything to say. Does anybody know what I mean?




Yes I get what you mean. But then again I am very shy. Mainly because I don't know what to say, lol.


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OfflineQuerjek
Friend


Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 339
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: I'm not shy [Re: moses]
    #7761550 - 12/15/07 11:50 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Conversation isn't something you can "know"; you've got to "feel" it.


--------------------
tripping eyes and flooded lungs
northern downpour sends its love


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InvisibleAlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
Re: I'm not shy [Re: Querjek]
    #7761647 - 12/15/07 12:30 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

well said. words are the tip the iceberg.

it's not what we say but how we say it.


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