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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Help a brotha in need
#7746949 - 12/11/07 08:38 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Alright guys, so here's the deal. First off I'll list off the disorders that I have been diagnosed with so that you can better diagnose me(lol I know being diagnosed by online drug users you don't even know)
Here it goes(Good thing you don't personally know me): ADD, Tourrete's syndrome[mild but still there], OCD[undiagnosed but I clearly have a mild case of it], addiction[runs in the family; alcoholic grandpa & uncle], depression[runs in the family as well], possible bi-polar[I have the highs and lows that's connected to BP], situational depression[Losing my religion and old friends due to my new morals I guess you could say{not the REM song}]
I'm posting this cause I'm sitting here at the computer about to lose my mind. I feel like there isn't any fucking serotonin pumping into my brain synapes. Only the despair and terror neurotransmitters whatever the fuck they are. I want to start fresh but I feel fucking trapped. Can anyone relate. It feels like every waking moment is a flashback of my psychedelic trips gone bad. Yes, I learned alot about myself in the process but I feel I may have PTSD from it in all seriousness. I take 5-htp whenever I feel I need it but it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I've never abused drugs like MDMA before. It feels like I can't shake this feeling, it's unbearable. I've thought about suicide countless times but I will never go through with it cause my family will miss me very much and I don't want to put them through that.
Could you guys that went through something similar please post how to get over it?(New diet, exercise, meditation, etc). I can't even explain this feeling guys except to say it's horrible and I feel like I'm the only one experiencing this. Sometimes I wish I was still in the ignorant bubble I was born into and didn't venture out into unmarked territory I guess in a way I'm afraid of change. I feel fucking isolated from society right now. I feel as if I can't truly relate to anyone. I feel like a stranger around even my family.
Sorry about all the brackets and shit. I love you guys, PeaCe              
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Edited by RonaldFuckingPaul (12/11/07 08:44 PM)
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SapphireCat
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eat more fresh fruit and raw vegetables. cut down on processed crap if you eat it. exercise is always good i guess, a walk usually does it for me though. just more fresh air if you're not getting enough.
if you can get you hands on baraka watch that, if you cant afford/dont wanna buy it you can watch clips of it on youtube. i always find watching some baraka gives me some positive energy. I was going through similar when i felt trapped by peoples expectations of me (parents,peers,etc) one day it got too much for me and i decided fuck it, i'm going to do it my way.
realise that every one of those people that arent happy with you changing your beliefs or w/e just want what is best for you, they think you are straying off the path. feel honoured that they care so much for you, but sometimes you need to go against the stream and go a way more suited to you. It is stepping out into the unknown, and this is scary for everyone, and everyone usually is weary of change, but there's no use standing on the threshold, just walk right in with no regrets, you can always change your path and go a new way if this unknown isn'T right for you.
also take up a hobby, this really helped me, i started painting tshirts for myself, and it just has a very calming effect on my self. plus i feel great if i come out with something simple but nice, and that i have something i can have pride in.
hope there was something in all that that might help a lil. good luck man
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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BTW I would rather not result in taking downers like valium. I wanna help myself naturally cause I feel drugs will help short-term but fuck me in the long-term.
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: SapphireCat]
#7747033 - 12/11/07 08:54 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
SapphireCat said: eat more fresh fruit and raw vegetables. cut down on processed crap if you eat it. exercise is always good i guess, a walk usually does it for me though. just more fresh air if you're not getting enough.
if you can get you hands on baraka watch that, if you cant afford/dont wanna buy it you can watch clips of it on youtube. i always find watching some baraka gives me some positive energy. I was going through similar when i felt trapped by peoples expectations of me (parents,peers,etc) one day it got too much for me and i decided fuck it, i'm going to do it my way.
realise that every one of those people that arent happy with you changing your beliefs or w/e just want what is best for you, they think you are straying off the path. feel honoured that they care so much for you, but sometimes you need to go against the stream and go a way more suited to you. It is stepping out into the unknown, and this is scary for everyone, and everyone usually is weary of change, but there's no use standing on the threshold, just walk right in with no regrets, you can always change your path and go a new way if this unknown isn'T right for you.
also take up a hobby, this really helped me, i started painting tshirts for myself, and it just has a very calming effect on my self. plus i feel great if i come out with something simple but nice, and that i have something i can have pride in.
hope there was something in all that that might help a lil. good luck man
I appreciate you suggestions man thx!
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Oh and these "episodes" usually come to me during the evening. They go away eventually but damn it sucks.
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SapphireCat
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yeah i know the feeling, generally evenings might get me down, probably because i just have so much free time to think. you getting enough sleep man?
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: SapphireCat]
#7747120 - 12/11/07 09:13 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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SapphireCat said: yeah i know the feeling, generally evenings might get me down, probably because i just have so much free time to think. you getting enough sleep man?
