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tak
geo's henchman




Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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Need some kind words
#7745603 - 12/11/07 03:51 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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About 2 weeks ago my girlfriend of 4 years and I broke up. I payed rent for the month, stayed a week, and hauled ass. I live with my mom now, trying to take care of her some while she is ill.
I don't know why im posting this, or what exactly I want. I just feel like I am going to go crazy. We are still on good terms with each other, but I think its probably my best bet to cut her off completely. I really do not need to keep getting hurt. I am a very jealous guy, and instead of saying "fuck her, shes gone" I wonder what shes doing, and with who.
She means alot to me, and I know for a fact that I do to her aswell. The time and place just isn't right. I don't know how to keep myself from becoming extremely stressed out worrying about shit thats out of my control.
I am guessing the first step is to remove her from my life?
We've lived together since we met, and both kinda agreed that it wasn't working. Since that day, we have got along great, always had stuff to talk about (dont see eachother every minute of every day so have time for stuff to happen). We seem to have alot of sex also since we've been broken up.
I love the idea of having someone I am 100% comfortable with there as a friend with i guess some benefits, but in reality its probably something I cannot handle.
I've never really been that kind of guy, and while it may work with someone new, being in a commited relationship for so long, i dont think its something i could adapt with her.
I really do love her, and I wait for the day she comes running back saying she was wrong...but I'm pretty sure I would not take her back.
Right now im sure she feels as though she has the upper hand, and when she is ready to stop being a bitch, ill be there waiting...except I wont. I will be her friend, but I dont trust her. She is a liar, and I have raised my guard.
I dunno.
I guess these things just take time, and probably some action on my part in getting over it. She is in my old home, inviting her friends over, having fun. While I am in a new city stuck with family and don't know anyone here.
I feel like I have been used this whole relationship. I am glad I got out, but now that I'm out i feel like shit.
Just call her a bitch for me, it will make everything better.
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7745665 - 12/11/07 04:02 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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girls are bitches
and
that sucks
i'm in a similar situation about not being able to be with someone for a while even though you both care about each other, so this is a new one to me as well. keep your head up
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Her0
Stranger



Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 108
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7745678 - 12/11/07 04:04 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Four years man.. thats like marriage haha.. good thing you're done with that "bitch" now you can get some variety. On a more serious note.. if you dont trust her.. then you're better off.. no matter how shitty it feels... might take some time.. but you will get over it
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tak
geo's henchman




Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: Her0]
#7745730 - 12/11/07 04:19 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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It really did feel like I was married man, and that is what destroyed us. Like I said, we lived together from the start, and it was fresh and exciting then---we didnt care. Then fast forward a few years, and here we are.
I broke up with her about 3 weeks prior to her breaking up with me. I was tired of feeling so trapped, she cried, I cried, we worked things out, and promised to try new ways of doing things to keep them fresh...so we agreed that she would get a job.
She got the job, met a bunch of new people, started hanging out with them, and suddenly felt like I was too much of a burden to be commited to. She wanted to do what she wanted to do, not what best suited both of us. I understand that 100000%
But this isnt news to me at all. This is the second time this has happend, a year ago the same exact thing happend when she got a job at disney world, met tons of new people, decided I was a ball and chain...etc...etc.
Then when she actually got to know them, they flaked out on her, lied, cheated, stole, what the fuck ever...she came to realize that her and I got along perfectly, we trust each other, and while we may have moved a little too fast, it's not a personality problem, just the way life is...She begged, cried, and apologized a million times. I forgave her, because I do understand...I felt like I was married just like her....so we made a new start.
Now here we are, new characters, new city, same old song and dance. This is why I don't trust her, as I'm sure the reason both times have been guy influenced, and while everyone loves to be flattered, I'll be damned if I am going to get hurt again.
Part of me hopes some guy breaks her heart. Part of me wants nothing but good things for her. Part of me wants her to come running back. Part of me wants to move on to bigger and better things.
but right now, I kinda just want to get high...and that is much harder when living with mom, and not alone.
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7745843 - 12/11/07 04:48 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah... let go. This seems to be the only appropriate and healthy thing to do. I am not going to discuss faults because it's not what matters and it's not what should be of your concern. For the record though, a relationship fails because of both partners.
What you should focus on is getting along with your life. Maybe somewhere in the future it will be possible for you two to be friends or even lovers again, but I think that what you need right now, for a good while, is time totally away from her.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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SapphireCat
Seeker