Yea, but it's weird. Last night I got like 6 hours and felt great, but sometimes I need a full 10 hours. My sleeping patterns are inconsistent I guess you could say, mostly due to work and school. However my plan now is to work full-time and do part-time classes(which will be a more consistent schedule) and attempt to enjoy life. My negative mind-loops are waring off now finally which is good. Do you think my neurochemistry is fucked up or what?
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Edited by RonaldFuckingPaul (12/11/07 09:15 PM)
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dkamp
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I have been there. don't let the feeling of desperation cause you to do something desperate. That is one of the side effects of psychedelics and other similar drugs that can humble a strong man to his knees. Just know that despite your own beliefs (religious or otherwise) that there is a higher purpose for your mind and soul.
You really can truly relate to a lot more people than you think in the same shoes you are. I myself am diagnosed as being bipolar (type 1) and HIGHLY depressed, and . You just have to realize that with all the disorders you have, psychedelics have been known to intensify and even bring on these conditions that didn't exist in other healthy individuals with no mental disorder. Lay off for a while, find a hobby, I myself found the cultivation of edible (non-psychoactive, lol) mushrooms a good past-time to bring my mind out of the cloud that was created by drugs such as 'x', shrooms, LSD etc. Which by the way I at one point was taking 10+ x tabs a week, and tripping (on whatever i could find) every weekend. I don't assume that you are that bad into it, but I assure you that these feelings are only temporary and with some time (maybe a good amount of time) and some very intent "soul searching" you can bring yourself back to a healthy state of mind. don't let the new kind of "thought" that mushrooms , or other psychedelics, bring on affect your own morals too much, keep in mind that despite their "mind-expanding" capabilities they are all still drugs. they should be used in moderation and with forethought, rather than just taking them to get f'ed up.
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: dkamp]
#7747152 - 12/11/07 09:22 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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dkamp said: I have been there. don't let the feeling of desperation cause you to do something desperate. That is one of the side effects of psychedelics and other similar drugs that can humble a strong man to his knees. Just know that despite your own beliefs (religious or otherwise) that there is a higher purpose for your mind and soul.
You really can truly relate to a lot more people than you think in the same shoes you are. I myself am diagnosed as being bipolar (type 1) and HIGHLY depressed, and . You just have to realize that with all the disorders you have, psychedelics have been known to intensify and even bring on these conditions that didn't exist in other healthy individuals with no mental disorder. Lay off for a while, find a hobby, I myself found the cultivation of edible (non-psychoactive, lol) mushrooms a good past-time to bring my mind out of the cloud that was created by drugs such as 'x', shrooms, LSD etc. Which by the way I at one point was taking 10+ x tabs a week, and tripping (on whatever i could find) every weekend. I don't assume that you are that bad into it, but I assure you that these feelings are only temporary and with some time (maybe a good amount of time) and some very intent "soul searching" you can bring yourself back to a healthy state of mind. don't let the new kind of "thought" that mushrooms , or other psychedelics, bring on affect your own morals too much, keep in mind that despite their "mind-expanding" capabilities they are all still drugs. they should be used in moderation and with forethought, rather than just taking them to get f'ed up.
Yea man, I've always been good at using psychs in moderation but yea they definitely amplified my preexisting conditions. As for hobbies, mine used to be video games(mainly RPG's like Final Fantasy where you get so lost in the storyline that you feel a part of the game and have emotions attached to them) but now I can't even enjoy those cause unfortunately don't enjoy them as much as I used to for whatever reason. To be honest I don't think I enjoy anything currently
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tak
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If things are really that bad man, maybe a larger change is in order. Moving somewhere far far away? Doing something completely radical. It is your life, make sure you are always doing what you really really want.
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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SapphireCat
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Quote:
reeferaddict69 said:
Quote:
SapphireCat said: yeah i know the feeling, generally evenings might get me down, probably because i just have so much free time to think. you getting enough sleep man?
Yea, but it's weird. Last night I got like 6 hours and felt great, but sometimes I need a full 10 hours. My sleeping patterns are inconsistent I guess you could say, mostly due to work and school. However my plan now is to work full-time and do part-time classes(which will be a more consistent schedule) and attempt to enjoy life. My negative mind-loops are waring off now finally which is good. Do you think my neurochemistry is fucked up or what?
well like can be a number of things. like people really underestimate how much diet effects your energy levels and mood. then of course some days you may just over-work yourself, just need to put in time to relax every now and again. (not crazy party on a friday night relax, more taking it easy on a saturday with just a few enjoyable tasks throughout the day)
some schedule i guess is good to have to get your body clock a bit predictable (never managed to get this one done myself )
sounds like you are in a kind of "have to" mindset. Try to enjoy the little tasks, enjoy your classes, what you are learning in them, try enjoy your work the best you can. it all jsut depends how you approach things.
EDIT: as for all the stuff you were diagnosed to have by doctors and assumed because of family members behaviour. accepting to having these would cause anyone to feel a bit down, because it's concentating on negative attributes. Forget about them. easer said than done i know, but in all fairness it's hard for doctors to accurately say you have this and that, they give it their best shot. but the placebo effect is a strong one.