Registered: 11/29/05
Posts: 613
Loc: Ireland
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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you broke up 2 weeks ago and are already having sex again? i dunno man that dsn't really work, since that way you're still longing for it to be like the past. get some space from her for awhile (a few weeks, not a few days) like talking to her might still be grand, i'd advise against the sex though, and just dont let her be the centre of your social scene, head out with friends, have some fun.
after a bit of time apart you'll have a more objective view of the whole thing.
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d


Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7747208 - 12/11/07 09:36 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Stop trying to control any part of her life and cut her off completely and then move the fuck on.
If you do not cut her off, she will be on your mind forever. Cut her off and contact her in say two years, that's it. Nothing more. Stop seeing her, stop talking to her and if you're still fuckin', stop, immediately.
And stop worrying. Let...it...go. Just release it all and move on.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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JoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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YOu are trying to change your environment from outside things first, and i think this is the first step towards those feeling that you aim to get rid of...this person cannot just be erased from the mind, the thoughts that despair you, are only worked through.
Retreat inwards towards yourself, patience will pay in the long run.
You can only do what is the best of your ability, the rest sorts itself out.
These bad times, will soon be followed by good times. In this universe, the experience of good things, can only be through knowing and experiencing bad things. Embrace what you might.
PEace and ?Love? yeah why not.
-------------------- The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution. And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change. Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems. Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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tak
geo's henchman




Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: JoseLibrado]
#7753111 - 12/13/07 10:39 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey everyone, I appreciate the kind words.
It'd kinda silly, because as I post this stuff, I know exactly what I need to do...its just doing it that is the hard part. I find it extremely interesting how logic can be outweighed by emotion.
We had plans for her to come over today, she needs to get some stuff, and bring me some of my shit. I don't plan on having sex with her anymore, because I need break free from her.
I cannot figure out whether I really love her, or whether I am just jealous of other guys moving in on what I considered mine...or that she is out having fun while leaving me completely fucked.
I tell her that im probably going to move out of state, and she freaks out and cries. What the fuck. It seems to me that she just wants to do what she wants when she wants, and keep me around for support when shit gets rough cause im always there for her.
I dont need that shit.
But then again, I know there is something there, we have a deep connection somewhere...and that is the truth. May not be a soulmate, and I am sure I can find that same "connection" with many other people in this world, so i dunno.
Maybe I am just a control freak, and the thought of losing control of her is the scariest part.
Who knows -- Sorry for the rants, but this really is eating me up. I have been thinking about this for a while, and there may not be a whole fuck of alot I can do, except move on with my life--its nice to be able to work some of it out. Thinking is nice, but putting it into written words is kinda thereputic.
I appreciate the help, ill try to stop being a pussy but its hard ;P
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7753168 - 12/13/07 11:02 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Of course you share a connection! A strong one I might add. You've been together or so long, faced this life together and you had some great moments and other moments which were not so good but they still bounded you. What you feel is perfectly normal only that it can be so easily confused with Love. The only (and most important) thing that differentiates it from love is that you feel bad because of it. When you really love you don't feel that. The fact that you still care about each other is not sufficient reason, in my opinion, to be together. I think that both of you right now feel somewhat confused because of all these feelings that you have for each other, reason why you should avoid any contact. Believe me, this is not a place where you want to be because it can easily bring you back together, and for all the wrong reasons. You are rather fixated on each other, you both made a habit out of being together. This isn't healthy for either of you. Let it go! Tell her to take all her stuff once and for all and then stop seeing her, you both need to become your own persons again.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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tak
geo's henchman




Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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I have heard many people say over and over that healing takes 1/2 the time of your relationship, but its been 4 years. Its only been 2 weeks and I honestly think the best thing for me would be to become infatuated with another chick and take my mind off of things & not be too serious
is there something i dont know here, or is the world mine for the taking?
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7753727 - 12/13/07 01:24 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
I have heard many people say over and over that healing takes 1/2 the time of your relationship
I wouldn't advice you to believe stuff like that. Sounds to me like nothing more but a superstition. You know, of the kind that if you break a mirror you're into 7 years of bad luck  It's an erroneous affirmation which is based on nothing. I understand our need to find measurements and certainties in everything, but this statement is simply ridiculous, not to mention that in some cases it can be very harmful because our self suggestion has a huge power over the way we feel, and some might just helplessly wait for that amount of time to pass, so they can be "healed", instead of taking action and all the measurements of healing themselves in a much more reasonable time.  What I'm trying to tell you here is that if might as well take you a month, a week or a year.  It's all up to how determined YOU are to start enjoying life on your own.  And yes, I think that finding someone might help you, but just keep in mind that it's not the only answer. I think it all breaks down to what you prefer. Some people prefer to have a time of being alone so they can re-evaluate themselves, others prefer to go out and have lots of fun... and so on So just do whatever you think that you need to do, but keep your mind open for any other option.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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biospun
homo sapien



Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 282
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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nothin gets you over the last on like gettin under the next one, heh....kidding, but maybe that;s true, just not fair for the rebound girl.
anywho, you obviously are jealous of her and worry about what she's doing when you aren't there. at least that shows you really cared enough about her to still think of her when she's not around. but it does sound like you two need to have the serious talk. if your broken up and still doin it, that's just pickin at sore wounds. if you guys are also in the same circle of friends, things could get fickle. try not to compete with your mutual friends over who is in the right. friends always end up getting lost that way. anywho, good luck with it all, its hard, but keep yourself busy and things will get better. time heals
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tak
geo's henchman




Registered: 11/20/00
Posts: 3,776
Loc: nowhereland
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: biospun]
#7753923 - 12/13/07 02:11 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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her friends are fucking idiots, no worries there
-------------------- The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.
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biospun
homo sapien



Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 282
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: tak]
#7754659 - 12/13/07 04:57 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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cool, so that's one less thing to worry about, believe me, i've been there-both sides being friends with the same group. gets sticky. consider yourself lucky
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JoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: biospun]
#7761085 - 12/15/07 07:48 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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hey man. Ive been where you are right now and realized that the only reason i was there was because of the way i have been taught about a sexual relationship.
When in it, or out of it, i always got the idea that it was all or nothing.
This is simply an illusion that causes extremes of emotion that after a while are hard to balance out and get tiresome.
What i suggest you see is that you and this person were really friends all along, not 'more' than friends, you hear all the time, not the 'all or nothing' friends you here about all the time, but simply freinds.
I know this sounds crazy, but the only reason this misconception came to be in your mind, is because we as a culture have always categorized love.
By categorizing i mean, if you hug a girl, she may just be your friend, but if you kiss her on the lips, she's an all out girl friend and you have found yourself in an all or nothing relationship.
Tho, i find it extremly paining to go from giving your all to something, like a relationship you experience with her and go to nothing.
I think you should think twice about any preconived ideas and especially feelings you are getting and try to see that all this breaking up, and the do's and dont's of it, are based on categorizing love. You know just because you can express sexual love with her, doesnt mean the love is some what different than the one you give your buddies, its just that you cant give that speific love to them, its not in you to give. But you still give them love on an equally important level.
there is alot of repression when it comes to sex, which you may see has an effect on our common idea about love and how it should be categorized.
rethink where you have come from, you may just see that it was all in your head or you may think im out of my head.
love and peace bro.
-------------------- The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution. And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change. Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems. Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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Legend9123



Registered: 09/24/06
Posts: 2,590
Last seen: 8 months, 13 days
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Re: Need some kind words [Re: JoseLibrado]
#7762611 - 12/15/07 05:32 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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While I certainly am not the best person to be giving advice when it comes to relationships the only way that I was able to finally let go and move on after my last major breakup was to be a complete and utter asshole to the girl in order to completely sever all contact. It was quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done with in regards to a relationship but in the end severing contact enabled me to grieve and move on. It took us nearly 18 months after that before we spoke but now we are able to be friends and in the end everything seemed to work out much better. Obviously this is not the best way to handle all situations but it worked out for me. Best of luck.
-------------------- Those who would give up a little freedom to get a little security shall soon have neither. -Benjamin Franklin
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