If you do have those disorders, there's no point wasting your time worrying about them, if you don't have them, there's no point letting your subconscious create these problems for yourself..... if that makes sense?
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
Edited by SapphireCat (12/11/07 09:36 PM)
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dkamp
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I know what you mean by that too. But like i said just find something that can give you a sense of purpose. such as what sapphirecat said, start lifting a little weights, I love the feeling of seeing my arms get bigger and bigger by the week and it definitely takes my mind off of wanting to think about what is going wrong in my life. or maybe if you have the money or resources you can start building a gaming computer to play the games on, by the time you have it built and working you find yourself wanting to play games (which I REALLY enjoy) just to see the computer run. I dont know if you are familiar with computers or ebay, but I just got finished building a good mid-grade gaming computer on ebay for about 100 bucks, selling old stuff and getting new stuff for cheap. whatever it is just get your mind off of the negative. start eating healthy, maybe take a daily multivitamin, and some amino acids to get your chemistry worked back to natural. I wouldn't worry about the 5-htp it doesnt do anything except make the precursors to serotonin available in your digestive system, no direct effect on your brain almost at all.
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: tak]
#7747205 - 12/11/07 09:36 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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root-ninja-tak said: If things are really that bad man, maybe a larger change is in order. Moving somewhere far far away? Doing something completely radical. It is your life, make sure you are always doing what you really really want.
I was actually thinking about that, but how practical is that really considering I only have a high school diploma and am 19.(not that you knew that be4)
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SapphireCat
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eh thought i could sneak my edit in before the thread moved along, woe is me i was too slow :P
as for moving, i dunno, that may help to get away from any domestic influences on your problems, but it'll create new ones aswell. high school diploma doesn't really get you a career these days anymore. but you could look into continuing your studies somewhere else if you really find a change of scenery would be for the best. just need to look into it and check out your options
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
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dkamp
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: dkamp]
#7747230 - 12/11/07 09:43 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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And never let yourself get away with the negative thoughts, if you find yourself sitting alone with nobody to "vent" to just come on here or maybe a chat-room and let it all go again. Again dont feel like you can't relate or you are alone, because if I knew that this forum existed a year ago when I was going through the EXACT same kind of situation, your post looks almost exactly like what I would have written. my own recovery from a very dark world that was pretty much inside my own head has taught me a lot about the world and the weakness of even the strongest minds (I thought i was too strong minded to let the drugs get a hold of me, I have an I.Q. of 140 and I graduated with a 3.7 gpa in high school) maybe it was God's way of humbling me
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dkamp
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: dkamp]
#7747252 - 12/11/07 09:48 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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And I agree with sapphirecat, moving far away would only lead to more confinement. stick around the people that care for you and that you care for as well, as much as it seems like your family may want to force your hand they are the greatest source of help that you could get
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: dkamp]
#7747255 - 12/11/07 09:48 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
dkamp said: And never let yourself get away with the negative thoughts, if you find yourself sitting alone with nobody to "vent" to just come on here or maybe a chat-room and let it all go again. Again dont feel like you can't relate or you are alone, because if I knew that this forum existed a year ago when I was going through the EXACT same kind of situation, your post looks almost exactly like what I would have written. my own recovery from a very dark world that was pretty much inside my own head has taught me a lot about the world and the weakness of even the strongest minds (I thought i was too strong minded to let the drugs get a hold of me, I have an I.Q. of 140 and I graduated with a 3.7 gpa in high school) maybe it was God's way of humbling me
Yea man venting feels great as I've been holding all these feelings inside for so long. I to felt as if my strong mind could overcome anything(I never told any1 but my ego always told me I was the god of tripping) I feel as if this experience will better me in the long run too:) BTW how are you doing now compared to a year ago? What did you do to change things? I know everything isn't perfect but you say you improved things. PeaCe    
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extraordinary
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psitek.net read the Master Key System
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RonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Help a brotha in need [Re: dkamp]
#7747266 - 12/11/07 09:51 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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dkamp said: And I agree with sapphirecat, moving far away would only lead to more confinement. stick around the people that care for you and that you care for as well, as much as it seems like your family may want to force your hand they are the greatest source of help that you could get
Yea man, I love my family so much I could never be too far away from them. Even if they don't agree w/ everything I do. I feel like I could talk to them about anything except dr00gz(that's where the shroomery comes in lol)
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dkamp
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In retrospect things are 1,000% better compared to where I was a year ago, I have found a girl that I love with all my heart that loves me to. she knows of the experience that I went through and she agrees with you saying that the experience was beneficial to me. I have also found a much more healthy view of the world and the beauty of its creatures (especially mushrooms, ironically enough lol). I feel almost as good as I did before I fell into that world, despite feeling about 7-8 months ago that I had completely destroyed myself and my mind.
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